Hatred, Bigotry, and how I was Assaulted. "Can I see your vagina?"

[Rachel Mari]

Jeez, what an intense moment for you. I’m glad that physical violence didn’t happen and you weren’t hurt.

I do the same thing after experiencing something that has a strongly felt impact on me. I keep replaying it in my head over and over and over, and have the hardest time trying to sleep. Usually takes me about a day before I can drop it and let it go.

It was absolutely beautiful that a woman, who you’ve never even met, stood up for you, pushed them out of the picture and then focused on your feelings. She was truly an angel.

[PaulaQ]

I'm really sorry this happened Anne, but I think the way you handled it was empowering. It was also kind of dangerous - thank God that there are good people in the world, and that one showed up right at that moment!

I don't blame you one bit for confronting them, I'd have done much the same.

Some people are so cruel, while others are so kind. It's astounding, isn't it, how often we inspire both the best and worst of human nature?

[Stephanie47]

And, your story is exactly why every state should pass hate crime legislation to make it an offense to harass or worse a person for their sexual identity. In Washington State gays, lesbians, transgenders and cross dressers are covered by hate crime legislation. Even if a person does not agree with a person's personal lifestyle that does not give him the right to infringe upon your person.

[stefan37]

Unfortunately this is a common occurrence. Anybody that is actively transitioning has had to deal with very similar situations. Prejudices and hate will be with us for a long time. Had this occurred in a more private venue and could have ended very tragic.

Anne I will tell you as you progress these occurrences will become rare. Early transition is a very brutal place. As you become more confident, and polished you will mostly go unnoticed and those that do notice may not know for sure and will stay quiet. I say this from experience.

As far as being commanding and rock hard fit. Unless one is highly trained and experienced in martial arts. Taking on multiple opponents will not end well.

[donnalee]

I think that at one point or another in our lives we reach a point where we realize that we are done putting up with it, we are done with ignoring trespasses against us for the sake of peace and choose to face it head-on and not back down or ignore it anymore; it's like a switch flips on inside us. This is not exclusive to males, but essential to any of us.
You have made that decision, Anne, and I applaud you for it. I also think the woman who swooped in to help you was wonderful and must have made a similar decision.

[PretzelGirl]

Anne, I hurt that you had to go through that and am very happy that you got to experience the tenderness of the lady. The tide is turning and the numbers that become bullies are less, but they will never go away. I am proud of you as this speaks to where you are in self acceptance. Would you have done this 1-2 years ago? Only you know.

[kimdl93]

There is a certain subclass, or subspecies, that seems to feel that it has a right to impose it's venal, narrow minded, hatred on the world. Crude, simple minded thugs...I bet that guy felt really powerful when he was shouting out his crude remarks. But your willingness to confront his evil and the woman's the kind and courageous have changed the world. Sure, that cretin will still be out there looking for Someone else to bully, but his associates, those bright enough to perceive, saw him exposed for what he is.

Thank you for standing up to him.

[Julie Denier]

Good for you for standing your ground. The zenith of colossal idiocy is someone who has nothing better to do than to harass and threaten someone else who is not causing them any harm, or even has any impact on how they go about their own daily life. Someone who considers their lot in life so bad that they need to terrorize others would do better to channel that energy into improving themselves.

[Patty B.]

Just like to say well done and a guardian angel also, brings me to tears. Best wished in the future and this kind of treatment subsides as time goes on.

[trisha kobichenko]

well played. some things will change, some won't. all we can do is be who we are.

[Sara Jessica]

Good gosh Anne. It isn't often I read any thread here and find my heart rate increasing seemingly exponentially as the events unfold. I felt as if I was there, mostly because your initial reaction was exactly what was racing through my mind. From there, it becomes a blur as fear took hold and I cannot say if my own choices would have been the same as yours. I was truly afraid of what the outcome might have been.

Regardless, thank God you came through physically safe. Emotionally? This will be a difficult one to shake off. I guess one way is to chalk one up to experience that should make you stronger for it. Your Angel was just that, a wonderful example of humanity who demonstrated such strength to match yours in the face of such hatred. She rescued you but as I'm sure you are well aware, there is no guarantee she'll be there if there ever is a next time. Please be careful out there.

[Rogina B]

I will play the "contrarian"[?]...Had you not turned around to see the source of the verbal assault,do you think he would have chased you through the crowd shouting about a vagina? I kind of doubt it.Had they followed you and continued shouting,probably someone else would have gotten offended and it probably would have stopped.I am not sure how many GG's would have turned around and turned against someone for words alone..I am quite sure that I would have kept on my course.

[Eryn]

Rogina, I agree. Life is too short to validate the thoughts of bigoted people by engaging with them.

Folks are free to do as they wish, but I'd much prefer to interact with the 99.9 percent of the public that accept me than the 0.1% who do not.

I'd have just kept going and enjoyed the rest of my day. Escalating the situation through public confrontation put the idiot in the spot where he had to himself escalate the situation to threats of violence. It could have ended very badly.

[Anne2345]

I am not sure how many GG's would have turned around and turned against someone for words alone..I am quite sure that I would have kept on my course.

I can tell you *exactly* how many GGs would have turned around, Rogina. Zero. Exactly zero.

Because those weren't calling out a GG. They were calling out a tranny. They were calling out me. They were calling me out precisely because I am *not* a GG.

There were a bazillion GGs there, Rogina. Although I didn't conduct an exit poll, I doubt even ONE GG who attended the festival (of the thousands and thousands of GGs that day came and went), were asked by some random douchebag to show their vagina.

As for how an actual GG would have responded under like circumstances, how completely presumptuous of you to assume it would not be as I did. From what I know of you, you yourself are NOT a GG. But if it makes you feel *more* like a GG to ignore it and walk away, then by all means do so.

It is also naive, though, and completely unreasonable, to believe and suggest that all GGs would simply ignore crap and walk away. Just like the reactions of men vary widely, so do those of women. Different strokes for different folks, my friend.

Still, WTF??!! This is basic prejudice, discrimination, and assault 101. Should I just roll over, give in to their hatred, and let it go unchecked??! Should I let them have their fun at my expense??! Should I let them point me out in front of all those around me as different?!!

What about blacks, Hispanics, the elderly, gay folk, GGs, the poor, the handicapped, the big, the small, the green, the purple, and whoever else is perceived as different??! Should they also rollover and not fight for themselves??!! Or is it just ME that shouldn't?!!

God forbid the trannies rise up and actually fight for their humanity, their rights, and their place at the goddamned table!! Because that's not what GGs would do. They would ignore shit and walk away.

Except that is NOT what they would do. Women's rights. Voting. Pay equity. Birth control issues. Leadership positions. Math. Sports. And so on and on. GGs fight in our world for their rights. They fight for their families. They right for their careers. They fight for equality. They fight for themselves.


And besides, it's not like I confronted some drunk dudes at 3 AM in the morning in some drunk alley. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to take crazy stupid suicidal risks like that.

To me, the risk of calling them out and fighting for myself was COMPLETELY WORTH IT. And if I had it to do over again, I would do the same damn thing!!

You know WHY I would do it, Rogina??! I would do it because they HAD IT COMING!!!


And if this disqualifies me from the ranks of GGs, then so be it. But I'm not a GG to begin with. My life experience is different. How I view the world is different. How I view myself is different. And how the world views ME is different.

But if I can do anything to change anyone's unfounded negative perception of me, or take action that likely results in thinking twice about doing shit in the future, or do something that empowers me further and validates more my sacrifice and my existence, then it's all cool by me in the end.

Walk away if you choose, Rogina. That's fine. There is no shame in that. It's safe. It's smart. It's all good. But don't you DARE judge me for not doing as you would do. I am not you. I am my own person, and I am good with me.

[larry]

The major concern I have when reading stories like this is ---Why is there not 4 or 5 of Us Girls in drab that show up and Kick A--!!

[Badtranny]

Great response to Rogina Anne, though I don't think she meant any offense. (Lord knows I could be wrong)

I would have done the same thing if they caught me on the wrong day. A lifetime of getting my ass kicked has kind of inured me to fear of an ass kicking. Or I may have just walked away like I've done a hundred times, it all depends on how saucy I was feeling. I'm proud of you for following your heart and transitioning. It's a shitty life, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do right? You are also right about not being a GG. None of us are, and the weirdo contingent that likes to pretend they didn't spend a lifetime as men are frankly just embarrassing.

Larry, the answer to your question is simple. The 'manly men' CD's that come on this board and talk about how tough they are and what THEY would do in a given situation will NEVER stand up for an obvious tranny in public. From what I can tell, (from many comments on this board), doing such a thing would immediately out them to their buddies as a Nancy boy.

[Eryn]

...Because those ****ers weren't calling out a GG. They were calling out a tranny. They were calling out me. They were calling me out precisely because I am *not* a GG....

Unless someone presents as a total "bearded guy in a dress", nobody knows for certain if that person is TG. If they cat-call and if there is no reaction there is no way that they could determine your birth gender unless they are stupid or drunk enough to pursue and assault you. Even if that happened the crowd wouldn't stand for a man attacking a person who is, on the surface, a woman.

Escalating the situation didn't improve anyone's perception of TG individuals. The verbal assailant saw his position vindicated by the fact that the "tranny" he had called out turned out to indeed be a "tranny," and one who was looking for trouble.

In his eyes you backed down because of his threat, aided by the woman who rescued you and that is the story that he will be telling for months to come.

Innocent onlookers also saw your actions and they will have their own stories to tell which won't be very favorable to us either.

If you had ignored him he would have just been a loudmouth yelling something crude. By reacting you gave him validation and power over you and us.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

[arbon]

Why does what she did need to be judged? There was no "us" there, and its not her responsibility to worry about how the world is going to perceive "us" when she is being verbally assaulted and threatened. She was pretty brave to confront the person I thought, way more so then I could have been.

[Badtranny]

People who aren't willing to hang with us, don't have any right to hang with us.

((see what I did there? If you're not willing to 'hang' with us in the sense of being attacked (hung) for the crime of being authentic, then you don't have the right to 'hang' with us, in the sense of hanging out))

It should be patently obvious why I don't allow non transitioners into my circle of sisters. They simply don't get it. How could they?

[Anne2345]

@ Eryn: You are right. In defending myself, in standing tall and not backing down, I empowered my attacker. I emboldened him. I made him stronger. I grew his ego. He probably went home and immediately jacked off drunk with power I so unwittingly gifted him.

With all due respect, Eryn, WTF are you talking about??!! You either do not get it, or you are completely naive, or both.

Did you even *read* my post for comprehension??! In what way did I back down??! How did I give him power over me??! Would laughing it off and letting him get his jollies over yelling out to see my "vagina" *really* strip him of his perceived power over the situation??!

And how do YOU know what was going through his mind?!! You make a TON of assumptions here. Quite frankly, I am extremely disappointed in you that you would not support me for doing what was RIGHT and what was in my HEART.

You know, it's pretty damn funny and ironic. Over the years here, I have been criticized (and rightfully so) for being weak, for giving in, for be scared, and for having little conviction.

Now that I have worked my ASS off acquiring some of these things, I am now being criticized for utilizing these powerful tools that are new to my tool chest!!!

So what the hell!! I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't!! I guess I can't win no matter what I do, right??!!

Sigh. You know better than this, Eryn. I don't know what is up with you, but you are WRONG here. You are DEAD WRONG, and you have NO idea what you are talking about . . . .

[Eryn]

I read your entire post and think that I understand it pretty well.

The woman who allowed you to back down by leading you away rescued you from a no-win situation. Her smart and brave action might well have saved your life.

In my testosterone-ridden youth I put myself in similar situations a few times by letting my anger get the best of me. Yes, I felt that I was in the right, but could have ended up on a slab, right or not. Hindsight allows me to see that there were better ways to handle such situations than to descend to the level of my verbal assailants.

[Ann Thomas]

Having been in a couple of nasty situations recently, I have to respond. In the first, as it began to unfold, I found the quickest and most effective response was to pull out my camera and begin recording, without saying a word. The thugs beat a hasty retreat, yelling more obscenities and throwing quite a bit in my direction, which I simply sidestepped.

The other event was a bit more recently in the shop where I work. One guy came up to me and asked if he could see my boobs (I'm well past an A cup now, having been on hormones for a while now.) I tossed back at him one of the more choice questions from a thread a friend and I have had on Facebook, for good comebacks to obnoxious people. He turned red and turned around and walked away. (I don't really want to repeat the question I asked him, as it's very inappropriate for this forum, but it sure did he trick with this nosey jerk!)

Yours sounded really over the top and I really feel for you.

Avoidance is the best option - always is. Years ago my late ex-wife's best friend's husband was a Navy Seal. He told me the best defense was to always confront on your own terms, when the opponent least expects it. Oh, and don't go by the book - because they have it too. The element of surprise is best. Since these dudes at that event had the upper hand, walking away was best.

I'm honestly surprised I've gone so long without such a conflict as yours, as I live "behind the Orange Curtain" in one of the most conservative parts of California.

*hugs*
Ann

[Eryn]

...the best defense was to always confront on your own terms, ...Since these dudes at that event had the upper hand, walking away was best....

That's pretty much what I was thinking, and much better said.

I'm honestly surprised I've gone so long without such a conflict as yours, as I live "behind the Orange Curtain" in one of the most conservative parts of California.

Don't mistake conservative for uncivilized! Quite a few of those conservatives in the OC have pretty clothes in their closets.

[jaleecd]

Anne,I feel that a person who has decided to follow the hard choice to become a woman, and not retreating from that choice, but defending the new person that they are growing into, with all the extreemly hard choices they have made, could not help but defend that hard won personhood from small minded homophobes, who are very insecure about their own sexuality.
You have agonized about you journey to this place in your life, and, my opinion, only some one who has the scars of that trip, can really opine on how They would have handled it. Well done.

[Rachel Smith]

Anne

As a fellow Roanoker, Hardy actually, I am sorry to hear about your experience. I have experienced bigotry but not hatred like you did. For the most part I can read when someone is not happy/comfortable with me just be watching the expression on their faces. The ones that you just know will talk about you as soon as you are out of earshot.

I am glad you stood your ground it was much better then what I would have done which would have been simply to ignore the asshat. I am also glad that you came out of it physically unscathed. Thank you for letting others/me know that this happens here just as every where else. To me it comes down to manners and apparently this bigot has none.

Hugs
Rachel