Am I going out ?

[Teresa]

Most of my CDing is not accepted by my wife but after out last talk I mentioned that most of the clothes I had were her's I'd rescued from charity bags ! I don't have a problem with that because I love knowing I share with her she didn't appear to object to that, which was great because it meant she had accepted a part of my CDing !

She is obsessive about jackets, coats and handbags , the downstairs cloakroom is bursting, she commented about clearing it out !
I love some of her jackets and coats and thought if she offers me any I would accept them , but then the dilemma struck, if I say I would like some, it suggests I'm going out ! What if she poses the question , " Have I been out ? or would I go out ?"

Well yes I have, I've worn her navy raincoat to drive in and take a short walk, I often wear her lightweight parka and sleeveless jackets under my drab jacket to walk the dog ! She may have glimpsed them but hasn't said anything, but for me to openly ask for them may not be a good idea !

[Amanda L.]

What if she doesn't? You could wear a jacket when outside in your garden, Northern Hemisphere winters are pretty chilly this time of the year I believe (FYI we are getting into summer where I am 40C plus for many days to come.......booyah!.........Id actually swap with you) Anyway the jacket dilemma. I don't think accepting any jackets would suggest that you are hitting the town or romping around the countryside. Teresa if the offer is made graciously accept as an act of becoming the new custodian for the coats to save them from the rag bag. Just after you say yes you say "Thank you my dear, I might find a use for these one day" (I hope I captured the essence of the manicured British voice)
Luv
Amanda
xx

[Katey888]

Teresa,

I think your wishful thinking is pushing you towards what is possible rather than probable, given what you've said recently about your wife's perspective. Don't want to be picky, but...

...she didn't appear to object to that, which was great because it meant she had accepted a part of my CDing !

I'm sorry, I don't think this is always true, and in your case I suspect very unlikely... so I think you should handle your question with extreme caution! Have you any idea how your wife would respond if she knew you had gone out dressed, with her coat? And then potentially asking for permission to acquire her cast-offs? This may not go well at all, and could be quite catastrophic, given her obvious intolerance.

It seems like you're taking a minor opportunity to 'tweak' the discussion of your CDing rather than addressing the entire issue and unless you think a policy of 'creeping incrementalism' is going to work (I don't think it will, imho..) then I'd suggest finding a different approach.

Do you think there might be a possibility she's 'giving you enough rope' here...? It's not been unknown for one partner to effectively entrap the other with apparent permission and then all hell breaks loose... I don't know, just saying...

Do be careful in these negotiations...

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Teresa,

I am with Katey on this one . . . tread lightly as the question will most likely come up "Why would you need a coat and handbag if you are just staying around the house?". If the question does come up you have kind of painted yourself in the corner at this juncture with two potential COAs: (1) Tell her the truth in that you have been out on occasion or; (2) Withhold the information and just say it is for inside only. The problem with COA 1 is that you are not sure how she will respond and COA 2 could pop up later on down the road should she discover you have gone out (more anger could occur).

To be honest, I am not a big advocator of people telling their SOs about their proclivity until they are ready. However, once the cat is out of the bag it is best to get everything out on the table less it be discovered by accident later on. I get the impression from your posts that you like your morning outings and I don't read you plan to give them up. As such, it is plausible your wife may find out some day and if you kept it from her . . . well just saying that may not go well. If you really like going out and want to have some of her jackets discuss this portion with her. Explain what you plan to do (have done) and move toward compromise (e.g., early mornings, caution, etc.). Will she readily agree? I can't say. However, it is better to have it out there then risk discovery later on after you told her "No issues I will only stay inside."

My two cents for what it is worth.

Hugs

Isha

[DaphneMiller]

Good advice from Isha. (as always)
I'm in the situation where I have been out a few times for evening walks, which my wife doesn't know about. She's terrified about me being recognised.
A few weeks ago, I saw a pair of ankle boots I just had to have, and when I told her about them she said "why? are you just going to wear them in the house?" Typically, these 'casual' conversations always occur when we're serving meals, or the kids are around, so I can never risk a big discussion/argument, so I always plan on telling her 'later'. And in what's mostly a DADT situation, it's always easier if 'later' never comes. Which I know isn't good.

Daphne
x

[Rogina B]

You can't be "just a little bit pregnant"...You are dancing around the truth... Let's have some drama!

[DaphneMiller]

No, but you can be secretly pregnant... For a few months at least!

[Teresa]

Daphne,
If your wife doesn't know you've been out I would have thought even the suggestion of wanting those boots would resulted in more than a casual conversation !
The problem is the later conversation never does come nor does the right time ! Eventually the talking stops altogether again !

Krisi,
I omitted that in my OP , if I'm offerred things I have the problem of where to store them, as the cloakroom is being cleared out she'll not want them to go back in ! Coats and jackets take up far more room and my current storage can't take them ! A double dilemma !

[Krisi]

Crossdressing is not at all like being pregnant. You can hide crossdressing and you can quit crossdressing. You can't hide being pregnant forever and you can't quit being pregnant.

As for "going out", my wife and I suppose many wives don't want to be embarassed in their neighborhoods by having their husbands seen dressed as women. That's understandable, I don't want my neighbors to see me dressed as a woman either. I solve this problem by going out underdressed and changing away from home in the car. Not the easiest plan but it works.

Back to the original post, I would hang around while she is cleaning out the closet hoping that the wife would offer you some of the coats and purses. If she offers, take them. Is she asks why you need a coat or purse, just say they are to complete your outfit.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa, Although my wife is DA-DT she knows that I will go through the Goodwill box before I take it to GW.
Every thing that I rescue is always very special to me.

[katie elouise]

Hi Teresa may I add to the great advice from Katey and Isha that if / when your wife finds out that you have been out while dressed ,she is going to be flaming mad to say the least !!! But when she also finds out that you have been wearing her clothing without permission prepare for her to become incandescent with rage .
Because not only will you have lost her trust you will also violated her personal space as a woman ,and as such is she going to want to know how many of her other garments you have worn ? and if you tell her non will she believe you . probably not .
Personally I would refrain from borrowing /accepting her clothing in any form . If you have to have a certain item its going to be way less costly in the long run to buy your own .Just one less thing to have to overcome in the event of being found out. IMHO Katie x.

[Teresa]

Katie,
As I said in my OP, the question arose in one of our talks about clothes and where they're stored, I said she'd probably laugh because most of the things I have were rescued from clear outs . I then went on to add that if it was't for the constraints of CDing I would have probably had affairs, she said she realised that and added in that case keep wearing her clothes and I won't have a problem !
OK she doesn't know what else I have and I buy my own underwear, so that revelation is still to come .
The problem of being offered some outerwear is when does she think I'm going to wear it, the penny may not drop with her until I've accepted it !
Who knows she may be OK with it , because it hasn't been talked over she may not object but I have more than a doubt about that !!

[katie elouise]

Hi Teresa we are an eclectic bunch of human beings here and we all see things a little differently ,I wish for you to be able to express your self in any way you wish with the minimum of hurt and upset for all concerned . maybe" telepathy" is not your wife's specialised subject ? and could relate to your honesty more easily .

If I were unable to cross dress through circumstance , I truly do not feel this would lead me to have an affair, but as I said we are an eclectic bunch Katie x.

[DaphneMiller]

Hi Teresa,
When first discussing my crossdressing my wife asked me if I wanted to go out, and at the time, my response was a definite 'NO!' because I never dreamed I could look as good (relatively speaking) as I now know possible. Since then, we have spoken about it again, as I learned from others here that 'going out' doesn't mean walking down the high street in broad daylight. it can be a late evening trip to the post box, or to the movies, or just for a walk. It doesn't even have to mean any interaction with any other people.
She still isn't keen, but it's a case of progress in small stages. We both work, have two kids, and life is busy. Chuck in all the other day-to-day hassles, and we really don't get much quality time together. As you say, it's important that the talking doesn't stop, so I try to mention CDing things from time to time just so it isn't 'forgotten', but on the other hand, I don't want it to become the main topic of conversation any time we rarely get any quality time...

As for your original question - I hate to see anything go to waste... Especially if it's good quality or particulary attractive...

Daphne

x

[bridget thronton]

Accept if offered

[Rogina B]

Teresa..Is the post about accepting clothing or is this about your less than full disclosure with your wife? Hence my "little bit pregnant "comment...Once you are relegated to being in the doghouse,[because of your wife's viewpoint] how much worse can her viewpoint get? You are chafing at the bit for something you want..

[Annaliese]

Go to a good will (second hand store) and get one of your own, if she ask just say I want one of my own, I know it not that easy, we have to work around so much when we dress, will this get me in trouble or that, at some point, we have to just do it, we are in trouble any way, sometime for nothing at all. Would rather be in trouble for something than nothing.

[Amy Lynn3]

My answer to your wife, if she offered you some of her hand me downs, would be yes dear, I can use these for an idea of mine. I have wanted to take pictures of myself, so I can see where I might need help in perfecting the look I want.

You need not be that blunt, but pictures would be a reason for wanting the cloths. Just my two cents.