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Thread: Jennifer's Rule #5 - Talk to people

  1. #1
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Jennifer's Rule #5 - Talk to people

    Steffi is much more extroverted than the male me. And I just never know when she'll pop out and start talking.

    Like Monday at the bank. I just went to cash a check inside the bank. As the GG teller is counting out my cash, I can't help but see her elaborately painted nails. So ...

    "Steffi": I almost couldn't concentrate on the money you were counting out because I was distracted by you beautiful nails. Note: They were red, blue and silver.

    Teller: I panted them for Veterans Day.

    Steffi: Did you do them yourself?

    Teller: Yes. I went to Art School in New Jersey.

    Steffi: It's great that you got something out of art school. Where in New Jersey? I used to live there.

    Blah, blah, blah ...

    I practically had to grab Steffi by the throat to keep her from asking the teller if she [the teller] could do my nails sometime.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-12-2014 at 10:10 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Dorit's Avatar
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    Yes, I can completely identify with that. As part of my work I regularly meet with women at the bank and love to look at their nails! I often give them complements, and would also love to talk about their hair and clothes but feel I have to me careful or I would give the wrong impression. Steffi, do you too have this conflict about wanting to be really girl friendly with other women, but afraid they will take it as making some sort of pass at them?

  3. #3
    Member JenniferYager's Avatar
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    Red white and blue nails? Super cool! You should have gotten some photos!

    I like how now I have rules associated with my name...I'm flattered

  4. #4
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DevorahK View Post
    ...afraid they will take it as making some sort of pass at them?
    Any guy who even notices a girl's nails, never mind showing sincere interest in them, and the girl is going to think one thing... GAY. As soon as that connection happens, they're going to start lowering their defenses and I'm not at all ashamed to say that I've exploited that trust in the past, and turned it into a first date...and more.

    Or perhaps I should be ashamed?

    *blushes*

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Steffi,
    That's the way keep communicating you learn something new constantly.
    I even talk to fence posts.
    They aren't great conversationalists tho'.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  6. #6
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Steffi,

    Yes I find that talking to people when out and about helps to normalize things and gets you more comfortable . . . well done.

    Hugs

    Isha

  7. #7
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
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    While out with a large group of friends, including my relatively new GF before she knew about Rhonda, I made a big deal complimenting our waitress' nails. Weeks later, when I finally came out to my GF (now fiancée), she remarked about that night and told me that it really confused her, as no guy she's ever dated would notice, let alone compliment a girl for her nail art. Finding out that I was CD/TG explained all.

    Seems to be a way too easy way of tipping our own hand.

    Rhonda
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Be all the woman that you can be!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    . . . and now, On With The Show!

  8. #8
    Ragin Cajun meganmartin's Avatar
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    Red and blue nails such a nice touch.

    Personally I find that people are always looking for reasons to engage us so providing something such as cool nails gives them that opportunity.
    Megan Martin

    " some guys play golf, I play girl"

  9. #9
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses View Post
    Any guy who even notices a girl's nails, never mind showing sincere interest in them, and the girl is going to think one thing... GAY.
    You might be right (that a girl would think...GAY), but not so for me. I'm a crossdresser but certainly not gay, and I notice a girl's nails. To me, perfectly shaped and painted nails says good grooming, attention to details, and, like accessories, smartly finish an outfit. I notice, but don't usually comment.

  10. #10
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    I learned the same thing from my outings that GG's have small talk and give compliments much more than the typical GM. The best part is that when you give into doing that everyone feels better. I think it is a male defense mechanism. If I keep my guard up I'm safer. I love noticing women's nails and hair along with other things giving them compliments.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Eringirl's Avatar
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    Right or wrong, I always compliment the women in my building at work, whether on their shoes, or hair or outfits. They are always greatly appreciative and they don't feel threatened at all. When questioned as to why I do this, I simply tell people that I used to live with three women (SO, and two daughters, who have now moved on...) so I was "trained" to notice these things...They all get a laugh out of that...

    Erin
    Seize the day. Life is short, and you're dead a long time...just sayin' ...

  12. #12
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    It is not only "nail art" but a GG's attire, jewelry, or even her hair style/color that has gotten my attention. Have given many GG's unexpected compliments, from both my femme side and guy side, and discovered that the GG's were hoping to get a positive reaction. For me it is always thrilling when "dressed" to have some one notice and give a great compliment! Enjoy.

  13. #13
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    I know the feeling well. I was once at lunch with a group of mostly women who we had working for us as contractors and I admired and complimented one of the ladies on her lovely earrings. Later one of the other ladies said that it was really nice of me to compliment her colleague in that way. She saw it as a great positive thing.

    I have a rule when shopping for female clothes to always chat with the SA and make sure to ask her how her day has been so far. Being a SA can be a bit lonely in the middle of the week when the foot traffic is down. It is always good to talk to people and to compliment them and, very importantly to thank them.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DevorahK View Post
    Yes, I can completely identify with that. As part of my work I regularly meet with women at the bank and love to look at their nails! I often give them complements, and would also love to talk about their hair and clothes but feel I have to me careful or I would give the wrong impression. Steffi, do you too have this conflict about wanting to be really girl friendly with other women, but afraid they will take it as making some sort of pass at them?
    At my age, I don't think any woman would think I was making a pass at them. But if they did, I'd be as flattered as I am when I get carded buying liquor. The last time I got carded, I bet the waitress that she was probably younger than my daughter. She was younger.

    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferYager View Post
    Red white and blue nails? Super cool! You should have gotten some photos!
    That's exactly what I thought about when I got back to my car. But, I thought it would be creapy to go back in and ask to take a picture.

    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferYager View Post
    I like how now I have rules associated with my name...I'm flattered
    Don't you feel like Gibbs on NCIS?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses View Post
    Any guy who even notices a girl's nails, never mind showing sincere interest in them, and the girl is going to think one thing... GAY.
    And I guess you said it. Do I care? 10 years ago, probably. Today, not at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhonda Darling View Post
    While out with a large group of friends, including my relatively new GF before she knew about Rhonda, I made a big deal complimenting our waitress' nails. Weeks later, when I finally came out to my GF (now fiancée), she remarked about that night and told me that it really confused her, as no guy she's ever dated would notice, let alone compliment a girl for her nail art. Finding out that I was CD/TG explained all.

    Seems to be a way too easy way of tipping our own hand.

    Rhonda
    It would seem so, but your fiancee didn't pick up on it. It's our fear and self-loathing that makes us feel that way. With all due respect, "Get over it."

    Quote Originally Posted by Eringirl View Post
    Right or wrong, I always compliment the women in my building at work, whether on their shoes, or hair or outfits. They are always greatly appreciative and they don't feel threatened at all.

    Erin
    I've complemented women may times, and they always seem very appreciative.

    The teller certainly painted her nails to get some attention. Wouldn't it be funny if I was the first one to do it.

    There's a scene in the movie "The American President" where the widowed president has asked a woman out on a date for a state dinner. His daughter, say about 11 years old, gives her dad some advice, "Complement her shows. Women like that."
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-12-2014 at 10:31 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  15. #15
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    I'm always noticing and complimenting GG's on the clothes, the shoes, the nails, the jewelry and the outfits I see that one can tell a lot of thought went into assembling. The response is always overwhelmingly positive. Note that I give my commentary in a very polite, respectful and non-solicitous way. I think some privately scratch their head in confusion over a guy noticing what I do.

    However, what most know of me is that I am always talking about and complimenting my wife. They know we shop together, I buy a lot of her clothes and shoes, we share spa days and couples mani/pedis, I do her nail art, her make-up, etc. She brags to them about it as well. The ladies usually comment , "oh, I wish I could find a man who would do that for me . . . " I like to believe it's genuine. A close GG friend once told me that everyone knows what we've been through and they give us a pass. She says we're considered as this sweet older couple who've figured out how to survive great tragedy (our sufferings were very public and quite newsworthy) and stay together.

    I'm not sure outside of that if people would gossip more, but I think they would.

  16. #16
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    When I am out dressed it is a great ice breaker to compliment a SA on what they are wearing or their makeup. I appreciate the work that goes into eye liner and eye shadow that looks good. When i am in drab I have a hard time not saying to much. A lot of men compliment woman on their nails when flirting but saying something about their top, earrings or shoes is a little bit of a give away. It is usually like I love your shoes and we are thinking "I would love to have those on right now" Or I would love to look that good in that outfit.

  17. #17
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Why do you think that it is Steffi who is doing all the talking?

    The way I see it, you as a male crossdresser, are interested in the prettily painted fingernails. Why don't you own it? You say you are older, so there's no harm, older people can get away with doing lots of things.

    I don't mean to pick on you, but so many members here separate the feminine proclivities from the male self as if it was a different person. The reality is that you are a CDer, and as such, you are interested in pretty fingernails, shoes and clothes … even when you're dressed as a male.

    As to wanting her to do your fingernails, I hope that you would not ask that even if you were dressed as Steffi. This is not something that women who admire another woman's appearance ask, especially women that we don't know. You could go to a nail salon and pay someone to do your nails, even in guy mode.

    I'm glad you spoke to her. She probably thought it charming.
    Reine

  18. #18
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    Red face

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    You might be right (that a girl would think...GAY), but not so for me. I'm a crossdresser but certainly not gay, and I notice a girl's nails. To me, perfectly shaped and painted nails says good grooming, attention to details, and, like accessories, smartly finish an outfit. I notice, but don't usually comment.
    "A man's reach must exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" Nicole, I, too, am in MS, and cannot find safe haven to 'exceed my grasp'...become passable. --Mystery girl

  19. #19
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    Good for you girl, keep letting Steffi out, it not good to keep her coop up.

  20. #20
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissTee View Post
    I'm always noticing and complimenting GG's on the clothes, the shoes, the nails, the jewelry and the outfits I see that one can tell a lot of thought went into assembling. The response is always overwhelmingly positive. Note that I give my commentary in a very polite, respectful and non-solicitous way. I think some privately scratch their head in confusion over a guy noticing what I do................................................ .
    I do this too. Afterward I might think that I shouldn't have, but who cares. When you compliment someone on their pretty nails, clothes or whatever, you can see in their eyes how good it makes them feel when someone notices. Sometimes you get into some interesting conversations too. When I'm with my wife, she usually just keeps walking.
    Dana Ryan

  21. #21
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    Reine is right just own it.
    You are not hitting on the lady in the first place and she probably can sense that.
    And no it does not scream gay that a guy likes and appreciates nail art.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    I think a lot of women do want to be complimented on how nice they look by men and if they think you are gay or not you made their day
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  23. #23
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Keep on talking.

    I'm at the deli counter at the grocery store, just waiting my turn and girl watching.

    I've had a lot of conversations with GGs at the deli counter. This time, a young woman was wearing a really pretty and unusual pendant necklace.

    BTW, who would have thought I would ever know the difference between a pendant necklace and a pennant race?

    Anyhow ...

    Me: That's really a beautiful necklace you're wearing.

    Her: Thank you. I get a lot of compliments on it. I got it in Hawaii about 10 years ago.

    Me: (Darn!) Well I guess that means I won't find one like it around here.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  24. #24
    Member JenniferYager's Avatar
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    You could take a picture Steffi and I'll find the pendant for you

  25. #25
    Member AlanaG's Avatar
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    I've started to compliment SA's and other women too. It's been fun comparing fingernail polishes with them. I'm wearing gel colors full time now, and believe me, they notice.

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