Confused, conflicted, frustrated and tic ed off

[Lexi Moralas]

Ill warn up front this is kind if a venting rant.
So here it is. Many of you know I used to get out quite a bit , but not so much any more.
But soon I will have a vary rare opportunity to get out in the world as Lexi. And all the prior planning that has To go into just a couple of hours has brought on all the I emotions listed in the title of this post.
I mean first I have to figure out which ONE of the 50 thing I want to do that I will choose.
Then I have to shop for a decent bra. Because the bandux bras I picked up after my last purge just look so unrealistic! I mean bad and I'm only going for a small b cup here. Then I have to find away to reteive my stuff from the super secret hiding place. Then the first thing I have to do is wash all the cloths so I don't smell like a basement. And then through out 1/2 my make up because it has either melted or gone bad because I haven't used it in sooooo long. And find the money to replace it all.
Then because the SO dose not approve ! when awesome day comes. Have to plan where I am going around where I say I am going. I case she checks in on my location I need a legitate reason to be in the general area that I am In. Ahhh! And omg if she decides to face time me I'm screwed ! All the while panicking about the whole situation. Then just as I am starting to relax and settle in to my Lexi persona it will be time to turn back into a pumpkin with no foreseeable opportunity to go out a gain I the future. Then it time to clean up and get back to reality and start stressing about , did I get all the eye liner off ? Is there a mark on my back from my bra? Did I miss anything before I put it all back in hiding ? God forbid a nail pops off ill spend the next 6 months vacumeing everything. To make sure it dosent turn up and get me busted months down the road. ( I spent 2 hours looking for a nail once ! Turns out I never put it on it was still in the damn box !) all the planning and risk management and stress that has to go I to a 2 hour shopping trip , or if I am lucky meeting one of you girls for coffee or something. It's maddening ! Some times I wonder if it's all worth it?Maybe I should just skip the whole thing and mow the lawn !
But there is one thing I know for sure ! And that is after all my bitching about what a pain in the ass it is , once I slip into my heels. The fog will take over and I would crawl to hell and back for that 2 hour shopping trip!
Ok that's it I feel a little better , thanks for letting me vent girls!
Lexi

[Rachel_B]

Lexi,

After reading your post, the main thing I took from it was that your SO sounds very controlling. I mean its one thing to not approve but another to check in on you by calling or even using Facetime just is going a little overboard but that's not here nor there. In all honestly, its tough trying to be who you truly are while trying to be a good SO to somebody that doesn't approve of that aspect of your life. If this trip helps you keep your sanity, try and be able to make it, otherwise its just going to be harder for you because you don't know when you'll get the chance to do it again. If you can't make the trip but your SO isn't going to be home, hopefully you'll be able to dress for a little bit there. That way, you should have to rush to try and remove the make-up or hide the clothing. What ever you decide to do, make the best of it.

Rachel_B

[Adriana Moretti]

Hey Lex...I DO know your situation...and it does sound like a tremedous amount of work....thats our world...I always get asked on 2 hour excursions and i am like..umm...it takes me THAT long to get ready LOL...but since this is the ONLY window of time you have in girl world, it may be worth it...if it makes you happy as the previous poster said.... I witnessed a gal once telling another who was stressing over outfits and what to wear say that this is supposed to be fun, dont stress, and it made perfect sense to me. It def can be alot of work. Maybe too much for 2 hours, or it could be the world just like you said. Good luck either way you choose , and send a pic of yourself dolled up....or that freshly cut lawn. Whichever wins.....

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lexi, It really sounds like you are totally whipped.
You need an off switch for that phone.

[Connie.Marie]

Lexi,
Enjoy the time you have & don't forget to take pictures!
Would be nice if you could share them with us too!

Hugs,

[Raychel]

Not sure I could do it, If my wife was that set against it I would have to let it all go.
there is no way that I could be sneaking around behind her back, I could not live with myself doing that.

I hope all works out well for you.

[AngelaYVR]

Phone battery ran out. FaceTime audio only. Not answering the phone. You have options!
Good luck!

Angela xx

[Roxie]

way to controlling ,need to be yourself

[Angie G]

WOW I'm impressed one can still breathe after all that. You go girl.
Angie

[Lexi Moralas]

Not sure I could do it, If my wife was that set against it I would have to let it all go.
there is no way that I could be sneaking around behind her back, I could not live with myself doing that.

I hope all works out well for you.

Oh and that's another stress point !
The guilt of the sneaking hiding and lieing
That sucks too

[Ally 2112]

I feel your pain Lexi when i was married my wife somehow always knew i went behind her back and i always felt very guilty

[Jackie F]

I feel your pain and would still go through it all.
I hope you get to enjoy your time.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
Who cares about you ranting, if you feel better for it !!
I hate to tell you but it doesn't get better with age !
Your partner obviously knows about your CDing but it's a total DADT, a solid brick wall ! I haven't checked on previous OPs so I don't know if you've managed to do any talking ! We all know this kind of pressure is'nt a good thing, you know you can't stop so I guess getting a few workable boundries has got to be worked on !
At the moment keep ranting and venting on the forum it does help and you do have sympathetic ears !!

[MsVal]

I have no advice to give you, Lexi, nor am I going to rant about the difference between a mother and a wife. I will, however tell you how bad I feel about your situation.

As I recall, this has been a sore spot for quite a while, and it doesn't appear that a resolution is coming. You're caught between your own, very real, and very legitimate needs, and conditions that prohibit acting on them. Instead of delightfully anticipating an outing, you are filled with anxiety. The outing has therefore been reduced from a joyous and relieving experience, to the equivalant of mowing the lawn.

<sigh>

I hope it all goes well for you, and the two hours you actually get are more than worthwhile.

[Christie ann]

It appears that our wives might be sisters. Your story is so familiar.

[marsha leanne]

lexi, your rant just reminded me. I need to go through all my makeup and probably toss most if not all of it, because its been SO long since i used it! (sigh)

I'm afraid to go through the clothes as i'm sure most of the stuff i have now outgrown, (or lose weight), of course, then they will be out of style!

[CherylFlint]

You’ve only one “problem”, and that’s your SO.
I read your post to my wife (who has accepted my “dressing” as part of me) and she thinks that you and your SO need to have a “heart-to-heart” (her words, not mine).
You have to decide who and what you are, and this is as good as time as any.
Many CD’s have “come out” of the closet, as it were, by “dressing” for Halloween, thereby taking full advantage of the opportunity for us to “dress” and to socially be “accepted”.
But no matter what, you can’t be a happy person living the way you do, hiding the CD part. It’s not healthy for your state-of-mind and it’s certainly not beneficial to your relationship with your SO for you to live and think the way you obviously do: going around in “secret”.
Not good, not in the long term.
Do what’s right and best. I know you will.
Good luck, and the best part about being a CD is HAVING FUN! Doesn’t sound like you’re not having much fun being a CD.
My wife would tell your SO to “get with the program and have fun with it”, and so would I. Matter-of-fact, I’ve never had so much fun as when I’m dressing.
Cheryl
Ps: look, take my advice: go to a professional bra fitter. You’ll get the right size for your build and you can’t do any better. It be money well spent (wisely) that you’ll get years of return on. Do it right the first time, you’ll be glad you did.

[Lorileah]

Lexi,
Enjoy the time you have & don't forget to take pictures!
Would be nice if you could share them with us too!

Hugs,

Um...you do understand that this particular SO will probably look in the gallery on the phone

Gotta love all the "You are whipped, she is controlling" posts. Great, you made your point now what should Lexi DO about it? Lexi knows she has a controlling spouse, she pointed that out.

[Beverley Sims]

Nothing like a little change of state to brighten up the personality.

[charlenesomeone]

Lexi only you know if a heart to heart with the SO will work.
I did it, still sort of a DADT, but I don't sneak and She calls before
coming back. I underdress 24/7 so that helps.
Char

[Henriette7]

Dear Lexi

I must agree with Cheryl. Your SO is totally controlling, and that is very bad for you and the person you are. I hope there is very much that you and your SO have in common, that gives you joy in other part of your life !. Personally I think that life is to short to be controlled that way, you have a life and ind the end, only you can live it. I would have some deep talk with your wife, she will have a much happier marriage, if she could give "her partner in life" some space and see the happiness that it will bring.. As humans we all learn a lot of who we are and get experience on our life journey, it will be a shame not to use it !

I wish you all the best on your journey, hopefully going forward and not backward.

Hugs and feelings
Henriette

[Natasha V]

Anyone know if nail Polish goes bad in hot attic, i put away some stuff up there 3 months now stopped purging but nail polish leaving streaks? Sorry i had to ask.lol

[Lexi Moralas]

Anyone know if nail Polish goes bad in hot attic, i put away some stuff up there 3 months now stopped purging but nail polish leaving streaks? Sorry i had to ask.lol

Yes I can go bad if not stored properly
A hot attic is a bad place to keep it

[Lexi Moralas]

Thanks for all the great advice girl