So close to making it out in public. UGH

[Erica3]

Ok so the other night I came home around 9pm at night and had the hosue to myself until the next day. I am very new at make up but hey aren't most of us. Anyways, I immediately slipped in to a pair of black lace panties, skinny jeans, and hot pink push up bra, and a white cami with boob padding inside. I went to work on my makeup and only used light foundation with red lipstick, blue eyeshadow and heavy mascara. I threw on a loose fit top that was cute and a blonde wig. The final touch was my glasses. I figured they would deter from people looking at my poor eye makeup job a little. The final touch was the shoes. I have my own pair of six inch slingbacks but i havent mastered walking in them. 3" wedges it was. grabbed a purse and made my way for the door. As soon as i steped out my front door i became so nervous. I immediately ran back inside and took everything off. HOw do i build up the courage to get out there? its driving me crazy!

[CherylFlint]

Every cosmetic counter will do a makeover if you buy $40 or so of their product, be sure to ask.
You can go in drab and have it done. They'll teach you how to apply eye shadow to blush; ask questions. They'll give you cleaning pads to wipe it off and become drab again. Now days I go as Cheryl and then I don't have to wash it off.
This I would suggest. Buy quality and NEVER, but NEVER leave your makeup on while sleeping. ALWAYS do a good cleaning before bed.
As far as getting up enough nerve, we've all been there, done that. You made it to the door, that's a start.
If you do the makeup correct you won't need to be concerned about hiding anything and wear glasses.
Open the door, take a step and have fun. Stay safe. Dress for the time of day, and so on.
Yes, there is only one "first time" that you'll remember for the rest of your life. You'll do just fine.

[Kris Avery]

Erica,
If you are dabbling in makeup you are way ahead of me.
Keep going and be happy.

[Adriana Moretti]

the first few steps is the hardest part...after that it's easy. At least you made it OUT the front door...next time maybe you will make it a bit further. You only live once...might as well live it to the fullest with no regrets. Good luck

[Jorja]

Lock the door then pull it shut behind you. You have no choice but to continue on or stand there fumbling through your purse looking for your keys for a few minutes. Hey, it works!

[Rachelakld]

Firstly, eye makeup is not a requirement (natural look is best), but mascara is still recommended.
Flats are better for first outings, leave the 6 inch heels for night clubbing.
Accept your a woman, who accidently got a mans body and it isn't your fault for that.
Also accept that your actually scared of what people will think, which is mostly - "Someone is having to much fun" and "gee, I wish I would look that good in similar clothes"

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

Yes the dreaded first step out and how to muster up the courage to continue. To be honest you will just know and make up your mind one day to shut the door behind you and head out and once you get going you will just continue. Don't get discouraged by tiny set backs (heading back inside) we have all lived through this. Let's be honest, this is probably one the of the most challenging things you will ever do "going in public dressed as a woman". My first attempts were similar in that while I was able to get out to my car (I live in a rural setting - no neighbors) when I drove all the way to the city I sat in my car for 30 minutes, then just went back home. I did this several times until I finally just took a deep breath and took my first step into the light as Isha . . . haven't looked back since then. You will get there sweetie, just keep trying and you will know when it is right.

My one recommendation . . . daytime not nighttime. It sounds counterintuitive in that it is easier for us to hide/blend at night and while that may be true it also makes us a target the same way GGs may be targeted by predators. At night people see what they want to see and fill in the blanks . . . blonde hair, girl clothes . . . girl. Don't think "guy" when going out . . . think "girl" and be safe. A lot of folks here may believe that they can take care of themselves but even the best fighter can be taken down and dressed en femme, your ability to fight may not be the same as when you are dressed as a dude . . . again please be safe. Daytime may seem more daunting - more people, more chances to get noticed. While getting "read" is a natural occurrence which you will need to get used to when going out, bigger crowds allow you to blend more easily . . . more people equates to cognitive overload of those around you (too much to see) so you are less likely to get even a second look depending on how you present - blonde hair, girl clothes . . . girl.

Regarding eye make-up, you can try You Tube tutorials as I found that a good start to get me comfortable with make-up and going out. I learned very quickly that natural and/or lighter colours are best for the daytime. Have a look at GGs the next time you are out and note what level of make-up they wear during the day. For the most part you will find it is toned down with heavier make-up applied mainly reserved for night time activities. However, make-up and clothing is a personal choice and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I prefer toned down both in clothing and make-up during the day in order to blend but that is me.

Again . . . don't get discouraged we have all been there and you will get out there . . . just listen to your internal voice and she will tell you when it is time.

Hugs

Isha

[Donnagirl]

Hi Erica,

I know exactly how you feel, I was there only a few weeks ago... Isha's advice is spot on. It will take a few attempts but then, once you make those first steps all the rest come very easily, almost too easily. I was a bit luckier, my first attempt had a large safety in numbers factor, but it was still not an easy thing to do. Is there not a support group you can visit as your first time out?

Be conscious of how you present, just try to look similar to every one else. A few days ago I saw an obvious CD-er in our city centre mall... The large floppy sun hat and sunnies inside and an inability to walk naturally in heels was such a give away... Big mistake... She only walked through the mall from one side to the other. I originally thought it was a prank but...

Try a drive along a route you know. Plan a stop in a deserted area for a short walk around. The more you try the easier it gets. As the many Isha moments show, and I can attest just about everyone will not notice or not care. Of those that do, the overwhelming majority are just curious. Be friendly and smile, answer their questions. Enjoy the moment... It is a little addictive so watch out... Once you've done to once you want to try again...

I would not go out at night, alone especially to a pub or club or where there may be drunk young blokes. Even sober and in boy mode, I dislike tangling with drunks... Well not without my crew backing me up.

When it comes eye make up, there are a few companies making a product that comes on a pre coated foam crescent that you wipe across your eyes. They work really well, I swear by them. Search eBay for instant eye shadow or magic eye. A few bucks will buy a set to try. You will be surprised..

I wish you luck... One day it will all just come together.

Hugs,

Donna

[JayeLefaye]

Hey, you stepped out the front door, that counts!!

If you're doing it in the evening, next time pick even more comfortable shoes and take a quick hike around the block, or just to the car and drive for a few minutes. Not every time out has to be an adventure.

And I'm with Donna, search on-line for a local support group. My first time was with a local Yahoo group of CD's and supporters. The safety & comfort, in numbers was very encouraging.

Best

Jaye

[kimdl93]

I'm not sure it's courage...I think eventually desperation overcomes fear. I would guess for each of us that has chosen to go out that door, the desire existed for a long time and finally we each reached a moment of truth...when we had to go out. It sounds as though the moment is nearly at hand for you.

[Eringirl]

Hi Erica....congrats on the first steps, well done! Celebrate the success. For most, this is about small steps. Some really good advice about makeup here already, so I won't belabour the point. But...you know there was a but coming... as Isha and Donna stated, daytime...for sure. If there are any nice parks or walking trails nearby, drive out there...no one pays attention to drivers, they are too self absorbed or worse yet texting... Then just go for a nice walk and enjoy the scenery.

it will all come together....the journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.

Keep us posted on your success (and there will be successes!!)

Erin

[Jenniferathome]

...., blue eyeshadow .... HOw do i build up the courage to get out there? its driving me crazy!

Erica, first, forget the blue eyeshadow. Do some people watching and you'll see that blue is out. Really. Second, there is no trick to walking out the door. You just do it. You are breaking no laws. You are hurting no one. Walk out the door no differently than when you are in guy mode. It's really that easy.

[tracigirl_tv]

Erica, baby steps, gurl.

My first time out, I drove about 90 min away from home to make sure I didn't run into anyone who might know me. I drove to a club, made it to the parking lot.....and sat in the car for about 20 minutes, debating about whether to actually get out of the car and venture into the club, or drive 90 min home again.

Spoiler alert: I eventually got out of the car, went into the club and had a great time.

You're on your way, Erica. Give yourself a goal for next time: to the sidewalk and back? around the block? You'll be surprised how brave you can be. Huggggggs.

Traci

[Jodi]

With the makeup, toss the blue eye shadow. It helps to shout-"hey, I'm a tranny".

Jodi

[shawnsheila]

Oh I remember my first time (that was not Halloween) I was at a conference out in LA and I think i debated for about an hour before I just opened my hotel door and went out... It was both scary and thrilling and I had a great time I was scared to talk to people but overtime you get over that fear and just be who you are... I kinda miss the mega rush I used to get going out... now I only get just a little nervous and only a small rush and I go on about my business as a regular woman. (just be sure to dress appropriately though and stay safe)

I say just do it! Don't think about it, just do it... kinda like boot camp when you have to climb down a rope from a 30 foot tower... don't think about it just do it or you'll freeze up with fear

[Isabella Ross]

I have nothing to add to this thread, except to express my gratitude for those who are offering advice...I'm working through the same issues as Erica right now. Thank you.

[sara.rafaela]

Hi Erica, I went through the same experience too. My first experience was to go to a transgender bar in San Francisco. The first obstacle was getting out of the hotel room and closing the door behind me. I looked and looked to make sure the coast was clear. I had the hotel key and car key in my hand in case I needed to retreat to somewhere, but no one came and I got to the car ok. The next issue was parking and there were no spaces in front of the place. All were at least half a block away. So, I circled and circled, until finally I just parked the car. Next, getting out of the car took some internal coaxing; but I did it. When I got in the place, the bar tender addressed me as she and her and things began to calm inside me. I would recommend just pushing yourself slowly and gradually outside of your comfort zone. It will eventually feel more normal.

In the early days I made sure to carry a "boy bag" with me, a change of clothes, makeup remover tissues, and nail polish remover. I thought if something happened, hotel key wouldn't work, lost the nerve to go from car to hotel, that I would have something to fall back on. I never used it.

Some of my first uncomfortable interactions with the public went a long way to put myself at ease. At the time, scary (not in a dangerous way), but once it is over these interactions go a long way to build your confidence. Left the keys in the car and I had to call AAA. I dreaded meeting the driver (surely a rough dude with tattoos, beer belly, and scruffy beard) with me in a dress and heels. The driver ended up being a 60 year old Asian gentleman, polite and neatly dressed, but he kept insisting on calling me by my male name, over and over again. Another time the hotel key did not work. It was late, I did not feel like changing in the car. I thought a few seconds of possible embarrassment would be a suitable price. The desk clerk did not seem to care or notice.

[justmetoo]

Yeah, don't feel bad for not going farther, congratulate yourself for going as far as you did. You will go farther eventually, and it will get easier in time. Some excellent words of wisdom from Isha and Donna and Erin and all. If you can, try to remind yourself that you are doing nothing wrong by going out dressed. I know how daunting it can be, though! It might help to go some distance away from where you live, or to some place like a mall, or whatever it is that helps you feel less nervous about going out. I agree that daytime is better than night, and that keeping things toned down is good. Keep the makeup light and natural as far as possible, the clothes comfortable and not too dressy (or otherwise "over the top"), and try to relax and enjoy the moment if you can. Best wishes next time!

(p.s. one of my earliest trips out in public I was shopping and had made my purchase and was walking out of the store when the alarm went off. The cashier had neglected to remove one of the tags from one of my items. And you know what, I lived to tell the tale. It actually didn't phase me anywhere near what I would've thought, and I'm not one who likes to draw attention to themself in any event, drab or otherwise.)

[TokyoLily]

Right! I echo what has been said so far. Just a few additions:

1. When we learned how to walk, we fell down. A lot. We didn't care too much because our goal was to walk. If you have a goal, you will get there. You just have to get up and start walking!

2. Your day does not always go as planned when in drab. It might not go how you envision it when you walk out the door en femme. So what? How many things go completely as planned? Just keep a positive spin no matter what happens (so if someone notices you, you can think to yourself "at least they noticed that I'm brave enough to be out here!").

3. It's been said a million times, but it often requires time to sink in: 99.99999999% of the time, no one cares! They are wrapped up in their own world and their own lives. If in a crowd, most will not notice. Of those that do, most will say nothing (usually because they only have a few seconds to try to comprehend what they just saw). So if you are worried about the 0.000000001% of the time, such as when someone gives you a hard time, remember that a vast majority of those people might only have a rude comment to give. Do you want that miniscule percentage of narrow-minded people to dictate who YOU are?

As a last addition: there will be people who see you and are JEALOUS of you, that you have the courage to go out and be who you want to be. You can show them the way.