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Thread: A truly great moment in my life

  1. #1
    Gone to live my life
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    A truly great moment in my life

    Hi all,

    I wanted to share what has recently happened in my life. However in true Isha fashion there is a background story that needs telling first .

    As some know here, I have been completely open about my TG in my personal/private life (family knows, friends know) and because my personal life is so intertwined with my work life (many of my friends are work colleagues) there has been cross over into the work place. In addition, given certain aspects of my job there were those in my direct chain of command who needed to know about my TG. Now I was not naïve enough to believe it would never get out en masse so I was prepared for that day and it finally came so I felt I owed it to the Command Team to hear it from me, not through the rumour mill as I respected them far too much not to do so. So I came out to what would be the civilian equivalent of the CEO of a company and the board of directors. Some knew already and there was a bit of shock and awe but for the most part there was total support . . . it was truly cathartic for me to share this. Now I am going through the process of talking to others so they hear it from me. This does not mean Isha will be going to work any time soon as my work is the domain of "boy me" not "girl me" and will remain so through personal choice. It is just nice that people know so I don't have to wonder who is going to hear something and start a rumour.

    Now added to the background story, when I first started coming out to friends I came out to my oldest and dearest friend, we were more like brothers than friends. When I told him, he freaked and cut off all contact . . . in effect he told me "I was dead to him" . I cannot tell you how much that hurt and while I tried to make contact with him through his wife (another dear friend) he refused. A while back he indicated he might be willing to meet but nothing ever became of that. So as much as it hurt I let it go and went through the grieving process of loosing a good friend. That was six months ago.

    So yesterday I was taking an Isha day and just finished dressing when the phone rang and to my surprise it was him. The conversation went something along the lines of "I just heard what you did." . . . silence . . . "Let's meet." I was a bit stunned and after an awkward pause I said "I am dressed today so if you want put this off to another day that is fine" . . . more silence . . . "No, let's meet today." So we agreed to meet at the Starbucks where we used to share coffee and confidences as guys. I have to admit I have been in this Starbucks plenty of times "en femme" with no trepidation but as I approached that door my heart was in my throat and I could feel my pulse quickening. I did not know what to expect. Would it be friendly? Would it be confrontational? Would he even be there? I was going to wear a maxi dress that day but purposely dressed down in yoga pants and a top as the dress might have been a bit disconcerting. When I entered he picked me out immediately and I search his face for any inkling of what he might be thinking but there was nothing. I went and got a coffee and then sat. He stared at me for a few moments and then said one thing "Help me understand why you need to do this" I have to admit I was a bit thrown by the question as I had run multiple scenarios over in my mind on what to say to a whole host of questions but having someone ask me to make him understand when I have a hard time doing so was daunting. I tried all the standard academic approaches and nothing resonated then I hit on an analogy I had used once in response to another post. So I told him:


    Consider your core identity (what makes you who you are) as a music hall. The orchestra is compose of all the various identities you take on in your life "husband", "father", "brother", "sporty guy", "military guy" etc. etc. (they are all different for each of us). Now in a perfect world those identities would work together in sync to weave a tapestry of music and sound that would resonate harmoniously. They do this because nothing is missing. In my case while my identities all tried to work together, you might say the string section was missing and the only music they could play was chaotic, loud and out of sync. Along came this part of my identity, the lone "girl string section" and her simple and melodious sound slowly brought order to chaos and the tapestry of music returned to harmonious balance.

    I qualified this analogy with stating that while I spent 32 years suppressing this part of me, my life slowly disintegrated. It did not happen over night but took time as I was able to keep things together by throwing myself into my work. However over time my private life and eventually my work life suffered and then it imploded . . . a symphony of chaos with no harmony (like an orchestra warming up) loud pointless noise running in all directions. At that point my emotional control ceased to exist and I entered a very dark place. Out of that darkness came a lone simple sound . . . the one piece of my identity I had refused access to the world. I held on to that sound, embraced it and integrated it into my core identity and then one day chaos ceased and harmony reigned. I was truly happy, my life was good, my relationship with my wife was stronger than ever. I had reached a place of coexistence and I could never go back to the dark chaos of before or I would truly cease to exist.

    It took him a minute to digest everything . . . the silence was deafening. Then he smiled and said "You always did have a grandiose way of explaining things why should this be any different" . I laughed, he laughed and then we just talked and talked and talked. Now I am not saying all is good but the first steps have been taken so I am hoping that I will soon have my good friend back in my life.

    Hugs

    Isha
    Last edited by Marcelle; 09-13-2014 at 06:25 AM.

  2. #2
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    Hi Isha,
    That was a heart warming story, I can see the joy in what you have written.
    Your friend is a true friend.
    Hugs Adelaide
    Last edited by Melissa18; 09-13-2014 at 06:50 AM.

  3. #3
    0 to trans in 60 seconds! Donnagirl's Avatar
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    Isha,

    Again a wonderful oratory... I do hope it works out well. You certainly deserve the best that karma can deliver, you've earned it!!! A true friendship should be able to overcome this and it looks like you're well on the way.

    I can identify with the need to let 'command' know and not hear through the rumour mill... I'm just waiting on the best moment to let my one star know... He's a real old school conservative so it should be interesting!!! I've got to time it right though, he's been so angry and grumpy of late don't think he'll take it well... Heading out 'on the piss' (Aussie vernacular for having a drink or several) as a command group on Friday so, maybe???? Or maybe not.... I'll post good news.

    Cheers and hugs,

    Donna
    Call me Donna, please

  4. #4
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    Isha,
    So glad to hear that your best friend is back in your life,hope that your relationship with him grows back to what it was.Nice to see that people can accept you for who you are even when it takes time.All of us here can hold hope for acceptance by the ones we love
    Have a great weekend and of course HUGS
    Roxie

  5. #5
    Member Dana3's Avatar
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    Good things happen to those who have the strength of mind and will to exert patience. I HAVE always subscribe to the line of thought that relations and thus "Love" ~ be the love of a parent spouse, a child to a parent, a friend, family,............................

    Be Un-conditional, without limitations, and restraints. That said however, and all relationships require a clear definition AND understanding of boundries which in and of themselves should be fluid, with a great deal for flexibility in longitude and latitude. Life itself is "fluid" and so any and all that goes with including relationship should be fluid, for under the hand of rigidity they simply do not work and cannot flourish to blossom and mature to the level and in the manner which they not only should but need to do.

    I am very happy for you Isha, and I do know and fully comprehend the "special bond" of comrades in arms. The simply fact of your friend attempting to understanding and wrap it all around his heads speaks volumes as to the value he places in and on your friendship with him, as well as his character as a person, human being and spiritual being.

    Dana

  6. #6
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Is it not nice when old friends prove to be truly friends? Another instrument has joined your orchestra to help with the harmony.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    Good job Isha, that had to be a hard conversation to have with a best friend. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. In My part of the world it seems the deepest feelings we feel are best left inside. I know my life long friend is a tough old buzzard and he would be totally blown away and I'd loose his friendship for ever. To me a friendship is more important than me enjoying my dressing.

  8. #8
    Member JenX's Avatar
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    Very cool

  9. #9
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    Isha, that is so touching and wonderful. I can feel the emotion in your story, and easily tell how much it means to you. If it had been me I would have been crying I am sure. But Im a soft touch. I cry over commercials..Lol. Heck, Im crying a little right now just from happiness for you.
    I am sure with your military training and experience you did not reveal your heart quite that way to your friend, but I can see that you were still feeling the same inside. Big hugs, sister. What a great day indeed. I am so happy for you.
    Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
    Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
    It's your life. Make it count.

  10. #10
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
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    Isha, I am so happy that your relationship with your best friend is on the mend! May I suggest you treat him the same way you would treat a spouse that has just found out? He needs a strong dose of your male side to reassure him that Isha has not killed the male side of you.
    I know that you have a very diplomatic personality and will handle this close relationship in a proper manor. If you can win over the confidence of your closest outside friend, you'll have no problems with Isha ever again with any one!
    Way to go, girl!
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  11. #11
    The Mad Scientist
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    Isha,
    I totally agree with Heidi. You need to have the next interaction be a male to male one.

    I did have to wipe back tears on your story this morning......I hope my SO doesn't see me having a moment..again

    Love the story and also the balance that telling others has brought you. Fantastic, but not for me.

  12. #12
    ~ Bondage & Pantyhose ~ cosmolovesph's Avatar
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    great to hear and hope you get back towards the relationship and he accept you for who you are.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Crissandra
    ~AKA - Cosmo-Loves-PantyHose~
    Don't forget to compliment those wearing pantyhose, as to how nice their legs look!

  13. #13
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    That's a marvelous story and a really elegant, if not grandiose, way of relating the dynamics of being transgendered. As I read about the discord and the disintegration into chaos and cacophony, I really could see it in myself, because if had a similar disruptive period in my own life, a time when my life spun out of control.

    I must say, your friend really had your means of expression pegged . It's nice to know that, for the moment at least, he has re entered your life.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  14. #14
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    Hi Isha

    I am so very happy for you...what a difficult experience...but it certainly seems to be back on track...I have been struggling with sharing with my longest male friends...none are bigoted in any way but this still terrifies me...I am so impressed with your integrity and fearlessness with your work colleagues...The whole story warms my heart...and the symphony analogy is brilliant! By the way...your background information is very helpful...thank you.

    julie

  15. #15
    Robyn TS Robynts's Avatar
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    Isha,

    I am glad that your orchestra is all playing from the same page. You are an inspiration for many of us. I hope things continue to improve with your friend.

    Robyn

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member LaurenS's Avatar
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    What a great analogy. Can I use it?

  17. #17
    Member tictac43's Avatar
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    Wonderful story!!!! I'm so happy for you

  18. #18
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    Great story Isha you have a lot of courage and it so nice your friend wanted to talk and listen .I can understand how hard it can be for people to understand this lifestyle and especially being TG
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  19. #19
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Isha, very happy for you. Your so brave for the way you put yourself out there. And if I've never said this thank you for your service it's much appreciated

  20. #20
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    The "Isha saga" continues to educate, amuse & encourage the masses. Much peace, mel

  21. #21
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    Isha
    I am so proud of you! As more of us come out people will better accept us. Thank you for your service. I too have a male friend wih is struggling with my gender issue. He told me he jus can't accept this. However, we continue to be in contact with one another. We can only give people the opportunity to grow. We cannot control what they do with this opportunity!
    Suzanne

  22. #22
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    I'm also blown away by your account, Isha. Congrats. I can't help but wonder how many people would be accepting, given some time to digest what they can't initially understand.

  23. #23
    Neanderthal in nylons Julie Denier's Avatar
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    Definitely a great moment - sign of a true friend ...

  24. #24
    Member AlanaG's Avatar
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    I love how you told him. I wish you well with that friendship.

  25. #25
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Isha, Thanks for sharing all of this. I think if i ever am asked why i do this, i will try to remember the orchestra analogy, as one way to explain it! But, most of my friends are conservative Christians, and will never accept this, so i must keep it hidden.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 09-13-2014 at 10:24 AM.

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