What would you change?

[samantha rogers]

What would you change?

No, I don't mean your figure, or dress size, facial features or the color of your hair or wig. I don't mean your genitals, or the size of your breasts or forms. I don't mean how much closet space you have or how you told or didn't tell your spouse. And I don't mean anything about this forum or it's members.

I mean, given the hypothetical ability to alter society, at least in its relation to the TG community, with all of its varying members, what would you change?

I know some will see this as a silly and vacuous question.

But I am not sure it is.

Recent threads (such as the one on the term “tranny) have dealt with topics that seem very simple and yet produced remarkably different opinions. As a community we include a wide variety of individuals, with a wide variety of goals. As members of that community our actions, words and example in public will have some impact ranging from almost invisible to vastly important. But without knowing where we want change to occur, and what we want it to look like, it is hard to understand, or so I would think, exactly which public actions are beneficial and which are not. To give an example, I have met some “passable” TG who are loathe to appear in public with others who are not passable. I have heard from some who are very concerned with blending while others are not at all. Heck, even the topic of age appropriate dress creates dissension.

I am thinking of the struggle other minorities have engaged in in recent years...the battles for civil rights and the struggle for acceptance of gays. In both cases there were different camps pressing the agenda in different ways. In the civil rights struggle of the sixties there were the non violent followers of Dr. King, but there were also the more aggressive and sometimes militant participants. In the gay community there were and still are some who remained quite comfortably closeted while others pressed an “in your face” activism.

I would think it obvious that to know how best to conduct oneself in public requires some thought out strategy involving knowledge of what one is hoping to achieve. Is it simply acceptance as a woman within a binary world? Is it an improved tolerance for, and understanding of CDs? Is it broad acceptance for non binary individuals within an otherwise binary world? Are you looking to simply get along and remain hidden? Are you seeking to integrate into the binary model as it is? Or is it something else entirely? Are you even interested in pressing an active approach toward change at all, and if so change toward what kind of world? Does the community writ large concern you at all, or are you simply looking to make a safe future for yourself?

It is actually a pretty big question, or rather, several connected questions.

So what would you change?

[lexivanderpump]

Samantha,
I would not change a single thing. I would not want special laws, rules, policies or treatment. I am a straight man who loves, loves, loves wearing womens clothes. No special treatment needed. Period!!!!!!!

Love,
Lexi V.

[Kris Avery]

Perhaps this isn't the answer you are after.

I would not want society to give a care what clothes people (men or women) wear.
Basically without regard to their apparent gender.

For me there is no thrill involved so not having others give me a second look or care would be awesome.

[GretchenJ]

After much thought, both internally and externally:

1. I wished I had the nerve to venture out some 30 years lprior to my first time. I would have probably passed better, wore clothes more age appropriate and get away with it. But this was prior to the Internet, and without the resources that are available online, my makeup skills would not be any good- no it's hard to tell if I still would have succeeded

2. When I first ventured out, all that I wanted to do is blend. I wanted to feel out it was like to be outside, the sun on my face, breeze on my legs. I was in a world all of my own, I wore glasses to blur my vision to help me but blinders on what people thought of me, but it was no use, because even IF nobody noticed, and I think people noticed, what I had envisioned in my mind was far worse that was probable reality.

3. As time passed, my potential embarrassment was superseded not only to blend, but to interact, be accepted by the outside world. A acknowledged "miss", "ma'am" or "her" is absolute nirvana. I remember waiting on line at a self serve restaurant where there was a woman in front of me with 2 kids waiting to order. The woman has issues with the kids having some issues on figuring out what the kids wanted to eat. She turned to me and said sorry for taking too long,and I replied no worries. Then she started small talk, not because she was selling me anything, or tricking me to talk to see if I was a guy, but a genuine conversation. It was a good, maybe the best day out en-femme.

4. I don't think I can change anything, because there are so many factions at play between crossdressers, gender fluid, transgendered it's hard to define one set of rules that define us, or more important how the world treats and thinks of us.

5. There has been much talk on the forum about how we treat each other here. All of us offer their opinions if asked of us, some reply with compassion and kindness, some offer frank brutal honesty which may not be what the poster wants to hear. Some come off as silly, other as sanctimonious. It's a tough call, because there are people who post and ask - how do I look, want the stone cold truth and those that want us to lie through our teeth and want us to lie. We are dealing with subjects such as do you wear garters over your panties to people on the verge of suicide due to GID, or going through divorce due to being exposed to their SO, to self castration, people on RLE and HRT. The later subjects will not offer any opinion on, because I have no knowledge on what these people are going through.

6. So in summary, and I apologize for the long rambling, is I will change nothing, because there is no size fits all solution for everyone here. I DO promise to treat everyone here with the respect, compassion, and encouragement that they deserve. I will office advice, with the proviso that I am no expert, but I have two shoulders that people can cry on,whether I am in male or female mode. I think we are dealing with frail personalities for the most part, and we should try to keep this in mind

Gretchen

[Jason+]

I would teach people to treat people like people and let them succeed or fail based on their own strengths and weaknesses.

[CynthiaD]

I see no reason to change anything. When I go out dressed, people call me "ma'am" and treat me like a woman. What more could I want?

[Dana does shopping]

Perception. You have to alter stereotypes that point up GG & GM's fears and mis-conceptions of 'who we are'. Is the bigger question though ... who are 'we'?

[Kate Simmons]

I would change nothing. Things are the way they are for a reason. What challenges would there be if everything were easy?

[Nataliebabe]

What would I change? I am not sure if I would change anything. they can have their laws or tolerance(or not) and things along that line. Each of us in this crazy world brings something different to the big show. If I could change one thing I would fill us all with love and acceptance of one another regardless of who we are or how we decide to live our lives. If we could love each other more and more each day and teach others to love could you image how great things would be?

[Marcelle]

Hi Sammie,

Interesting question and had to give it some thought before I put words to screen. When I first started exploring Isha it was my intent never to go out in the Vanilla world . . . far too scary. However, once I took my first step and realized that yes it can be a dangerous place but if you take proper precautions then with the exceptions of a few guffaws, giggles and snickers, it is not that daunting. So I continued going out and then began interacting with those around me. What I found was a lot of misconception and bad stereotypes. So I take the time to talk to people, answer their questions and try to present a person who is a good person regardless of how he/she is dressed.

So if I could change one thing it would be providing people with the understanding of what it means to be transgender (the whole spectrum not just CD). To provide them with an understanding that we are just people no different from them. We have hopes, dreams, lives, jobs, families and all we want is to exist in the world no different from them. Knowledge is one thing, understanding is another. I believe if people understood what it means to be TG and I don't just mean an academic definition but how it affects us to our core, then they would be more apt to just let us be and worry about their own lives.

Hugs

Isha

[Alice Torn]

The world has gone through big changes at times, not always peacefully and pleasantly. I can sense there is a big change in the air, in process now. A program ending, and another program starting. I am powerless to change people, places and things much at all, and i have great trouble changing myself for the better. But we all have some impact, a mixture of positive and negative.

[KellyJameson]

If I could change anything it would be how men live with their sexuality and the dark ways this affects them and by extension women

In my opinion misandry and misogyny starts with sex.

Men seem to live on a spectrum between contempt or adoration for women and sometimes both at the same time.

I don't understand either.

They cannot simply relate to them as people. This is not true for all men but I refer to a collective force that lives between many men that than is brought into their relationships with women.

A man's sexuality seems to leave him vulnerable to being wounded by women.

The violence and emotional neediness of insecure men washes over all women seeking to control or punish her because he cannot live with the vulnerability that his sexuality causes him.

Sex and his fear become a deadly mix and all women pay, including transsexual women.

http://www.feministezine.com/feminis...-Misogyny.html

I would like to live in a world where men come together in brotherhood to lead each other to an honorable relationship with their sexuality and by extension women.

[nvlady]

I would like to change question number one. "You like to wear women's clothes, are you gay?"

[Beverley Sims]

I would change very little as nothing is constant but change and it happens quickly enough these days.
I do go with the change as it is.
Society's views are always changing to fit the suit anyway.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Perhaps this isn't the answer you are after.

I would not want society to give a care what clothes people (men or women) wear.
Basically without regard to their apparent gender.

For me there is no thrill involved so not having others give me a second look or care would be awesome.

I have often thought exactly this...

If we lived in a world where your selection of clothing and appearance had only to do with personal style, or purpose rather than representing a specific gender. Everybody has the freedom to select whichever appearance they desire, and for whatever reason. People are free to act, behave, and represent themselves in whichever way they want. And if it had always been that way, nobody would find anything wrong with it.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Thinking about Sammie’s question about what would one change if one could alter society in relation to the Transgender community I keep coming back to the need for individuals and society to accept and respect the concept of the gender spectrum and to reject the heavily entrenched, unrealistic and artificial gender binary paradigm.

Many of the MTF crossdressers here are able to change nicely from traditional M to traditional F gender expression roles and back again. Others may find themselves presenting somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum. TS folks may choose to change their gender presentation to align with their gender identity which may or may not fall into the traditional binary gender model after transition.

In the minds of the traditionalist, politically entrenched, or religiously indoctrinated portion of society, the act of crossdressing or the act of transsexualism are repulsive because they blur the lines of the rigid gender binary. They expect lifetime conformity with the assigned at birth gender, either M or F.

What is needed is for society to reject the artificial gender binary and to embrace the spectrum, allowing all people to find their place there as well as the freedom to shift places in the spectrum (as uncomfortable as that may be for some folks). And I mean whether we are talking about gender identity or gender expression because folks outside of the transgender community often don’t comprehend any distinction between them.

The good part is that in many societies around the world that change is happening. And these things seem to change faster now than ever before in history.

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Kate T]

I would change that there is fear not curiosity
I would change that there is misunderstanding not listening
I would change that there is violence not peace
I would change that there is hate not love

[AllieSF]

I agree that this is an interesting question. Aside form wanting world peace, food for the hungry and employment for the poor, I would want that all people gain and retain the civil rights, including to be and present who you are.

That being said and based on what a few above have stated, maybe we shouldn't change anything in a miraculous and instantaneous way. Perhaps we are here to earn our rights as so many have done before us. As we earn them we then can better appreciate their true value and also leave something, our gains that we actively participated in, for future generations to build upon. It is a little philosophical, but why are we here in the first place? My opinion is to live, learn, be good, help others, grow intelligently to try to create a much better world for the future.

[Wildaboutheels]

I have NEVER and will NEVER go about life in the RW looking to bust other Humans as to what's really between their legs. Real GG's come in far too many sizes, shapes, "colors" and methods of presentation [in Florida at least] for me to try to "bust" any Humans that basically present themselves as an "average" female would.

I am quite certain that "normal" men and women [who do not CD] have the same outlook.

I am thoroughly convinced that MOST Humans learn quicker, faster and better when SHOWN something. as opposed to hearing or reading about it.

From my point of view, nothing needs to be changed. There IS nothing wrong with Society. It's simply Human Nature and nothing more to be skeptical/afraid of things you know nothing about/have no experience with. I choose to lead by example instead of whining about how unaccepting "Society" is. [w/o ever making the slightest effort to go out and see for themselves] SHOW people how silly it is to judge a book by it's cover or pass judgement on a fellow Human by their EXterior presentation.

Dress however you want, [w/o looking like a clown] act normally [keep your head off a swivel] and treat people right. Nothing magical or mysterious about it. One needn't live in some magical special city or town where everyone "accepts".

It's not complicated. Countless multiple hundreds here have utilized this method and seldom, rarely or never had a problem with "Society" Or if - Heaven forbid - they WERE laughed at, lived through it to fight another day.

The real trouble is the NIMBY attitude so prevalent here.

We are not talking about fighting for/possibly dying for one's country here. A spouse/SO is one thing. But IF one was to be "busted" CDing out in the RW and lose friends over it? Probably need a course on how to pick better friends.

[Mellisastocking996]

I would like to change question number one. "You like to wear women's clothes, are you gay?"

This so chimes with me, it's something that definitely should be accepted of straight crossdressers!

[GingerSeti]

In the minds of the traditionalist, politically entrenched, or religiously indoctrinated portion of society, the act of crossdressing or the act of transsexualism are repulsive because they blur the lines of the rigid gender binary. They expect lifetime conformity with the assigned at birth gender, either M or F. Hugs,
Stephanie

Very well said, The political and religious aspect is based on millennia of tradition (good or bad) and in my opinion you'd have to go back so far to change things it just doesn't seem possible. Things are changing so fast that the potential for change for us is better now and in the future - so I think we should work toward that goal and forget the past.

G

[Krisi]

What would I change? You mean if I were the President or King?

Realistically, I couldn't change people's attitudes or mindset. People will think and believe what they want to think and believe regardless of laws. So as far as changing something that could actually be changed, I would pass a law requiring individual unisex restrooms in public places.

[Brynna M]

The idea that cross dressing is incompatible with being a good, heterosexual, an and fulfilling a masculine roll in a relationship.

[samantha rogers]

Hi Sammie,

Interesting question and had to give it some thought before I put words to screen. When I first started exploring Isha it was my intent never to go out in the Vanilla world . . . far too scary. However, once I took my first step and realized that yes it can be a dangerous place but if you take proper precautions then with the exceptions of a few guffaws, giggles and snickers, it is not that daunting. So I continued going out and then began interacting with those around me. What I found was a lot of misconception and bad stereotypes. So I take the time to talk to people, answer their questions and try to present a person who is a good person regardless of how he/she is dressed.

So if I could change one thing it would be providing people with the understanding of what it means to be transgender (the whole spectrum not just CD). To provide them with an understanding that we are just people no different from them. We have hopes, dreams, lives, jobs, families and all we want is to exist in the world no different from them. Knowledge is one thing, understanding is another. I believe if people understood what it means to be TG and I don't just mean an academic definition but how it affects us to our core, then they would be more apt to just let us be and worry about their own lives.

Hugs

Isha

I love this Isha, and it is pretty much my own feeling exactly. It is often said that the way to change anything for the better is to start with the person next to you. I think it is good advice for anyone.

[Krististeph]

Hmmm... perhaps....

The ability and freedom for women and TGs to shop together as friends. Before I was met my wife, all the girls i worked with, it would have been great to go shopping with them- and no weirdness about me being TG from them or any other shoppers or clerks. Even after meeting my wife- shopping together, and with her friends too- would be a lot a fun.

Yep, that would have been pretty cool. this applies to before I met my wife, mostly. I have a feeling i'd spend more on clothes though, to the detriment of my wallet. However, with friends and advice, i'd probably have more stuff I actually liked- shopping is a bit if a skill after all, and women tend to be better at it in the long reun because they spend more time on it than guys do. In my experience.

And to be able to hang out with the girls and try out clothing combinations. Granted when we would be trying on cute or sexy stuff, it is complicated by fact that i am in fact heterosexual and quite attracted to the female form, especially a well dressed & coiffed female form, and clothes are going on and off... but I think i could control myself as needed.

And sleepovers, platonic as they would be.

What a nice question, i'll be smiling all day today now. :-)

Kristi