The good news is i can dress whenever I want now...

[Emeraude]

I recently came back from Fantasia Fair. Overall it was an amazing, wonderful experience. A couple of pictures below. On the other hand, while i was there my wife of 34 years texted and said I had to give up crossdressing or our marriage was over. I've tried that before, made it a year and "backslid", so she knew, as I reminded her, that this was just not something I could do. So, she moved across the country, outing me to our 5 adult children on the way.

The interesting thing is that they all said they couldn't care less about my crossdressing! Something my wife told me for years would freak them out and destroy our marriage, just wasn't an issue for them at all. That gives me an incredible sense of relief. I came out to my best friend just before I left for FanFair and he has been incredibly supportive through this, as have my children.

Overall, though, I'd say my life of the last couple of weeks has had a very surreal feel. I was completely closeted for the past 8 years, hiding my true self from my children and friends, at my wife's insistence, feeling incredibly guilty and constantly worried about being discovered.

Now, between being able to be en femme 24/7 at Fan Fair, and then being so incredibly out of the closet that I can't even see the door anymore--my head is spinning a bit. I mean, I walked the runway twice at Fan Fair, and now all my clothes are out in my closet, instead of stuffed into a cardboard box in the back of the closet, and I've moved my wife's remaining clothes downstairs to make room.

This is not the way I expected things to turn out. It is a lot to get a handle on!

At Christine Howe's show.jpgFashion Show 11.jpgFashion Show 3.jpg

[UNDERDRESSER]

One wonders what she thinks now? Have the kids told her, that it doesn't bother them?

I wonder if that can make her reconsider?

[PaulaQ]

@Underdresser

Just remember this simple phrase to explain any unaccepting person's attitude about us:
It's all about them - it's never about you, nor anyone else

It is really just that simple.

@Emeraude - I am happy for your newfound freedom to express yourself. I'm sincerely sorry for the loss of your relationship. I've been through that, and it's just awful.

[Jenny Elwood]

Just don't let it swallow you wholly.

[Kate T]

Just remember this simple phrase to explain any unaccepting person's attitude about us:
It's all about them - it's never about you, nor anyone else

The same could be said about many CD/TG/TS if we are honest with ourselves Paula.

That being said I must say I do struggle with some SO's approach. From what I have read Em seems to have been both respectful and understanding of her wives concerns, it would seem to me to be a fairly unforgiving individual who could not cut some slack and work with you to try save your relationship.

PS. Love the hot pink 50's style frock

[charlenesomeone]

Em, you look great in the pics. Sorry about the whole other part. Glad your
kids are so accepting, maybe after the wife has some alone time, she will
reconsider. Like Jen said take things slowly, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

[Teresa]

Emeraude,
It's like giving us the good news and the bad news at the same time !
It looks as if it's mostly good news now but I wonder if your wife wanted out anyway !
I would think many of us live with a partner who has irrational fears, I'm sure I do ! I'll have to make a note of Paula's quote, it's so applicable and not just to our community !
I hope you don't encounter problems in the future with your children, one of my fears is being cut off from our grandchildren if my children knew !

[Katey888]

Crikey!

You seem to have handled it very well, Em... From what you say I'd guess there was a lot more leading up to the texted ultimatum as it doesn't seem to have come as a massive shock, although any break up has unhappy content. Perhaps be prepared for that to take a while before it hits... But great that your offspring are supportive... Enjoy your newly found freedom!

Katey x

[Rhonda Darling]

Em:

First of all, you look fantastic. Looks like you really hit it out of the park at Fantasia Fair.

When my wife passed away I was filled with a mixture of grief and profound loss, but at the same time a sense of freedom for Rhonda. So while I'm sorry that your CDing has cost you your wife, I fully understand the exhilaration that being alone and able to express and explore Em and all that she can be brings you. It can get heady at times, so be mindful of the pink fog.

Oh, and be sure to change the locks and the alarm code on the house. Also, even if you hold some hope for a reconciliation, talk to a lawyer about how to best protect yourself. Do it before you need it.

Best,
Rhonda

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Emeraude, First off , You are a very lovely young lady, It's always so sad to hear of a longtime marriage go down the crapper .

So many times when one door closes another door opens, I wish you good luck and much happiness.

[SamanthaSometimes]

So many times when one door closes another door opens, I wish you good luck and much happiness.

I agree and it appears the door that was opened belongs to the closet! Em, sounds like you are enjoying your freedom and congratulations on continuing your children's relationship in an authentic manner.

[PaulaQ]

The same could be said about many CD/TG/TS if we are honest with ourselves Paula.

You are incorrect. I have never seen a trans person here attempt to deny the basic humanity of their SO. The world at large, unfortunately, would mostly rather we did not exist, because the inconvenience of understanding us is just too great. Better we suffer in silence, or better still, not exist at all.

I know many trans people, men and women both, who exit relationships with spouses or partners with NOTHING. Their partner feels ok about that because of the following:

"If you are trans, it's always your fault."

Dearest Adina, I pray you never have to understand these cruel statements I make. As for me, I'll stand in silent vigil at TDOR later this month, saying a prayer for one woman in particular who met the ultimate conclusion of the terrible statements I've uttered in this thread.

[Krisi]

I'm sorry about your marriage. I suspect this will hit you soon and you will begin to miss your wife. I know I would.

[AnneC]

Wow, sorry to hear about the way you got to where you are, but hope this all works out for you. My best wishes.

[Jackie7]

Emeraude, roughly the same thing happened to me back in 2001 after 30+ years married, and after I went to Fanfair despite my then-wife's fierce disapproval. The resulting upheaval was devastating and it took four years of counseling and trying to make it all work before we finally divorced in 2005. Along the way my three grown kids each took their own predictable stances: one called it too much information, one stopped speaking to me for a couple of years, and one bought me pretty scarves for Christmas. And by 2010 I had met, wooed and married my second wife, who loves the crossdress side of me and fully participates in both shopping and stepping out. My kids have all come around to be OK with me as I am, and I couldn't be happier.
I hope it all works out as well for you. Be true to yourself, and I believe that it will.

[Amy Lynn3]

The way I look at your situation, along with many others...it is there (wives) loss. They give up good husbands and fathers, just because they can't control every aspect of the husband.

As you found out....we do have a life after being pushed out of the nest. Look after yourself.

[Tina B.]

I can't know what your married life was like, other than the DADT aspect of it. But wither it is reconciliation or Divorce, I hope you find what it is that you need to me happy in life, sometimes freedom is all it takes, and if that is what you need, then you'll be fine.
Sometimes it is only the letting go that is hard, because there just wasn't that much left in the relationship but old habits that need to be broken. You just don't sound all that upset by it, so maybe it was a good thing.

[Momarie]

@PaulaQ

We have heard you express profound sadness in the loss of your wife and familiar home life.

Maybe once the exhilaration Emeraude feels at the moment and the reality of just what is being given up, will allow a softening of heart against her hasty ultimatum.
Now that she sees their children's reactions she might have a change of heart, as she comes to understand her fear was unfounded.

I think she and their union, at least deserves some patient reflection.

[NancyJ]

Too bad! Such ultimatums rarely work, especially when it relates to expecting that you suppress part of who you are. I'm sure there is more to the story for both of you and perhaps this is not the final chapter. Scared to me, though, as someone in a long-term marriage with an unaccepting wife. Wish you the best (and you are a very pretty gal). Nancy

[Annaliese]

Just be your self, and enjoy, life now.

[PaulaQ]

@Momarie - I agree, I hope Emeraude and her wife are able to find a way to get past this, to find a way to make it work. Because indeed, choosing between your identity, and the love of your life is an impossible situation. The loss of the relationship is heartbreaking. At least for me, it was a terrible loss - I still care about her, and miss her. I probably always will.

I do give credit to Emeraude, though, for having the courage and honesty to admit that this part of her isn't going away. I know this hurt her wife - that just seems so clear that it had to have. Still, the truth will out, and a relationship based on a lie is not on a good foundation.

[CONSUELO]

You look and sound very happy and I hope that continues for you. It is hard for many women to be comfortable being married to a cross dresser so I wouldn't be too hard on your wife for her reaction. Did she know you were a cross dresser before marriage or was this a later development?

I just hope that you can each both work out the best possible future for the two of you and your children.

The pics do look very good by the way.

[Tracii G]

Just keep balance in your life between the girl and guy side.

[Kate T]

"If you are trans, it's always your fault."

That phrase could well be accompanied by "If you are not trans then you will never understand my pain" catch cry.

What I am trying to say Paula is that just being Trans does not make us immune to selfishness or intolerance. I would NEVER advocate discrimination or abuse of any individual, no matter the cause. But I do believe we must make sure we remove the plank from our own eye before we point out the splinter in the eyes of others.

[MelanieAnne]

Congradulations! Your life is now ultimatum free! You can now do what you want, when you want, if you want. You can spend your money as you see fit, buy anything you want, without permission. You can hang your fem clothes in the closet, and put your shoes under the bed, and not hide anything. And you'll probably live a little longer without the stress of hiding, or denying yourself the pleasure of dressing when you feel like it, and putting up with ultimatums.