The first time out in public, en femme: The Plan

[CostaRicaRachel]

I have been thinking about this a long time and I have decided it s time to go out, in public, en femme for the first time (other than SCC and walking around my hotel at 4 am) this halloween.

Here is the plan.

I have a facial laser hair removal appointment at 1 pm in the big city, San Jose, Costa Rica. The hospital where I am having laser is near the gay part of San Jose.

I will take the early morning bus to San Jose. There are 2 gay friendly (TG friendly?) hotels in the area, If one of the hotels looks OK, I will spend the night, otherwise, the plan is off, back to safety. Or, maybe, I might spend the night and check out the area, en drab, just for future reference.

After the laser appointment, I plan on doing some shopping, en drab. I need some makeup and I need to buy a costume. I plan on going with just a Madri Gras mask, unless I see a costume that will work for me.

Then, at around 8 or 9 pm, I plan on visiting the Gay bars in the area en drab , to see if there are others like me around and whether I will feel safe and not too uncomfortable.

If it looks good, I will get dressed. I haven't decided what to wear.

I have narrowed it down to a purple, sleeveless fit and flare dress with a red belt, or a little black sleeveless dress with a red belt, or a white pleated skirt with a black, ruffled sleeveless top, or a pair of black leggings with a long sleeve sky blue t-shirt with or without a red belt? (That is almost my entire wardrobe so I have not narrowed it down much.) I also have not decided whether to wear heels or flats.

Once I am dressed, I will take a taxi to the selected bar and (try to?) have fun. In my purse, I will only bring money and some makeup. I will leave my id, etc in the hotel in case the purse gets stolen. (Am I being paranoid?)

That's the plan, what do you think?

The big question is "Why am I doing this?"

That question is for another post

[kimdl93]

I think you're over analyzing this. How will you determine if the hotels or bars are "OK"? The fact is, unless you go to a seedy part of town, the people at hotels, bars and other establishments will be less aware of you than you are of them.

[Marcelle]

Hi Rachel,

Being military I always advocate "time on reconnaissance is seldom wasted" and a good plan never goes to waste. There is nothing wrong with having a look around at the venue you plan to visit to see if it is a good spot. However, I think you will find so long as the venue is in a good part of town, well lit, lots of people . . . you will be fine. Taking a cab is probably wise that way you don't have to worry about getting there. However, you may want to ensure you can get a cab back depending on what hour you plan to leave. If you can't you may be stuck having to walk back to the hotel.

A word about facial laser treatments. Depending on the intensity and the sensitivity of your face, it is plausible your face will be very red for a few days. I find personally that the laser (now at max setting) tends to leave my face quite red and the beard is quite dark (has to do with the surface hair follicles being burnt from the treatment). Shaving is a near impossibility for me at that point and make-up would be too difficult. Just a thought to remember. WRT you ID, I would bring something which identifies you as you just in case you need to identify yourself before entering a bar.

Hugs

Isha

[Samantha_Smile]

I agree that doing a little recon. work is a great idea in an area you are not familiar with.
Get your bearings, remember what looks good and what looks like a place to avoid (whether it's a seedy area or just cobbled paving LOL)
Might be an idea to get yourself a buddy - there is safety in numbers, and this seems like a step in your 'plan' that may have been overlooked??

But as Isha said, your face may not take well to laser, and some people report redness as much as 2 or 3 days after treatment.
If you're only planning a night out, I would just recommend letting your facial hair grow out for 3 days or so before taking the trip, then before you do your make-up, shave with a brand new razor head - preferably one with a nice fancy lubricant strip.
You will be able to shave super close and cause minimal irritation to your skin because of your shaving abstinence in the days leading up to your night out.
It is also much easier for razors to cut the beard hair when it is a little longer and standing more proudly from the surface of your skin.
Also moisturise! Cant stress that part enough.

Laser is a process, it is not to be viewed as a one-time fix-all.
If you decide that shaving is not for you or your skin - (it causes me no-end of redness if I shave daily), that razors are too expensive (Gillette have GOT to be making serious profit on their razor heads), or that you just want to improve your appearance en femme, or even all three reasons, then consider a course of laser or electrolysis (for more permanent results), but remember - It takes a long time compared with shaving and you will be red and blotch between treatments and this might prohibit you from using your foundation due to sensitivity.

I wish you luck with your night out though.
Look after yourself and have fun!

[DeeArel]

Take your ID with you. You may have to produce it to get into a bar.

[Katey888]

Rachel - I think your planning is great! Like Isha says - good recon is never wasted and while you can't plan for everything, the more you can plan for, the better your chances of having a successful and safe outing.

I think a bit of local knowledge goes a long, long way - how familiar are you with the city? Sounds like you know a fair bit - and if that's the case then your plan sounds good. I don't live in London but I've been there enough to be safe and streetwise in the right areas; if that's the same for you, fine - if not, then I think it's good you've got your 'plan B' and escape plans ready... I know nothing of Costa Rica other than I bet you can get damn fine coffee there - Columbian is one of my faves!

As to wardrobe - again, I'd suggest you'd want to be blending with whatever is the norm... your judgement will be best there - I'm sure you'll do fine.

Only other thing is regards your ID - I'm guessing you don't need ID for a bar in Costa Rica, but perhaps you could take it just in case, but find somewhere secure and more 'intimate' perhaps than a purse... I do recall a member here who would stuff money, ID and even a mobile phone in her bra... so do take care when you're out, hold your head up, enjoy that feeling of being out and being natural - and have a great time! Good luck!

Katey x

[CostaRicaRachel]

Thanks for the advice, comments, and encouragement.

I would love to go with someone else, but I know no othere TG's here and none of my friends here know I'm TG.

So it's either go alone or not at all.

I am probably over analyzing this. Gee whiz, I'm a guy going to a gay bar in drag on Halloween. That
really is a cliché. I am just hoping there will be plenty of other people (or at least a few) just like me there.

But, I really don't know if I can do it.

Leaving the hotel en femme will be difficult. Stepping out of the hotel room, walking thru the lobby.

Getting a taxi will be more difficult. I will have to speak with him.

I don't know, at least it is halloween

[Danitgirl1]

Getting out the door is the hardest part... Once you have closed it behind you, just keep going there is no going back.
You will be fine (provided you have done the recon properly and are really in safe place) and you WILL have fun!
Enjoy yourself! Take pics, post 'em.
:-)

[Beverley Sims]

I think I will put on my blonde hair, fill my bra with boobs and go out and buy something to eat.

[Babbs]

1st it's halloween, you can wear anything and not be bothered. 2nd, Gay bars are safe, no need to worry there (been to gay bars dressed no problems)...if you get a weird look there just give it back..lol. 3rd, always take your ID but get used to ALWAYS taking your purse when you go to the bar, bathroom, for a smoke, whatever. that was the one thing I had to get used to my first time out. Your not near home, no worries about being discovered by someone you know...Go have a ball!! oh ya, when in a gay bar bathroom use is easier that a straight bar...in a straight bar do you use mens' or ladies room???

[Babbs]

I think I will put on my blonde hair, fill my bra with boobs and go out and buy something to eat.

You are right Bev...it's pretty much that easy...lol

[JaneAshland]

So I've walked into 4 different gay bars blind, and had no problem what so ever. It took a bit of courage to get out of the car, but as stated above, once you are out the door (car door in my case) the worst is over. No stare's just sat there enjoying being out dressed and talked to the bartender. I've also checked into several hotels dressed, a few looks from the staff when i pulled my license out, but otherwise no big deal. If I am checking in dressed, i usually do it late, around 10-11pm so less likely to encounter crowds. It's weird the power that comes over you once you are dressed and ready to go.

Bottom line, you will be fine, and I totally understand your fears/concerns, only natural, but you are really over planning this. Just make sure the bar's are in a safe area....

[Jenniferathome]

Rachael, mainstream places are so much more fun. I can't comment on the relative openness in San Jose but do you really need to hide in gay bars?

[JaneAshland]

Rachael, mainstream place are so much more fun. I can't comment on the relative openness in San Jose but do you really need to hide in gay bars?

I totally agree with the above, but as a place where a CD lacking confidence would not initially feel out of place; could go to build up confidence, I felt gay bars were a good start, at least for me. I have been to mall's, stores, etc etc since, but the GB's got me out....

[Sometimes Steffi]

As long as you are doing recon, you need to recon the hotel also. The only thing worse than the lobby is the elevator. If it's multistory, you could get a family walking in on you for a long, long ride down.

The first few times I went out at a hotel, I exited and entered by the side door. I also like the idea of having my own car (or a rental) so I can lock myself inside if things go south.

Have fun. I did.

I just did a quick search, and found this link, among others.

http://costaricaticas.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=14565

[CostaRicaRachel]

I could not ask for better advice and encouragement. Thank you all very much.

The answer to one comment about going to a mainstream bar. I am not mentally (or physically)
ready to go to a mainstream bar, by myself, en femme. I would be a spectacle and I don't want
to be a spectacle. I just want to blend in. Maybe, with a little work (or a lot of work), I will be
able to blend in, but not now.

I am reconing (is that a word?) everything. I'm going to check out both hotels in the area, to see which is
better. I'm going to checkout all of the bars before hand to see which one might be the best bet, maybe they
are having fun events. I'm going to check where the taxis hang out.

I looked at the suggested link, I've never seen that website before. I will look at it more later. But it mentioned Morazán park.
That park is in the "prostitute" section of San Jose. I've been there at night and I never even noticed any TG's.
I saw a lot of prostitutes (lots). But it is near the "Gay" part of San Jose, a little to the west and on the other side
of Central Avenue. There are a lot of hotels in the area. Maybe, next time, I will get dressed up and walk around the park

Any way, Thank you all, you have been very helpful.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rachel, Halloween is the perfect time to do it.

[fiseldon5]

you will never forget your first time

[Danitgirl1]

Well, how did it go?
:-)

[Launa]

Buenos dias, I hope all is well but I am going to be a real downer about your plan. I have talked to many folks that think they are world travellers because they have been to Costa Rica for 3 weeks and say its safe, safe, safe. I believe that is true during the day but they have not gone out into the city late at night and hang out with all the vampire creatures. I'm not sure how much time you have spent in San Jose' but I'm sure it hasn't changed much in 20 years.

1. Always stay away from where the prostitutes are unless you are going to be conducting business with them. Those girls are some of the toughest in the world, they look small and real pretty but make no mistake they want all of your money right now and don't care whether you live or die. They also have pimps watching those girls.
Those prostitutes carry gov't ID to show that they are HIV negative and permits to conduct business. You do not want to be walking around their turf without some company.
Go walk into the Key Largo bar and take a hard look at the place. What looks so good at face value has a lot of other ugly things lurking behind the scenes, other less famous bars are the same way.

2. Always carry some ID in public. You and I both know that the police are still corrupt as much as Gringos tell you that they are not corrupt anymore... You don't want to be that transgender gringo without ID out at night.

3. I have seen all sorts of tricks played on folks in San Jose. Bartenders called security on me once to tell me my money was marked by invisible ink and showed me under a black light and said the bill I gave them was bad. That started a big rucuss as I was making a scene but the local girls I was partying with came to my rescue. Also people have been known to have things slipped into their drinks at the wrong bars etc.....

4. Don't be the dumb Gringo and wake up naked in the street stripped of you wallet, clothes and anything of value.

Now if I was in your shoes I would join a group in the city, make some friends within that group and then make a plan to go out somewhere. Do whatever the local folks tell you to do within our community and don't deviate. I think you could also plan day trips with some friends and day trips are sometimes way more fun that night. You could hang out anywhere I'm sure. Stay safe my friend.

[CostaRicaRachel]

First, I will address Launa's comments. I have lived in Costa Rica 8 years. In my opinion, San Jose is no safer or more dangerous than any city in the US. Gee whiz, you have to use common sense.. I have walked in many places late at night and have never had any problems. I only go places that are well light and there are plenty of other people around.

The only people I know, that have had problems here have done 1 or both of the following.

1. They go to some bad area looking for drugs or sex.

2. They get very drunk or wasted and walk the streets. Very easy target for muggers.

Anyway, in my opinion, Costa Rica is very safe, you just need to use common sense.

Now about my adventure.

First, I will just sum up my first time out in public, and then I will give a detailed recap.

Before I went out, I was very nervous and a little scared, but it really turned out to be a non event. Once I was out of the hotel, it just felt so natural, I was not nervous or self conscious at all. Maybe, part of the reason was that it was Halloween. I was not really presenting as a woman, I was a guy in a costume, but in my mind, I was presenting as a woman. Everything went fine. I had fun. No one cared.

For all of you girls that go out in public all the time, you can probably quit reading now, been there done that, just another boring story of going out for first time.

But for any of you that are interested, here is a recap of my first time out. I know I'm giving too much detail, but I like to talk

I arrive in San Jose. I walk over to the area where the gay bars are. It is really not a gay area. It is a regular area with a few gay businesses around. On Calle 11, there were 2 gay bars, Puchos and Bochinche, a couple of blocks apart and there was an OK hotel, Hotel Colonial, within a couple of blocks of the bars. Ideal. I can walk to the bars.

Hotel Colonial is not a gay hotel (gay friendly? I don't know?) As far as I coould tell, there were no gay guests. Before I checked into the hotel, I told the receptionist (in Spanish) that I was going out dressed as a woman and asked it that was all right. I don't think she really understood. I tried to explain, she laughed and said it was OK. I don't think it bothered her, we talked awhile, the original price for the room was $63, but I said cash, she dropped the price to $53. Then I told her I was a Costa Rican resident and she dropped the price to $49. It did not seem to bother her that I was going out en femme, we talked about my hotel, and I gave her my hotel card in case she came to my area.

So, then, I checked out the bars, they don't open until 8 pm.
So at 8:30pm, I do a quick recon of the bars. I don't go in yet, Puchos has a $6 cover and Bochinche has a $20 cover. They look OK, time to get dressed.

While getting dressed, I get a little flustered, I can't get my hair right. (You know how that goes). Then, when I try to tie the mask on it keeps getting tangled in my hair. Also, I can't wear my glasses with the mask, so I know I won't be able to see very well. Everything seemed to be getting complicated. So anyway, I get in kind of a hurry, I forget to put on mascara or my scarf (to hide my ugly neck and extremely large adam's apple)

Time to go. I take a couple of photos, put the camera in my purse, and it is now or never. I open the hotel door and walk out. No one is in the hallway. So far so good. I walked down the stairs to the lobby. The receptionist (a guy) and 2 guests are there. I smile, tell the receptionist I'm in room 22. As I walk out the door, I hear them laugin, but I'm laughing too

So, I am now out in the street in a dress. There are people walking by, cars driving by. It's amazing, it felt so normal.

I go to Puchos, pay the $6, enter the bar. I knew a girl who would have called it an "over" bar. Everyone was over 40 and overweight There were almost no women in the bar, all guys.

I was the only person in drag. But it did not bother me. I felt completely normal. I ordered a beer, chatted with a few guys. I got a few strange looks, but I just smiled.

One guy asked me if I would take his photo, so I asked him to take mine too.

After 1 beer, I left and went to Bochinche. There was a line to get in, almost all guys, a few women, no one older than 25. I was twice as old as anyone else in line. I pay my $20 and go in. Again, I'm the only person in drag, but I felt fine and completely natural. I got a few strange looks, but only from guys. None of the GG's there even gave me s second look. Maybe it's because they know what it's like to be stared at.

So, I have a couple more beers, and I know I will have to pee soon. There is a line for the men's room. I'm thinking, there is no way I'm going into the men's room. I'm not going to pee in a dress in front of all those guys. I'm thinking, maybe I will go by to the hotel, pee and then come back.

There is no line at the ladies room and I see a guy go in and come out. Great, so I go into the ladies room. Lock the door, do my business, take my time, touch up my lipstick. Then I open the door, there is a line of GGs, I am shocked and the GG's are shocked as well. Well, for the rest of the night, I kept using the ladies room, but I did not dawdle. I would wait until there was no line, go in, lock the door, do my business, and get out. No one said anything, so I guess it was OK.

That is about the end of the story. I was getting a little drunk, so I walked back to the hotel around 2 am. Chatted with the receptionist awhile then went to bed. No different than any other night.

These are the first photos of me I have ever posted.

By the way, I'm the tall one

How do I look

I wore the t-shirt under the dress to hide my arms and shoulders. Would a GG where a t-shirt under a dress like this? Does the red belt clash with the red t-shirt?

photoHotel1_c.jpg

This is at Puchos.

photoPuchos2_c.jpg

This is at Bochinche

photoBochinche1_c.jpg

This is sitting in the lobby at 2 am chatting with the receptionist

photoLobby1_c.jpg

[Katey888]

Rachel - great experience - thanks sooo much for sharing... I for one think it's great to hear about these experiences particularly in unusual (non-US /UK) places...

Well done for all the recon - I'm sure it paid off in making you feel more comfortable about where you are going, how places feel, clientele, etc. etc. - I know it works for me... 'Forewarned is forearmed.."!

How do you look? I think you look pretty good considering that you know this is a kind of 'restrained' presentation - and with a mask too... You're tall but slim (always a plus) and I'm guessing most folk will just shrug at this time with everyone wearing costumes... looks like you were the only guy NOT going as Fidel Castro so perhaps that was unusual.. And I thought the sleeves were part of the dress, so that obviously worked (for this fashion blind gal, at least..)

Most importantly you sound like you had a fun and fulfilling time... that's what matters most!

Katey x

[Jenniferathome]

Hi Rachael, amazing how going out can be such a non-event, eh?

On the outfit, a T-shirt is not what a woman would wear. Occasionally a blouse underneath but more common is a simple sweater. I have a thing about covering my arms as well, I use light sweaters for the most part. You are clearly acclimatized to the weather. I find it so humid there that I would chose a sundress that was much more flowing. just to stay cool! Glad you had fun, now you know you can get out. See you in Tamarindo sometime...

[Launa]

Hey Rachel, I know my post was harsh but I've traveled down south before on a shoe string sort of and its different than living in North America. I know you say its just as safe as any city in the USA but I will disagree, its still the 3rd world even though its the most stable country in all of Central America. I have seen things happen that I don't see happen back home and I wasn't into "dope" back in the day but I sure did whoop it up though. LOL You seem like you know the ropes, anyway I always urge caution to anybody that decides to go out without ID in a foreign country. Almost every time I go out in my town here I have men trying to pick me up inside the bars or out on the streets going to and from my car which I hate but it does comes with the turf.
Glad it went well and you did what you needed to do!

Cheers

Launa

[CostaRicaRachel]

Thanks for the comments everyone.

Jennifer, I have a cardigan to cover my arms, but it makes me look like an old lady (which I am). I saw some GGs wearing a sweater over
the dress, but, it does not look right on me. wrong sweater or wrong body (maybe both)

As for sundresses, I would wear them if I found one that fit.

Launa, I think, maybe Costa Rica has gotten a little safer in the last few years or, at least they have expanded the very
safe areas. If you have not been to San Jose lately, it is much safer than it used to be. The pedestrian zone used to be
only Avenida Central from calle 8 to calle 5 (8 blocks) , It is now Aveneda Central and Avenida 4 from Calle 8 - Calle 9 (10 blocks).
There are police on foot and on bicycle every few blocks. The area where I went, used to be kind of sketchy, now it is right on the edge of
the pedestrian zone and is much safer. I guess my main comment is, you have to use common sense and try to
stay in crowded, well lit areas.

I'm guessing this thread is dead. My next adventure, perhaps I will go out to dinner or shopping as myself. Preferably with
a friend. I will have to start planning and getting mentally prepared.