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Thread: NOT Gay

  1. #26
    New Member susanmiller64's Avatar
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    Just my thoughts. If you have male parts and like people with female parts you are straight. If you like people with the same body parts as you then you are gay. If you like people no matter what body parts they have then you are Bi. It has nothing to do with how you dress or present yourself.
    That being said what does it really matter? I am straight but I am sure 90% of people who see me out dressed and don’t know me probably think I am gay, or transsexual. Who cares what others think? All that really matters is what I think, being true to myself and who I am. I am a man who loves to dress as a woman and present that way. If people want to get to know me then they learn who I am. I gave up a long time ago worrying about labels people use.
    Also one can support a group without being a member of it, I support breast cancer although I have never had it, or you can be a part of a group and not actively support it. we are who we are.
    Susan Miller
    Be happy with yourself first.
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  2. #27
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CherylFlint View Post

    I just wondered if any other CD has successfully compartmentalized the whole boy/girl thing as successfully as I, that’s all.
    For me, it makes the whole thing so obvious, easy and straightforward.
    Boys like girls.
    Girls like boys.
    And THAT’S it!
    I think you are explaining yourself clearly, I just think I totally disagree with your view of success in this area.

    Zylia - I agree with the idea of attraction vs sex.
    Last edited by Nadine Spirit; 09-06-2014 at 03:16 PM.

  3. #28
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    So the question is, who cares if Cheryl is straight, gay, or bi? It is none of our business. Cheryl will do what Cheryl likes and we have no say in that. Go, have fun, enjoy life the way you want to enjoy it.

  4. #29
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    Crikey!

    If you like someone enough, why does it *matter* what gender they are or how they present? Relationships are about alignment, trust & tolerance. WTF does it matter the chassis they inhabit? Did they (or you) get the chance to pick that?

    We are talking about finding a person to share your life with... that depends FAR more on personality than genetics!

    I wish the world would get it's head out of it's a$$ on this one.

    - MM
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
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  5. #30
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    When I'm dressed as cindi, I am a woman and desire to be with a man. In RT, I'm straight, and married. I'm comfortable with my sexuality and not afraid of labels like bi or gay. We're all human and there's too much hatred in this world.

  6. #31
    Silver Member paulaprimo's Avatar
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    like the ivory soap girl from back in the day, i like to say i'm 99 and 44/100's straight

    but i do love zylis's description...
    Quote Originally Posted by Zylia View Post
    just heterosexual with a kink.
    or even better i like the phrase, heterosexual with a wink, another wink, a cough and then another cough...

    does anybody really care??? just be you and enjoy!!
    paula

  7. #32
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    Strictly speaking, not all gay people are activists or are into "rainbow things" (like pride parades or gay clubs etc.) I have known gay men who live private lives and on one hand do not lie about their sexuality but also prefer not to be public about it, and there are some who are just not interested in the mainstream gay culture.

  8. #33
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    Cheryl, you need to clarify your desires in regards to men when dressed - you want to "be with men, for real, up close and personal."
    Does that mean you want them to hold you, hug you, dance with you, stroke your arm, your legs, to compliment your body, or to strip off your clothes and put their male organ into one of your orifices? (I could use medical terms or vulgar, but went with euphemisms - I'm a lady)
    Do you desire a man's affirmation of your femininity or to have sex with them?
    Big difference to my mind.

    Ellen

  9. #34
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    I don't see much need for labeling, but we seem to enjoy talking about it.

    I don't really see my male and female sides as separate. I'm the same person either way.

    I may act differently depending upon how I am dressed, but take a refined gentleman out of his Brooks Brothers suit, put him into leathers and put a Harley between his legs and you'll also see a behavior change.

    In male mode I'm hetero. In female mode I'm not really interested in sexuality. I prefer the company of females but I'm focused on socializing, not sex.

    I'm not terribly worried about being slapped with a "gay" label as I've discovered that in the public view there are things more scandalous that that. Men wearing women's clothing leaps to mind...

    What I do know is that all the LGBTQLSMFT community should stick together. Even if we don't have the same specific interests we have the same enemies and we need to band together against them.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  10. #35
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    OK. I've read the OP's post very carefully, as well as a very similar post from June 2013. And nowhere does he (she?) suggest that s/he has actually had sex with men. S/he just likes them when dressed, which I take to be only at the fantasy level. This does not a bi or gay man make.


    That said, of course there's nothing wrong with being gay!

    I think that sexual preference should be looked on as a language. Some people speak french, some speak english, and others are bilingual. One is not better or worse than the other.

    I find it odd though, that one should change sexual preference based on presentation. So what happens when the CDer is naked? Does he then become asexual? I don't think so.

    I wonder if sexual preference ever changes at all when dressed … if the man himself does NOT arouse a hetero CD, but rather the arousal stems from the idea that the CD is playing the sexual role of a woman. What better way to enjoy the fantasy of being sexually female than to imagine oneself having sex as a woman with a man? I should think it would be easier to imagine this scenario than to imagine oneself as a lesbian with a woman. CDs don't as a rule have a fundamental female gender identity from which they can totally identify as lesbian.

    To the CDers who say they are attracted to men only when dressed, I wonder if many of you habitually have sex with men when you are dressed (I'm not talking about having tried it once or twice), or if you are in a relationship with a male with whom you regularly have sex. To those of you who have regular sexual relations with men, can you honestly say that you are not attracted to them when you are naked or when you are dressed in a pair of blue jeans? Again, I emphasize the word "regular". Habitual. As a rule, and not once or twice two years ago that still forms the basis for fantasy.

    If you don't have sex with men regularly, then isn't this discussion moot? Doesn't the notion of having sex with a male live only in fantasy? If a hetero CD fantasizes about having sex with men, then in my opinion he is still hetero. And I think he would be turned off with the actual outcome, should it ever come to pass. The reality of being two male-bodied individuals having sex together tends to shatter hetero-CD fantasies.
    Reine

  11. #36
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    I *have* had sex with men. (Hot, yummy men)

    Get beyond the hormonal stuff, and they are just as 'needy' as girls.

    They want the same things... validation, encouragement, support.

    Sure, guys are wired to be aggressive, that doesn't mean that they don't understand sensitivity.

    They just need a *safe* space to express it.

    - MM
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder

  12. #37
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    I have to go back to Dr. Alice Novic (or Dr. Richard Novic, depending on what's being worn at any given time). You can read what Dr. Novic says about this at www.aliceingenderland.com but the essence of what she believes is in this quote below:

    "Today’s first question is Am I gay? The short answer is No, you're not, but you’re not exactly straight either.

    To me and to most gay men, being gay describes a specific thing. It ‘s more like saying “He’s Mexican,” rather than “He’s definitely not from around here.” As a crossdresser, you’re clearly not gay in the sense of wanting to be a man sexually with a man and all the stuff that so often comes with it, like a head-spinning appreciation for the male form, an Oscar-Wilde-like wit, and a passion for fashion and celebrities. Oh, sure you may be loving all the little nuances of ladies’ clothing, but that’s not the same thing. Just the simple fact you call yourself a crossdresser means that you’re not gay, for most people (and specifically me in part 1 of this series) define crossdresser as a primarily straight man who is profoundly satisfied to imagine himself as a woman. So, you’re fundamentally heterosexual on some level or sorely misusing the term crossdresser.

    But, are you completely straight? Well, hey, to answer that question I first owe you a definition of the term straight. Completely straight, or completely heterosexual describes a man who is only interested in sex as a man with a woman. You, my dear reader, may—despite your crossdressing consider yourself such a man, only for that to change—if you’re lucky—as opportunities present themselves. What if you had the chance to make like lipstick lesbians with your wife, another beautiful woman, a breathtaking transsexual, or another nice-looking crossdresser? Or what about my favorite: getting to be a sweet, slender girl in the arms of some giant of a man?"

    My take? If we're TG, we're probably bi in some way. Is there anything wrong with that, or do we even need to care about this label? I don't think so. Too many labels in this world, too many fearful people, too much hate. Live and let live.

  13. #38
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Bridgette - you beat me to the punchline with your closing para... I don't often post twice but I found a very interesting (and old!) link to an article on sexuality and gender spectrum - it is easy to read, brief and worth reading: http://lacigreen.tv/sexplus/sexualit...e-kinsey-scale

    Many of the issues I think we face are that so many of us are scared to accept we just may not be an absolute 0.0000 on the Kinsey scale. In fact most researchers now accept that NOBODY is at 0.0000 on that scale... and I do think we TG folk are more likely to be 'dynamic' as far as that scale goes, than Muggles... Does that mean we're all gay or bi...? No - it doesn't... And if we could just accept that 'spectrum' for all of us, accepting what might otherwise be perceived as strange or confused sexual behaviour might become a lot easier...

    I've found it a lot easier to accept my own feelings once I accepted that my CDing is part of being on the TG spectrum, wherever that may be... doesn't mean I'm wanting to run off and transition at all - but it helps me understand why I do what I do...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    I've long considered myself a "male" lesbian. It's my body, not me, that's "male". I, my identity, is not strictly feminine, but largely so and partly asexual (or angel).

    I'd never have anal sex with anyone, but vaginal may be acceptable, and maybe oral sex with anyone who appears feminine enough would be too.

    So let's name and define all the subcategories. Okay?
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  15. #40
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I find this "difference" fascinating. Certainly one that has been brought up before. Dressed as a girl I feel one way, dressed as a guy I feel another way....


    Only speaking for myself, my dressing is for a singular purpose. to connect the inner with the exterior. Nothing else changes at all. I am not judging anyone different than myself. I merely like everything the same, including my sexual orientation. If I was single, my tastes in women would not change let alone my orientation. same food, music, sports... nothing changes other than the clothes I wear when I change them from male to female. I just connect myself to my femininity outwardly.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member Susan.'s Avatar
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    My therapist will only say I am "dynamic".

  17. #42
    A blossoming flower xx Jennifer Devine's Avatar
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    Just because you dress yourself up as a woman does not mean you are gay.
    They are two completely different things.
    WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies , projects or any other reasons You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this.

  18. #43
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    I think the sexuality aspect of this has been well covered by others, but the whole mindset of not being concerned about gay rights / rainbow stuff? All that says to me is that you're so afraid someone might think you're gay that you refuse to help your fellow human beings, not to mention yourself. The pride movement is about acceptance of sexual diversity, not promoting any one specific path as the right one. We all benefit from opening hearts and minds to alternative orientations and identities.
    ~ Kimberly

    “To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard

  19. #44
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    Well said, Kimberly.

  20. #45
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    We live in "group think" times. I choose just to be me, love me or hate me. It is ok to "walk alone." I am an individual, too complex to be put in a box. So are you. Though you may fit a lot of descriptions, and labels.

  21. #46
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    We live in "group think" times..
    Oh please. There has never been a time of greater celebration of diversity and individualism than today. If you don't think the '60s were suffering from a bit of "group think" than your prescription has run out, or you just have a selective memory.

    There are certain people, usually a certain kind of people, who complain incessantly about everything from the internet to the economy. "these times" are the greatest times in recorded history. We have witnessed amazing advancements in medicine and technology that were actually, literally, science fiction only 30 years ago.

    My people (queers and trannies) are enjoying unprecedented acceptance and equality despite a rather loud and persistent opposition from guess who.

    "group think" times indeed.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  22. #47
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Group Think Indeed

    There is some acceptance of diversity, but it may be superficial. Most liberals, I think, can't tolerate alternative views on global warming and most conservatives can't tolerate alternative views on terrorism. Etc. A person like me with alternative views on everything doesn't seem to fit in well anywhere.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  23. #48
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Oh, please. I never had sex with that woman (or man) only works for politicians.

    If I like to get rip roaring drunk and get up to mischief every Sunday night, I can tell myself it wasnt me. It was my alter ego Aloysius Tiberius Lumpybottom... but guess what? If Aloysius gets hurt falling from a barstool, spends his last dime, gets arrested for getting sick on a cops shoes, or catches a disease, it affects Andy just as much... because we are the SAME PERSON.
    Last edited by Andy66; 09-07-2014 at 03:08 PM. Reason: Punctuation, issues.

  24. #49
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    I say quit worrying about labels and just be you. However if you want to worry about labels then it all depends on how you view yourself. Are you a man that crossdresses, are you a trans women? If your the crossdresser then your bi and if you are trans and haven't had gender reassignment surgery then your still bi. Until you stick with just one then you'll be bi. Like I said quit worrying about labels and just say you love everyone. That's what I would say if someone asked me who I'm sexual attracted to.

  25. #50
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    I'm not attracted to men. There was a time when I figured I must be gay...I was a CDr. Bought into the prevailing prejudice.

    Now I can proudly say I am not gay....not that there's anything wrong with that.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

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