Boy vs. Man vs. Crossdresser

[JenniferYager]

As a BOY, I was immature. I remember once driving fast down a road, chasing my friends car and throwing pennies at it because it was COOL. I remember watching guys in college get girls super drunk so they could sleep with them, and I thought they were cool. I remember thinking it was cool to drink a lot, smoke a lot and swear a lot. I mean, that's what made me a man, or so I thought.

Then I had to grow up and became a man. I had to survive getting an engineering degree. I had to support a family. I had to lead people at work who in many cases were smarter than me and in most cases were lazier than me. The hangover the next day meant I turned in crappy homework. I would come home and everyone wanted to go "out," but I was exhausted because I stayed late to fix an engineering casualty, and all I wanted to do was relax. As a MAN, I realized that the things I thought were cool as a BOY were now annoying. I knew who showed up late to work with a hangover because I had done that in the past. I started to set a better example. I worked to inspire those around me and help make them better. I realized that the short thrills I got as a BOY never compared to the thrill of watching someone, particularly a young person, mature in part due to my guidance.

Society pushes the message that being a MAN is easy. It's not. Being a BOY is easy. In fact, being a BOY is really easy when you have a steady job, because you have all the money in the world to spend on frivolous things. Being a MAN, well, it's not as interesting or sensational to write about in the news, so you don't see a lot of that.

Where does the CROSSDRESSER fit in? Well, being a MAN is taxing. For me, changing into something else for a while is much more relaxing. Some people change into BOYs (we see it all the time in the news), but for me, being a CROSSDRESSER is way more fun. I get that opportunity to enjoy the female world for a while. It helps me appreciate at least a little bit what real WOMEN go through (rather than the over-sexualized version of women we too often see on the TV). It's a different feeling looking at a mirror and thinking you look sexy instead of looking handsome. I get to enjoy shopping and be a lot more light-hearted in conversation. Not everything becomes a problem that I'm expected to fix. But being a CROSSDRESSER has lots of downs too, so at some point the fun wears out and I go back to being a MAN.

Maybe it's different for other people, but that's how the learning experience has been for me.

[Chari]

Life is a learning experience Jenn, and from that we also learn responsibility. Somewhere along that road of life in our search for comfort and security, we usually put away those things we had/did as a child. Discovering our CD side can bring relief with "different feelings" for a few moments, but IMO CDing will never completely go away. It is sad that most societies do not accept (or understand) that CD-TG is not a disease, but a part of each of us. For me it has become a release for stress, and a quest to present as naturally feminine as possible. Enjoy.

[franlee]

Everything you said is true in almost every case. I can relate to it whole heart-idly! Being responsible for others is stressful, some of us thrive on it. Even if it is your cut of meat you still have to have relief from time to time. CDing is proven to be a stress reliever for most of us. Enjoy it and take your medicine, growing up is such a downer.

[CONSUELO]

A smart psychologist once told me that many men preferred to be women because it seemed less stressful.

Being able to cross dress for a while is indeed calming, especially as you get to enter a desirable and interesting world of new sensations. But that is not being a woman. We cannot walk in a woman's shoes because we are not women and the stress they feel in life cannot truly be experienced by us unless one choses to live as a woman full time. Even then we cannot understand the stress caused by biological rhythms any more than a woman can understand the stresses that come with being a man.

That said the adjustment from being an irresponsible teenager to a responsible adult is great as Jennifer points out and crossdressing is one way to temporarily escape from the day to day stresses.

[Gillian Gigs]

Some join a theater group and dress up, some dress up as cowboys for the evening, others slip into the world of a comic book character with all the props. If slipping into some lingerie, dress, wig and heels makes you feel calm and relaxed, then are you any different from the others? I would rather go with the clothes than the drink, or drugs any time. To me there is nothing worse than a man who needs to grow up and stop being a little boy. I base that on some of the stupid things I have seen them do!
Some how I think this expression seems apt, " humans spend the first twenty years of there life becoming adults, and the rest of their lives over coming their childhood"! Is that the problem?

[Katey888]

So in simple terms it's escapism for some of us...? I get that... I can empty my mind of MAN stuff and have to fill it for a few hours of: which foundation... what's a nice combo eyeshadow for autumn - brown and berry (almost typed beery - ha ha!)... how do these woolly tights go with this top... and so on...

Which is all completely absorbing, calming, focusing, stabilising...

But then - some of us choose to go out... Which can be stressful, potentially embarrassing, confrontational, even dangerous in some circumstances... and even those of us in the closet sometimes do so with a whole lot more excitement than we seek when the doorbell rings, the garage door opens unexpectedly... and so on...

There's a contradiction there somewhere - but I'm not quite sure it all stacks up for some of us... just can't put my finger on it...

It has to be more than just escapism and dressing....? For some of us..?

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Dressing gives me relaxation, maybe escapism but I still maintain it's a great hobby.
Just don't over think the cause and reasons for it all the time.
If you must pay the shrinks to think.

[PaulaQ]

What makes you ladies think that women aren't responsible for just a helluva lot of things? It can be pretty stressful to be a woman, as it happens.

I think many of you simply suffer from a mild to moderate degree of gender dysphoria. It seems to be a relief to CD not because it's easier to be a woman, but because part of you is either uncomfortable being a man, or really strongly identifies with being a woman. (Or at least dressing like one.)

Expressing your identity - even if it's only a partial identity, is a relief. For some of us, it's an enormous, life-changing relief. For others, not quite so much - but still it's there.

[Katy120]

Cross dressing is what you make of it. It's a bit like clothes on a hanger, they are lifeless until someone puts them on and gives them shape and definition.

The more I read about different perspectives of cross dressers around the world, the more I realize it is so much more than simply putting on female clothes. The clothes are simply on the outside, it's what goes on the inside that makes cross dressing more than just wearing a dress. And what goes on in the inside varies a good deal from person to person. If you asked a thousand CDers, "Why do you cross dress?" I wouldn't be surprised to receive several hundred different replies. Which gets me back to where I started, cross dressing is what you make of it.

[Tracii G]

For me personally its a huge relief to dress and I feel normal when I do or natural if you will.
I grew up early which isn't usually planned for, total responsibility for myself began at 17.
It was ugly at times and growing up wasn't easy.

[Karolyn]

Crossdressing in an incredibly relaxing hobby. I have a stressful job, with often long overtime hours, and a lot of pressure for deadlines. Once back home, going into any feminine clothes is incredibly calming, soothing, relaxing, it helps getting rid of stress. I have high blood pressure issues, and dressing is actually as efficient as lowering my pressure than medication, that is sometimes impressive.

So I see crossdressing as a way to escape real-life, and have a different and more relaxing time. But as suggested in that thread, I would not consider a woman's life less stressful. In that case, we would be trying to get more the appearance of a woman rather than her complete lifestyle.

Not being full-time man or woman is a way to avoid some of the difficult times of both genders, and keep only the best

[Marcelle]

Hi Jen,

I have come to the conclusion that this is part of me. Does it relax me? Somewhat but then the shear act of getting ready and going out can be a stressful event at first until I find my grounding and then all is good . . . it feels natural. I have always likened it to my core identity (male) being a collage of instruments in a orchestra warming up on their own. If anyone has heard an orchestra warm up it is can be quite chaotic with various tones, crashes and crescendos. Isha is like the lone "string section" which brings a melodious harmony to all the chaos. So in a sense I am not experience life as a woman I am experiencing life as a whole person weather I am dressed "en femme" or "en boy".

Hugs

Isha

[Eringirl]

It has to be more than just escapism and dressing....? For some of us..?

Katey x

For me i don't think it is about escapism. The responsibilities never go away. I go out and about doing things that need to be done (groceries, errands etc), do paper work at home or at the office on weekends when it is empty, change oil on my cars, or like today, made bread (Saturday morning ritual), yard work, putting things away for winter, and making dinner, all as Erin, taking full advantage of my SO being away for the entire day at a workshop. Maybe wHat I am escaping is the male me?

Erin

[vicky_cd99_2]

Some very interesting answers here. I tend to find cross dressing a relaxing activity. An escape to some point, a relief to another point. PaulaQ women are responsible for many things. I would never think they weren't, but when I dress I lose my guy responsibilities for a short period. Since I am not a real girl nor in transition I take on no real responsibilities of a woman.

As a boy I was high speed and low drag. I had not many cares, loved speed and risk taking. My first few years in the military were as a boy. After my daughters were born I became a man. My priorities changed, the way I looked at life changed. All the while I was dressing on the sly.

I told my wife about Vicky after we had been married over 20 years. I have become a calmer person. I have had thoughts of transition or just being a non-op. I like what I do now and don't think transition is in my future. But cross dressing is very calming.

[NicoleScott]

Crossdressing as a relaxing tool isn't likely to catch on. We're either driven to crossdress or we're not. Stress relief may be a by-product of crossdressing, but not a cause. As some experience a decrease in stress, as many others experience an increase, for various reasons.
Non-crossdressers have their escapes,too, and since they're not driven to crossdress, they have their own hobbies: crafts, gardening, music, collecting, reading, fishing, hunting, camping, road trips, internet surfing, etc. And crossdressers have these escapes, too. We are everything others are, we just crossdress, too.

[vicky_cd99_2]

Point well made Nicole. I should have just used calming instead of relaxing. When I dress I morph into a much calmer at ease person. I guess if I was full time the gears would shift and the pressures of everyday life would be right back to what they are for me as a guy.

[Claire Cook]

Jennifer,

Thanks, you've capsulated (is that a word?) much of what I feel. I spent a lot of time growing up trying to over-compensate as a male, and thereafter. Where does the Crossdresser fit in? For me it was the realization that the CD fit very well, thank you. And I like Nicole's point: we do the same sorts of things that others do. We just like to wear women's clothes (and maybe do those things in women's clothes!). For me, it's not so much being calming (it still can be a rush!) as much as wearing the clothes that feel right.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
A boy's World is not easy at times I had to get up at 5.30am to help with my parents newsagents business, school was six says ( yes Saturday all day !) then we were set three homework subjects lasting 2 hours each, every night, plus divinity homework on Sunday !

On leaving school I worked double shifts because I wanted to buy my own house !
My Cding started at nine and was sexual so it wasn't used to relieve stress and relax !
I think we allow society to exert more pressure to prove our manhood, everyone expects us fit the mould, so if we say we sometimes want to wear a dress and makeup we must need our heads examined !

I would much sooner see the results of makeup than think I look good after a close shave !

[ReluctantDebutant]

I don't see this as being about real womanhood. As always with us cross-dressers it is about fantasy women; the clichés, the stereotypes. Its the idea of the Peggy Bundy housewives who sit around watching soaps and eating Bonbons. Its the trophy wives who don't have to do anything except wear pretty clothes and look fantastically feminine. (Don't have to twist a CDer's arm to do that). It is that hot girl at the bar who just has to dress nice and say "Tee, hee buy me a drink." and they have guys falling all over her.

Now every woman here will say "But that's not how it is really like." and then list the myriad of hardships that face the female species. And they are 100% right about that. But this FANTASY. And the great thing about fantasy you get to have all of the stuff you like and none of all that icky inconvenient bad stuff that reality brings.

[Kate Simmons]

Regardless of how we are dressed it's all a learning experience Hon. How we utilize what we have to work with determines our success rate and how well we move forward as a person.

[EllenJo]

Wonderful observations from everyone. Jennifer you posed a very interesting thread. We all go through various phases of maturity in life and in our crossdressed life. There was a time when I wanted to appear female for very "boyish" reasons. Over the years the feeling of relaxed calm became the reason. Now I just want to feel normal and that's how I feel when dressed. This feeling came about after my wife's acceptance, a time when I could dress whenever I wanted. As the man of the house and due to my wife's disabilities I am also the woman of the house. Dressing relieves the stress of life the same way other people may utilize a hobby. I have a neighbor that belongs to a "Cowboy" gun club. They dress up as cowboys, use weapons from the late 1800's and have shooting competitions. He told me that for a couple of weekends a month he forgets about all the stresses in life and goes back in time. I told him that I understand how he feels but did not tell him why. I still have responsibilities whether I am dressed or not but for a while each day I feel pretty and I feel normal and the weight of my responsibilities are off of my shoulders.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Stephanie Morgan]

I think, for me anyway, the stress of my day to day activities always revolve around a problem that needs to be fixed. Whether it is a problem at work, or something that needs doing around the house or farm, or someone that needs a little help with their horse, there is always a problem that I am trying to fix. It probably isn't that way all the time but it sure seems like it. When I dress up, even in something simple, all that seems to go away. Even if only for a little while. Almost always, when my wife first sees that I am dressed, she will ask how I feel. My answer is almost always the same, I feel good. I feel much more light hearted when I am dressed. I am sure this would not be the case 24/7, as the responsibilities that I have still remain. And still, just for a little while, I can put them aside and take a well needed break.

[Dana3]

Someone recently posted a link about a 16 year old M > F transgendered being elected as an escort to the Homecoming court in Marietta Ga. And how her Father was looking forward to renting a tux and attending the event. I believe that if all and any of the cultural, societal, religious constraints, conditioning, etc were not there. Had there been cultural ,societal, and religious conditioning and constraints NOT be in full effect during my youth ~ that is to say it was accepted and considered "Normal" for a male to express femininity? That I would have been naturally inclined so be such as she, and to live my life accordingly. I don't believe I would have gone the full transformation route ~ aka Gender Reassignment/HRT/Surgey? But I would have at least would have liked to just be "Me?"

[melanie206]

Imagine for a moment that other peoples opinions and judgments don't exist. How would you live your life? The binary gender divide is a prison of expectations that I'd like to see go away. However, I'm not holding my breath.

[Rosaliy Lynne]

It is different, crossdressing, for each of us. I started back in high school. It was something 'I had to do.' Initially it had a sexual component as well AND I very much enjoyed switching from boy to girl and back again.

As with any growing experience, I too eventually put aside a lot of the childish things I thought were cool but later realized were anything but. But for me, even back when I first started, it just "felt right" to dress as a girl. Over the years the need to dress just became more pronounced. It did have a 'stress relief' part too as every time life as a man got more difficult, especially during my several failed marriages, the need to be female came back in force.

After my last marriage, I decided to become this woman I am today and after a few months, actually started going out in public as her. I still had to be male for work but all the rest of the time I was female. This, I realized, was the real me AND my attitudes changed a lot. I became a more relaxed person, more easily approachable and a whole lot better woman then I ever was a man. Since I retired, I live as Rosaliy and I could not be happier.

I am lucky to be accepted by all who know me and, equally lucky to have escaped a lot of the garbage others have experienced.

Ultimately it is about being myself and that all started when I finally accepted that the woman IS who I am regardless of my birth packaging. I am not a TS candidate by any means. I have finally found MY balance as a person and I won't upset that for anything.

Melanie, you are quite correct about the binary gender thing being a trap and I don't see that ending any time soon. Still, for lack of a better 'social definition' I live as a woman and therefor am a woman. Yes, I know it is not the same as having been born a woman, but it is as close as I can get and that is good enough for me.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.