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Thread: Do we intimidate our SO

  1. #1
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Do we intimidate our SO

    I was giving thought to a few things and this question popped into my head. As a CD do you think we can intimidate our SO when we dress or even just in things we do to make ourselves look better, IE color our nails, shave our legs. I mean we are not women and our wives or GF are the ones who want to look pretty and shop and such. So I wondered with my wife who knows but is not one who really wants much to do with my dressing is she intimated by the things I do because I have crossed over in her domain so to speak.
    My wife is truly beautiful in her way and by that she is not a runway model but she has much more beauty inside and I love her just as she is. I do love it when she gets made up and fixes herself up but I like her anyway she looks.
    So is it that because I am a few sizes smaller or look good in a short skirt or what that might not go well for her.
    I know she does for the most part feel this is just something I should not do but if she were to come around would she be a little intimidated by how I look over her looks.

  2. #2
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    To be honest, I don't know how wives generally feel about it, or even how my own wife feels about it, but I'm pretty sure intimidated is not the answer. In my case, I think mystified and exasperated would be closer to the truth.

  3. #3
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    Leigh you could be right but It's not on my list of questions I need to ask, but will give it some thought !
    Have you thought about asking your wife the question ? Let us know if you do !

  4. #4
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    My wife is not intimidated at all. She laughs about me being girly and calls me Buffy! She is a cool woman and dresses like one. She wears girl jeans with boots etc. I always know what she would like. However, I like a more girly look with skirts and cute shoes etc.. We appreciate our differences and laugh about it. I love that she is a confident, strong woman that is comfortable in her own skin. She has provided a great example for me!
    Suzanne

  5. #5
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I don't think it's as big of a deal that we sometimes make it out to be. Especially if the woman in question has a strong positive self image.
    Last edited by Kate Simmons; 08-15-2014 at 10:35 PM.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  6. #6
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    My wife, who has no reason to be intimidated, often looks at my legs and says, "I wish I had those." She actually does appear to be envious...sort of like when she looks at another gorgeous GG, or notices me looking at one. Hmmm. You've got me thinking...

  7. #7
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    I think Bridgette is on to something here. Its my guess that some GG"s think that their cd SO looks better then they do!! In some cases they are right!!!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    While my wife is not intimidated by me (she is a total knockout), I know for a fact that she feels I am encroaching on her domain of femininity. She has remarked once or twice questioning why she should bother to wear lingerie, or heels, skirts and dresses, since I can just wear them myself. I have tried to reassure her that I don't wear those items to supplant her, or in place of her wearing them...I love it when she wears sexy things. It's more of "double the pleasure", if I can feel what she is feeling on her skin, and partially look like her. I think she sort of understands, but the doubts do creep in from time to time.

  9. #9
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    My wife suggested i try on a dress after she decided it didnt flatter her. So i did and her comment was " holy crap you look better than i do in that dress", but in a depressed, dejected tone. Im fairly skinny and have very passable girl legs. I dont think the word is intimidated so much as depressed. It cant be good for the ego if your hubby can pull off outfits you cant. But ive read comments from GGs in other forums they feel their CD hubby is treading on their turf. The non-accepting SOs have a variety of reasons for disliking CDing. Thats part of the reason i like GGs on this forum, at least they are trying to undertand. Some women dont even try and file for divorce. But yeah, if you can rock an outfit i can see how an SO might get pissy about it

  10. #10
    I know I do. Mine knows I dress but I won't in front of her. She has seen some pictures and gets jealous. She isn't mad of me dressing just is jealous on how I look. So I don't dress when she is around.

  11. #11
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    Ha! My answer to this question is NO!! Never once felt intimidated or that my husband is anything more than a man masquerading as a woman. That alone takes away any intimidation...unless you're taking about worrying for his mental state?? That could be threatening to a new GG, for sure.

    But jealousy?? Yeah, I believe this to be one of the great CD myths. We might get jealous you're wearing the things we wear, but I doubt many women feel you're a serious threat to their femininity. After all, you're men!! Where's the threat??

  12. #12
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    Many/most females expend a "lot of effort" on their appearance to compete for/keep a man. This is a well established FACT. So ... few women will be intimidated although a number might be resentful if they have let their figures go and/or their SO dons SPECIFIC female clothing items to help them get to the promised land.

    This very thing ^^^ is likely what prompts many men to turn to CDing in their "later years". There are hundreds of posts that attest to this.
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 08-15-2014 at 11:00 PM.

  13. #13
    The Mad Scientist
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    My SO loves me and isn't intimidated by any of it.

    She doesn't completely understand it or why I am driven to do it - but has a good idea.
    She is NOT intimidated by me in any way.
    She is beautiful and knows it. You don't detract from that by dressing up.

    She does feel let 'off the hook' for not having to be uncomfortable and needing to be uber sexy..I can be the one in the tight and sexy clothes....and therefore the need is met for both of us...Perfect.

    Now...if I were just sexy...all would be well...
    Last edited by Kris Avery; 08-16-2014 at 12:10 AM.

  14. #14
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    Leigh, we are DUDES in a dress. Our wives are not intimidated. "Creeped out a little" is a better reference point. Confused is highly likely. A woman is not going to compare herself to a man and question her femininity.

  15. #15
    *~Plain-Vanilla TG Girl~*
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    Mine's certainly not intimidated at all....but she's Really used to it
    after 25 years of it.

    She told me I looked like a 'hoochie mama" the other night when
    I came in in a pink mini skirt and zebra print top. Heck, I was working
    so I just wanted to be comfortable...lol!

    Of course, she was just teasing me. She's a lot of fun!
    Last edited by Anna H; 08-16-2014 at 12:33 AM.

  16. #16
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    A lot of interesting "takes" coming from all of the responses I've read so far. My wife and I have had a few discussions about me cding. And some of your responses hit on her "concerns" for lack of a better word. I read of "encroachment" in one post where, to paraphrase, why should I wear lingerie if you are going to. I feel the same way as some here; I'm not trying to outshine her, I just enjoy dressing and TRYING to be pretty sometimes. I can't totally explain it to her and its so new to her that she can't exactly explain her feelings. All she knows is that its something very odd to her. She definitely is not "intimidated" or "jealous", she just knows she married a man who she loves unconditionally even if he's a little odd.

  17. #17
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    No we are not intiminated yet some of us dont have that beauty that many women do have , im not in any way intiminated because you are dressing like us

    what does get to me is because many here and on many other forums im on the men do dress in a way as i,v said out class out dress out look and makes me look like what the hell are you trying to do and dress like other females,

    yes i get embarrist yes i get frustrated and dont like how i look and yes im a female who looks like am i trying to fool others that im a female when i dont look like one,

    The difference is of cause you are a male im not does not help matters,

    You talk about clothes ,

    i dont try and look like any other female,s im my own person and dress as i think fits and looks right for my self wether i get it right is beside the point ,I dress to my facial features just plain and simple yet do dress in my garb Renaissance clothes and in the main suits me to a tee, as for other clothes,,,, yes i get nice comments ,

    Best way to explain i dont have many photos taken only some of our groups meeting and do,s other wise i cringe at those taken of me by others, i like being behind my camara not in front,

    I would say yes your SO would be i know how she feels because i feel like her , for myself its more im embarrissed i know what its like iv been to large meetings where most were dresser,s and 3 of us women ,

    its like if you cant accept me for who i am then go away i dont wont to be around you . fact is you dont wont to be around me thats the truth because i dont dress in a way like you,
    and i know first hand what its like, you feel so crushed ,

    ...noeleena...

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member GenieGirl's Avatar
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    Its a touchy situation. I just say don't push it and let her know she is the prettier one no matter what you might think. My exgf was very uncomfortable and messed with her womanhood with me around as a girl. She is pretty jealous and yeah....it bothered her a lot the outfits I could pull of. We don't take pics together is all I will say.....Ginger
    You're a Daisy if you do! -Doc Holliday

  19. #19
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Leigh,

    Great post BTW. When these questions crop up I normally go to the source for the answer . . . my wife. So yesterday I was dressed and picked her up from the transit station. So I asked her . . . she laughed and said "Seriously . . . Are you intimidated when I wear typical guy clothes and no make-up when doing yard work?" I laughed as well "Point taken"

    All this to say that if a person has a healthy self esteem (boy or girl) it is highly unlikely that anyone can shake their sense of self.

    Hugs

    Isha

  20. #20
    Hose & Heel Loving Divia. Lee Andrews's Avatar
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    My wife is beautiful and when she dresses up is stunning. I would never on my best day hold a candle to her in the female department. She has zero to be intimidated from me.
    I'd say intimidated is the wrong word. She has said over the years when she's seen enough Lee or parts of her that she would like to be the only woman in our relationship for awhile. Sadly for me that means not even a skirt or any other article of clothing while in mostly boy mode, hanging around the house.
    Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.

    Thankful there is a place to ask for help.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Leigh, My wife is not unterminated she just don't want to see me dressed.
    My wife doesn't like to get all dressed up I wish she would wear so many of my pretty things.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  22. #22
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Leigh - I think this is insightful of you...

    There are a lot of negative answers here - but some also offering slightly different perspectives (resentment, mystified, bothered...) - I have a feeling that the negative answers are from the fortunate members, which is understandable... There is also a possibility you will get supportive rationalisation from some people who won't want to believe that their wife or SO wouldn't be intimidated. And as unfortunate as it may be, I think there is every possibility that some GGs - who may not have particularly strong self-esteem or have other insecurities - will be intimidated or even threatened by our behaviour and how much effort we put into it...

    More objectively, might it be intimidating for some men whose SO happened to have a better job than them; could drive a truck better than them; could play golf better than them; could drink shots better than them; could cycle better than them (I could go on - and often do, I know... )... I think the answer must be that it could be intimidating, and we'd be kidding ourselves again if we thought that this wasn't one of the factors that contributes to CDing being an issue.

    Insightful and honest, Leigh...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  23. #23
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    I doubt that my SO is not intimidated by anyone.

  24. #24
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    I know that my wife was a times put off if I went to far dressing. I'm not sure if intimidated was the right word, but if I "looked " too passable she'd get very insecure.

  25. #25
    GG / SO to a CD MatildaJ.'s Avatar
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    My question is: what difference does it make to you if she is or isn't intimidated?

    Suppose you consider yourself a fantastic golfer. You have a best friend for many decades, and you find that while he used to go golfing with you once in a while, now he never agrees to. Would you post to your golfing discussion board: "Do you think he's intimidated by my amazing golfing skills?" That's certainly possible, though it's also possible that he just never enjoyed the game and finds you less fun to golf with now that you take your game so seriously.

    But let's say the answer is yes, your friend is probably intimidated by how great a golfer you are, and feels bad that he doesn't have your skills. Where does that lead you? Do try to keep his feelings in mind and invite him to come out and do other things with you, that don't involve golf? Or do you just take pleasure in knowing you can intimidate him?

    Added later: assuming you know your wife doesn't enjoy your time en femme as much as your time as a man -- does it matter whether "intimidation" is one of the factors that affects her mood? Is it gratifying to think that you intimidate her? Or can you just keep her preferences in mind and try to show up as a happy man because you know that pleases her?
    Last edited by MatildaJ.; 08-16-2014 at 11:15 AM.

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