Important step with wife

[NancyJ]

Some of you may think this is no big deal, but for me it was a really big step. I recently had my 63rd birthday and my wife of 35-plus years has known for years that I crossdress. Although she knows that I wear only women's underwear, she has not been accepting of anything else, and although she knows that i have other clothes we have a very much DADT arrangement around my dressing. Many times when she has asked me what I wanted for my birthday I have said things like "a nightgown," or "a skirt and blouse" which she of course has never bought for me. So often I look at my birthday as a time to buy a gift for Nancy myself. This year I bought some Shadowline pajamas that I'd seen on the Her Room site, and I wanted to be able to wear them to bed w/o causing a flap between us.

Soooo...after a bithday event where she took me to dinner and a concert I told her when we got home that I had bought myself a present and wanted to show it to her. She said, "You got a new laptop?" I said that it was nothing like that, but important to me, something I have wanted for a long time and I hoped she would be okay with it. I went to the closet and brought out my new pajamas, showed her (she acted surprised, but not mad) and I asked if it would be okay if I wore them to bed. Without hesitation she said, "Okay, if that is what you want." I hugged her and thanked her and said that it was what i wanted. I wore them to bed that night, and she put her head on my shoulder and I held her and it led to more after she stroked my leg and said, "you like the silkiness and softness don't you...and you chose such a feminine color." (peri-frost--really a shade of lavender)

I've worn them to bed every night since and I am so happy. I look forward to going to bed. I have thanked her for her tolerance (in the past I have used the word acceptance with her and she has responded "well I don't accept it."

Anyway, here ais a link to the pajamas::http://www.amazon.com/Shadowline-Wom.../dp/B007AH16TU or http://www.herroom.com/shadowline-76...-pajama.shtml#.

This is the most accepting she has been since she accepted that I wasn't going to wear men's underwear any more many years ago. I still would like the choice to sleep in a nightgown some nights, but I'm not going to push things, Nancy

[bridget thronton]

Small steps but seems like the beginning of understanding on her part

[Teresa]

Nancy,
I'm very happy for you, yes it may feel like a small step but it's another one towards acceptance ! I'm sixty three, with forty years of marriage and these little steps do seem to be a long time coming !!

I recently admitted to my wife that when I sleep badly I've found wearing a nightie under my PJs does help ! She said that's OK as long as you don't flaunt it, ( exactly what she meant by that I'm not sure !). A few days after she was clearing some drawers out and came across a short black nightie I'd bought her but she'd never worn ! She threw it across my side of the bed saying here stick this under your pillow ! Being a typical CDer my PJs aren't staying on any more ! I did warn her that when she works late shift I have gone to bed and fallen asleep just wearing a nightie, she didn't pass comment so I don't know what the outcome will be on that one !! I did assure her it wasn't intentional !!

[Katey888]

Nancy - what a sweet tale of progressive tolerance and acceptance... How wonderful for you!

Perhaps goes to show how patience, reasonableness and compromise can pay dividends in the long run...

Enjoy your PJ time...

Katey x

[Chari]

Continue with the "small steps" and communication! Hopefully it may bring more positive understanding (& maybe acceptance) for both of you! Enjoy.

[Jaylyn]

I think you have it right- don't push things but take your time and remember that you are her husband the man she married so from time to time you have to be her man. My wife is knowing and accepting of my cd, but I don't push her either. We have fun with it and she reminds me sometimes that she married a man. I know then that I pushed too fast. Just read the signs and let things progress slowly.

[Marcelle]

Hi Nancy,

Firstly . . . Happy belated B-day! What a great story and fine testament to the strength of your marriage and you are wrong . . . this is a big deal and you should be happy.

Hugs

Isha

[Sarah Beth]

Happy birthday, and congratulations on the step forward. I hope it continues.

[DanaR]

A very cool story, thanks for sharing with us.

[Vala]

I'm happy for you and hopefully this is just a beginning.

[Beverley Sims]

Do it little by little and choose your words carefully and you will make progress.
All the best.

[charlenesomeone]

Happy Bday Nancy, Love the PJs very nice looking.
Enjoy them and sleep well.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nancy, I would like to wish you a very special Happy Birthday, But I see by the picture that you really did have a very special Happy Birthday.

[NancyJ]

Thanks to all who have responded with such genuine support and understanding. Over the last several nights it has been amazing to me, but not altogether a surprise, how content I have felt simply from the freedom to wear feminine pj's to bed. Part of this is the feel of the fabric (nylon and lace), but I think mostly it has been the feeling (illusion?) that I am sleeping next to the wife I love as "Nancy." As I continue to struggle to accept myself it is her acceptance that I crave most of all. I did tell her on a recent morning waking up together with me in my birthday pj's how much I admired her femininity. She smiled and said "thank you"--maybe I can take another step with her soon. Wish that I had more than one birthday a year as that seemed to soften her response. I do know that she loves the "guy" me, and I recognize that she will likely never understand the "gal" me. Nancy