NOT Gay

[CherylFlint]

I’m not too sure how to write what I want to express, but I’ll do my best.
When I’m drab, I’m all guy in that I like women. No and’s, if’s, or but’s. JUST women.
But when I’m dressed, I like guys.
So . . . I don’t consider myself “Gay”, not in the least. I’m not concerned with “gay rights” or any “rainbow” stuff.
Either I’m a guy, 100%, or a women, 100%.
I know it’s all in my mind, but I don’t consider myself “gay” in the slightest.
How do you feel about the “gay” thing? It may not make any sense, but that’s just how I feel about it.
What about you? How do you feel about it?

[Candice Mae]

This is where you have to realize if its really just you trying to portray a female mind and image when dressed and its just in your head, or is dressing allowing your bisexual-ism to be more apparent. How you present has no effect on your true sexuality, it just may make it "okay" in your mind to explore your other urges and desires. Putting on a dress does not make you gay or bisexual.

One way to look at it is, if you play hockey once and continue to play you are a hockey player.

And if you have relations with a guy and continue to you are gay or bisexual.

[bridget thronton]

First perhaps is to realize there is nothing wrong with being either gay or bi then you might be able to analyze where you are

[CherylFlint]

Maybe, but then again, maybe not.
It's all not so cut and dry, black and white, as we would like it to be.
I never, but NEVER, use butter, EXCEPT when I eat freshly boiled lobster. So, does that make me a "butternut"?

[Isabella Ross]

Bridgette has to agree with Bridget: there's no negative about being gay, bi or whatever. Your post, Cheryl, seems subtly imply that there is.

[I Am Paula]

Society expects certain behavior from certain genders. As soon as one begins to blur, or cross gender lines, by definition, sexuality gets mixed up. If you stay one gender all your life (as do most) then we can define sex roles.
Sexuality is what makes you happy, not what the label says.

[Tiffany Jane]

Does Cheryl allow the buried sexual desires to come out? Maybe that what scares you is a preconceived notion that these feelings are not completely heterosexual thoughts, rather than you wanting to be with men?

Either way, a person's sensuality doesn't always dictate ones sexuality.

[ShannonIL]

No, that doesn't make you a butternut, but that's also probably not the best analogy. Sexuality is a messy thing, especially when it's in your head. Homosexuality is, at it's basic definition, an attraction to - or sexual activity with - members of the same sex. Candice mentioned it in her post, and I agree. It's entirely possible that dressing as a woman is allowing your brain to rationalize that attraction/interest, and it's also possible that your male-persona can't. There are a bunch of reasons why that might be the case, but in my experience (which is neither vast nor professional) it usually boils down to being uncomfortable with the idea of being gay/bi/whatever. Matters of the brain are never simple, that's for sure.

Ultimately though, I think what Bridget said is key. I feel, based on your statements, that you've probably got an idea of what being "gay" or "bi" actually means, and that idea isn't necessarily correct. Being attracted to members of the same sex isn't about rainbows, or activism, or really any stereotype. I think you've probably got some searching to do within yourself, and once you've come to an understanding with yourself, you can figure out what it really means.

[Katey888]

I never, but NEVER, use butter, EXCEPT when I eat freshly boiled lobster. So, does that make me a "butternut"?

No Cheryl - but it does make you an eater of butter...

Sexuality almost certainly isn't rigidly defined for most people, although their sexual preference usually falls into one of the 3 or 4 major categories. From what I've read here and other parts of the web, I believe that TG folk (including some CDs) show more propensity to variance that 'normal' folk... you may just be one of those that muses or fantasises about male attraction without ever making it reality... only you can ultimately determine that.

I do not believe any shrink would categorise anyone gay or bisexual, just because they have 'wondered' or fantasised...

One does have to ask the question: if we put all this effort into looking good as our crossgender and it isn't solely for ourselves, then who is it for...???

Katey x

[paulaprimo]

i know many girls who feel the same way as you, myself included.
you have the right to feel anyway you like. other people will label you but labels are for cans...
but if you have to have a label you are bi. but as long as you are happy
and nobody's getting hurt, wear it and enjoy it!

[Wildaboutheels]

You already answered this question [AFTER 389 other people did] VVV

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-a-guy-are-you

I will never figure out why so many CDers obsess over labels.

Perhaps they have never heard this song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMdcgSi5t8k

[Lorileah]

I have a couple questions.

1) does this bother you? and why?

2) does it matter in any manner?

The first question pertains to your personal perspective. It appears that you are either someone who fantasizes being a "total" woman which would under routine circumstances cause you to want to be with a man or you are bi. That is how you imagine it should be. It isn't how you really feel inside (have you tried it? Was it all you expected. Would you do it again without reservation?). The second question is will it change your life or who you are? Will it shorten your life or extend it? Will it make you happy or unhappy. Will it clear up things or muddle them more? Does it change how people around you will perceive you?

I was a TA for human sexuality in college. One thing we always tried to tell people is that your feelings for a gender or another or both are NATURAL. We said nothing is 100% ever. (death and taxes excluded). You may be 99.9% hetero nut there is a little tiny part of you who appreciates the male in some manner (what body type are you attracted t? The swimmer the football player the movie star?...there is some type of male that catches your eye) That doesn't mean you would enjoy sex with a man,but that you do have some innate feelings toward that look. Most people will say they are on on end of the spectrum or the other. And they will live their whole life at that end. That is fine, you will live a good life. Others will question this occasionally. Most of those will decide it isn't really what they want but more what they dream or fantasize about. Trust me most fantasies are nowhere NEAR reality. Some will try it and decide it wasn't what they want. Others will try it an decide it is exactly what they want. But you will know the strength of you feelings before you dive in.

Now to give my personal opinion on this. You are probably not gay, but IF you engage in sexual activity while dressed and enjoy it and crave it (even when just dressed) you are Bi. No way around it, you can't turn it on and off like a switch. You suppress it but it is there. There is a famous phase that goes with this. "Just because you drive a race car one time doesn't make you a race driver...but " Look it up I would say don't sweat it. Take if from someone who played that game for years...it isn't all it's cracked up to be. All I ask is one thing. No matter who you sleep with, be safe and be smart.

[Jenniferathome]

OK, but so what? All I see in your post is some justification that you are "normal." There is still a thread running on "how straight a guy are you?" This comes up all the time here. It is always a justification of some kind. To whom is this justification needed?

Still, I can promise you that the majority of humans on earth would disagree with your premise.

[Nadine Spirit]

I never, but NEVER, use butter, EXCEPT when I eat freshly boiled lobster. So, does that make me a "butternut"?

No it makes you unaware of what an absolute is. You can't say I never, except. A better way would be "I only eat butter when I eat lobster." It does not make you a "butternut" but it does make you an eater of butter.

If you have sex with only women, that makes you heterosexual. If you have sex with only men, that makes you homosexual (gay.) If you have sex with both, then you are bisexual. It really does not matter how you are dressed or when you do these activities, if you do them, then this is how you are defined. Does the sound of the definitions upset you? Bummer. It is what it is.

A banana is still a banana even if you don't like calling it such.

There is nothing wrong with being a banana and their is nothing wrong with which gender you choose to have sex with.

[Jenniferathome]

"an eater of butter." That just sounds so funny when I say it! Well put analogy.

[flatlander_48]

As we have seen here many times, one of the first (if not THE first) questions that people ask upon learning that we crossdress is "Are you gay?". Society has a difficult time with anything outside of a binary representation of sexuality. As crossdressers, I think we often fall victim to that thought process. After all, we are also part of the population. Given that I accepted that I was a bisexual long before the idea of corssdressing occurred to me, my perspective will probably be a bit different.

Many people here STRONGLY reject the possibility that they fall under the LGBT umbrella. They want nothing to do with it, in spite of the fact that it is a broad category with many facets. As a group we're called Sexual Minorities. It is just how it is. There is some part of us that is different from most people. What you DO is just a small part of it. Most of it has to do with how you think, from which perspective do you view the world, how you align yourself politically and how you form relationships (friendships AND romantic ones). Who you are screwing is just one facet of many.

I think what happens when we dress (or even think about it) is that it opens a door to some part of ourselves that is rarely, if ever, seen. More than likely it is more in line with our true selves and not how we thought of ourselves previously. Once you open that door, it is very hard to shut it. I think only fear has enough power to do that; fear of what our lives would look like that on the other side of the door. For many, that can be a tremendous lever as it can effect your family, your job, etc. and not just how you think of yourself.

Anyway, this is a journey. There is no time table regarding at what point we reach acceptance and make decisions.

[Badtranny]

...and if any of Cheryl's friends were to find out that she "luvs doing girl stuff" then she would absolutely be gay in their minds.

Of course she isn't into "gay rights" or any of that stuff. In fact, I'll betcha a dollar she doesn't even believe in "gay rights" which I refer to simply as equal rights.

[Sara Jessica]

I guess when one defines their being, they can get by without having to do any heavy lifting.

[janetcgtv]

Cheryl:

You are BI no ifs, ands, or buts about this.
If you go bed with both men and women you are physically BI.
This is society's attitude.

You think of yourself as a women and go to bed with a man which is normal for most TG's
Whereon if you like it or not, you are a member of the rainbow coalition. and fight for your rights. Everyone should have equal rights. PERIOD.

[CherylFlint]

See, I knew I wouldn’t be able to express myself clearly.
No, I’m not “afraid” and there is no “right” or “wrong”. No being “bothered” about it.
Actually, Cheryl actually acts on her desire to be with men, for real, up close and personal.
I just wondered if any other CD has successfully compartmentalized the whole boy/girl thing as successfully as I, that’s all.
For me, it makes the whole thing so obvious, easy and straightforward.
Boys like girls.
Girls like boys.
And THAT’S it!
I’ve been a CD all of my life (30+ years), and metamorphosed (right word?) to what I am today. It suits me just fine. It’s fun. It relaxes me and I’m really happy that I have the fun that I have. If I had a wish to give you all, it be I hope you all have a great time dressing but, above all, stay safe and HAVE A GOOD TIME!

[Kathryn Martin]

Maybe, but then again, maybe not.
It's all not so cut and dry, black and white, as we would like it to be.
I never, but NEVER, use butter, EXCEPT when I eat freshly boiled lobster. So, does that make me a "butternut"?

I think from your post and comments you seem to be very afraid that someone might call you gay. If you are attracted to men and women depending on how you present maybe you're bi-sexual. That would make sense don't you think.

[Simone's Lil' Sis]

But when I’m dressed, I like guys.

Cheryl,
Being concerned with 'gay rights' or 'rainbow' stuff is not a prerequisite to being Gay. I like all animals (except cats), but I am not a Member of PETA or The Humane Society.
You might want to reconsider.

[Tracii G]

I'm totally confused sorry.

[mechamoose]

Cheryl:

If I like someone, I will play with them regardless of their bits, so that removes the 'gay' portion of this discussion. I guess it comes down to reference points, then.. where is your head parked while you admire this or that?

When I feel like a girl, I find studly men more attractive. When I'm feeling like a guy, I'm checking out those pretty, curvy bits. I *love* both, but I admit to doing more of one or the other depending on my mood. My bits or orientation don't come into it.

I know I'm an odd case, I'm an 'in between' person. But maybe my perspective can help some of you.

<3

- MM

[Zylia]

If you have sex with only women, that makes you heterosexual. If you have sex with only men, that makes you homosexual (gay.) If you have sex with both, then you are bisexual. It really does not matter how you are dressed or when you do these activities, if you do them, then this is how you are defined. Does the sound of the definitions upset you? Bummer. It is what it is.

I'd think it's about romantic and sexual attraction, not necessarily about who you have sex with. As a matter of fact (and the topic starter is a perfect example), many cross-dressers aren't really romantically or sexually attracted to men and are not interested in having a relationship with a man (unlike, say, gay men). They're mostly into having sex with men with themselves in the female role and with a female presentation (more or less). This might sound nit-picky, unless you're actually gay. Anyway, I think it's fair to say that the topic starter is not a gay or even a bisexual man, just heterosexual with a kink.