Seeing a therapist for the first time

[VirtuaGrl]

My wife is not handling my crossdressing well. In an effort to save our marriage, I have agreed to counseling. Initially, we planned to do marriage counseling to work through it together, but, for a number of reasons, we have shifted focus to individual counseling for me and joint sessions as needed.

After reaching out to numerous therapists, I have finally gotten responses from two in my area that are not totally booked and accept my insurance. Obviously, there were not my first choices, but they are the choices available to me and now I need to schedule a session, which is where my questions really come into play.

1) Of these two, one is male and one is female. Given a choice, all other things being equal, would you pick/recommend a male or female therapist?

2) In my initial emails to them I indicated I was seeking individual counseling because of marital strife centered on my gender identity and expression. How soon should I dive into the session with, "...so I'm a crossdresser...?" Should I throw that out there the first session or wait until I've built up some rapport with the therapist? I'm leaning towards getting it out of the way immediately because I don't want to, please excuse the expression, pussy-foot around the issue and waste valuable time in therapy when I can get to the heart of the matter more immediately.

3) The last question kind of leads into this one. I don't really know what I want from these sessions. I think I want to be able to better cope without dressing and to better control impulses surrounding it. I know giving it up completely probably isn't going to happen and that I'm going to have to shift into DADT mode in order to save my marriage and intellectually and emotionally my wife and our relationship is of prime importance (more so than my dressing), but I'm a pragmatist at heart and know that I was crossdressing for years before meeting my wife and that it's pretty well an ingrained part of my psyche. And with the recent Szondi Test results (see my other forum post about that), that it may be more than simply gender-bending and may be a form of dissociative disorder. If you've been to see a therapist, what were your treatment goals? Where on the transgender spectrum did you fall?

The last time I saw a shrink was over 20 years ago and was for depression following breaking up with my high school girlfriend (a break up that was in no way related to my crossdressing because I was only in the early stages of my dressing then and had no idea what it meant). I believe I saw her only two or three times and then refused to continue seeing her or taking the medication she prescribed (Lithium which gave me prolonged nosebleeds). I just don't know what to expect or how to approach this which is why I'm seeking your feedback.

Here's a for instance, I've read here about some of you seeing your therapist an femme. How did that come about? Did the therapist suggest it? Was it beneficial to your treatment? What did your SO say or think about it?

Shortly after coming out to my wife, we tried seeing a marriage counselor. I picked her from a list online and scheduled the appointment. The session was a disaster. The therapist said my crossdressing was 100% normal and my wife was totally wrong for being bothered by it and needed to just accept it in me and support me. I know that sounds like exactly what you want your SO to hear and have to be asking why I say it was a disaster, but truthfully, I know that being TG isn't 100% normal. And while I would love for my wife to simply accept it and support me, I know that it has to be presented to her in a much more gentle fashion and that there is a lot of work I need to do to ease her into the idea better. In any event, I'm trying extremely hard to avoid a repeat performance.

I guess in the long run, that's what I want most. I want my wife to accept, support and participate with me, but it is going to take quite a bit of time before that happens and could use some pointers in finding the right path.

I think I have rambled on long enough. I loom forward to your responses. And for the GGs or other SOs hanging out here and that managed to get through all of that, I welcome your thoughts, opinions, and experiences as well.

Thanks!