Are there cds who really are just comfortable being cds and not transitioning?

[Wildaboutheels]

It's an easy verified FACT that over 99% of the CDers on the planet are CDing hobbyists.

Unless of course, you believe all those other CDing sites are fictitious?

At this Forum, many are all too willing to jump on the "I would transition in a New York minute if I could" bandwagon. I am only guessing, but if someone can go weeks, months or years w/o dressing, transitioning is probably ONLY going to make them a lot poorer but likely no happier.

But does it really matter what the actual ratio is?

And does it really matter that the vast majority of CDers by far, [also easily verified] are MtF?

No, not really, but it DOES answer that silly Q "WHY do I do this" that so many refuse to accept.

It's not complicated.

[JessicaJHall]

I'd have to get my hands replaced, my shoulders and ribcage reduced, laser hair removal, botox and a facelift just to go out on my deck, but even then, I'd still be Julie's host person 95% of the time... he's pretty good at most guy stuff, and is quite well adjusted.. if you don't count the Julie part... no, now that I think of it, I'm pretty well adjusted too, we've been coexisting quite well for 58 years.

[Eryn]

It's a spectrum, from the underdressers on one end to the transitioners at the other. Like any spectrum it is generally described by a bell curve with only the far thin end of the curve occupied by TS people. The majority of TG people occupy the middle "fat" part of the bell curve and don't intend to transition.

That's not to say that CDers don't have any interest in transitioning. For many of us it has a certain fascination, kind of like that green grass on the other side of the fence has for the cattle.

[Kiwi Primrose]

CD only for me - fulltime lingerie and as much femme outerwear as suitable, nail polish, perfume, ear-ring. Parttime skirts, heels, etc.
I am interested in transexuality, ladyboys, and other variations but not for myself.

[Amanda M]

With you, Maya - but whatever floats someone's boat!

[Adriana Moretti]

I too have no desire to transition. Sure I love to dress, actually to me it goes much deeper than the clothes, but still...no desire to change. I like me just fine and I am comfortable as a guy who wears a dress, I accept me for me..I also love the guy side just as much...sports and beer kinda thing.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm fairly active in the Northwest Washington transgender community and successful transitions are very rare here. Far too often even just starting hormone therapy becomes a disaster. We just had a funeral service for the latest CD pursuing the transition solution.

I don't feel that transitioning is the ultimate expression of CDing at all. Being totally comfortable and well adjusted in this adventure is!

[mariehart]

Just want to hit on a couple of points you made:

a) transition if they could, but cannot for various reasons; b) on their way to transitioning.

I'm fall under a), it's fair to say that anyone who can say they are either a) or b) are in fact TS and not CDs at all. The difficulty for many and it was an extreme difficulty for me is coming to terms with the reality of who you are. It's so much easier for a TS to characterise what they do as simply crossdressing and dismiss the rest. Facing it is extremely hard and it drove me close to the edge, literally in my case. I looked down for a long time.

Someone else said, if you're TS you'll find a way of transitioning. That's not true not everyone has the opportunity, the strength or the ability to go through with it. I admire those who do.

Could it be that we want what we cannot have?

More like for many a TS is that what we need we cannot have.

I meet alot of gurls who really don't see themselves as just garden variety crossdressers, like myself. They want more. And I find that amazing simply because I feel like there is no one like me who just says, "hey, I like to wear women's clothes and that's it". It is more than that for them -- they want to be women.

It's been said many times there is no one size fits all, indeed you see it in this very thread. There is a spectrum, indeed there is a world of difference between a TS and a man who likes to wear items of women's clothes. We get lumped together somehow but in truth there is little in common. In the middle there's plenty of variety.

I actually find it amazing that there are men like you who like to wear women's clothes and have no interest in being a woman!

It works both ways doesn't it?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You have to separate out what you are doing from who you are...

Who you are is subject to all the internal dialog that sloshes around our brains and for lots of folks that includes negative feelings that are coped with in various ways.... there are so many ways to lie to yourself.

I can pretty much guarantee that at least one of you will get run over by a truck that shines a spotlight on your lifetime of discomfort and causes you to realize that what you are doing is about your authentic true self and if that happens, you will be treated to a slow train ride to hell until you transition or figure out a way to live a meaningful life without transitioning...the good news is that most of you wont have to deal with it..

I can imagine that transsexuality is viewed as the ultimate form of crossdressing but that is offensive and insensitive to transsexuals(and we have a rep for being very sensitive!!!LOL)
By simple definition crossdressing is about men dressing as, emulating and presenting as women...even "living" as women for periods of time... its still men...

Consider that fantasizing about transitioning is no different than fantasizing about being a woman... the big difference being that fantasizing about transsexuality is theoretically achievable.

[CarlaWestin]

Gosh, I read every post. Here's a thought. I've come to the conclusion that I'm a crossdresser and really wouldn't want the reality of full transition. But, what about partial transition? If I were single and retired, I would certainly entertain the idea of partial transition. Breast and derriere implants, hormone therapy, permanent make up, etc. Yep, fantasyland again.

[Eringirl]

Well, it looks like I am in the minority here....If I was 20 years younger, I would seriously consider transitioning, at least investigating the possibility and the process. However, I am now content with not transitioning. Having said that, I wear female underclothes everyday, my nails are long and always done, and carry my "murse" with me everywhere I go. I am looking into piercing both my ears and laser beard removal. Is this not a type of transitioning?? I am not saying I will do ears and laser treatment as I am working on finding the "sweet spot" of what I can do daily that allows me to thrive, my wife to thrive and us as a couple to thrive. I think we just about have it figured out. So, as Carla posted, transitioning may also have "sliding scale" ???

Just me...

Erin

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I hear what you are saying but words matter and
no that is not a form of transitioning.... transition is transition.

think about it, and try to describe what a partial transition is.. transition to what?? a partial woman? it doesn't really mean anything if you think about it

what you are doing is feminizing yourself.....alot!!hehe
People that transition do that as well but transition is not about feminization...it just helps the transition ..lots of manly transitioners out there..

i whole heartedly agree that being content is the name of the game .. and perhaps saying something like you are partially transitioning may help you in some way..... reading your post don't be surprised if you end up transitioning someday...and if you do, you will very clearly see what i'm saying..

btw the last two people i said that to are now transitioning...so look out because

if...I was younger
I would....

becomes

if ....(the gd hits)
you will... (transition)

[Eringirl]

Hi Kaitlyn: point taken....partial woman....okay, I must admit, I did laugh out loud on that one!

So, perhaps wrong choice of words....perhaps CD is a sliding scale. Given others have pierced ears and had laser treatments and are confirmed CD, I am more in that camp. But I think I am still a work in progress...



Erin

[Danielle_cder]

Yep pretty content just being a cd

[Finally Happy]

I love having both worlds! Work as a guy and dress when I want. Sometimes daily and usually on weekends.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Thanks for the response Erin..its all good and like I said, its all about finding the right place for you! Hopefully you are right there!!

[Leslie Langford]

maya, please forgive my ignorance in this regard, but on your flickr page, you state unequivocally that you are a gay crossdresser and are looking for a serious long-term relationship with a man. This is a rather significant fact about yourself that you didn't include in you O.P.

Correct me if I am wrong, but it has always been my understanding that crossdressing usually takes on a far different meaning for gay individuals as opposed to heterosexual ones. For example, drag queens are almost universally gay, typically claim that wearing women's clothes and/or costumes does nothing for them erotically, and that performing in drag is simply a "job" for them.

Since you are gay yet still presenting as a woman whenever you can for its own rewards, wouldn't this by default place you closer to the TS end of the spectrum and have you approach this "desire to transition" conundrum from a very different perspective than the other respondents here? Most of them have stated unequivocally that they are completely heterosexual in their sexual orientation despite their admitted feminine proclivities and love for women's clothing, and hence have absolutely no desire to transition.

[abbyleigh001]

abby is my comfort zone... I am able to relax and be free from the issues and stresses of the world... however there are also times for my maleness... In other-words I am gender fluid with a preference for abby...

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

At this point in my life I'm comfortable being a CD and able to dress every day since I'm retired and have limited public contact. This is a tough question though. For me I would probably be very comfortable after transitioning and just get it over with. If I were younger (maybe a late teen or early 20's) in today's world and have all the money and energy needed I would probably do it. Of course sexuality would [play into this. I know I could have a relationship with a man and if things worked out I'd get married. I already had a nice relationship with a friend who was a CD and transitioned. We enjoyed some intimate times together and it felt right because we were and still are very close friends.

Today is a different story though. I'm married to a fine lady who also considers me as somewhat of a sister and while our sex life has become less important, we still enjoy our lives the way they are. For me to be dressed just about all the time it's a normal part of our lives. Still, I would love to experience being completely a woman and may regret someday not acting on it. All I know is that to transition, it is a lot of hard work with many implications that would be too stressful for me, so I make the best of it.

Cheryl

[PaulaQ]

For me I would probably be very comfortable after transitioning and just get it over with. If I were younger (maybe a late teen or early 20's) in today's world and have all the money and energy needed I would probably do it.

Yeah, the trouble is, most teens / early 20's transitioners are dirt poor. A fair number of them do sex work to survive / fund their transition. Very few people get an easy path through transition. Sucks, but it's the truth.

[NANNETTE]

I have wanted to be a girl since I was a very small child. When I started school when I was five I longed to a girl. I used to fantasise about it almost every night. I felt the same way as a teenager. I am fifty four now and I still wish I had been born a girl, I don't think it will ever happen though as my family and friends would never accept me. I think it is possible for a crossdresser like me to have a desire to be the opposite sex but not actually be a transsexual. I really think I should have been born a girl but on the other hand I have no real dislike of my male side and I don't have a hatred for my genitalia. However, if I explained my feelings to a therapist and was told that that I was a transsexual I would not be totally surprised.

[PaulaQ]

@Nannette - I can relate to a lot of the things you say, but not all of them. You sound like someone who'd be a candidate for transition. You DO NOT have to have GCS to transition and be a woman.

As for your family and friends not accepting you - yeah, that happens a lot. But people will surprise you, and you may well find that some people are very accepting. If not, you'll make new friends, and likely find a new family in the trans community. Depending on your profession, you can also lose your career - I know people who've lost everything.

Whether relief from the discomfort you feel from your lifelong gender dysphoria is worth the risk of transition, only you can say. For me it was.

[maya1love]

maya, please forgive my ignorance in this regard, but on your flickr page, you state unequivocally that you are a gay crossdresser and are looking for a serious long-term relationship with a man. This is a rather significant fact about yourself that you didn't include in you O.P.

Correct me if I am wrong, but it has always been my understanding that crossdressing usually takes on a far different meaning for gay individuals as opposed to heterosexual ones. For example, drag queens are almost universally gay, typically claim that wearing women's clothes and/or costumes does nothing for them erotically, and that performing in drag is simply a "job" for them.

Since you are gay yet still presenting as a woman whenever you can for its own rewards, wouldn't this by default place you closer to the TS end of the spectrum and have you approach this "desire to transition" conundrum from a very different perspective than the other respondents here? Most of them have stated unequivocally that they are completely heterosexual in their sexual orientation despite their admitted feminine proclivities and love for women's clothing, and hence have absolutely no desire to transition.

Hi Leslie, thanks for the interesting question. It is true that because I have always been attracted to men (I've never been with a woman!), I have struggled in my 20s with whether I might be closer to a TS. Now, in my early 40s (ahem!), the truth is that I still see myself as being a feminine crossdresser. I have some feminine sensibilities about me, but I would still see myself closest to being a crossdresser. I relate to the pleasures of dressing just the same as my heterosexual counterparts, and I have similar fantasies. I liked what Isha said earlier when she said that we shouldn't see this as a binary discussion -- a person being either a cd or a ts. I admit that I am probably more transgendered than being a crossdresser, but not much different really. And, I have no real angst about being a man who crossdresses a few times a month. The only difference is that the object of my attraction is a man, who is comfortable being with me as a man, or occasionally dressed as a woman. Finally, let me add in that I am allowed to be a more feminine man within the gay community of a major city than many of my straight crossdresser counterparts. Therefore, there is less need for me to think about needing to be either "this or that". Make sense?

To the rest of the posters, again, I thank you for your valuable comments to this post!

[Leslie Langford]

Appreciate the clarification, maya, and I guess that your perceptive self-analysis demonstrates yet again that one size doesn't necessarily fit all, that one's biological sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity are subject to numerous permutations and combinations, and that while we here share much that is common, we are also still individuals with our own particular "quirks" within the larger CD/TG/TS framework.

May I also add that I am pleased for you that you have managed to carve out a niche for yourself that appears to work for you, and if those fabulous pics that you have posted on your flickr page are any indication, you certainly don't lack for acceptance or an active social life.

[weyburn]

Have cd off and on for years,
If I was many years younger I would fully transition
Am waitlisted for breast implant surgery so partial transition for me is as good as it is going to get for me