For many many years, this side of me was kept hidden, shared only with my spouse and one or two mostly 'anonymous' others out there on the internet.
A year ago, my marriage went to the 'dogs', and despite my fighting it , it became pretty apparent to me that it was over. (Finding out she was having yet another affair was a big part of that).
So far this year I've come 'out' to everyone I know, immediate family, close friends, internet gaming friends, and my kids.
I moved out and got a place of my own earlier this year, after 'hanging' on out of sheer 'spite' for a while (Hey, she wanted to call it quits, I didn't see why I should pack up and leave when my name was still on the mortgage. Besides which, I *knew* that as soon as I left, her new b/f would be moving in, I wasn't about to make it easy for some young punk who was younger than three of the four kids!
Three of the kids have said they're 'ok' with this side of me, the youngest (my daughter) has even opened up to me far more than she ever had before. She's complimented me on my appearance 'en femme', and continued by admitting to me that she's bi.
Friends that I've known for a decade or more, most of whom I rarely see irl, but with whom I share a love of of online gaming (I have quite a reputation in the MMORPG world), have all accepted it, and are both accepting and tolerant of it (Even if we do throw 'zinger' lines back and forth constantly.)
Some of those friends have even become much much closer, despite the geographical distances between us.
My elder sister not only accepted it, she sent me a 'care package' full of femme clothes.
Most of my family have seen my pictures, no-one other than the soon-to-be-ex has actually seen me en femme in real life.
So, I find myself facing a few 'challenges' this year. One of them being to have 'that' conversation face to face with my family members who have said in emails and message boards that they are ok with this.
The next is to get face to face with them when I'm en femme.
Like me, most of my family have a quick wit, a wicked sense of humor, and are not so uptight that they cannot laugh at themselves.
So, I've been memorizing some good 'lines' for delivery at 'awkward' moments. Preferably delivered when someone has a mouthful of beer...
For example, to either of the step-sons "Don't make me kick your ass when I'm wearing heels and a mini-skirt, you'll never live it down!".
Or, whispered to either of the step-sons, "Your SO is just jealous 'cos I've got better looking legs!".
I plan on talking 'face to face' in 'male' mode with each of them before letting them see me 'en femme' (Yah I know, it sounds wierd, but they all live a ways away).
But I can't help wondering about their reaction to me showing up at the usual family xmas parties en femme. After I whup them at pool and Trivial Pursuit perhaps they'll remember that I'm still the same person underneath.
and of course, there's that 'evil' side of me that's tempting me to show up at the xmas party in full drag, with a totally stunning 'femme' partner...
I'm also saving a few good lines for 'her' new live-in b/f, like "Shouldn't you be sitting at the KIDDIES table?" and "I don't mind changing the grand-kids diapers, but I'm buggered if I'm going to change 'her' BF's diaper!". (point of reference, she's 58, he's 24).
Bitter? Naw, I was for a while. Now I don't care any more. She made her choice. Now she has to live with it.
Meanwhile, I'm having fun on my own, and have come to realise that there are people out there that aren't ashamed to know me, who aren't disgusted by this side of me, and who might, just might, become partners as I explore a road in life that I *should* have taken so many years ago.
While I still lack the self-confidence to walk into Macy's and rummage through the sales racks for skirts and dresses, and I still lack the self-confidence to walk into Victoria's Secret or Fredericks and shop, I have come to understand that this side of me is not a perversion, not something to be 'ashamed' of, and not something that I am resisting.
After so many years (decades!), I have withstood the societal pressures and mores that people who are inherently scared (or even xenophobic) have attempted to force upon me. I have withstood the onslaught of mainstream media attempting to re-inforce an archaic (outmoded, restrictive and puritanical) belief system upon me. I have withstood the pressures to 'conform', to be 'one of the guys', to be 'normal'.
I *am* 'normal'. I am a thinking, sentient, living, breathing, person. I have raised four kids, putting three of them through college and seeing them marry happily and start raising kids of their own. I am *still* putting one through college and I am giving her the freedom and education so that she can make her *own* choices as to how she lives her life.
I am freely *choosing* to now live *MY* life as I desire, and I am doing so by exercising something that was written down over three hundred years ago and *given* to me by the blood, sweat and life of patriots.
Perhaps this phrase is familiar...
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
If I am happy, those around me are happy.
I am happy, like this...
For those that have a problem with that, here's another quote...
It behoves every man who values liberty of conscience for himself, to resist invasions of it in the case of others; or their case may, by change of circumstances, become his own.
-- Thomas Jefferson, letter to Benjamin Rush, April 21, 1803
So, I am who I am, and if you care to gainsay that, remember that getting your ass kicked by someone in a miniskirt and heels can be rather embarassing.
Originally Posted by Danielle1960
