My first experience fully dressed in daylight

[silkycdresser]

Well, I did it and considering I'm a shy person with little confidence, part of me is proud of myself, although the other half is plagued by the guilt which affects many of us.

Anyway, here's the story surrounding my first public walk. At home, I put on a bodysuit, thick, opaque pantyhose (120D), breastforms, a silk blouse, a V-neck jumper and a unisex down jacket (but in purple), and wore black women's pants and unisex boots for the short walk to my car, so the neighbors didn't see anything I wouldn't want them to.

I drove for 5 miles and then parked in a secluded place to put on my wig. I took makeup with me but have never applied any and didn't want to make a mess of it, so arranged the long, curly wig I was wearing, so the hair obscured some of my face. Obviously the small, tight hood of the jacket helped obscure my face a bit, too. Remember, this was my first ever time out in public, fully dressed, with forms, a wig and no makeup. Besides, my car is also distinctive, so it took a lot of courage.

I drove another 10 miles and parked in a city side-street, where I waited a while until my confidence felt strong enough. I put on a pair of caramel colored, knee-high boots with 3-inch heels and went for a walk for ten minutes, up and down a busy main road with lots of passing cars and trucks, but okay, not a huge amount of actual people walking around. It felt amazing, feeling the skirt, the heels and the whole feeling of being like a woman, walking like one and feeling great.

I looked at truck drivers and at passing cars to see if anyone was staring or even glancing, and they weren't, which is good, as my aim was to blend. Apart from two Asian men walking together who looked at me a few times, maybe as they thought I was a woman, nobody stared or even looked twice at me, not even two trendy young couples who walked past me, nor any builders, nor businessmen.

So I think my mission to blend and be regarded as a woman unless someone looked carefully at my face, was a success. For anyone who has never been outside in daylight dressed and has the facial features to blend even if they are obviously male on closer inspection, this post about a rainy or windy day is an inspiration.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I feel like I was there next to you- you write well. I can feel your nerves, your excitement, your fears and your burst of pleasure.

But what's with the guilt? Fear, nerves, excitement, pleasure I understand. I know you're not unusual in feeling guilt, and perhaps you're prone to feelings of guilt in general- my wife is, and nobody else can understand it- she's not even Catholic.

Can you explain to us at all what drives the guilt? There must be many people here who would love to conquer it and perhaps you can help?

You're ahead of me- I've only ever gone out publicly in a dress in places like Bali, Hawaii, Hollywood- places where people are generally crazier and less uptight and where there was zero chance of bumping into anyone I wouldn't want to see. I've dressed with a few friends, but only on a few occasions.

So kudos- and good luck with your further adventures!

Nikki

[Krisi]

It's good you got out. You did more or less what I do, underdress and then change in the car away from my neighborhood. It's a pain to have to do it that way but it's better than never going out at all.

[silkycdresser]

Nikki, the guilt is that I'm a Christian from a Christian family. My late grandfather was too and I think he either was able to or was made to stop dressing. I have purged a few times but can never seem to stop. I often wonder how it harms anyone, really, but it's classed in the same group as murder by many. I often dress when I'm unhappy and the last few years have been awful, so maybe once I find some lasting, happier times, I'll be able to stop. But for now, I feel hell-bent on going as far as I can.

[Katey888]

Sebastien - good for you... well done for doing something you obviously wanted to do, and for doing so safely.

I wouldn't advise trying to put on makeup for the first time in a car... In fact, I wouldn't advise it even if you were experienced... as you imply, you might be far more obvious with badly applied makeup than none, depending on how your natural look is...

I can understand the guilt - I think a lot depends on you nature and upbringing but for some of us the feeling of guilt will never leave - it's just related to who we are and how we feel... but we can overcome it, and reduce the bad feeling by remembering that we're not doing anything criminal, illegal or truly wrong - it's only a feeling caused by what society likes to make us think is 'right'... I'm sure that feeling will subside with time and experience...

Thanks for sharing your first experience - hopefully you will have more equally as successful and safe...

Katey x

[Krisi]

There are many different groups of "Christians" so if the group you are affiliated with frowns on crossdressing all you have to do is find a more liberal group. Some accept openly gay people and even openly gay leaders.

[Tina B.]

Krisi is right, in my town churches go out of their way to show up at our pride parade looking for new members to invite to their church.

[michellecd9999]

I understand your guilt. I am married, straight and very conservative Christian. I won't pretend to have all the answers, but have come to terms with what I do. If you need someone to discuss with in private, PM me

[silkycdresser]

Thank you, michellecd9999.

We are sometimes told that God understands the whole picture of a person's life when he judges them, so I hope he takes into account all my good points.

[mykell]

hello Sebastian,
congratulations, i have not been out but i am at the cusp,
the thought of putting my makeup on in the car is frightening to me, but a must...

how is it that you feel grandpa was a crossdresser and made to stop, was their ever a conversation about it....

as far as the guilt, your not doing anything wrong,
i have just finished my first year here and feel the most comfortable about myself ever, the things you will learn here and the folks you will meet will be an inspiration, as well as the accomplishments you make and have made already, the only guilt i have now is that i didnt come out sooner.
i dress weather im happy or sad i suppose, just when the time presents itself, sometimes its not planned at all. but thinking youll be able to stop when your life is happier i will caution you to not purge your things, this seldom goes away for long.

if it makes "you" happy dont let "them" make you feel sad.....

[Annaliese]

It nice to feel the freedom, the click of the heels on the side walk, that feeling this is me, this is what it should feel like all the time.

[silkycdresser]

It nice to feel the freedom, the click of the heels on the side walk, that feeling this is me, this is what it should feel like all the time.

Exactly! It feels so, so good, and how I wish I could feel every day.

[silkycdresser]

hello Sebastian,
congratulations, i have not been out but i am at the cusp,
the thought of putting my makeup on in the car is frightening to me, but a must...

how is it that you feel grandpa was a crossdresser and made to stop, was their ever a conversation about it....

as far as the guilt, your not doing anything wrong,
i have just finished my first year here and feel the most comfortable about myself ever, the things you will learn here and the folks you will meet will be an inspiration, as well as the accomplishments you make and have made already, the only guilt i have now is that i didnt come out sooner.
i dress weather im happy or sad i suppose, just when the time presents itself, sometimes its not planned at all. but thinking youll be able to stop when your life is happier i will caution you to not purge your things, this seldom goes away for long.

if it makes "you" happy dont let "them" make you feel sad.....

I don't know why, but my sister and I told our mom about it and she said she would talk to grandpa and tell him he wouldn't get to heaven if he continued this silly pursuit and the priest would expel him from church. For the next 20 years everything seemed cool, so I assume he stopped, although he did used to wear leather pants and tight sweaters, and my grandma was fine with that, so maybe they came to a DADT arrangement.

[bridget thronton]

Glad the first time went well

[MsVal]

Congratulations on overcoming your fears, taking control of your emotions, and proving to yourself that you can, indeed express your femininity.

(fundamentalist Christian crossdresser welcomes PM)

Best wishes
MsVal

[Rosaliy Lynne]

Nikki, the guilt is that I'm a Christian from a Christian family. My late grandfather was too and I think he either was able to or was made to stop dressing. I have purged a few times but can never seem to stop. I often wonder how it harms anyone, really, but it's classed in the same group as murder by many. I often dress when I'm unhappy and the last few years have been awful, so maybe once I find some lasting, happier times, I'll be able to stop. But for now, I feel hell-bent on going as far as I can.

I parted from 'official church' many years ago for reasons I won't go into here as they aren't relevant. You do nothing wrong but I can relate to the going out somewhere where you won't be recognized. When I first started dressing it was strictly at home. Sometimes at night I would go out for a walk keeping well away from more heavily trafficed areas. Back then (late 60's) if you cross dressed or appeared in any way deviant, you were considered to be gay or a pervert so it was essential that I give no one any reason to suspect. I did not start going out in public en femme until my 50's and even then I would initially go out only at night. The first time I decided to go out during the day it was school vacation and kids and their families were out all around. It took me 45 minutes just to step out my apartment door that first time. It got a lot easier when I finally said to myself, hey - I'm here - y'all get used to it.

My first wigs were moderately terrible since they were Halloween wigs from Walmart. But they were cheap and not too bad for a first appearance. Makeup for me was easy. My mother had been a cosmetologist and I remember watching her do her own makeup. Then of course, I had a good makeup coach online using yahoo messenger for the video and also chatting on the phone.

Makeup isn't a big deal. Find things that work for you and use just enough to look good. I would hate to look a clown which would only accent my underlying male gender.

I was able to put dressing aside for long periods of time but the desire was always there AND in times of stress, I would dress again anyway. I was lucky in that my wives (was married 3x) all had clothes that fit me. The problem was I didn't get much dressing time then.

As for losing the need/desire to dress, don't count on it ending any time soon. I always felt best dressed as a girl/woman and once I opened that door, it broke off the hinges. I was able to hide it, as I said above, but it was always there. Now I have 2 full closets of ONLY femme attire and I am very happy.

Good luck.

[Michelle-Leigh]

On my first outing fully dressed I also had no makeup except lipstick, and I got a thrill out of going in the Kroger and shopping. When I saw my reflection in the glass doors, it took my breath away !

[Chari]

Wonderful to read your first outing was a thrilling success! Am guessing you will be out & about again - very soon, but please always be comfortable and confident in whatever you choose to wear! Enjoy.