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Thread: Living and dressing in-between gender 24/7

  1. #26
    Junior Member kelliT's Avatar
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    Yes, most important part respect your SO's feelings. I too started living androgynously a year ago. Everything I wore was from the ladies rack. Of course hard to tell unless you seen the labels. But unique to what other males were wearing. Than shaving my legs fully for over the year. I started wearing my hair longer and when I started would give the hairstylist a Keira knightly look. My mom says my hair makes me look like an artist, which prompts me to keep it. I dress in the really fun stuff only at home or if I go to the city by myself. Out of respect for my SO. Otherwise I'd push bounties even farther.

    Btw, I just bought a sleeveless cardigan yesterday, wondering how I could pull it off😊
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-24-2014 at 04:24 AM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...

  2. #27
    Member Secret Drawer's Avatar
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    I think I relate fairly precisely to you. I consider myself gender fluid as a general rule, thus the androgynous look is more or less my common way of presenting. I also have a wife and kids. My wife lets me know where she feels I have crossed some line by directly saying things like "that looks too girly." So when I am with the family I have a sort of failsafe system through her. When I am outside the realm of family, I dress as I feel, which includes skirts and other (tastefully) chosen outfits.
    It is interesting that many who would question these lifestlye choices assume they are "choices."

  3. #28
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    I did that for most of my life. By the time I was 16, I couldn't buy pants that fit in the "men's department. Anything that would fit around my hips fell off my waist. I also had very long legs, so I looked like I was on my way to a flood. I could go to "unisex" stores and the clerk would take one look at my big hips, small waist, and hi-waters and walk me over to the girl's side. There I could get longer leg lengths, designed for women who wore high heels - I could get the curvy cut that could accomodate my 28 inch waist and 38 inch hips.

    In the 1970s, we had "Saturday Night Fever", and guys like me who had tiny waists and larger chests could wear Quiana shirts. They felt like spandex, but they fit nicely. I usually tailored the shirts myself so that they fit around the chest AND my waist. We also had puffy sleeves. And then there were the platform shoes. No big surprise that most of the kids at my school assumed that I had to be "queer as a three dollar bill". They didn't understand tha gender preference and gender identity weren't the same thing. Of course, doctors and psychologists were pretty ignorant back then as well, so when they found out I wanted to be a girl but didn't want to have sex with guys, they assumed that they couldn't even continue the conversation, it was over before it started. The good thing for me was that the gay guys knew that even though I wasn't into that, I would forward any offers I got to them. And I got quite a few. This also provided me with protection, since several of the jocks were gay, and appreciated my descression.

    As I got older and gained weight, I still found it MUCH easier to find clothes that fit in womens than mens. At the same time, to maintain a masculine appearance, I would wear a suit coat, which would also hide my always larger than normal (for a guy) butt and hips. The only problem I have these days is that my wife and I are the same size and she keeps stealing ALL my pants. Last week all I had for my road trip was skirts and dresses. I just had to "make do" ;-)
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  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by kelliT View Post
    Yes, most important part respect your SO's feelings. I too started living androgynously a year ago. Everything I wore was from the ladies rack. Of course hard to tell unless you seen the labels. But unique to what other males were wearing. Than shaving my legs fully for over the year. I started wearing my hair longer and when I started would give the hairstylist a Keira knightly look. My mom says my hair makes me look like an artist, which prompts me to keep it. I dress in the really fun stuff only at home or if I go to the city by myself. Out of respect for my SO. Otherwise I'd push bounties even farther.
    Hey KelliT i think we are in exactly the same boat in terms of dressing! The funny thing is, i showed the keira knightly pic to my hairdresser tooo!!!
    Hello Boy Hey Girl!

  5. #30
    Member JoannaCD's Avatar
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    Which Keira Knightly pic are you trying to emulate with your hair? Right now my hair covers my ears and the front combed forward reaches the tip of my nose. anyway that's what I have to work with.

    https://www.google.com/search?q=keir...w=1024&bih=631

  6. #31
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    So much angst over nothing! It's a sweater! Not coming down on you, Jennifer. It's just that this stuff kinda sets me off. I just don't get it. Never have. Everybody, me included, tries to find that line and nudge it, hoping to push it a little further back each time. That line is in your head. Of course, it's in your SO head, too, and everybody else's. It's absolutely impossible to define. Everybody's line is different with different things, different situations, different days even. The real line is anything that anyone would deem anything less than totally masculine. I remember hearing that there was even a male and female side to part your hair. I once bought a package of round cotton pads and the clerk asked surprised, "Are these for you?" I just recently heard a comment about a guy who was wearing eyeliner, but the female who commented clarifies, "but it's men's eyeliner"! Really! There's men's nail polish, men's cosmetics, men's skirts, men's earrings. There's no difference in it, it's just that some marketing person knows that for some people all you have to do is call it men's and that somehow makes it OK. By the same token, call it women's and people freak. It is unfathomable to me. I know I come from the total opposite side of the spectrum, but holy crap.

    I have to live within some arbitrary boundaries, too, if I want to stay employed. I'm not saying I do as I wish all the time. I also hear some of the same comments everybody else does. I know the mindset is out there, it's just crazy to me. I was never taught that there was anything "wrong" with having long hair, or shaving your legs, or... a lot of things that people freak over. I learned that on my own.

    My advice? Wear the sweater. Don't get hung up on such insignificant stuff. If someone pushes back to the point that it makes you uncomfortable to wear it again, then don't wear it again. Don't automatically assume you have to live so repressed.

    Don't take this as a "I'm so much more free/out/evolved/better than you post. I've dealt with the same stupid crap, and as long as I continue to do this stuff I'll continue to have to deal with it on some level. Maybe it wasn't over a sweater, but I've dealt with things just as stupid.

    Stepping down off my soapbox now.

  7. #32
    Junior Member kelliT's Avatar
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    Her pixie cut. Just as my hair started to grow. I would go to aloof art openings and every time be able to sport a new dew based off it.
    That's where mine is now, great for stepping out but not sure where to go in guy mode. Right now in jax in sons of anarchy and Keith urban.

    Joanna! What are you trying to do to me. A women's haircut is like porn to me.

    Rhonda, respect your passion. I just recently moved from the cities of Boulder Denver, to a rural setting. Had some business to finish up today and tomorrow. Realized yesterday I left my Harley boots to wear. I did pack my wife's low cut BOC boots and wore those. Two inches higher and walking like i was In high heels. A coworker thought I was wearing cowboy boots since most of it covered. In the end no body cares, it's others insecurity that I am realizing is the problem.
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-24-2014 at 04:24 AM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...

  8. #33
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    You need to figure this out with your SO. You want to dress androgynously, but both of you are afraid of you being labeled a crossdresser. Obviously your SO likes you to be somewhat androgynous. So it is clear that you just need to decide where to draw the line. On a deeper level, you two have to decide is what's wrong with being a crossdresser.

    Remember that the term crossdresser is largely self defined. So, for what it's worth, I suggest you wear what you want (or what you and your partner can agree on) and if someone calls you a crossdresser, you simply say, "no I am not, I just wear what I like".

    If you and your partner are happy with your look, and it seems they don't care at work, there would be no problem. Remember too that your in laws probably share many opinions with your partner, most families do. So it is likely that they will shrug it off and say, " oh, that's just Jennifer, that's how S(he) dresses. No big deal."

    Alana

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Tell her you like a lot of feminine fashion, or whatever.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  10. #35
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    Hi Rhonda,

    I am just as frustrated about it as you are, its just a sweater, it's just a cardigan, it's just a supertight skinny jeans...
    But like today, bringing my daughter to school in a very tight skinny jeans, i just see people scanning my jeans,
    so it is noticed and maybe i have to decide to just deal with that or don't wear it at all.

    O and haircuts ARE porn, this will be my next one!

    d2299a10a37377bfd92b0c84cc9ab98a.jpg
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-24-2014 at 04:23 AM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...
    Hello Boy Hey Girl!

  11. #36
    Member devida's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer Morgan View Post
    Hello there!

    ...
    The androgynous outfits are satisfying my inner self most of the times
    but sometimes i simply also want to wear 'that' beautiful longline cardigan on top of my skinny jeans and basic top because i just like it style wise.
    and that's the point where my GF says, THAT VEST is a giveaway, especially to her sister or brother in law who are around very often.
    ...
    But i explicitaly don't want to be seen as a cross dresser (nor does my girlfriend in any way),
    I guess i just want to be seen as the guy with a large feminine side who happens to like a lot of women's things because.. it's who he is

    Are there others feeling the same way?
    What is your approach to it?
    i am so interested!!!

    X.
    Jenn.
    This is close to my situation. I wear androgynous clothes that are almost all women's clothes. I can wear pretty much anything I like at home but my wife
    is quite specific about what I can wear in public, at least in the tiny town in which we now live. She does say she looks forward to the day I can wear
    dresses out in public with her. But she does have better taste than me even if I think her sense of propriety is a little excessive. She doesn't like me
    wearing padded bras in public, for example and thinks my short shorts are too short. I point out that I was wearing short shorts when she met me
    a quarter century ago but I accede to her about the bras.

    I like to wear long tops over tights or bodysuits. I get a few glances, a few ma'ams and the occasional compliment but people care about the way I dress
    less than I or my wife sometimes think. I get asked if I am a musician or an artist. I am an artist and that answer seems to satisfy the need that some people
    have to explain the way I dress, and my make up.

    I don't care if people think I'm gay. Most of my friends are gay so I think it is a compliment. I certainly don't care if people think I am transgender.
    I would rather not be thought of as a cross dresser because all I'm doing, like you Jenn, is presenting myself the way that I feel, which is not really
    feminine and not really masculine.

    If you check out the fashion shows, particularly the London shows, you can see that androgynous clothing is something the designers would like
    to promote. Why not? There is a vast profit to be made from persuading men and women to dress in gender neutral clothes. It's a whole new
    category that I hope to see coming soon to my local mall - men's clothes, women's clothes, unisex, androgynous, gender neutral clothes.

    As far as my wife and your girlfriend is concerned, they will get less and less sensitive to the gender policing of relatives, friends and the public
    the more you wear tasteful and beautiful androgynous clothes. It just takes time and patience. I am so grateful for my wife's acceptance of
    my being transgender that I am willing to wait.

  12. #37
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    This picture of me in 9th grade could be a hint

    1969_9c.jpg

    This is a "butch" picture

    1995_ILP.jpg
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
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  13. #38
    Member larry07's Avatar
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    I am also somewhere in the middle. Most of my clothing is from the women's side, but the most feminine items are rarely worn outside the house. If I was braver I would wear skirts and more lace and frills in public, but not to appear as a woman. Rather, I would see myself as a man who happens to prefer more typically women's clothing and think it can look good on me. I have no interest in makeup or wigs.

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