What makes you "pass"?

[PretzelGirl]

I am with Isha also. The biggest things to me are to take your style and adapt it for the event or people you will be around. Notice I didn't say dress like the others. There is still individuality. But don't be dressed for a formal and shopping at a strip mall. Unless of course you want to, but that is a different subject. People sometimes scoff confidence, but here is what I found works for me. Don't skulk about. We always notice those sneaking around the edges. Look up at everyone and make eye contact. When you are looking down, people are then allowed to scan you up and down. If you look at everyone in the eye, then they lock eyes and then look away. A bit of the alpha dog effect. But you aren't trying to scare them, so smile to and what you get is a friendly reaction at least most of the time. You belong, you accept that you belong, it helps others accept it.

Does this work 100%. Hell no. There are thousands of things to consider. But if you go in and look like you are going to rob the place, you will get negative attention.

[GinaD]

I have to agree with Sue. I have found that keeping my head high, having a quick smile, and looking at people while I go about my business as if I belong to be there as I am (which I fell I do) I seem to blend in. The longer I have been dressing the less negative looks I get. I get way more positive reactions than negative ones. There is also great truth in the statement that if you want to dress to be noticed, you will be noticed. It all depends on what you want. Even for an attention w**re like me, I tone it down a lot when doing mundane things.

[Debra Russell]

Practice, confidence, dress appropriate and for the occasion ... works for me................................Debra

[Eringirl]

I try to blend, and based on my experiences, I think I do. For me, appropriate dress to the occasion (from jeans and flats to dress and heels, depending on the situation). I have good quality human hair wig, so that helps. The biggest thing for me is confidence. Head up, shoulders back, act like you belong there, which you do. For me, that seems to go a long way.

(that and really good makeup, which I continue to work on...)

[Lorileah]

I don't worry about it. If I did I would be like a deer in headlights.

[docrobbysherry]

Halloween, period!

Passing is the Golden Fleece of dressing! If you've ever done it? U'LL KNOW!

[Amanda22]

I haven't been concerned with passing for a long, long time. I go out to be myself, and I try not to let others' thoughts about me spoil my day. How does anyone know they're passing, anyhow? In my experience, everyone treats me very respectfully, but rather than think it's because I've fooled them, I give them credit for being great people.

[Nikki A.]

To me the two biggest things in "passing" is confidence and dressing to the situation.
If you act like you belong, then there is always that doubt, is he/she a guy or just an ugly woman. Pretty I'm not but I've met worse looking women too. I've been out on Halloween and I've had people guessing (only on that day will someone come up to you and ask), if that's the case I guess I'm OK on the other days, who is going to confront you and risk being embarrassing themselves or you?

[Sarasometimes]

Just think radiation...Time Distance Shielding. Short exposure time to other's eye, Don't let them get too close and great clothes and makeup to shield their eyes.

The hips and confidence/deportment are biggies too.

[sometimes_miss]

MIdnight in a coal mine during a power failure and a total eclipse, and at least 100 yards away from anyone else. OTOH, most people don't really know if they're passing, because the general public doesn't really care. Even if we see someone who's obviously crossdressed, common courtesy tells us to keep our thoughts to ourselves.

I'd have to go with Rachel's thought about someone using female pronouns to address or describe us; 'Miss or Ma'am' would be a good indicator. Because really, 99% of us won't pass. If you're not sure, post a series of your pictures on hot or not and see what kind of response you get. Then a short video on youtube say, about your daily make up routine, maybe a 'what's in my bag' video, each where you are speaking and see how may girls watch the whole thing. There's all kinds of ways to find out if you're passing or not.

[Richelle]

To be honest I doubt any of us truly pass. That would imply that you could walk into a room engage people in conversation and everyone would think you were a woman. I believe we (even the prettiest young ones) have certain tells that give us away. Now "blending" is not outside of the realm of possibility for many. I blend due to a combination of my size, shape and clothing choice. I tend to dress in everyday fashions depending on where I am (situational specific). My wig is reasonable (not perfect but then again hair is never perfect), my mannerisms and walk is as close a proximity to female as I can get. Finally, I act like I belong.
Isha

I agree and disagree. I agree that the key to passing or blending is dressing and acting like you belong and that you are comfortable as a women.

I disagree about truly passing. I believe that many more pass than a many give us credit for.

I have interacted with a number of women (servers, fellow travelers) over the years and I truly believe that they think of me as just another woman. I have even gone into the ladies room with them and had conversations at the sink. However, do not get me wrong, often they are not sure or know than am a CD.

Richelle

[pajeantv]

Everyone missed the first, Lots of smoke and Mirrors. No in all honesty, I know i will never "pass". but in my mind and what i see in the mirror is what matters most. My wife called me an Ugly Skank, took it as a compliment. At least she see's me as a girl. I dress very conservatively, nothing that would draw attention to myself, no overly high heels or short skirts. I don't venture out in public so i can't say if i pass or not

[Leanne2]

I used to worry about passing until I finally admitted to myself that I am a transgender woman. Now I pass just fine but I feel a little subconscious walking around in DRAB. Then I feel like a woman pretending to be a man. Leanne

[Amanda22]

I used to worry about passing until I finally admitted to myself that I am a transgender woman.

Yes! I have arrived at a place in my journey where I'm happy to just be myself without trying to appear as someone else. Many here chase some holy grail of "passing." I did that at first but all I was doing was drawing scrutiny to myself. If you relax and act free, everything's OK. Don't live in fear. This approach works for me without fail. I'm accepted and even admired at times, and I live in a very conservative, violent, judgmental area. If you try to "pass" as yourself, you'll succeed every time.

[Katey888]

my thoughts too....so i dont try....i just be the best me I can and I let others love it or leave it....

Very, very good advice...

I think 'passing' is a really abstract phenomenon in the CD world... even many of those that think they pass are just building their own beliefs up... Nothing wrong with that if it helps confidence - just when a belief becomes a 'fact'...

It's been said before on here many times - how many GGs 'pass' scrutiny every day? Very few... because most people just go unnoticed by others... If that's passing or blending, then fine... but don't believe you've fooled anyone... you've just got under the radar or The Billie Anne 6.5 second Law of Blending...

Is it me, or do I sometimes get the feeling there's a slightly unhealthy obsession with purely visual blending as validation...? To be honest and frank, some of us might have been lucky enough to be born with features androgynous or feminine enough to be seen by others as female (with a healthy dose of makeup and artifice!), but that doesn't always (or rarely) reflect what's going on under the skin.

So it's said that beauty is only skin deep... never a more universal truth...

Katey x

[alwayshave]

I'm pretty sure for me to pass, it would have to be closing time at bar that was serving free drinks all night. I would love to pass, but in the end it is how I feel dressed not so much what I look like, though I am concerned about how I look.

[justmetoo]

How can one even tell if they are "passing"? I have no idea if I pass or blend in or anything. All I can say is I'm not attracting much attention as far as I have noticed. I will get an occasional smile from women. Sales assistants and waitstaff and such are usually helpful, address me as "ma'am" or similar, but I'm certain I don't "pass" with them. If nothing else, my voice would surely give me away and probably tings about my appearance and such. I guess I would say I "pass", but only in the sense of going under most people's radar, as it were. They either take little or no notice or don't react if they do notice. As long as things continue in this manner I'm happy. I'm just out doing my thing, being myself, and enjoying life.
I do think a positive attitude helps, along with not doing things that would guarantee attracting attention.

[flatlander_48]

My guess is that we are harder on ourselves than the general public is. The thing that we forget is that there is a GREAT variance in how women look. The scale goes from Ma Kettle to Halle Berry and everywhere in between and most of us will fall in there somewhere. Certainly there are some clues, such as hands, shoulders, etc. but usually there are things that we can do to deemphasize something or emphasize something else. It's not perfect, but it helps.

My wife and I were on an elevator with 3 women, and if you're on an elevator, you can't be that far away from anybody. From the side, one of the women gave me a complement and from the sound of it, I believed she was sincere. However, I did not turn to face her and limited my response to a quiet Thank You and a nod. But, had I turned or spoke with my regular voice, I'm pretty sure I would have been discovered outright. As it was, perhaps the information was inconclusive or at least enough to give the benefit of the doubt. A little distance helps, but I would bet that distance is closer than you think...

[Dianne S]

I don't know if I pass, but these things help. First, the things I can do: I wear age-appropriate clothing and use breast forms that are appropriate for my frame. I have my own long hair which I augment with hair extensions. I go to malls, restaurants, coffee shops, etc. usually with a friend.

Next, the lucky things that help me pass: I am very small, even for a GG (5'2" and 130lb) so from a distance (ie, too far to really see my face), I really do pass as female. I have smallish hands and arms and a very slim build, so a small amount of padding gives me a very feminine shape.

Finally, the unlucky things that conspire against me: Body hair (tons of it)... ugh. Rather thick eyebrows which I've slowly been thinning. A not-particularly-feminine face. A somewhat poor eye and unsteady hand for makeup. And finally, my voice is a giveaway though I try to speak softly and raise the pitch a bit.

Still, on all my outings, I've never had a bad reaction. Even those who've clocked me have been friendly.

[Talisker]

I would say that if someone actually watched 98% of the people on here for a few minutes moving and doing stuff then they would not pass (including me). As soon as they talked another 1% wont pass. Just because i can walk through a mall without hassle or being called a man doesnt mean much to me. Most people just have quick glances at others unless there is a reason to look longer. So you need to give them no reason to look longer; eg dont dress like a hooker, remove the beard, no cowboy walk etc

People are also polite and treat you as a woman even if they know you arent. Sorry if this pops a few bubbles.

[Gardener]

I don't Cheryl and doubt I ever could. Body shape, weight all those things. I am pretty sure I could be more passable if time were spent on disguise etc but for me that is not what it is about. I do not aspire to pass as a woman: it is not realistic to think that way. I dress as and when I can, to a greater or lesser extent, and that helps me to acknowledge that inside I feel I have a clear feminine aspect to my persona. If I had one desire it would be that I could share this with more than my wife and that it would be accepted by the other person, but maybe in time

[joanna4]

Wig+makeup. I wouldn't go out without those weapons.

[Beverley Sims]

I ff the guy in front of me is going too slow....

I pass.

Otherwise it's like making a cake...

I blend.

[Ivie]

Talisker, just saw your signature... Oh yes, Cheetara

If only there was a costume themed holiday coming up soon...

[Eryn]

I think that the turning point for me came when I decided that "passing" wasn't all that important and was interfering with my enjoyment. That isn't to say that I didn't keep working on my presentation, but I came to the realization that any 6'2" woman will attract curious looks and that they aren't necessarily a sign that I have been "made."

Since I stopped worrying about passing I think that it helps my presentation.