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Thread: My wife lets me wear her clothes, but now I can't stop !

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  1. #1
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    My wife lets me wear her clothes, but now I can't stop !

    I've been crossdressing since around 9-10 years old. I've gone through many phases of secretly dressing to purging & back to dressing up again. I am engaged to be married soon, & we have several kids together. I decided to open up to my love of my life recently, & to my surprise, my soon to be wife was pretty understanding. She even confided in me that she secretly has desires to have sex with a transsexual. So ever since I told her about a week ago, I have really gone crazy with exploring my Femme side. She woke up to me in her clothes, & noticed that i have been wearing her underwear & clothes under my guy clothes almost everyday now. I shaved all of my body hair, and painted my toe nails too. So maybe i should try to slow done, cause she was a bit surprised by my sudden change...because i explained at first that this was just a "every once in a while thing" you know the old metaphor of trying to hold a balloon under water & it just keeps rising up, well that is kind of how i explained it to her, & it was true. But now, given the opportunity to dress without being looked at with disgust, i am feeling finally free to explore my own femme desires, and as such, have taken Every opportunity to do so. She asks, "i thought this was every once in while ?" & well i thought it was too, but idk.....I am conflicted with opposing feelings in this matter as always. At times I strive to be as femme as possible, intensified with my sexual arousal, but when i ***, it is like a surge of testosterone hits me, & says " WTF are you Doing ? " Then i take the clothes off and wonder why i did that.....a little latter & Bam, Nichole is back ? I am torn between my two halves, i feel like i have a split personality disorder...lol.....but idk....Anyway, i believe this is slightly normal situation for CD'ers, but I am really anxious for any advice, since i have Never spoke or met with anyone who could possibly understand me & my ...dilemma ....With my wife saying it is ok, & she still loves me, I am catching myself thinking about SRS, Hormones, Implants....& other femme activities of a more permanent nature. I do enjoy switching roles, being submissive And Dominate, I enjoy sex as a man, But the idea of taking Hormones & growing my own Boobs has me Really Excited ! I am eating lot's of Soy & Flax seeds...lol....& if i could get my hands on some hormones, i probably could not help my self....Where will this journey end for me, & how do i know i am there ? I am confused, please help.

    I feel like i just gave myself a push over a hill & now i am going down the hill gaining too much momentum to stop. I am Sexually excited most all the time now. Dreaming of what fantasy to act on next. The scary part is that i feel a little out of control, I am almost at the whim of my compulsive urges, & it is hard to tell what i will regret latter....oh well, time to pull my big girl panties up ! I would really appreciate any feedback, I have read a bit on this subject, but to be able to talk to real person who can identify with this, that would be great ! and i would be most grateful
    Last edited by Lorileah; 11-05-2014 at 02:41 PM. Reason: Merged posts into one, you can edit your previous post when adding things

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    Hi Nichole
    It's the kid in a candy store situation. Let the reins go and remove all barriers and suddenly your free to explore and act out on deeply repressed desires. Just keep some balance to what you do or there is the potential to go into overload followed my melt down.
    I think what is going through your head is natural, given what we do. There are some very good posts here that deal with the similar experiences of others, so don't think your on your own here.
    Take what you can and adapt to your situation but in the mean time make sure you have the full understanding of your SO.
    She might have a fantasy but fantasy is not necessarily a lifestyle choice.
    Amanda

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    Thanks Amanda for taking the time to respond, sounds like good advice, appreciate it I guess I am having trouble deciphering what is "fantasy" & what is a "lifestyle choice"....it is hard to tell sometimes...

  4. #4
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Hi Nichole-

    I have read of your type of scenario here more than once. You are not alone in your feelings. The kid in a candy store analogy is quite fitting. When we finally give ourselves the freedom to explore sometime we can go a bit nuts and especially when we feel that those around us give us the freedom to explore we can go even more nuts.

    Some various advice I could offer:
    - Slow, way, way down!
    - Stop wearing her clothes. Buy some of your own things.
    - Try and find some balance between your male and female sides. This can be hard, especially when we have repressed our fem sides for so long, balance sometimes can feel like we have to go full force fem. But like with most things, overloading one side is not a balance. And trying to do everything at once often means we will just make poor choices.
    - Do not relate all of your sexuality with dressing. Your SO has fantasies of sex with a transsexual, that does not mean she is not interested in sex with male and would appreciate having sex with male you most often with an occasional fling with fem you.
    - Do not even think of hormones and growing breasts at this point. It is a wonderful fantasy, but the reality of it is not so easy and nice and convenient as it may seem. In fact from what I have read from others, it is a massive undertaking that does a heck of a lot more than simply growing breasts. Number one problem? Lack of function of what you are currently getting so much pleasure out of.
    - Just because you now have some freedom of exploration does not mean you need to do it all right now. You have time to figure this out, regardless of your age. Rash decisions bring about poor results.

    Best of luck to you sweetie.

    Nadine

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    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post

    Some various advice I could offer:
    - Slow, way, way down!
    - Stop wearing her clothes. Buy some of your own things.
    - Try and find some balance between your male and female sides. This can be hard, especially when we have repressed our fem sides for so long, balance sometimes can feel like we have to go full force fem. But like with most things, overloading one side is not a balance. And trying to do everything at once often means we will just make poor choices.
    Best of luck to you sweetie.

    Nadine
    Nicole,

    I can only echo what others have said here, and I really like what Nadine has said -- do heed all of the above. We've often said in posts like this that one needs "balance", and that is just as often so hard to achieve. It doesn't happen overnight. Maybe you need to step back a bit and look at your whole life with your fiancee and kids, and try to find perspective. The candy store is so inviting those first few times ... but we don't think about the consequences (cavities, belly aches ... obesity and possible diabetes...).
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club

  6. #6
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    I agree with Nadine. Before anyone goes and start hormone therapy, you have to really consider what it does to your body. I have fantasies and I think we all have fantasies. Some of mine are far to dark to mention anywhere, and some of these things might not play out so well in real life. There is no actual physical harm to your body when you wear female clothing. It seems like you have a wonderful partner. I would take the slow it down approach as well and just enjoy what you have. If you really get to a point where you want to start to change your body through hormones, then you need to talk to some professionals first and get all the facts.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Lori Kurtz's Avatar
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    At the simplest level, I'd say you'd be smart to dial the excitement back just a bit out of respect for your lover, and for the sake of your relationship. You're way ahead of her in dealing with this aspect of yourself, so give her a chance to catch up.
    But there's something deeper going on here; your description of an out-of-control feeling that's scary tells me that you'd be even smarter to seek some professional help in sorting out your feelings and desires--and, fundamentally, your identity. Find a good therapist. Best of luck in this new phase of your life.

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    oh no, not therapy....lol.....maybe one day.....I will be ok.....I hope so atleast.... I am only worried about my wife in this aspect, & so yes I agree that she needs time to "catch up"....and that is ok. She is the only one thus far who has partially accepted me, she is the mother of my kids, & soon to be wife, & so she means everything to me. I am trying to show her that positive things could come out of exploring my Feminine side.

    I don't know if I can "slow down" ........but, Yeah, you're right....thanks Nadine
    Last edited by Lorileah; 11-05-2014 at 03:00 PM. Reason: Merged posts into one, you can edit your previous post when adding things

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    Did you say shopping? Caden Lane's Avatar
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    Nichole, please do not look at therapy as a negative. All these questions and doubts you are having, can be answered by a psych professional. They can help you understand more about who you are, reign in your desires some, and find balance in your life. If after talking to them for a while, you still have longer term desires,they can also help you explore that. But a professional is a sound and safe way to go from here on out. And I am willing to bet, would put your mind at ease.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nichole Tatiana View Post
    oh no, not therapy....lol.....maybe one day.....I will be ok.....I hope so atleast.... I am only worried about my wife in this aspect, & so yes I agree that she needs time to "catch up"....and that is ok. She is the only one thus far who has partially accepted me, she is the mother of my kids, & soon to be wife, & so she means everything to me. I am trying to show her that positive things could come out of exploring my Feminine side.

    I don't know if I can "slow down" ........but, Yeah, you're right....thanks Nadine
    "These aren't 'women's clothes'. These are my clothes. I bought them with my own money."
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    Nicole, if you do NOT slow down, you are headed towrds the rocks. Yes, it IS easy to enjoy the quick orgasm that you seek - but remember, there are two people in this relationship. In fact, more than two. these people at the moment are dependent on you. The kids cannot know what you are going through. Your partner can. Put yourself in her shoes "Sorry, honey, I'm going to get dressed up and masturbate for a while - but I'll be back after the news!"

    How do she like that? Does it feel good to her that you put on some female clothing and get yourself off?

    SLOW DOWN. Talk. Meet her needs too - and if you cannot do that, get out of her life.

    Hard to this, but grow up! You do need therapy. Get it
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  11. #11
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are getting lots of good advice. Thats good I can only add go slow. Your wife may be into it for awhile but my guess and, it already sounds like it a bit, that she will burn out. The fantasy will not bt what it was imagined to be. Enjoy your CDing but keep it in perspective. It is only a part of you not the whole you. All of us hear have been through these feelings. you will find lots of support here but therapy can't hurt except maybe you purse. Meanwhile feel lucky you have an accepting spouse and don't burn her out
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  12. #12
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    same thing be carefoul :/ really
    Last edited by Lorileah; 02-16-2015 at 01:51 PM. Reason: no need to quote post above yours

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    I would like to learn more about that awkward feeling I get after I have an orgasm in femme....who else experiences this ? Furthermore does this feeling I get afterwards define me as being a Transvestite, or just a crossdresser, & does it exclude the possibility of me being Transgendered ? Sometimes I wish I was just one way or the other, since there is this constant battle between my Femme side & my Masculine side....Can anybody direct me to a thread on this particular subject ?

  14. #14
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nichole Tatiana View Post
    I would like to learn more about that awkward feeling I get after I have an orgasm in femme....who else experiences this ? Furthermore does this feeling I get afterwards define me as being a Transvestite, or just a crossdresser, & does it exclude the possibility of me being Transgendered ? Sometimes I wish I was just one way or the other, since there is this constant battle between my Femme side & my Masculine side....Can anybody direct me to a thread on this particular subject ?
    All I can give is my opinion on your questions (so the rest of you please don't shred me)

    - That awkward feeling is called guilt. For many of us, cross dressing is sexually stimulating and because so we allow ourselves to do it. We have the orgasm, and then we feel bad or disgusted by ourselves. In many ways if something is sexually stimulating we don't feel so weird or bad about it, because it is just another sexual kink, among many different sexual kinks in the world. If all it is is sexual, then it is understandable. It doesn't mean anything about our inner feelings of our gender, it just means it gets us excited. (all of this is just my opinion btw, as it is not where I am at, I do not dress for sexual gratification.)

    - people around here have differing opinions on the labels you asked about, transvestite, cross dresser, or transgender, you will get a vast array of thoughts about those three words and which one you are. Knowing which one you are will not stop the battle between your masculine and feminine. For me, the only thing that has helped to combat it is to accept that I am not one or the other but a blend of the two. This is not the case for everyone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nichole Tatiana View Post
    I would like to learn more about that awkward feeling I get after I have an orgasm in femme....who else experiences this ? Furthermore does this feeling I get afterwards define me as being a Transvestite, or just a crossdresser, & does it exclude the possibility of me being Transgendered ?
    I don't know much about the labels but I'd be inclined to just to be YOU and forget which group you fit with. It's incredibly flexible anyway, from what I've read here.

    And the awkward feelings you have are the same that my H always has and still experiences. For the longest time I thought my H dressed for the reasons many here recite - identity, comfort, it feels right etc. It wasn't until counselling and some rather unpleasant fights in our relationship that he finally admitted that the whole thing is very much sexual for him and part of that process is a rejection of the femme fantasy when he's 'finished' and is back to his guy self.

    I don't even think this is a guilt thing anymore, as he doesn't feel guilty! It's just a natural response to sexual fulfilment and I imagine people with all sorts of sexual lifestyles feel the same way after the act is done and they also can't wait to put away their props, lol. Thing is, none of that matters as time will help you figure this out. What matters is you're letting yourself get carried away because it feels so good to be accepted finally and you're allowing that feeling to permeate every part of your life. It's understandable, but your SO will likely grow old of this very soon and her acceptance could dissipate altogether. There's a huge difference, as others have pointed out, between her little transexual fantasy and you suddenly dressing all the time.

    If you're really struggling to get a hold of these thoughts, I suggest maybe seeing a counsellor fluent in gender and alternative sexualities and finding a way to manage the compulsive thoughts. Be it crossdressing or golf, anything that is all-consuming is never healthy.

    Good luck

  16. #16
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    Stop slow down, this is normal, first, talk you your wife or soon to be, to join here to be able visit with the wife here, Learn together that this is not going away, and you need grow together with this or it will destroy, your relationship.

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    I think I will bring her here....I know how tuff it is to not be able to talk to anybody about this, & so I want to give her an outlet to express concerns & questions....Thanks Annaliese

    well said, thanks
    Last edited by Lorileah; 11-05-2014 at 03:01 PM. Reason: Merged posts into one, you can edit your previous post when adding things

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    Nichole, I notice that in one of your replies you reject therapy. I urge you to think again. The objective of a good therapist should be to help you both understand yourselves and work out what it is you really want to do and how to approach it.

    Before I was married I told my SO that I was a transvestite. She said she was OK with that but after marriage it turned out that she did not really understand what transvestism was all about and I did not have sufficient knowledge or the ability to give her neutral advice. A good and experienced- and I repeat good and experienced, therapist would have made a world of difference at that time. I get the feeling that you are being overwhelmed by many desires and you don't know what feelings to trust. You need to find your equilibrium and so SLOW DOWN and don't make any critical life changing decisions until you truly understand what you want and what it will entail to get there.

    I the meantime be calm. It will all settle down in time. Allow time and wisdom to play a role for you.

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    That, I believe, depends greatly on what 'brain' is in control at the time. Boy me has a set of responsibilities and attitudes that enable me to function in my day to day world. Girl me allows me to forget that part and adopt a completely different set of 'tudes.
    Escapism?...... perhaps
    Dual personality?.........no.
    To me its about maintaining the perspective on life I need at the moment that enables me to balance my life choices.
    I don't know where this will lead, nor do I care at present. I live for the moment and do what I have to do along with what I want to do.
    Life is too short to worry about what may never happen.
    Amanda

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    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    Nichole, we have all been where you are. now breath.

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    Agreeing with what several of the responses have said, that you need to go through and read posts on this forum, there are many different levels of what we do and some will only dress for sexual satisfaction, some feel more balanced when en femme and it's not about sex at all, others want to go out as a woman from time to time, and others transition and become real women. It is going to take you a while to figure out where you fit in that spectrum.

    So as everyone has said, slow down and take it step by step. If your feelings of wanting SRS and hormones and implants continues past a few months, I seriously suggest finding an experienced gender therapist. This will help you discover how deep your personal rabbit hole will go. Thankfully there are safeguards in place so that you can't do most of those things until you have had counseling and have lived as a woman.

    Remember that you are about to get married, it would be a good idea to have a least a decent idea if you are going to take things to higher levels BEFORE you get married. Your wife might not like the concept of being labeled a lesbian if you decide you have to be a woman full time. It can cost you a lot of heartache, money and relationships if it goes beyond the closet. Read some of the stories on this site, some are downright frightening, the repercussions of coming out to friends and family, the destruction of careers and marriages. Please do your research.

    Bottom line is like everyone else here, we want the best for you in your journey, and that comes down to do your homework before you make any drastic life altering decisions.

    Charlotte.

  22. #22
    Member Richelle423's Avatar
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    It seems to me you might have some sort of a transvestic fetish. It starts like that with some of us then it fades away and we desire to dress en femme without "releasing our desires" so to say. I would definetly buy your own clothes especially panties and bras. get yourself a wardrobe going and since you have kids you might want to throw in a pair or two of boxers in the laundry when they get older so your kids don't suspect something.Good luck For you and your wife on this journey!!! xoxo...

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    Thanks Richelle ....Ok, so here's the thing, I think that this obsession is possibly more than just for sexual gratification, idk ..... I mean recently I have gone several days wearing clothes under my guy clothes, & in my sleep. I will hold off having an orgasm as long as possible just to prolong the experience, because I know that after I orgasm the fantasy is over, at least for a while....My wife asks me, "I thought this was just a sexual thing" and I respond with telling her "I think it is".....but idk....I mean I like the way my smooth legs feel, even when I am not aroused....But then again thinking of my smooth legs gets me aroused just thinking about it...so idk. I guess I wish there was a clear-cut way of understanding if this is just for "sexual gratification" or something more....I mean I would assume that a transgendered person would not have awkward feelings after an orgasm in femme, is that true ?

  24. #24
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    I assume when you say transgendered you are really meaning transsexual. And the answer to that is, it depends on who you are and how you feel about sexual things. In truth, why would a transsexual have guilt feelings over a normal activity?

    I know this is all new territory for you but as stated earlier.... slow down. I think we all have an idea of what you are going through right now. It is a fairly common scenario for trans people. All I ask is that you keep it PG13 here as you discuss it.

    We will all agree I think that you need to dial back...a lot. You are going out of control and your SO is going to get very unhappy with you soon. No hormones, no surgery, no changing your body. Yes to backing off and working through this slowly and steadily. To be blunt...Wake Up! Get some control.
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    Ok, Lorileah I got it. Thanks

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