I'm interested to see where I really fit amongst this eclectic group. So many things, so many posts and comments I can identify with, so many others I find difficult to agree with. I admit I'm an unusual character, very competitive, driven to achieve all the goals I set myself.
I've lived the 'boys own adventure', the only disappointment being serving in the military during the worst outbreak of peace in my nations history. Imagine being the captain of a sports team that trains and trains day in and day out but never gets to play a real match...
Law enforcement has been good to me but I now find myself office bound dealing with the senior executive and ministerial areas, far distant from the front line where belong. This does not sit well with me, I need the challenge, the excitement the adrenalin rush... This may be what has reignited the CD-ing feelings dormant since my childhood / puberty.
There have been a few posts recently that can really be distilled down to a choice between are you going to regret what you've done or regret what you haven't? I'm definitely in the former camp... Might help to explain me better to those who have read about the journey I've had to date.
Whereas if there was a cure, I'd take it now, a double dose just to be sure, I also regret the fact that for so many decades this was not a part of me and I'm coming into this thing late... I love it, I hate it. I want to quit and purge, I want to go full-time, I don't know what I want. (Other than I do know I don't want to continue to be a whiny b#$ch)... Will I end up regretting an action taken today or regret not seizing the opportunity.
So where to from here... Counselling and therapy - definitely, it helps... but for me its a live day to day thing. The future I'd rather not contemplate.