I fought gd for almost 64 years I decided to try one last thing and got on hrt. Within a few days I felt like a new person. I don't think transition is in my future though. I just waited too long.
I fought gd for almost 64 years I decided to try one last thing and got on hrt. Within a few days I felt like a new person. I don't think transition is in my future though. I just waited too long.
I had no choice but to be a transition late. I have told my story before, but nothing happened until I turned 65, three years ago, and first started dressing. Out of the blue I have these feelings which manifest as a recognition of GD. Now I am on HRT for 22 months. Wife accepts as fact that I was meant to have been born a woman, but something happened. I go in for my 23 hour electrolysis session on tuesday. How far will i be able to go? At 68 now there are no guarantees, but I am in it til the end.
All I know is that at SCC last week, Dr. Leis stated that his oldest GRS patient was 77. So never give up hope.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
Indeed the seriousness of this condition should not be made light of. For those that are young and secure in their sexual identity, (not gender identity which is totally fungible and varies according to mood or day of the week)...transition is a 'no-brainer'. It is just a matter of getting it one and over with.Originally Posted by Marleena
Sarah you're being a bad girl! lol.
For those older folks, for whom perhaps the intensity of the need was not so acute, and who seem to constitute the majority population on these "support" forums, the question is huge and fraught with all manner of dire consequence.
A clear example is seen here:I think that perspicacious observation about the internet "rabbit hole", with its morass of conflicting inaccuracies and petty political intrigues merits greater scrutiny.
Last edited by SassySal; 09-13-2014 at 09:36 PM.
Observations like this prove that you do not have a clue what you are talking about. Gender identity is not a commodity that can be exchanged for another and Gender Identites are not mutually exchangeable, neither does a person's identity vary according to mood, day of the week or any other such rubbish.
But those of us who are TS try to counter these things when you post them.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
I find it most interesting that identity seems to be so involved with late transitioners generally. While I am clearly a late transitioner this has never been an issue. I often find myself wondering about this and about the whole gender construct. In so many ways much of what causes the fear fraught with all manner of dire consequences appears to be about gender expectations of family, friends and the rest of the world and last but not least the person itself. Which leads me to believe that it is about doubts and expectations about acceptance. I consider this the hallmark of gender variance.
The internet is just a bunch of bs all around. While it might allow for some information, the majority of that information is tainted by viewpoint rather than fact.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
Yes. And the more factual the argument, the worse the outrage in response. People are wedded to their viewpoints.
Lea
It may be, for some of us, that transitioning is not as much of an imperative as for others. For some people transition is the only option other than ceasing to exist. Others may handle their GD differently and find that they can walk the middle path. Later in life the things that prompted them to walk the middle path might change, leading to a reevaluation of priorities and perhaps a decision to transition.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Jorja,
I think we had the desire and the knowledge but not the need or the courage. You on the other hand had all of those and that is what it takes. I wouldn't even watch anything on television with other people around because I knew what it meant for me. I would however watch all that I could when alone.
My parents should have known something wasn't quite right when I kept putting Kens' head on Barbies' bodyRachel Smith May 2017
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][SIZE="3"]Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Dan Stanford[/SIZE][/SIZE]
I used to feel like one in a million now with this forum I feel like one OF a million
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell
I'm not sure about this. At 22, I honestly had no idea I might be transsexual. I really thought I was a crossdresser and that was it.
This is causing me quite a bit of anxiety because most of my transsexual friends say "Yes, I've known my whole life" and "I had absolutely no doubts transition was the right thing to do." Well, I haven't known all my life and I still have lingering doubts, or possibly just fears.
It could be that I unconsciously suppressed the knowledge. This is something I'm planning on working out with my therapist: How do I know I'm really honestly truly TS? I'm 99% sure, but I'd like to be 100% sure.
There were a few isolated incidents in my younger days when I though I might be TS, but it wasn't anything like the overwhelming, constant dysphoria of the last few years.
Mod note
Please refrain from directing any replies to SassySal, they are no longer able to respond to any posts on the forum, thank you
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
This original question of this thread is one I have been pondering for quite some time. The answer I had arrived at (prior to reading this thread, and the thread hasn't changed my opinion, but has given me some insight) is that it's based on the intensity of how the person feels, and that changes throughout life. But it also is impacted by knowledge, and whether that was pre- or post- internet is not my focus, as that fact has evidently had a huge impact on people, as it has for myself, but it's not the sole source of knowledge.
The periods I've felt the most intense need to transition has been later in life, and that's been problematic for me. By this time I've established my life and identity, and to reestablish all that is difficult. I built roles for myself for decades, and now I'm trying to redirect those roles differently, and lose as little as possible. Those that transition younger have less of that to face, and an easier time with looking like the gender they feel they are.
One good example is a good friend of mine Pat, who transitioned Female to Male 25 years ago. Pat is absolutely passable as a male, and no longer feels it necessary to even address that about himself at work. He's really worked on all aspects of himself, and with that many years of testosterone, all the physical signs I normally look for in F2M's aren't there anymore. I see the same in many M2F's I know - the younger ones can completely fool me, as well as those decades past their transition, and it's getting pretty hard to fool me anymore.
But why did they transition younger? I think it's the intensity of the desire and need to match their inward feelings. I've seen people in really rough situations go either way - stick it out until later in life, or go for it sooner than later. The ones who've had great support from family and close friends do exceedingly well, and statistics show that, with reduces suicide rates and better success in life.
Yesterday I was at the PFLAG Southern California Regional Conference, and watched the presentation done by one of the Trevor Project people. The presenter, Liam, did a wonderful job, and showed all kinds of information about how they're making an impact on LGBT youth, including trans* youth. Liam is a young transman himself, and you can see why he's so articulate and successful - his mom was there supporting him, and she also spoke earlier in the day, during a panel discussion about trans issues.
In the end, we just need to be respectful and supportive of each other. Whatever timing fits our lives is fine for us, and we all need all the support we can get. I'm happy that more and more, trans* needs are being met medically and covered by insurance in more and more places. It's made a huge difference for me, and that's the main reason I waited until now, was that it was not affordable for years. But, last year transgender coverage became mandatory in this state (California) for all insurance policies, with no exclusions allowed. I took advantage of that and became the first person in this state to get that coverage from the insurance carrier I have through the union I'm in. So far, I've had no troubles with getting everything I need paid for (of course there's copays, but they've been very affordable).
So, in summary my conclusion is that when we transition comes down to how strongly we feel we need it, how much knowledge we have, how much support we feel we have, and whether or when we can afford it.
I'm always happy to hear of someone transitioning at any age, and hope the best for them.
Ann
Is it possible that our own acceptance of the idea of being TS sometimes takes awhile. That and denial are the twin towers of late transitioners.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
That, and simply realizing what GD is. For me at age 50 TS people were ultra rare and the only one I knew by name was Christine Jorgenson. CDers were kinky and of course I couldn't be one of them since I was "normal." I knew that I had an inordinate interest in feminine things but I didn't dare to look up any information on GD because all those sites were p***. Nice people didn't talk about such things and people with sensitive jobs didn't even dare think about such things.
What a difference a few years makes. Laverne Cox is a major TV actress and on the cover of Time. Kristen Beck is out there with her story. Suddenly being TG is, if not "cool," at least publicly acceptable as something other than a Flip Wilson character. I am, at least on paper, protected in my job against discrimination for being TG. There is so much more information out there and our stigma is now lessened. The day is coming where we can all walk the path we desire and the number of "late transitioners" will drop.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I agree with your first paragraph, Eryn, although I would add Reneé Richards. Your post brought back some of my thinking from that time period - in particular your comment about CDs. I was aware of CDs, though I don't think I ever heard any term other than "transvestite." What strikes me now, given today's "transgender" usage, is that it never occurred to me to associate transsexuals with CDs. The difference was crystal clear.
Your second paragraph ... not so much. There is some more acceptance and legal protection, but I think perhaps you overstate it. Media coverage is still sensational in nature, even if there are more transitioners. Will there be fewer (proportionally) late transitioners? I would say maybe ... the presumption that there would be fewer relies on assumptions about psychological dynamics that may only apply to a few. It is just as likely that suppression will continue to play out in many lives.
Lea
Other things to take my time. Military, college (8 years), marriage, GF, building a practice...
More was money and "knowing" that I would lose it all if I transitioned (Now I am OK losing some) and the fact that the surgery wasn't up to what I wanted.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Lorileah, I agree that the surgery wasn't up to what I wanted either. That is why I waited 10 years before having SRS. Still, compared to what is done today, what I had done was very basic and required several additional surgeries over the years to make it look.... real. But that nasty birth defect was gone and I was at last all girl.
I think we are all on our own paths. We all possess different tools and resources both mental and tangible. We all face different situations in our lives and the tools and resources we have allow each of us to do the best we can at any given moment. The value in these threads and discussions is in being able to read accounts of how others have dealt with similar albeit unique and different situations, isn't it? The advice, admittedly, is usually worthless, but the examples, for better or worse, can be helpful in enabling each of us to envision a better path forward for ourselves. The key is finding the courage, clarity, wisdom and insight to accurately assess ones own needs. That courage and clarity comes to some early and others later and to some never at all. Each path is unique. Isnt it?
Compassion rather than judgement seems to me a great virtue.
Last edited by samantha rogers; 09-17-2014 at 10:15 AM.
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
Please flesh out what you are seeing as judgment..
Judgment has its place. Especially in the context of something so life changing...at its simplest level, a person who comes here bragging about panties and transition in the same breath is gonna get judged as clueless....there are lots more less obvious examples and of course making judgments expressed as name calling and personal attacks are totally out of line
The most ironic part is that its almost always the person complaining about being judged that is doing the name calling and the "judging"!!! I'm no psych doctor but "feeling judged" seems to be a terminal condition around here.
Compassion without judgement is the cop out position of everyone who doesn't want to be judged on their own merits.
It's like saying the guy who hacks his arm off because he felt like it needs our compassion. A lot of nonsense that.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
Kaitlyn,
I thought my meaning was pretty clear but I guess not. I think this whole thing is pretty tough for anyone to wrestle with in a very judgemental world full of stereotypes and little compassion for anyone outside the lines of established narrow conformity.
Not all are blessed with great intelligence, strength or wisdom. Even those who do possess some of those qualities do lack others. And each of us face obstacles in our path that our unique to ourselves. What we share is our humanity.
It is easy to judge.
It is easy to throw stones and feel superior.
Its an easy way to feel better about ourself, but it comes at the expense of someone else, likely making mistakes, but doing the best they can, with what tools they have.
I cannot speak for anyone but myself, of course, but it has always been my way to do my best not to judge, since no matter how smart, pretty, wise, talented, successful or whatever each of us may be, there is always someone better.
In a career as an actor, I always found the most talented actors to also be the most humble and self effacing...the least likely to judge lesser actors as untalented, and the most likely to reach out a helping, and kind hand.
I took that as a lesson, and it stands me in good stead still.
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
Actually, he kind of does, on account of his mental illness. Compassion does not equate enabling.
One of the reasons I liked Jorja's question so much was that it facilitated talking about the difference between varying levels of intensity versus different manifestations of intensity (e.g., even at comparable levels). Having that conversation explicitly sidesteps the judgment points that are cropping up as well as the discomfort that underlays them.
Transsexual intensity is a theoretical measure of transition need. Manifestation is how that need is actualized (i.e., manifestation is not intensity in itself). The problem at hand is that a certain combination of intensity, manifestation, and (early) timing is assumed to equate to some sort of grand judgment about intensity. And it doesn't!
It is perfectly plausible for a given transsexual individual at any level of intensity to manifest that need in different ways, at different times, for an incredibly complex set of reasons. That's not to say that there aren't different levels of intensity. There certainly are and that observation was made in the earliest days of modern analysis and treatment. In fact, it is just as plausible to suppose there are individuals who transition quite early despite having a somewhat less intense need to do so, assuming their personality, psychological makeup, circumstances, and opportunity make that path straightforward.
As I said before, I would characterize any transition that didn't start in the preschool years to be a late transition. Why, because some of the arguments that are often advanced against late transitioners are just as applicable to those who are transitioning in their 20s. If, for example, you can challenge a transitioner in their 40s as to what took them so long with questions like "how did you hold it off," "how did you keep from killing yourself," "How could you avoid coming out," etc. – you can just as easily ask a twentysomething the same questions, or challenge them as to why they didn't run away, why they didn't buck their parents, why they weren't out at school, why they didn't go live with a relative, etc. After all, you might say, there are people out there who have done all of those things. The level of your transition must be less!
To which I say BS.
Lea
Samantha
you didn't answer my question..i understand not everyone shares the same blessings...i'm not stupid.
I responded to you because I find the idea of "compassion" vs "judgment" to be a self serving strawman....and what you are doing is exactly what you are finger pointing about
....so compassion beats judgment?... compassionate people are better than judgmental people?
..it feels good to judge all the judgers as not compassionate enough, yes?
The things you are saying are Pollyanna statements......I vote for world peace, infinite food, perfect understanding, unconditional love of all mankind and no more violence too... now what??
It's interesting to me because you threw out a lot of descriptive adjectives in your notes.... I find every person to be filled with strengths and flaws to varying degrees...
and I absolutely reject the idea that the best actors are the humble and self effacing ones...how can anyone possibly know that? the best actors are the best actors.....and the worst the worst...all of them infinitely different...this goes for any trade, any student and any person..
I am bringing this up to point out that your thoughts are judgmental in the context of your own post..you clearly lay out your standards for what is good...everything else being not so good..
.....I guess the less humble and self effacing of us do not make the cut...luckily for me of course, like you, I am incredibly humble and self effacing...although I am a terrible actor. hehe
and btw...I am not denying my own judgmental nature...I value pragmatism and personal responsibility over most things, to make that work it requires lots of judgement on my part.....and I don't find that it conflicts with my ability to be compassionate at all...
Are there any actual judges here?
Time for a change.
I am a late transitioner and for my own personal reasons I am finding it to be a difficult but rewarding time. It doesn't seem to me that there is a right way or wrong way, a proper time in life, nor do I believe that there is an acceptable end point to transition. We are all very different people who share a commonality; on some level we identify ourselves as women. For a variety of reasons we may fully transition or decide not to.
With respect to the question of, "Why so late in life", I often ponder this without finding a clear cut answer. Perhaps life got in the way, or maybe denial of inner self allowed for gender socialization to mask my true identity. I don't know. What I do know is that I am here now. I am here, I am enjoying being here, I am growing emotionally (more than at any time in my life) with every passing day, and I am grateful for my self discovery.
Carlene
Posting Permissions
