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Thread: Feelings with and without the wife while dressed

  1. #1
    Member Lea's Avatar
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    Feelings with and without the wife while dressed

    Do your feelings change when dressed around your wife compared to when she is gone?

    My wife is out of town for five days. Except for one work day that I could not get out of I have been dressed the entire time.

    When she is gone I feel more like the woman of the house, which is a nice feeling to me. While I always like a clean house and seem to take a little extra pride in how it looks when dressed.

    I feel things on a deeper level. I feel better about the things I have, a great relationship, a nice house and what I have accomplished. As my male side I feel that I have not accomplished enough or done enough to support my family. It is never enough.

    Dealing with the death of my daughter is also different. As my male side I just get angry about it and even though it was a car crash feel I should have been able to do something as I am the man of the family. The first time I held my daughter I promised to protect her, which I did not do. Dressed I tear up more, feel the loss deep but also remember more of the good times we had together.

    When my wife is gone I do not get tired of dressing. The dressing makes me feel complete or whole on the inside. The clothing just represents to society how I feel on the inside.

    When the wife is here I do not seem to get that deep feeling of being the lady of the house and I get to the point where I look forward to changing back and being the man of the house.

  2. #2
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    I can identify with that to a degree.
    I am retired, my wife is not, and we have a role reversal. She is the breadwinner, I am the homemaker. I'm quite satisfied to fill my new role, and even though it sounds sexist, I enjoy it more when wearing feminine clothing. This feeling is tempered a bit when my wife is home. I am still her man, and I tend to be more masculine and less feminine when she is near.
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  3. #3
    Happy in life KlaireLarnia's Avatar
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    No, for me things do not change other than I have to step up to running the home fully rather than in partnership.

    I wear female clothes all day, every day whether she is around or not and whilst there are things I do not wear (skirts/dresses for example), her not being here doesn't present a desire or need for me to do so or to wear frilly, lacy or floral items etc or high heal etc. All that changes in me is that I have to do the jobs she does (ironing, general cleaning) but nothing more.

    I guess in that sense I am very lucky, but then there is nothing to take the pain or sense of longing I get with her not here away as you may possibly have. So I guess there is a downside to my position too.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    My wife and I are rarely apart. We run a home based business so neither of us leave the house daily. Other than a few hours here and there we are together. Occasionally she will go visit her sister. The only difference I really feel is the burden of having to do all the things she normally does and an ache of longing for her to return.

    When this all came to light last year I would feel a bit embarrassed as I got dressed if she was in the room. Or for that first moment when she would awaken to find me dressed. But that has passed.

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    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
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  5. #5
    Duchess of Eyeliner Erica2Sweet's Avatar
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    Clothing choice really doesn't make an individual feel things on a deeper level. I suspect what is happening is that you're giving yourself permission to do and feel all these more traditionally "feminine" things when you're dressed enfemme and not allowing yourself the same experiences when you're in male-mode. If one re-visits these patterns long enough, it can easily become Pavlovian, and you'll start noticing these types of patterns in your life.

    Our experiences and how we interpret things internally depend greatly on what we give ourselves permission to accept and feel at any given time. Again, it isn't a magical power infused into the clothes.

    Those of us who explore gender non-conformity and feel conflicted internally, knee-jerk to compartmentalizing our two polarized gender presentations and only feel OK with experiencing certain things according to how we are presenting. We allow ourselves to feel only what we perceive to be "boy feelings" in boy mode, and only "girly feelings" in girl-mode. We make our own rules regarding what we feel and when we feel it, but we're also often times setting our own limitations unnecessarily. We don't HAVE to compartmentalize our feelings this way, but we often do in order to feel better about our non-conformity and to avoid a conflict with the male ego. It seems complex but its pretty basic human psychology.

  6. #6
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Since I came out to her over 10 years ago it's become so natural for us that there no longer is any difference.
    My actions, dress and feelings don't change dependent on her presence.

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