Approaching the Fork in the Road... Maybe

[Bea A]

I'm out to see my doc/therapist today. I am approaching the point of where dressing is just not enough. I've been to payless several times now dressed (have to go in today and pick up a special order) and to Goodwill several times dressed androgynously. Today I'm am going to both places en femme - eye makeup, hair, jewelry, etc. No skirt, but femme top and jeans with heeled oxfords and denim jacket. I'm nervous as to the outcome. My wife has boundaries and I'm trying to stay within them. I want to work through this to see if its a fantasy or reality to go further. I shouldn't be nervous as a type this.... but I am.

[Beverley Sims]

Lisa,
These are early days for decision making, seeing a therapist is probably a good thing for you.
Others will point out the fantasy or practicality of what you are feling and as they have been through the experience will advise you accordingly.
I say you have a long way to go yet to discover your true self.

[Amy Lynn3]

A great baseball coach said......"when you come to the fork in the road, take it". Not sure that helps, but as I look back over my life....I have regrets for not taking the fork when I had opportunities.

[KellyJameson]

Make it about identity and not fantasy to protect yourself.

Since childhood did and do you easily identify with boys and men? Do you see yourself as being like them and they like you?

Do they seem foreign and incomprehensible or familar and comfortable to associate with ?

Keep it about what gender group you feel you naturally belong to. Who you experience a kinship with.

Playing at being a woman can be exciting and fun but the reality is very different.

[Jenny Elwood]

Thanks for clearing that up in simple terms I can also understand, Kelly. I think I may be just a cross-dresser after all. Darn! or is that Phew!

[Marcelle]

Hi Lisa,

I guess I am not sue what you mean by "dressing is not enough"? As Kelly pointed out is this about gender identity (not feeling congruent with your birth sex) or is about wanting more than dressing (i.e., doing out more, presenting more in public) as these can two very different beasts. If it is just about "dressing more in public" then I guess you will need to talk to your SO about the boundaries you have both set to see if they can be stretched a bit (I guess she is not 100 percent on board with you going in public).

If this is about your identity (you feel like you need to express yourself as female - or - want to be a woman) then Beverly's advice is sound . . . discuss it with your therapist to get a idea of the level of your GD. I have taken this approach in my life and while I started out just dressing to feel good, I soon realized I have mild GD in that both my identities "male" and "female" need to coexist in order to be whole. One is not dominant over the other they just compliment each other.

Hugs

Isha

[Bea A]

Had a great session with my therapist ! He wanted to know whose boundaries I was pushing against - my own or my wife's. I told him about 75% mine and 25% hers. My wife and I talked afterwards and she tearfully told me her worst fears are that I will want to transition fully. I did all the typical masculine things as a boy to "cure" me from wanting to dress. Played football, joined the Navy, got married had a kid... thinking all of this would somehow fix it. It hasn't for 40 years so I don't expect it to in the near future. The photo is what I wore yesterday. She later told me that had I gone with her, she would have objected to the shoes and the wedding set. I wear them when I dress and my regular band on my right hand. We're getting through this.. slowly. IMG_4169.jpg