Further into the light

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Last night there was an opportunity to raise the subject of CD again with my dear wife. She had been asking why I was suddenly spending more time at the computer, so I told her about this forum. She looked a bit worried, perhaps she thought I was arranging dates or something.

I told her how much I enjoyed reading of others' feelings and experiences, how many of the posts were about the impact on marriages with advice and idea-exchange; how many CDs seemed to come out of the closet in their 50s and 60s, and how moving some of the stories are.

She mainly just listened, then before we fell asleep she asked a few more questions and reminded me that when we were first together I ditched a number of female clothes- I'd totally forgotten that.

So not much real comment, but no tears, I just see her trying to come to terms with it. Thanks to reading advice here I'm going veeery slowly, not showing her pics, not asking for anything really- before I would have plunged in and 'revealed all' and god knows what effect that might have had.

Thanks everybody.

Nikki

[Tina B.]

Sounds like it is going pretty good, no tears and no screaming, many on here would love to get that far.

[Kate Simmons]

Concentrating on the person, whether it's ourself or our SO, I feel is the main thing over what we choose to wear, which to me is a "nice to have".

[Katey888]

Nikki - sounds to me like you are using the resources that this forum represents in a very wise and well-paced manner...

All too often, exposure to these accumulated experiences and opinions tends to trigger a potentially uncontrollable 'pink fog' event - let's face it: to the muggle world this place is just weirdness incarnate - and riding that pink wave would be too much for most SOs to tolerate or cope with - so I'd say you're doing very well right now, Nikki - and your wife too...

Long may that progress and positive communication continue...

Katey x

[Isabella Ross]

Nikki, sounds like you're moving slowly and carefully down the same path I was on a few years ago, albeit in my early 40s. One thing that my SO told me at that point was that she could see my confession in a positive light because, after all, I was the same person I have always been...the same person who met her all those years ago, with the only difference that I was finally being honest about my gender bending instead of keeping it a deep, dark, frustrating secret. Best wishes.

[Tina_gm]

While talk, talk and more talk is always good advice generically, lately I have come to realize that perhaps the subject can be talked about too much. It can become repetitive. CDing is something we cannot fully explain as to why we do it. We don't have a deeper understanding other than it is what we desire to do. How then would anyone who does not have any cross gender desires even begin to have an understanding, other than that is what they desire to do?

It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to do, and at a pace your wife is comfortable enough with so that there is not a major emotional breakdown. In the end, after the initial talks that would effect the future of the marriage are worked through, (will there be transition, full time, going out etc etc etc....) Therein comes a point where it just is what it is., unless what that is changes, that is.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Gendermutt- yeah, good point. Overegging the omelette and all that.

At present I am content mostly to dress in private, or with a tiny number of friends, but as I lose more weight and come to like my appearance more, I can tell I'm becoming bolder. No thoughts...hmmm...ok, some slight thoughts, about taking things further than just dressing.

Thank you all for your responses.

[kimdl93]

Proceed with caution and without expectations, but proceed.