The phone call
I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night I said as I got into bed with Louise, my wife, it was Friday night and we had both turned in early after a usual busy week with all the chores work and 3 children bring.
“Why what’s so special about tomorrow” she quizzed, “your just out at a friend’s house aren’t you?”
She was right, but for one it was a Saturday, which meant that I wasn’t going to be as tired as when I went out on a Friday night, and I would have more time to get ready ... if I was quick about it I would even get to pop in to my favourite shop where a dress had caught my eye as I walked by earlier in the week.
I was also looking forward to catching up with some friends and having a more in depth chat about trans- issues, this was a new kind of activity, for me, where a small group got together at someone’s house and, over a meal, opened up about more personal issues sharing similarities and understanding each other’s differences.
It was already pushing eleven pm and as we snuggled under the covers ready to go to sleep we routinely outlined the jobs for the weekend, our plans and what was for breakfast in the morning.....
Louise was telling me that our eldest had requested pancakes when the mobile rang out from the study.....
“At this time of night “ she exclaimed hurriedly getting out from under the covers and running to the door....we had migrated over 6 years ago and both had aging parents living abroad...late night calls carried an unwelcome sense of foreboding .....
She reached the phone and the anxiety was evident in her voice as she answered...the tone changed suddenly and the voice became more relaxed,” yes I’ll get him James and no we weren’t asleep” she had returned to the bedroom by now, and passed over the phone to me with a puzzled look on her face silently mouthing” at this time of night!!” to me as she did so.
Sure enough it was James’s voice down the line, as one of our more established “new” friends that we had found since migrating, he was 10 years younger than me but with children the same age as ours and a similar story of migration from the UK we had found enough of a bond to form a friendship, and indeed with his open minded take on life he was one of the few people in my personal male world, with whom I had opened up about Jessica to, some years back.
I could tell almost immediately that he had been drinking, but also there was a serious and somewhat urgent tone to his voice....
“John.... Cath and I were out with Tom and Sarah for a meal tonight, they know about Jessica and they have clocked that it’s you....you have a security breach on your face book account... Jessica Jayne came up as a suggested friend.....
He continued to pour out the details but my attention was not on his words, my blood had frozen within the first few seconds and my brain was only just computing the implications of his first sentence, my face must have told a story of its own as Louise who had been watching audibly spoke, “what’s up what’s happened....”
“ I had a problem on face book , some friends have seen Jessica Jayne” I stammered as I threw back the covers I need air and was struggling to listen to James, talk to my wife, digest the information all at the same time.....I started to head for the doorway....
Her face became thunderous, Jessica Jayne was a difficult subject at the best of times, but a begrudgingly accepted one...time spent on Face book generally and being outed to our mutual friends was enough to push her over the edge at the best of times,
“Bloody face book I have told you so many times to stop using that ...great now this....” she slumped back onto the bed and pulled the covers over her as she turned her back to me....I left the room.
James had stopped talking by now, aware that events going on had meant his words were going unheard.
How’s Louise just taken it he asked, knowing full well, “huh how do you think” I retorted “if she ever speaks to me again I will let you know...” he laughed uneasily and it broke the ice....
”look it will be ok” he said calmingly “they were cool about it ...I mean kind of shocked and everything but they won’t make a big deal out of it...he laughed again they were quite complimentary actually thought you scrubbed up well....look your due to go running with Tom in the morning aren’t you well just talk to him then it will all be fine mate , honest, but for Christ sake sort out that face book link before others see it.”
I had reached the study by now and jumping on line as quickly as I could I talked through the necessary steps to at least remove incriminating photo’s and in effect render the site bereft of anything .....I thanked James for the call and wished him goodnight, I’m just puzzled I said closing the conversation down, I’m surprised he recognised me so quickly from such a small picture.... “well I don’t know mate” James retorted, but he told me that as he was flicking through the suggested fiends list he saw the Jessica profile come up and he clocked it was you pretty much immediately , he clicked onto it and his suspicions were immediately confirmed...you’ve left yourself very open with the stuff you have posted...you mention your name in both genders and the children and Louise seriously what were you thinking if you didn’t want to be discovered? ”
Saying goodnight I sat in the dark for a while, physically tired but mentally pin sharp and awake....my mind was racing over the implications and awash with a flood of mixed emotions, fear, anxiety, relief and almost an excitement...
I returned to the bedroom to check on Louise who had somewhat calmed down, she declined the cup of tea offer and agreed to talk in the morning as she was tired, “look I’ll support you if this is out but I’m just really pissed off, how many times have I warned you about running two accounts” I left the conversation there, and returned to the solitude of the study to think.
Tom was a decent lad , I had made a special effort when he arrived over here with his family from England, we shared a mutual friend , one who was very special and close to me who had asked me to look out for him where I could..and I had..... when he had arrived a little over 18 months ago I had taken him under my wing , introduced him to friends , helped him and his family find their feet, don’t get me wrong, it was a pleasant task and I was fond of him as a running, squash and drinking friend...but had never had the slightest desire to open up to him about the woman inside.... it fell under my general policy of keep shut unless there was a really valid reason to speak out...I had long realised that once out there was no re bottling the gene and no actual control over who found out....at times I had regretted telling James and pondered if he now treated me that little bit differently to how he would have done otherwise....
As usual I over analysed the situation and filled the gaps of unknown information with the worst case scenarios....I knew that I would get through this and that Louise would be by my side however frustrating I made her by being the architect of my own downfall... but I was also more than a little disappointed, Tom could have approached me directly, sure it would have been uncomfortable for him....but in speaking to James he had outed me to someone he had no idea already knew...had the lure of some short term “tittle tattle” really been that strong that he had gambled my social network, and then there was his wife...as fond Of Tom as I was.. his wife, Sarah, was a different proposition, she was cold, made little if any effort with any of our social network and often made no effort to disguise her reluctance to be in our company....
I considered what to do next would they say something to people back home...had people back home already seen the link themselves....
I sent out a few txt’s that night to key people I hadn’t spoken to in the last few days, nothing specific just a hi how are things...a form of opening the door to see if anyone took the opportunity to say anything....To my closest Friend I sent a txt telling that there had been an issue and that something personal had gotten out...if it crops up in conversation just pick the phone up and talk ok...it read...I send it and regretted doing so almost immediately...
The UK were up due to the time and I got fair quick responses, the usual stuff, everyone is fine how are you family etc etc....Steve (my closest friend also responded)...Hi mate ...haven’t a clue what you’re going on about?? Was all it said....
With the coast clear for the time being I went to bed.
