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Thread: So I'm dating a trans man

  1. #1
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    Smile So I'm dating a trans man

    I met him in a trans support group several months ago. We didn't see each other for several months - and then ran into one another a few weeks back at a different trans support group meeting. We talked for a bit - I quite liked him, but never had a way to stay in touch with him. So I made sure he left with my number. (That was kind of forward, perhaps, but even if we just ended up as friends, I really did like him and wanted to stay in touch.)

    So he called me up, asked me out, and well, it went wonderfully. We've gone out several times now, and I am just really crazy about him - to put it mildly. I have never dated a man before, but this guy is beyond anything I'd ever imagined. He's just so real and authentic - I know with every fiber of my being that he's not only a man, but he's the best man I've ever met. And he makes me feel so natural - when we are together, we're just a man and a woman. Sure, our transness is a part of us, but when we are together, we're just a man and a woman - and it's as if none of the other stuff, our biology, our histories, none of it seems real at all.

    I love talking with him. I love being with him. I think we both feel like we were two puzzle pieces that just snap together perfectly - we somehow make more sense together than apart.

    This is all moving way too fast - I realize that, but I seem to be powerless to do much about it. I've really fallen for this guy. I've never experienced feelings like these before - well, not so intense anyway.

    I'd thought about asking for advice on "how to date a trans guy", and sure, I'll take any that any of you have, particularly from the trans guys here. But I don't even know that I need much advice. Being with this guy is the most natural thing I've ever experienced. It's just so easy - we both just seem to understand each other. I really get him as a man. He really gets me as a woman.

    I feel so incredibly lucky to have met such a wonderful man. If being trans is the price to be with him, and he with me, then I think it's worth it.

  2. #2
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Good for you. Love doesn't care who you date
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  3. #3
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
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    Paula, I've followed your posts for a little over a year now and have seen how your life has progressed, this is the most positive and upbeat post that I've seen. I'm so glad that your life has turned a corner and you are in a happy place. I hope that this continues to be a positive part of your life.

    As always, I will remember you in my Prayers!

    Hugs, Bria

  4. #4
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    It occurs to me that as people transition from one gender to another or as we dress for periods of time, we get to reshape who we want to be. We carry the experiences we've had into a new situation, but we're not trapped by the previous situation as we are in a different space.

    My second wife and I have talked about this and it is the second marriage for her also. What we realize is that we can take what we learned before and use it to be better partners. In 9 years, we've argued maybe twice. With my first wife, it was just about a weekly occurance. Basically we know what caused problems before and we just don't have to go there. We're not trying to settle old scores and heal old wounds as it is a new person and a new situation.

  5. #5
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    I've been dating a trans man for almost five months and it has been the most wonderful experience. He is also the first person I have ever been in a relationship with. One thing is he always tells me how I am all woman, and I tell him that he is all man. He always tells me how beautiful I am, and how I am so adorable. I met another MTF/FTM couple yesterday at a support group for FTM and their significant others, friends, families, and allies.

    I also like how he is all man, and he is willing to show his feelings. He is also fun to cuddle with
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  6. #6
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Good for you, Paula. I dont have any advice. Everyone is an individual, and I dont think there is any trans formula for making things work... just honesty, respect, patience... the usual things that help make a good relationship.

  7. #7
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    How cool is that...?

    Somehow, that all seems to make sense, Paula... but of course, we all should know that this is about feelings and not sense..

    I'm really pleased for you both (and Michelle too..) - I have no specific experiential advice to give, other than just make the most of it - be happy and have a great time!

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  8. #8
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Good for you, Paula. As you know, I always counsel caution in relationships, but I also think you owe yourself a good time.
    Finding my way....somewhere.

  9. #9
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    Thanks all! One of the things that sort of surprised me about the two of us is that we don't really seem to care all that much about what's in one another's pants. It's just not a problem. He's a man, I'm a woman, and we just work on that level.

    We went to a TDOR vigil and service last night here in Dallas. I'd never been to one before, and I cried a lot. He was there with me, and really comforted me. I can let my guard down with him in a way I've just never been able to do before. I'm pretty strong - but I know he's there for me when I'm not. It's a great feeling.

    We make a great looking couple, I've been told. I'll probably end up marrying this guy - lol. But we'll get to know each other better, first. (I hope - seriously, whatever this is we're feeling, it is completely overwhelming for both of us. I've had relationships before - but wow, nothing like this. We both say things like "OK, we're going too fast. Let's slow this down," and then we um, don't slow down.)

    I think some of what we feel is that we really validate each other, him as a man, and me as a woman. I mean we really validate one another.

    I have to admit that I really am having a good time! I've also never felt this happy before. He really is just one helluva man.

  10. #10
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    hi paula,
    nice to read that you are happy in a way you never thought possible, such a positive vibe,
    hope things continue to work for you both on your new journey ....keep us updated....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  11. #11
    Member Brianna_H's Avatar
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    This post is the sweetest thing ever. EVAR!!!!!

    <3

    Congratulations, Paula. Love truly is a many-splendored thing.
    *******
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    'Cause someone says they're so
    Some things I cannot change
    But 'til I try, I'll never know!
    - Defying Gravity from Wicked

  12. #12
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    That is just marvelous - i hope the happiness continues to grow

  13. #13
    Girl underconstruction Paulette's Avatar
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    So happy for the both of you. It must be so nice to be pursued and allowed to be yourself.
    Just and older girl trying to experience all that life can bring.
    "Life is not a dress rehearsal"

  14. #14
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    this is so great! Congratulations!

  15. #15
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    Best of luck to Michelle and Paula (and their men too!).

  16. #16
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    This post is a major departure from your often painfully frank posts wherein you've chronicled some of the trials you have endured.

    The joy and excitement you feel are far too long overdue. You have reaffirmed faith in the human spirit.

    I wish you two continued happiness.

    Best wishes
    MsVal

  17. #17
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    I took him to thanksgiving dinner with my family today. My mom really seemed to like him a lot. I think she's really happy I'm in a straight relationship. She's never actually liked anyone I've ever brought home before...

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    I think she's really happy I'm in a straight relationship.
    Given all that has happened, just a touch of irony there...

    Glad it went well.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
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    I'm sure you are thankful for an accepting mom!

    Hugs, Bria

  20. #20
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    Hey Paula . . . YAY!!! Well if you got the seal of approval about him from mom then it is all good to go So glad for you.

    Hugs

    Isha

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatlander_48 View Post
    Given all that has happened, just a touch of irony there...
    Actually the ironic part is that he's really the type of man my ex-wife always said she wanted. Ain't that a kick in the head?

    My mom, I'm fairly sure, had no idea he's trans. We'll eventually tell her, both of us are out out publicly. But you know what? It doesn't change one thing whether or not he's trans as far as I'm concerned, I didn't feel like doing "the talk" over a holiday meal, and it's really none of her business.

    Oh transness aside, we really are a straight couple. At least it's a straight relationship. He's totally straight. Me? I think the phrase that best describes my sexual orientation is "train wreck."

    After the year I've had, it's pretty weird to have ended up back in a hetero relationship, just on the opposite side of it. I am a lot more comfortable going out with him. We're just another couple in public - no big deal. Oddly enough, we stand out more in my current neighborhood here in the gay district of Dallas. (He doesn't much care for being hit on by other dudes here, either.)

    The one thing that is a little off now, is I find that while I'm comfortable back in the straight world in a way I just never was in the lesbian world, like I'm back home again, the feeling is somewhat spoiled by knowing how horrible and intolerant some of those people really are. And yep - I was just like them, or pretended to be. I can't feel very good about that.
    Last edited by PaulaQ; 12-01-2014 at 04:01 AM.

  22. #22
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    Life is a Process and I remain firmly convinced that situations are presented to us in order that we may experience and learn. It is often hard to see the linkage to how we might use a piece of information later, but I liken it to the video games where you are supposed to pick something up wth the expectation that it may be useful in the future. And, it may not have direct application. Perhaps a situation is shown to get you to think about something so that when it happens, you'll be that much further ahead with a decision. In other words, I don't think any of our paths are random. I think it is entirely possible that your journey so far has shown you a great deal about what is possible and what you really need.

  23. #23
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    @flatlander_48 - I completely agree with you. The trials I've had in the past have given me strength and know how to survive the challenges I face today.

  24. #24
    Member missVS's Avatar
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    Glad to hear Paula relationship is going so nicely. Very happy for you. I think especially for me and I'm sure others it can be very difficult with relationships and for me even having one with a significant other.
    Maybe I see you this weekend I will be there friday.

    Victoria
    Aspiring shoe/heel model

  25. #25
    Silver Member kristinacd55's Avatar
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    It's wonderful to see 2 folks in love like you are. Doesn't matter what your gender is, if that other person's the right one! Lots of luck to you Paula

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