why would she do THAT?

[JessMe]

I'm going to try to keep this as brief as possible, but my apologies if this becomes a long read.
...as I've mentioned here before, my mother once found my "girly things" when I was about 11 or 12 and visiting family a few hundred miles away. ...we NEVER spoke about it, even in passing... even when I came out to her as transgender.
Tonight, my girlfriend (who knows EVERYTHING, but still loves me,) and I were talking to my mom... laughing and joking each other in a friendly way... when my mom (who doesn't know that my girlfriend knows) said out of the blue "you wanna go there? How about we talk about your (item found in backpack 19-20 years ago)?! Hmm?" ...it wasn't anything "dirty" even but...my face turned red and I felt shame wash over me like I was a kid that just got busted all over again.
My girlfriend and I texted (from the same room) back and forth a few times about the comment... and all is well with us, but I'm still a little hurt and confused by the comment from my mother. She's never been shy about not being supportive, but the subject has long been a "no man's land" between two opposing viewpoints. DADT. ...why did she bring it up?

[Jenniferathome]

Jess, how about you ask her? This is the kind of opportunity that rarely presents itself. Just ask her, "Mom, why did you bring up the backpack thing out of the blue? Do you want to talk about it?"

If no, then fine and you can dismiss her motives.

[bimini1]

Moms can get at you from time to time like that. And no matter how old you get they can still get at you.

[Emi_]

My mother told my wife, "My son is a beautiful woman." My parents never had an issue with my cross-dressing. They did not understand it and they would have preferred if I hadn't been this way, but they were more concerned about the way others would treat me than they were about my clothing choices. My father would often tell my mother that my generation was different from theirs and that we saw things differently about such behaviors. I'm not sure if he really understood it, but both of them tried their very best to be loving and supportive.

[ClosetED]

My guess is she is upset you have someone who is supportive when she hates it, so she knew your button to push to upset you in front of her. It was a desperate move of a desperate mother. You gave her the shamed feelings she hoped to get. But what if you defuse it, by beginning a conversation with GF present, and talk about how minor that was compared to what you do now. Show your mother it lost its power to hurt you. Or she will try it again.
Ellen

[Kate T]

OK, so assuming the reference by your mother was deliberate and in the absence of knowing how the conversation got to that point and a whole heap of other nuances I would guess there are likely to be 3 primary reasons why your mum brought it up.
1. She was reaching out in a way to try and reopen the conversation about it with you.
2. She is concerned that your GF may NOT know and understands that it is important that it is addressed between the two of you.
3. There is some sort of emotional rivalry and she made the comment in an attempt at one-upmanship over your GF.
Irrespective of the reason the simplest solution would seem to be to:
1. Tell your girlfriend about any "embarrassing moments" like this in your past. It could be a bit of a game. Lets face it, at some stage we've all done something pretty embarrassing.
2. Tell you mother that your GF knows and fully supports you. Who knows, it may start her thinking about perhaps whether she wishes to know and understand more.

[SmartDomWoman]

My guess is she is upset you have someone who is supportive when she hates it, so she knew your button to push to upset you in front of her. It was a desperate move of a desperate mother. You gave her the shamed feelings she hoped to get. But what if you defuse it, by beginning a conversation with GF present, and talk about how minor that was compared to what you do now. Show your mother it lost its power to hurt you. Or she will try it again.
Ellen

I think Ellen's explanation is spot on in that "it was a desperate move of a desperate mother." Sorry she did that to you. Hugs.

[LelaK]

I imagine she was hoping to influence you to stop crossdressing. Maybe she thought you could be shamed into stopping, or that you may fear your GF may find out and disown you, or help influence you to stop. I don't know if she assumes you're gay, or prone to it. Even if you say you're not, most people may assume you're fooling yourself, or just fibbing. I mean they likely assume that about all of us, not just you.

[Stephanie47]

You should ask your mother why she thought she had to interject it into the conversation, and, also let her know that your girlfriend is aware. Your mother is evil spirited. If she is not willing to accept her son for who he is, I see a long road ahead for you with respect to your mother.

[Andy66]

Is Mom getting up there in years? Some older people say odd things and dont even seem to know it bothers people.

[charlenesomeone]

Seems both responses are right on. One is an opportunity to answer your question and start a dialog. And two is the chance to
end it as a thing to hang over you.
But only you know how to talk to your Mom. All the best.
Char

[Katey888]

Is Mom getting up there in years? Some older people say odd things and dont even seem to know it bothers people.

They do - and then some say it precisely because they know it will bother people...

Jess - sounds like it's time to clear the air and your mom has provided you with the perfect forum... you can discuss this openly and honestly and - I'd suggest - make your feelings clear about your mom revealing what has hitherto been a confidence between you, if you want to... I would! I'd make it clear that it was out of order and I would not expect it to happen again... just my

Sorry it happened though - sounds like you and your GF are OK which is good...

Katey x

[Mistybtm]

consider this it could have been totally innocent or a sip up, where you drinking just having a fun conversation can sometimes bring out things we really do not mean to say.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jess,

As we age (and I am not sure how hold mom is) our social filters tend to waiver and like the saying "kids say the darndest things" we could also apply that to some (not all) older folks. Heck I notice as I push the big 50 I am not particularly fond of applying filters to my conversations sometimes. However, it is obvious it is a point of contention for your mom . . . remember you are her son and she raised you and what she might attribute as a failure on her part (your CDing) may be playing on her mind. I agree with a lot folks here . . . now is the time to talk your mom and find out what the contention is. She may not be mad/disappointed at you but she might not just understand the whole CDing thing and believe it is something she did when you were growing up that caused it. Talk to her, reassure her that what you do has no bearing on her as a mother and how she raised you . . . you never know, this information might be just enough to bring her understanding and some level of acceptance.

Hugs

Isha