Societies' two most unwanted groups: old oor bachelors, and CD's.

[Alice Torn]

My problem is pretty much, what a good minister told me in 1985. I have a toxic, harsh, alcoholic, manipulating evil father. Here it is 29 years later, and the man is going on 94, in a wheel chair, had been in a nursing home, for 8 months, but returned home, and his single adult children have to care for him, because he refused to stay in the nursing home. My brother is taking off for six weeks, and i will have to help a lot more. The man gives me an evil hateful look. He tried to get me adapted by an uncle , when i was a kid! My mom told me , he was always jealous of me, resented me. HIS SON!!He was anti social, a people hater, and hated when i played sports, and he never came to my games. He preached to me, to be a loner. He always said he had the worst life of anybody. Self pity always. That minister has died of cancer, but he was so right! He got me to go to Adult Children of Alcoholics groups. I wish there were some around here! The minister was right, but, i have kept quitting jobs and businesses, to come 2000 miles, to rescue my father. I hope the man dies soon, and rests in peace. That is a lot of my problem. And most men in prison, had no father, or toxic cruel ones.

[LilSissyStevie]

I know what you mean Alice. Some things get broke and can't be fixed. But you still have to limp along with what you have left and try to be grateful for it. Thanks for reminding me there was some good rap music back in the day. Since I'm on a Savoy Brown kick lately, here's a couple for you. (Hide the razor blades!)

Mr. Downchild http://youtu.be/NJVHwMS_ueM

Life's One Act Play http://youtu.be/3gNEj9BwXc4

[Sara Jessica]

Sara Jessica, You can go ahead and be smug, and put me , and other poor down.

Nothing smug in my message at all.

Have you noticed that many celebrities seem to "have it all", money/looks/fame/etc. but somehow manage to screw it up. Whether making poor lifestyle decisions, suffering from depression, broken relationships, you name it...these public car-crashes are there for us all to see but many everyday people have the same issues. They are not unique and neither are you.

My post had just as much to do with the opening theme which laments about how women respond to a man in your situation and that somehow money is the root of it. Even if that were true, and it certainly is in some cases, you should give women a bit of credit in their own decision making process when it comes to choosing a mate. Take money out of the equation, security is instinctual and there aren't many women out there who would dive head first into a situation where security was highly unlikely.

All that said, you have often described issues in your own life, yet nothing has changed. Why devote an ounce of energy to a family member who you seemingly harbor no love for and would just assume be dead? What does being near your "toxic" family do for YOU? Certain things in life are a tough draw and there's no doubt you are facing that. I truly can empathize with you in that regard. But we are our own agents of change. No one will do it for you, however small the change might be. At some point, it seems that you should think seriously about looking out for number one.

[dragdoll]

And it's not going to be addressed; because women have no reason to, in their eyes, crossdressing does nothing to enhance their lives, so why should they help us? It's simply not on their agenda. And let's not forget that ugly women have it just as bad. And I don't think that 'almost no women are looking for CD's'; NONE are. It's a trait that simply turns women off sexually, except in very, very rare cases. There are probably fewer women that actively seek crossdressers than have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis. But at least it's a secondary thing; if you have enough money, there will be a woman who will overlook just about anything. Consider the case of Marv Albert, sportscaster extraordinaire; still married AFAIK. Dennis Rodman's been married several times, so it appears you don't have to be good looking either. Yes, it's mostly cash, power and fame that attracts the female sex. I know women will deny it, but you don't see any women actively seeking unemployed guys with no tangible assets, either; while most men have no qualms about chasing stunningly beautiful women who have no job. FWIW.

This. Add 'looks' to that as well. If you don't have money or status, being physically attractive is a must when it comes to finding women. If you're not good looking, you better be more than financially stable or have some kind status (like musicians, artists, owners of certain establishments). Things like confidence and other personality traits are secondary to how you look, regardless of what anyone tells. You never see decent women with short ugly poor friendless 'confident' dudes, do you? That's because they don't exist. But you'll definitely see decent women with will tall attractive miserable jerks with money (or fame) but no other redeeming qualities. It sounds negative but that's how it is with most women. Sure there are outliers but they are rare.

[Alice Torn]

I pretty much agree Dragdoll, except, I have known many very tall single men, who are aging, and have found no mates. One, is a former Navy officer, confident, highly intelligent, fairly handsome, too. I am six foot six, have been called handsome, and have had a few women interested in the past, but none was close to a match. In the organization i used to belong to, there were many short, not very attractive men, with taller attractive women. Always some very tall lonely single men! Some short lonely men, too. I have also spent a lot of time visiting nursing homes. The toxic snake my father is, he had a woman wanting him, really bad, and she is not Alzheimer's or dementia! I have noticed that some men, are mean, cruel, *******s, and some women go after them, while "nice guys" are not wanted!! An eternal evil in this cruel world! I am speaking of heteros here. Throw in CDing, and its a bit different i guess. "Look at he big man in a dress."

[dragdoll]

Women are attracted to "alpha" behavior. The better looking alphas get the prime women.

[MatildaJ.]

Personally, I don't feel there's much point to telling someone else to look on the bright side. There's just no way to understand the burden other people carry in life and if a particular person tells you their experience is miserable, it doesn't really help to tell them that other people are worse off and they should count their blessings.

That said, I also don't see the point in accusing women of being shallow. People are all flawed in various ways. If the women you meet are awful, then it doesn't make sense to be mad at them for not wanting to date you: you wouldn't be happy with them anyway because they're awful.

[Lorileah]

That said, I also don't see the point in accusing women of being shallow.

and also "dissing" women is against forum rules so, keep it clean. I will close this if anymore badmouthing women or direct mentions of any specific religion occurs >) Thanks

[Alice Torn]

I did not mean for this thread to become an attack women thread. It was not to address that. it was addressing what the title says, (men and boys who fall through the cracks, loners, poor ones.) In my case, women are not the big problem. My best friends have been women! My problem, is a toxic, anti social family, cruel father. who won't die, and is almost 94 , and i am burdened 60 yrs now, having to care for him part of the time, and have had no chance or hope for a mate. He thinks i have had an easy life. Lorileah, you can close this thread any time. Thanks!

[Maria Blackwood]

I just gave up. I'm not wired for any of it. It's not something you snap out of. Trotting out a list of people who have it worse doesn't help. In fact it's a bit insulting, like I'm supposed to have some sort of schadenfreude moment over the less fortunate.

(Hugs Alice)

[dragdoll]

I don't really see anyone badmouthing women here, just being realistic. However I will say that for some people it really has alot to do with your social circle, or whether or not you're around women that much. If you find that you're never around women with common interests enough to socially interact with them, then its going to seem hopeless after some time. Your prospects will dry up. Sometimes your situation in life prevents you from meeting new people or socializing with friends on a regular basis.

[Alice Torn]

Some people's ship never comes in. Some people's ships cpme in, but they fail to go meet them. Others' ships come in, but they , fall down and get hurt running to the ship. Others catch the ship, but, it was the Titanic! There are always others who have it worse or better. Sometimes we have good times, sometimes deep troubles, and depression. Each person's heart knows its own grief, and none can share their inner joy or pain, fully. It is taking me many years, to accept that some of us were not meant to marry, or have children. But, this program is winding down, and i really would not want to bring a new child into it, until the big storms are over. Being a loner hurts often, especially when out among couples, but, another person cannot make one happy for long. It is good to have good friends, though. Being alone has its positive things, and is negative things. but is better than being in a combative relationship. Happiness is not living without loss, and sorrow, but contentment. My family has made it extremely challenging, though. And, now, i am again having to be my resentful, self pitying abusive father's nurse, wiping his b--t, the next six weeks!!!!!!!!! It could kill me. Want to trade places Sara Jessica? You would know where i'm coming from, friend.

[LilSissyStevie]

In the organization i used to belong to, there were many short, not very attractive men, with taller attractive women. Always some very tall lonely single men! Some short lonely men, too. ...I have noticed that some men, are mean, cruel, *******s, and some women go after them, while "nice guys" are not wanted!!

If it's any consolation George Formby also wondered about this issue before we were born. He didn't have an answer either.

http://youtu.be/l5PUdw0itjI