Why didn't you tell me

[Genifer Teal]

The knowledge and understanding we have today is vastly different than what limited things were known even 10 or 20 years in the past. I would have felt the same way. Whatever part it played in my life was minimized when I was in a relationship so what was there to tell? Why bring up something that hardly mattered any more? It was less of a hiding and more of a so this (marriage) is the next big thing to take over my life. Everything else would pale in comparison. You did what you thought was right at the time. It is ok to feel bad for not mentioning it. Explain it for what it was and make no excuses.

[Ozark]

So many changes in my life right now.....

Why Didn't You Tell Me? I was scared, I thought it would go away, I thought I would lose you. Remember that time at your folks house, when they were gone and I was showering after mowing the grass and you threw all my clothes in the washer. I got out of the shower and they weren't dry yet ..... you gave me a pair of your jean shorts to wear. I told you I didn't like wearing jeans without underwear, you gave me a pair of your panties to wear... I was 21, you were 19. Yeah, I wore them, I shoulda told you but I didn't. Sorry.

Almost 55 years later, after stormy years and smooth years, detours down sexual highways... did I ever tell you how we started in rental houses? She came home one day and told me she had bought a house and was moving in to it. My reply..."Are we having problems?" I was so wrapped up in myself and my job that I became, basically, a jerk. I liked to lost my family because of it. The funny thing was I wasn't dressing or even thinking about dressing at this time. It was all about the job, the money. Then I lost the job. Then the money.

Both of us went into counseling, after two three months of weekly sessions...some stormy, some smooth sailing, the therapist told her she was pretty much ok and didn't need to come any more. I was another story. I told the counselor I felt 'softer' when I wore woman's clothes or when I underdressed, I felt 'calmer'.... My wife gave me 'permission' to dress. I hesitated to use that word, 'permission'.. so many negative connotations to me about that word. I guess a better word would be she had some boundaries about my dressing. I accepted them. And, as a previous comment said, these boundaries got wider as we aged. Our best times in our life were on the houseboat and in our Airstream. And I was dressed ala "Iowa Farm Wife" almost all the time we owned them (we still own the trailer and what a trip we had this summer! We went west!)

So now, "Why didn't you tell me".... We are not the same persons we were back in 1971 or 1972. We've evolved. Would we not have gotten married if we knew? Who knows, we got married, we had kids and now grandkids. That's what we did. And all that other stuff that we did, well that was part of us, that was part of us at the time. It was our reality. It's like when people talk about a normal childhood. What's normal? I would often come home from school and find my mother drunk and passed out on the couch. Did other kids I know experience that same reality? Probably not, but I did and that was my normality.

So now today, I am 65 years old and I have had some serious health scare this past fall. My wife has, in my recovery, encouraged me to dress, as she knows that is a form of relaxation for me. I told her I'm not a crossdresser, she guffaws, no I say, I just like to 'present as a woman'.... I'm comfortable wearing women's clothes. And that's our normality. And we share doing the laundry.

[MarinaSweden]

I met my wife in 1988. I told her my interest in womens clothes rather quickly after we had met. She didn't understand what I meant at first, but then came a time when she allowed med to get dressed at home. I remember that she actually asked me to dress fully in her clothes so she could see for her self. It felt a bit awkward but at the same time very nice.
Well the acceptance didn't last very long. It wasn't so she told me to give it up, rather I could see she didn't like it and I though I could give it up, I was afraid to loose her.

That didn't work (surprise) and I have for the last 25 years been doing it off and on in secret, buying clothes, throwing them away... but now I brought it up again. We have come to a compromise, I wear lingerie as long as she don't have to see. I am not happy with that and we will see what comes of this.

But I can say that I am glad I told her that time in 1988/1989. She can never say today she never knew and that I have done something to her life and taken years form her and so on. If she hates it so much we can't stay together, I will have to accept that, but it will be her desicsion. And not my fault if that now makes any difference.