How to get a friend to open up

[Tera]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place for this and if not forgive me. But, without going into detail I have good reason to believe a good friend of mine may in fact crossdress as well. Anyone have any thoughts on getting the conversation going? It'd be nice to have kind of a partner in this, especially since they're already a friend. Just many things flying through my head, what if he is, what if he isn't, what if he isn't cool with it, what if he isn't cool with me doing it. Anybody else been through this?

[Sissyboy2]

If you have good reasons to believe than you most likely would be correct. You didn't give us a lot of details. I would use one of the clues and kind of ask him. Maybe it's "you like pink too"? or "you like to do that too to your nails" or something like that. That way your not admitting your a crossdresser you just like to wear pink too. I am sorry I don't know to many details so I don't know how to help much.

[Marcelle]

Hi Tera,

I liken this to stepping in a minefield without the benefit of a mine detector and having to probe you way through with a bayonet. You may or may not find all the mines. Having suspicion is one thing but acting on it is another. Heck he might not be CD at all and if you confront him or try to gently coax it out of him he could get upset or you might draw suspicions to yourself.

Even if he is CD, as you are aware, CDing is a very personal thing. Some of us will come out fully to others, some to a select few (family friends) and others will stay closeted . . . all a personal choice. Your friend if he is CD, may have good reason for not coming out and confronting him or trying to gently coax it out of him well . . . it could go bad. There is a similar thread on this and I will provide the same three courses of action here which I see as viable options:

1. Do nothing and let it unfold naturally. However he may never tell you as he may not be sure how you would react.

2. Come clean yourself. However, you have to be comfortable with him knowing. In addition, if he is not CD then you are not sure how he will react and even if he is CD he may not share it with you if he is a private person.

3. Confront him about your suspicions . . . I don't like this option as it can go so wrong on so many levels and ruin your friendship.

Hugs

Isha

[noeleena]

Hi,

How to win friends ,Hmmm, not much to go on and it may be better to not push this as you could find he,ll shut shop , and itll be end of your friend , or the friendship you have now may change , is it worth that,

And it could be the same as throwing hints out there as well , how private is your friend you dont say how close you are as thats a bearing on your friendship as well ,

if its never come up in converstion then could be best left well alone , allso you start prying he may wonder about you and ask why ,

..noeleena...

[JamieG]

Hi Tera,

Since you are the one with suspicions, I think you need to be the one to open up first. Of course, if you are wrong, it might go badly. One thought I just had is that Halloween isn't far off. You might be able to use this to test the water without completely blowing your cover. Assuming you know of a costume party to go to, maybe mention that you were thinking of doing drag for the party. If your friend is supportive, mention how nervous you would be to do it alone. See if you can get him to offer to do it with you. You should be able to learn a lot about your friend's attitude toward crossdressing through the process, and if he is initially very negative, you can always say, "Yeah, I guess it was a stupid idea." Just keep in mind, he may pretend to be very reluctant as cover, so you have to know how far to push your friend, but also know when to stop, in case your wrong.

[Ressie]

Get him really drunk?

[kimdl93]

I'd go with letting things unfold naturally. Like said earlier, dressing is often a very private endeavor. If you ever decide to make your own CDing more open, then your example might begin to draw him out as well.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Hi Tera,

Could you be reading more into your friends responses than are actually there?

One thing I've learned through experience is that people don't necessarily reach the same conclusions as we may think they have.

I revealed myself to an acquaintance who does my electrolysis because I "assumed" she'd figured out I was a CD. Nope, she was just curious about something completely different.


I agree with everyone and say just let nature take it's course.

[Tera]

Thanks for all the input. But Linda that is a very good point. I might have drawn my own assumption so to speak. Might just let things lie and see what happens.

[JenniferR771]

I think Isha's option number two is best. Be bold. Maybe tell your friend that you wear panties. Or that you are wearing pantyhose right this minute. Buy him a drink and tell him that you think your father or brother is a cd. Let him give you advice. Perhaps wear a necklace, a bit of mascara or lipgloss--something that a cd would pick up on.

[Sarah Doepner]

Isha's #2 is the best way to go. If you are afraid to share your crossdressing with him, why would he be willing to share his with you? If he does dress and you don't come clean first, he will be afraid or suspicious of your motives and possibly withdraw before you can cultivate the friendship on this level. If he doesn't dress and you don't share why you are asking, he will likely be very offended. You have to be willing to show your trust in him first. If he reacts poorly, then maybe he wasn't as good a friend as you had thought. But if he is a real friend he will support you regardless of his personal interest in women's clothing.

[devida]

This is a very common LGBT topic so it isn't really necessary to reinvent the wheel. If you suspect your friend is like you, that is L,G,B, or in your case the variant of T known as CD, the way you find out is by discussing the topic and, in the process, coming out yourself to your friend to whatever degree you consider safe. For example, start by discussing any of the many transgender issues in the media today, from Orange Is The New Black to Kanye rocking a kilt to the whole issue of human rights. There are many, many ways to approach the topic. Then, as you discuss this, talk about how great women's clothes are, or how boring most men's clothes are, for example. Talk about what you like and, finally, tell him that not only do you really prefer women's clothes from a fashion point of you but you wear them from time to time. All the way along you will get more and more information from your friend about where he stands. Just be easy and gentle. It isn't necessary to go all Superman and Clark Kent about your secret identity. Try to make it just a topical conversation about clothes, fashion, and, gender and finally cding.

[Emi_]

You're putting a lot of effort into this in spite of the fact that you only have a suspicion.

[Ressie]

I like Devida's approach. The topic can be touched on slowly without coming out yourself, unless you want to.

[HelenR2]

Maybe you could show him a sign like having your nails painted or wearing a blouse and see if he wants to comment on that. I wouldn't advise bringing the subject up directly or asking him the obvious question though, after all it is HIS life to share if he wants to, not yours

[GreyEyes]

I only know one other person in a situation anything like mine. I am at the moment undefined, somewhere between CD, TG and TS. The person I know has become a woman who lives with her wife. I -- pretty much closeted -- was the one to come out to her. And considering that it's a very personal thing to bring up, she's treated me with remarkable kindness. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't revealed myself in the way that I did, I would have gotten nowhere if I'd brought it up. The issue is that private.