Going to rant a bit

[PaulaQ]

@Isha - I think your post is spot on.

I don't post much about myself anymore, and offer no profile details mostly because while I've gotten lots of friendship and support here, I've also had people who really, really hurt me. Indeed, one prominent poster here managed to put out a post that was so triggering for me that I attempted suicide last year - it was just the last little nudge I needed to finally act.

There are quite a few people on this forum who seemingly take zero responsibility for what they post. They forget that there are some on this forum who are undergoing intense personal and emotional crises. The attitude of "It shouldn't matter what I say - anyone influenced by an internet forum deserves what they get!!!!", can be found amongst some here. Really? It doesn't matter? Then what's the point of posting your thoughts and advice then? It's a cop-out, plain and simple.

You are also right that some have difficult understanding that not everyone is in the same situation as they are. Look - all of us can suffer from this - it can be genuinely hard to look at the world from the perspective of a totally different person. Still, we can try, I think, to be open minded.

[Sandra]

People on here and that goes for GGs as well shouldn't try and tarr everyone with the same brush. If they have had a hard time doesn't mean that they have to imply that all others are going the have the same hard time, infact why they come here makes me wonder if it' just to try and cause trouble.

[SmartDomWoman]

I think Isha is spot on that there is no need or justification whatsoever for some posters to resort to cruel and insulting remarks toward another member. Moreover, I think zero tolerance is the only way to handle it. No doubt the admins and mods on this site tend to the rogue naysayers and detractors quite well (which is a very good thing).

As a new member, I find the forum boards here to be very positive and encouraging for the most part. This site is a family of sorts - one in which we are here to encourage, provide emotional support and perhaps even inspire one another.

[abbyleigh001]

Life is a very personal journey and each one of us has a uniquely different journey... There may be similar points along the way; however, that typically will be the only similarities... That is why dress makers make more than one size of each dress...i.e. "One Size Does Not Fit Everyone".

[Stephanie47]

I made a comment on that thread concerning the rude remarks made by one or two individuals. I totally agree with your analysis. I also stated, and, will reaffirm here, there are many posters who are not posting anymore. Why? Perhaps, there is too much vitriol in some of the threads. Before I posted a response to the rudest comment I went back and read some of her postings. Doing that does enlighten why such vitriol is espoused. Over the years I've seen too many posters chastising others.

Yes, one size does not fit all.

[Wildaboutheels]

Unfortunately, there are no Forum rules that prevent cluelessness as you mentioned. Or people that post under the influence of which there are many, some admittedly so. Nor are there any rules that prevent some members from basically calling [countless dozens of] other members liars with ridiculous statements such as "not telling is lying", if they love you, your partner must/will accept, DADT is just wrong and can't/won't work, and that CDing alone can't/won't ruin/wreck/derail a Relationship.

Apparently people who post such nonsense have ZERO regard for others [especially Newbies] who DO read the postings of others here. Some of the new members who join ARE looking for help. Is it any wonder that so many lurk for so long before joining? Or never join at all?

Not to mention the silly folks who don't seem to understand the simple meaning of the word ALL." We have ALL suffered the pink fog". [wrong] "We have ALL thought about transitioning at some time". [wrong again] "We have ALL thought about/want to leave the closet". [I did long ago...for my own reasons. SO what. Many here, perhaps most, have little or no desire to/will ever leave their closet. I say Bravo to them for CDing their own way and not bowing to Forumthink] "We have ALL felt guilt and shame". [nope, never] "We ALL want to pass". [Certainly you can't be serious? Are your eyes so bad that you can't read that GIANT LOGO every time you come to this site, whether you bother to log in or not? Hint: It's those giant pink and blue letters next to the pink and blue ball.]

The simple REALITY is that this is just another free Forum and only the people who do actually read responses of others will see all of the garbage that masquerades as replies/responses/advice.

The worst [?] are the members who can never seem to remember that THEY are in charge of their own "contributions". If you don't like a member and/or certain questions, it's one's prerogative to ignore and find a panty or bra thread to spend time on. Trying to irritate other members with lame, thinly veiled insults just confirms one's own insecurities.

The real Q is whether folks who have read and/or contributed to your thread will change their ways?

Not very likely perhaps, but still good of you to remind folks to engage their brains before hitting the Post button.

It never hurts to ask.

[Badwolf]

I'm going to be one of the few dissenting voices here, but only on one real point.

There is a big difference in telling people they are being deceitful, or breaching trust, and trying to injure someone emotionally.

Visibility is a big issue right now for trans individuals (and being fought quite a bit by Transgendered pretty openly just in the last year), and the only thing that solves for the individual is feelings and side effects of being deceitful. The only way for us as a community to lift ourselves up is to not justify it away too easily, especially if we dream of progress on these issues. The key thing is to strive to find a better way every time (every generation, hell every decade).

The only way to temper the extreme version of this is to leave the decision to the individual and empower people to make their own personal decision. As others have said, there are many mitigating factors to someone outing themselves (work, family, etc), and by no means do I think the "it worked for me it can work for you arguments" are really helpful. While we have to own up to the way we choose to live our lives, by no means is it helpful to make someone feel as if they are doing less than what is right for them. For starters, some of the ways these things can be said I think are the inspiration for this thread. They can leave people feeling as if they are being looked down upon, and treated as inferior. I'd add to that, that making people as if they aren't particularly capable for making their own decisions undermines their self confidence, and actually lowers people's self confidence. Confidence only found from facing the way you live your life, and knowing your doing the best to find a better way each time.

In order to achieve the first part the person needs self confidence, which means that any time you try to take the general concept of the deceit, and THEN add VERY specific conditions to it, you are doing everyone a disservice.

[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
I do reply to most posts and dispense advice in a caring manner.
I am aware of some peoples frame of mind and again I pick my words.
There are many who have come and gone on this forum in the short time I have been here and I do wonder what they are doing now.
There is an eclectic mix of personalities all requiring different replies to the same problem.
I have been accused of all sorts of things here most of which I do not understand.
I try to be caring with my comments but they apparently miss the mark often, so I don't know.
Your post needs more reading and I will reply again when I have absorbed it thoroughly.