My wife lets me wear her clothes, but now I can't stop !

[Nichole Tatiana]

I've been crossdressing since around 9-10 years old. I've gone through many phases of secretly dressing to purging & back to dressing up again. I am engaged to be married soon, & we have several kids together. I decided to open up to my love of my life recently, & to my surprise, my soon to be wife was pretty understanding. She even confided in me that she secretly has desires to have sex with a transsexual. So ever since I told her about a week ago, I have really gone crazy with exploring my Femme side. She woke up to me in her clothes, & noticed that i have been wearing her underwear & clothes under my guy clothes almost everyday now. I shaved all of my body hair, and painted my toe nails too. So maybe i should try to slow done, cause she was a bit surprised by my sudden change...because i explained at first that this was just a "every once in a while thing" you know the old metaphor of trying to hold a balloon under water & it just keeps rising up, well that is kind of how i explained it to her, & it was true. But now, given the opportunity to dress without being looked at with disgust, i am feeling finally free to explore my own femme desires, and as such, have taken Every opportunity to do so. She asks, "i thought this was every once in while ?" & well i thought it was too, but idk.....I am conflicted with opposing feelings in this matter as always. At times I strive to be as femme as possible, intensified with my sexual arousal, but when i ***, it is like a surge of testosterone hits me, & says " WTF are you Doing ? " Then i take the clothes off and wonder why i did that.....a little latter & Bam, Nichole is back ? I am torn between my two halves, i feel like i have a split personality disorder...lol.....but idk....Anyway, i believe this is slightly normal situation for CD'ers, but I am really anxious for any advice, since i have Never spoke or met with anyone who could possibly understand me & my ...dilemma ....With my wife saying it is ok, & she still loves me, I am catching myself thinking about SRS, Hormones, Implants....& other femme activities of a more permanent nature. I do enjoy switching roles, being submissive And Dominate, I enjoy sex as a man, But the idea of taking Hormones & growing my own Boobs has me Really Excited ! I am eating lot's of Soy & Flax seeds...lol....& if i could get my hands on some hormones, i probably could not help my self....Where will this journey end for me, & how do i know i am there ? I am confused, please help.

I feel like i just gave myself a push over a hill & now i am going down the hill gaining too much momentum to stop. I am Sexually excited most all the time now. Dreaming of what fantasy to act on next. The scary part is that i feel a little out of control, I am almost at the whim of my compulsive urges, & it is hard to tell what i will regret latter....oh well, time to pull my big girl panties up ! I would really appreciate any feedback, I have read a bit on this subject, but to be able to talk to real person who can identify with this, that would be great ! and i would be most grateful