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Thread: Wearing in front of parents and SO parents

  1. #1
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    Wearing in front of parents and SO parents

    I'm 38 and my SO is 35. I don't fully dress in public or home. I enjoying wearing skirts, hosiery, lingerie and heels at home and woman's jeans, heels and lingerie in public. I do wear a dress every now and then, but keep that for special occasions. I have a very accepting SO who loves me for me and has no problem with me dressing daily. We recently had a baby and plan on living open in regards to my dressing. My parents are in their 60's and I have been thinking about just wearing what I feel comfortable in when they come to visit. My SO supports what ever decision I come too, I just wonder if it makes sense to stir the pot. I feel like I'm still hiding and not being true to myself when I don't wear what I want. I have worn my public attire in front of them, so after seeing me enough times, they may suspect already. Any thoughts would be appreciated, be it good or bad.

    In regards to her parents, I wasn't going to go that far. However, with her support, which I have, I was going to wear my heels in front of them. I have worn my lingerie, woman's jeans and wedge sneakers in front of them. They are also a hugging family, so they may have felt the bra under the layers of clothes I had on. We both know it may spur some questions and have been talking a lot about the matter and still feel it may be a good idea. Any thoughts on that regard would be appreciated as well.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I would be hesitant to push the issue.
    Why rock the boat?
    Do you want to sink it?
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  3. #3
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I went to my local Catholic church all nicely dressed up last month, and when I saw all the old folks (over 70), I asked myself, would it be respectful to them to walk in and MAYBE change their world view?

    I went and had a morning coffee instead
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    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    I'd tell the parents in writing ahead of time. Or, if your SO would like to, I'd let her tell them. It may help to explain that you have at least partial feminine identity, which you'd kept secret in the past, but that you want to stop hiding, because it's so stressful, I presume. I suppose it would help to mention that you're not gay, if you aren't, and that many CDs are also not gay.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelakld View Post
    I went to my local Catholic church all nicely dressed up last month, and when I saw all the old folks (over 70), I asked myself, would it be respectful to them to walk in and MAYBE change their world view?

    I went and had a morning coffee instead
    Rachel, would they have recognized you? Or would you have made sure that they did?
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 10-24-2014 at 02:31 PM. Reason: Merged- please use the edit button
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  5. #5
    Member Sarina Curtis's Avatar
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    My SO's family are pretty conservative. They're good-hearted people and we agree about many, many things but if I were to wear my female clothes in front of her parents I would would likely get her disowned.

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    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Just be prepared to explain and/or defend yourself. When it comes to families this can be an up hill battle but that is your choice.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  7. #7
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    My Mum was ok. My Dad was not ok. Boys didn't wear dresses in the 1950's!

  8. #8
    Member SamanthaSometimes's Avatar
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    You have a home situation with such an accepting wife that many of us here can only wish and dream for. I wouldn't do anything to jepordize that or cause your wife anxiety over possibly a strained relationship with your parents. But you just have to answer the question for yourself if the upside is worth the possible downside.
    Let us know what you decide.

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    All make very good points and I do have it pretty well at home and don't want to rock the boat. I am concerned on the toll this could take with my wife and have been talking with her about it in great detail. This is related to another post I had started in regards to wearing openly in front of our kid(s). I know kids can have loose lips and I don't plan on telling them to keep it a secret. It would not be fair to put them in that position, so was thinking of letting parents know before our son is old enough to spill the beans. As we really want to raise our children, as they come, in an open house.

  10. #10
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    I definitely wouldn't surprise them with it and I'd talk about it before it doing it. I also think there is a significant generational issue, older people tend to look on it more negatively I think, I had no problem talking about it with my wife's sister, but I'm not really interested at the moment in telling her parents or even my parents, although if had to pick one I'd choose my wife's dad over mine because he seems a more accepting type. Telling my grandfather is about the last thing I do. I don't really see my older family members enough to where it would significantly cut how much I dress, so I don't think it's really worth making waves over.

  11. #11
    The Mad Scientist
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    I think this always goes back to,the question of what is to be gained?

  12. #12
    Junior Member JocelynRenee's Avatar
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    If you share with your children or CD in public you should strongly consider sharing with other important people in your life. Imagine how they would feel if they discovered via a third party and had no idea what to say or how to react to the news.

    Many years ago my wife and I faced the same decisions you are with respect to children and parents. Because we recognized CDing would be an innate part of our life going forward, we decided to share before they heard rumors. My wife's father is quite possibly the manliest man who has ever lived. All of our friends told us we were making a mistake. You know what he said? He said it was different, but he couldn't hope for a better man to care for his daughter.

    Yikes. Being TG is hard. So much can go so wrong so fast. But if we can be brutally honest: If anyone disowns another over this issue there was something profoundly wrong with that relationship. And it's not the fact that I sometimes choose to wear a dress.

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    I would be careful seems like your walking a fine line.

  14. #14
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    Well, as I mentioned before, I plan on wearing openly in front of my kids and felt it would be better to tell my rents before they find out from my little one(s). So I took the plunge and with the support of my SO, I told my rents. It went ok, actually about what I expected. My dad doesn't like "my choices in clothing", but does love me and accepts me for who I am. My mom thought I was joking with her when I first told them, but once she realized it was not a joke, I was able to continue. My mom was saddened that I wasn't able to come to them sooner and that I had to deal with this on my own when I was under their roof. We did have some heart to heart and some laughs, but it was good to get it out in the open. Either way, no blow ups, over reactions or etc. They had questions and I answered all of them. Also, when I asked, they had no idea I was wearing in front of them until I showed them the style and height of the heels I have been wearing in front of them for a couple years. Anyway, I do expect more, but for now, all went good.

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    Silver Member justmetoo's Avatar
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    Congratulations! Here's hoping things stay positive and supportive! Best wishes.

  16. #16
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mandm40c View Post
    I feel like I'm still hiding and not being true to myself when I don't wear what I want.
    My personal opinion is that someone who feels like that (as I did) has a distinct transgender identity. The "lie" (that I was "male") got very hard for me to sustain at work especially.

  17. #17
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    Hi Mandm40C, See line #3 in my signature .
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

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  18. #18
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it
    I moved from my "home town" to where I live now (26 hours drive away) about 22 years ago, following my job. That has had a lot of consequences on my various relationships; my "old friends" have mostly drifted away, I don't get to see my family much, my mother is not doing well and I'm not there... I also met new people here, met the woman I was together with over 19 years, went through a whole bunch of experiences in that regard, had a bunch of work related experiences. Had a Major Depressive Episode that I am still recovering from that maybe wouldn't have happened if I had not moved; or maybe the timing would have been different. Discovered I was trans and have been under therapy for that and HRT, both things that for whatever reason are easier to get in this isolated city than in the not-isolated city where I lived growing up. I got to discover myself here where I was not well known, instead of having to live with the weight of expectations of those I grew up with.

    I can't "un-ring" the bell of having moved here, which I did in pursuit of my wish for a good job in a field I did want to work in. Life went on, and some good things happened and some not-so-good things happened. Perhaps I really needed to discover my trans nature and let me see where it would take me.

    If Mandm40C follows her heart, then her life will be different. Better in some ways, perhaps worse in others. There isn't a whole lot of control over external circumstances, so taking the path that leaves you more at peace with yourself is something that should be seriously considered.

  19. #19
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    Congratulations on talking to your parents, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job of fitting your feminine side into your life.
    I've been following the parenting thread you started recently (as I posted there we've a girl of 7 and a boy of 1&3/4, and it made me think about just this issue. I think it is best not to hide this from your children, but telling the broader family is daunting. Well my SO's parents, really, they are lovely people but I really don't know how they would react and of course, as with my SO, while they may well be openminded generally it maybe difficult for that to extend to a son-in-law. I think my parents would be fine, I think I would have come out to them already if I'd realised what it was I had to come out about before I met my SO.
    Good luck with the next steps, I'm sure as your SO is so supportive telling her parents will be fine too, after all they brought your supportive SO up! You are providing a wonderful example of how an identity like ours can be included into family life, and not kept hidden away.
    I am not out to anyone and I can only hope that I can follow your example in the not too distant future.
    Love
    Ivie

  20. #20
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
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    My, parents are gone now, so, who knows? Her parents? Stayed over last Christmas, second morning I came down in my favourite, diagonal plaid wool knee length skirt, "oh, you have a man skirt." That was it. I was pretty sure they would be cool with it from talking to my SO. Saturday night friends had a "sort of Halloween" party, costumes were optional, in the end, nobody did. I wore the same skirt, only one girl said anything to me, she seemed more startled than anything else, was curious about the fabric when we talked later, other than that, I was told that the first guy there had asked the hosts about it, but hadn’t any issues with it. Should point out that virtually everyone there was a work colleague. Eventually I'll be wearing that skirt and/or a more shorts like one at work. We have recently gone through a company wide training session on workplace violence and respectful behaviour. Gender variance and gender display are both aspects that are protected.
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  21. #21
    Teresa Teresa Monsivais's Avatar
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    I really think it depends where you are in the continuum of crossdressing. Its sounds that you want to be able to express this side more than just your wife. For myself, I see my crossdressing as being something I love doing between my GF and I but I don't have interest in doing it full-time or feeling the need to let others (close to me) know about it so I keep everything between me and my GF, some friends I go out on occasion and a whole lot of strangers who I see when I go out in pubic LOL. But at times I do feel like wearing the heels in public or yoga pants etc so I understand that feeling of just wearing clothes you feel comfortable in. I would say talk to your wife about how she feels because we sometimes don't think about our SO's in our decisions. I think if she is honestly okay with it then go for it. I know that my SO is very supportive but I also know that she does hear things from her friends about whether I am gay or its not right or they would not be able to be with someone who dresses up as a female yara yara yara. Despite, her support and love for me I know that it can very difficult for her to hear that but her love for me is what she says is important. I say this because sometimes we do not see what our SO's go through with us crossdressing. Supporting us is not always that easy when others question their decision for staying with a crossdresser. As you know, some of us progress to wanting to fully transition as a woman. Not that long ago, I wore some yoga pants in public that fit nicely snug. At night she asked me if I was going to start wearing them more. I though about it and decided not wear them because even though I liked the feeling it wasn't as important to me as it was to fully dress up and go out dancing. I wanted to be fair and not really push it since she has already given me more than I can ever imagined. She is accepting of me to wear panties full-time, heels around the house accepting of Teresa. I can live without having to wear the other stuff in public. So talk with her and see how she truly feels about it and both of you make that decision.

  22. #22
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Wear what you want with in reason no need to tell them everything.
    Don't meet them at the door dressed like a two dollar hooker and try to explain it.
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  23. #23
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    Thanks Ivie

    Well, as everyone here knows, I have told my rents and we are still debating on the if and how of telling my SO's rents. She really does think it should be done. I'm approaching more cautiously, as I know she will take more of the brunt of it, as it's her rents. However, we are going thru the pro's and cons, but do feel it is better to do it now than to have our current little one or any others spill the beans later.

    I did also field a few more questions from my rents, from how long I have been dressing, types of clothes, frequency and etc.. My favorite question from my mom was why the heels and bra, when most women find them uncomfortable and can't wait to get home to take them off. I answered her question about the why and then added "While women can't wait to get home to take off her bra and heel, the cross dresser can't wait too get home to put them on". I add these little lines to help with acceptance, as this is a serious conversation, I think it helps to put some humor into it, without making it into a joke. Anyway, my mom feels bad that I wasn't able to tell her or them about what was going on when I was a kid. I told her, with the information that was available back then, that it probably would have meant therapy and possible fixing. Not saying all therapy attempts that, but we are talking about the what if's for the time. My dad feels he failed raising both my brother and I. Brief history on my brother, not a very reliable person and for all intensive purposes, not someone you can count on for anything but pain and sorrow. As for me, I'm the exact opposite of my brother and I am cross dresser. So there are still some bugs to work out with my dad, he's going to be helping me at the shop, so I can get some one on one time with him this week. Maybe iron out some things.

    On a lighter note, my mom starts offering me a helpful tip about the color of a shirt in relation to the color of the bra and I started laughing. I said "thanks, but I already knew all that. Like my SO, you would be surprised how much I know in relation to colors, tips, tricks and etc., as we(cross dressers) put a lot of effort/research into getting it right." She laughed. Like I said earlier, a few bugs to hammer out with some more convo's and time, but things are looking good so far.
    Last edited by mandm40c; 11-03-2014 at 06:24 PM.

  24. #24
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    From what you have said, it out, be your self.

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