Rather crossdress or have a girlfriend

[LIKETODRESS2]

My last gf was totally fine with me cross dressing. We have since broke up in the last few months and now I trying to find a new gf that is ok with me cross dressing. I gone out with 2 different girls since and not came right out and said that I do it , I just of hinted at it. One girl was putting on lip gloss and I asked if I could use it. She looked at me like I had 3 heads and said in I kinda bitch as tone . guys don't wear this stuff I would never date a guy who did . SO I know she is out. The other one I was talking to the day were going on the phone, She asked me what I was doing and said painting. SHe asked me what I was painting and I said my toes. I long pause and then She says I hope to you are kidding. I told her I was just kidding. But I was trying to figure what color I was going to paint my kitchen since I was in the middle of a re mole. I know it only 2 girls but here is my question

Would you rather date a girl and not cross dress. Or stay single and be able to cross dress any time you wanted to

[Lorileah]

sounds like you have a good screening process there

[RADER]

My late Wife was OK with my dressing; It was a CDers dream.
My first wife was against me dressing, bad times.
So to answer your question, If a GG does not like me for what and
who I am, well I just might keep looking.
Rader

[Annaliese]

Coming to the conclusion that I am TS and not a CD rather be my self, and be able to dress when I wanted.

[Jenniferathome]

...

Would you rather date a girl and not cross dress. Or stay single and be able to cross dress any time you wanted to

That's not a choice anyone has to face. Your prior girlfriend is proof of that. The how and when of your disclosure seems to be your issue. Disclosure by leakage does not work.

[candykowal]

Early in my youth, I had the same issues...it's not easy finding a girl who can tolerate a cross dresser.
All of my girl friends usually used me for free lingerie, clothes, jewelry and makeup, helping me with my dressing, parties and drugs, and as there girl friends when they wanted to hide there lover from their husband.
I got to the point where I gave up dressing, found a wonderful soulmate and got married.
I am her husband today and for 18 years I never dressed...but it does come back...and now I am in the closet with her for fear of loosing my love.
I guess what I am trying to say is keep trying to find that wonderful girl.
But don't give up your true self...you can't quit your desires to feel and be feminine...it's in our nature.

[Terri Andrews]

I wish I would have considered this 16 years ago, I have a very accepting SO ,but I would rather be who I am full time.

[paula1911]

Live life without a soul mate just becuse you want to dress. That would be a miserable life my friend.

I belive there a lot of girls that would be ok with you dressing. My consort was taken of guard with my disclosure. She was unsure where it would lead, like gay sex for example. Girls are worried about the lifestyle.

Hang in there. There is somebody out there

[Maria 60]

Wow wow wow! What a question, I told my wife if something happens between us (GOD forbid) I don't think I will ever find someone like her. I sometime ask myself the question, if I had to do it all over, would I tell the girl fast or would I wait, or being in the closet and not wanting anyone to know and the only one who knows now is my wife, would I ever tell anyone else ever. So as you can tell I can't give you advance, instead I think your ride in the future can give me a lot of answers in this confusing situation. Good luck and I hope you let us know how your journey go's.

[docrobbysherry]

This dressing thing is NOT like golf as a hobby, Like. It's more like an addiction.

I think u r smart to reveal that u have dressed. Because, even if u hook up with a woman and u quit, if u stay together long enuff the urge seems to return and even get stronger as we age.

If u r up front about it, then u can discuss the issue honestly when that time comes.

[Kate Simmons]

That is a personal question only we, ourselves, can answer.

[SO1Adam12]

I agree with Jenniferathome....I think your delivery is the problem, in addition to timing. I get wanting to disclose early on, but you need to get to know the woman a bit, feel things out and ask some probing questions about alternative lifestyles. I for one would run for the hills if a guy dropped this bomb on me during our first couple of dates - especially knowing what I know now about CDing. I stayed because we already formed a bond and I care about him. That is not to say you should let her fall in love and then spring it on her. That's not fair either.

My advice is date 6ish....I would like to say 30 days but it depends on how often you will see each other. Definitely before you become intimate with one other. I would be honest and upfront and make sure you have her trust. Disclosing this to someone you don't know very well, may result in you being outed before you are ready.

[Ressie]

Well I did laugh out loud at your post like2dress2! I think your approach is pretty good, but may need some tweaking. You don't have to waste anymore time with these women that are looking for a man with zero feminine qualities. It may take 10-20 more dates to find the one that will help you paint your toenails and go shopping with you. It's a numbers game.

But what if that one turns out to be wrong in other ways? So many CDs have a wife that tolerate it, but that's not enough for me. I want my next relationship to be not only total acceptance, but someone that's truly interested in CDing.

For now, I've been single long enough that I'm used to it. Dressing more and enjoying it! Of course, I'm no longer in my early 40s either.

[AllieSF]

The two examples given were 100% good hits, and they definitely worked for her and saved her a lot of wasted time and money, and maybe some aggravation for her dating partners. No wasted time trying to wait for the best moment. The delivery may seem awkward to some of us, but they worked quickly and very efficiently. Yes, some can have better deliveries, but each really needs to find their own way in determining what works best for them. I know some wonderfully long term married couples who met each other with some of the most obvious and lamest types of pick up lines delivered in bars!

As for when to tell, which one should do before getting into a long term serious relationship, that too is best left to the individual. I sure would not reveal before being intimate. Being intimate to me does not mean being in love and being ready to dedicate my life to a specific relationship. I would, however, do it when my heart and mind is captured by that someone very special. I agree that one should do a lot of looking and listening and maybe asking some round about questions to try to figure out where that other person may be regarding tolerance and hopefully acceptance to these alternate lifestyle hobbies, obsessions, or whatever one decides to call this TG side of themselves. The majority of all big reveals are made at risk. Hopefully, that risk can be minimized and maybe even mitigated by better knowing the other's specific opinions on matters important to the revealer, and by trying to set the stage over time so that the other may be less shocked when told. TG in the umbrella definition, by the way.

[Tonya Rose]

Personally,, I Had rather CD than have a girlfriend.....that Was your question.....i I an a very fortunate girl to have a wife that aepts me for who I am.. and that all started in the begening of our relationship.. we played a lot ..lol.lot.. of BDSM. games (use your own imagination). Don't want to get scolded by (kati again thank this site for her keeping it clean)gotta love her.. but feel very comfortable dressing up here at home with her around .point is I don't think I would ever want to have anyone else to complete my life with me having to explain myself to them for acceptance I accept it and I'm the only one that will ever matter in the future.....!!! Luv ya girls HUGGS.....

[lexivanderpump]

It's a difficult question to answer because in my opinion, crossdressing is not a choice. In many cases it's who we are. In some cases, it may be a choice. However, only you can answer that question for your unique situation.

I hope this helps a bit hun.

Love,
Lexi V.

[BillieAnneJean]

If a wife or SO reads this thread you will find some opinions that are applicable to the person who posted but not to everyone. Yes some crossdress out of a real need. Some do it because it is just fun. It ranges between those two extremes. Before you decide that all is lost with your man, have a frank and unemotional conversation with him. Ask him where he sees it going. He may have a better idea what is going on in his head than any opinions you pick up in your "research" on any forum.

For me, my wife is number one above all else. If she said that my crossdressing had to stop, if compromise was impossible, if I had to choose her versus anything, she would always win. She is the best part of living. Even in the bad times, I would still say she is worth everything I have to give.

So for this crossdresser, CDing is never going to be more important than she is. Not by a LONG shot.

[Adriana Moretti]

I would rather be single and crossdress, but neither has anything to do with each other. I find girls to be needy, and annoying ( Well I can only speak of my ex's) . A date to me is a math equtaion which I will be coming out in the negative...and I also know I could never be married , the way some of you gals have to ASK for permission to do what you want in life ,baffles me. I could never do that, I like my freedom and ability to go anywhere and do anything I want.And spend my money on ME, ...call me selfish..it's ok. I also do not need anyone in life to make my life feel complete..I am happy and comfortable in my own skin and could have a blast completely alone. Friends on the other hand are a different story....that is something I could NOT live without. But this clip sums it up pretty well.....I could NEVER live like that...

[FemmeMonique]

This is a tough choice. As much as I love dressing, I love having a relationship more.

[carahawkwind]

Before I was married, I dated a quite a few women, but didn't have that many girlfriends, I didn't really waste much time with people I didn't see as long term potential, but most of the people saw as longer term potential seemed like people that might be open to me dressing. I ended up telling three women, one really liked it and I stopped seeing her for other reasons, another seemed indifferent to it, but ended the relationship for other reasons, and third I'm married to and she is usually quite positive about it. I never tried to stifle my dressing for a relationship, so I guess I means I'd rather dress, but really it never came up much.

[Beverley Sims]

Back when I had a choice, I would date a girl in preference to dressing.
The euphoria of it all meant I lost some interest in dressing.
When I rented the house and had three flatmates sub let it, things turned full circle and they all wanted to dress me up and take me out.

Sigh!

That was wonderful.

[CherylFlint]

Bad question since it doesn't apply.
There are girls out there who are just fine with a CD.
I married one.
Good luck.

[DebbieL]

Why would I want to have a girlfriend who couldn't accept my cross-dressing. I'm transsexual, I've been a girl on the inside even when I was a boy on the outside.

The most miserable years of my life were the 7 years when my wife was making it painfully clear how much she hated my cross-dressing, and sex, and me.
At one point, she ranted to my parents for 3 hours and they finally told her "If you can't speak nicely of our son, then just stop talking and leave". She left and never came back to their house again. I was almost relieved when she said she wanted to get married to another man. She could finally be happy with what she wanted, and I could find someone who could accept me.

By the time we got divorced, I had been out in public getting Real Life Experience and seriously considering transition. It only took a few days from the day our divorce was final for me to be introduced to someone who wanted to meet me BECAUSE I was transsexual. She was bisexual, and loved sharing me with her girl-friends. It was one of the happiest times of my life.

Since then, I've had two other girl-friends who loved Debbie, and finally married a woman who loved Debbie. In fact, she likes Debbie more than she likes Rex. Good thing too, because now I'm transitioning, and she can see how much happier I am, and how much more I can love her when I don't have to put up the front of Rex.

The key is that in order to meet a girl who likes that you are cross-dressing, you have to start going out in public while cross-dressing. The other option is to use a computer dating site and include pictures of both girl you and boy you. About 1 in 100 women will respond with "This is interesting - tell me more". But you don't need to even get 1%, you ultimately only need to get ONE.

[Alice Torn]

Some of us, like me, at age 60, are used to being alone, and realize that time is getting short, for this program, so, if i never find a right one that is not already taken, fine. My cats and i love each other. If the totally unexpected woman comes into my life,that tolerates dressing would be nice , too, but living alone for decades other than with roommates, its hard to imagine a mate.

[Michelle789]

Well said Debbie.

You can have both if you are a CD, and if you are TS you can transition and have a girlfriend or boyfriend. The key is don't get married to someone under the pretenses that you are a cis-gendered man. If you are a CD, and you are single, then be open about your CDing. If you are TS and need to transition, then tell any potential partner that this is who you are. Even if the odds are stacked against you finding a partner, like Debbie said, all you need is one.

I never had been in a relationship prior to starting transition. I was terrible at playing the male role in a relationship. I was shy to ask women out or to hit on women. I knew I was a bottom and desired to be a girl in a relationship and to be treated as such. I wasn't sure if I liked men or women, but one thing was clear, I had absolutely no desire to play the man in a relationship. I was able to play single man for 34 years, who CDed in private. But when a psychic relentlessly pressured me into trying to play man in relationship, I quickly realized that I am a TS and there is something deeper to my CDing than meets the eye. I started presenting publicly in February, 2014, and have been increasing my public appearances as Michelle from February until June. I spent the entire last 9 days of May as Michelle, and when I had to return to work on June 2, I could no longer tolerate keeping up the male persona. I was so miserable presenting as male in early June.

God did me a huge favor. On June 10, I lost my job and had no more reason to keep up the male persona. For all practical purposes, my male persona died on June 10, 2014, at 5:00 PM, when my boss told me that he was letting me go. The male persona made a few "ghost" appearances during the summer at my AA home group. I was living as a woman in all circumstances except my AA home group, which was every other Friday. That changed when I came out as trans on August 29, 2014, and I have been full-time ever since. My last appearance as a male was two weeks earlier, August 15, at my AA home group.

A transgender man (FTM) who goes to my support group asked me out and we have been boyfriend and girlfriend since June 25, 2014. He only ever knew me as Michelle, and I only ever knew him as Cody. We have been together for 3 and a half months.

The thing is whether you are a CD or a TS, make sure that any potential partner knows who you really are before going into the relationship. Make sure your new girlfriend knows both your boy and girl modes, and can accept that. If you are a TS and going to transition, make sure your new partner only knows you as a a girl.