Therapy

[sabrinaedwards]

Have any of you had successful therapy? By that I mean have you overcome your desire to crossdress? I would pay anything and do whatever is necessary to rid myself of this affliction. I have read things on this site where one cannot alleviate the desire, yet it seems that there should be some that could overcome this desire. I would not want to waste my time and money to just sit and talk about this without reaching a successful conclusion. Please do not judge me; I am tired of hiding this from the people that I love. I feel so despirate at times because only you here understand.
Love, Sabrina

[Beverley Sims]

Sabrina,
It is not easy and do not let desperation cloud your thinking.
Therapy may help you overcome any guilt you may have and also help with relationships.
A cure is not something you can put on the agenda.
It would take tremendous will power and usually an outside interest will diminish it for a while.
Learn to live withit is the best advice I can give.
Others may weigh in with more satisfactory solutions.

[Stephanie Julianna]

The sad news is that I do not feel that anyone can overcome this desire. I do not feel it is an "affliction", but rather an enhanced female personality that desires expression at times. The best I have achieved over a life long affair with my femininity is to give it moderate periods of expression. My family knows of it but I do not always let them know about my forays into the world. I don't like the secrecy either but it is what it is.

[charlenesomeone]

One thing is that if there are those that manage to not dress, they probably
don't come here anymore. Many come back after months or years but always
it's after the pink fog has come back. Try searching the web but the story of someone
giving this up long term may not be out there.
I know your feeling, take your time and relax, vent here as you need too.
Hugs

[Alice Torn]

I know the conflict. I am an isolated loner, even without the dressing, but, i have tp hide this, and makes me even more isolated loner, but i try to not be a total loner. All my friends have vanished. I wish i had never first put on my sister, and mom' things at age 14. I would rather have real human friends now. I know a few men do stop it, but few it seems. I don't dress nearly as often now, but the desire comes strong, then guilt and shame afterwards. I know, at some point, whether because of serious illness or injury, senility, or death, all will quit. Keeping some kind of balance, and controlling it is a goal. Some therapists totally ok dressing, others not so much, some say it is a thing to overcome, with a program or plan, replacing it. Religious therapists mostly tell to stop or overcome it with faith, in a higher power and involvement with others, replacing it. But, the desire almost never completely goes away. Coping, and accepting we have this compulsion, whether we act on it or not, is good. I go to a VA therapist, and she is good with dressing, but counsels not to take it into dangerous situations, keep it safe in limits, in balance. Like you, though, i do not like the having to be so secret, like a secret agent, hiding from others, being isolated and alone, socially cut off.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sabrina . . . can this be cured? Well I am not an expert in behavior but from my own experience and what I have seen thus far on this forum, it is likely you can lock it away for a time but it normally returns with a vengeance at some point. So I hate to say it but I do believe that trying to find a therapist to cure you would be a waste of your time and money. Indeed I would be wary of a therapist who says they can cure you as if this was an addiction.

However, as Beverly noted, what therapy can help you with is understanding this side of you. It can help to alleviate some of the guilt you are feeling and perhaps bring order to chaos. Will you stop dressing? Not likely but, it can lead you to a place where you have balance between your tendencies and your life. It can also answer any questions you might have about your own gender identity and guide you along that path. I understand your angst but repressing this thing we do is like a corked bottle of soda, you can shake it all you like and chances are the bottle will stay closed but if you open it, it will explode. Even if you continue to shake it and not open it, eventually the bottle will fail and it will explode as well. The best thing to do is open that bottle under control to allow the gasses to escape in a ordered fashion.

Hugs

Isha

[Alicia S]

There's a strong thread runs on this site that no-one gives up and is happy with the outcome. Obviously if any do quit they don't return. (Not that I'm trying!) Out of interest though - does anyone out there know of any 'successes' in this?

[Alice Torn]

Alicia, Like has been said, those who quit, leave the site, and we don't know how they are doing, unless they return, as many do.

[Rachelakld]

A psychic told me I had a "split personality", unfortunately she didn't mention how to un-split it or super glue it back together.

For me, the best therapy is 'Air Soft", paintball etc that focuses my attention elsewhere (a distraction from cross dressing). I used to run, but over time it wasn't enough, so now I run with people shooting at me.

My successful conclusion, was to embrace and enjoy this affliction BUT..........
when I was younger and trying to climb the job ladder and trying to be the ideal husband and trying to be the perfect citizen just like the fictitious TV heroes, then I was like you

[Katey888]

Sabrina - I hear what you're saying, I really do...

Problem is that this isn't a curable affliction - it just is... I do believe you can work towards more control over ANY aspect of your life, whatever that is and however hard the struggle may be. Not many on this site will tell you that, but then any successful cases will probably be off somewhere else rather than here - we do tend to represent the old diehards!

Here are a couple of articles that I think represent another perspective on how we can approach this - I would guess our relative secretiveness and isolation works against us often for getting the support we need to manage something like this... Have a read of these and keep searching the web - there are other potential resources out there...

http://feminina.info/2012/12/07/cros...isappointment/
https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012...-transvestism/

Perhaps some sort of local support (I don't mean a CD support group) would help? Here in the UK or local GPs have access to general counsellors who can help support many personal issues - but I think you should be refocusing on managing this rather than overcoming it.

Let us know how it goes - letting off pressure here may help...

Katey x

[MsVal]

Sabina, you seem to be sincerely looking for a solution, but looking in the wrong places,

The American and World psychiatric communities do not regard crossdressing as an illness to be "cured". It is unethical for a practitioner to attempt such a thing.

They will instead work on skills and methods to reduce or eliminate the patient's anxiety, with the goal of restoring a healthy state of mind.

Like being left handed (which was once regarded as a condition that must be cured), crossdressing is just a part of what makes us "us".

Best wishes
MsVal

[Tina_gm]

Anyone who has had successful therapy to remove the desires probably won't be here, not much point...

I am going to go slightly off the beaten path of its incurable. What if.... you look at the big picture in your life, feel that crossdressing just doesn't fit, at least for the time being and then well, just don't. Just put on guy clothing and not worry about whatever desires you have.

Desires we can't control. So don't fight them. Which gender style clothing you wear is a choice. Any time you like, you can re evaluate your choice of which gender style you want to wear.

[Tina B.]

Sure you can quit, but it takes a lot of drugs and alcohol to do it, and that really doesn't take away all of the depression, but will mask it for a while.
But the results aren't guaranteed to work in all cases, and of course has it's own problems that can also cause divorce, arrest, and medical problems.
I've read even doctors don't know what causes a man to want to dress in women's clothes, and if you can't find the cause, how do you find a "cure"?
I wanted to quit for years, never found a way to make it stick, now I don't want to be "fixed", I'm afraid it would break what I am that I like about me.
But you sound like you need to try, so let me wish you good luck in you efforts and if you do make it work, come back and share it, many others are looking for that same answer.
But most of us don't want to be fixed so we are not a good source of information and we can be a bad influence on someone trying to quit, because we don't believe you can, there for you are not going to get the strong support you need. When it get's tough someone in here will recommend dressing up, rather than how to fight it.
We reinforce the feelings that dressing is good, "normal"(at least for us.), we are not so good on reinforcing quitting!

[Paula_56]

In 2009 I was emerging from the darkness of yet another cross-dressing purge. But as any transgender person knows purging doesn’t work. My need for feminine expression had returned with a vengeance. I had once again accumulated a wardrobe and on this particular day I had the opportunity to do a complete makeover. A feeling of relief and satisfaction came over me as I dressed in front of the mirror. There she was, alive, she existed, that part of me so long hidden, I smiled and felt a slight joy inside.


Then I heard a rumble, the sound of a truck coming up the driveway. Fear rose from the pit of my stomach, my god, oh no, it’s the UPS delivery man! In an absolute panic I tore off the clothes, wig, and make-up. Desperate to eliminate any evidence of my perceived transgression, I was soon in sweatpants and minus my makeup in 2 minutes flat. By now the UPS man had dropped the package and was on his way down the driveway. I had reacted as if I was doing something horribly wrong, like a thief in the night, or a murderer frantic to escape. Society had conditioned me to see this as a problem, something that was very wrong. When in fact all I was doing was wearing clothes!


I sat there stunned and then felt my two proverbial enemies enter the room, Shame and Guilt, like two thugs in a gangster movie they worked me over. Shame used all of his weapons, instead of punches he threw words like, pervert, weak, inadequate, sissy, sinner, less of a man, disgusting, and repulsive. When he was done Guilt took over and instead of bruises and broken bones, there was self loathing, depression, fear, anxiety, deceit, and low self esteem. And so the lifelong cycle continued until it eventually would have destroyed me both mentally and physically.


I knew I had to do something; I had to take steps to solve my problem. If I did nothing, then nothing would change. I found the name of a psychologist who had experience with transgendered people. I remember the day I called very well. I went to a seldom used section of my office building, I attempted to dial several times and kept losing my nerve, (remember fear?) Finally, I let the call go thru, expecting an answering machine or a receptionist to answer, but to my surprise, Dr D. answered the phone. I stepped to the metaphorical edge and jumped. “Hello Dr D. I ‘m tr-tr-tr-tr-ansgendered and want help.” Non-judgmental and reassuring he put me at ease and we talked. For the first time in my life I was open and honest with a person about these feelings. We made an appointment and I instantly felt better.


I had tried to solve my problem by myself for 50 years. I tried reading all the books and websites, wrote countless emails to peers and posted on all the forums. Finding an objective and informed person you can discuss, share and solve your issues with was a key ingredient in my journey. I’ve grown a lot over the last 4 years. I no longer see my cross-dressing as a problem to be solved. I am not doing anything wrong. I’ve cast off society’s condemnation of being transgender and realized that I am a good person, and that part of my personality and character involves being transgender. Attributes I see missing in many men, such as nurturing, kindness, compassion, and cooperation are parts of my personality that I believe come from my feminine side.




Last week I went to my appointment dressed in a navy blue, Austin Reed skirt suit. I dressed at home and drove into the city. Getting there early I went to the café at the hospital medical center, enjoyed breakfast, and then freshened up in the ladies room before my appointment. As I walked the campus I was just another woman in the crowd. I could not have even dreamed of doing something like this four years ago. But please listen closely, I want to stress that my ability to get to this comfort level at presenting female had little to do with me buying the correct clothes, shoes, makeup or wig. But it had everything to do with my attitude. Yes girl, attitude!


The first step was recognizing that I am transgender and giving myself permission to be transgender, some call this self acceptance. Next standing up for myself and realizing that I have rights and that I am not doing anything wrong and don’t need anyone’s consent to cross-dress, shop for women’s clothes, or present publically as a woman. Finally liberating my feminine side to grow, to take pleasure in it, revel in it and be proud of it.


As I left Dr D’s office that day, I went to reception and had my parking ticket validated, I waited in the hallway for an elevator. When the door finally opened, there to greet me was a UPS delivery-woman. I smiled to myself at the coincidence and irony of the event. I hesitated for a second, only because the elevator seemed crowded with packages.

She smiled friendly at me and said “I got you covered girl, c’mon in” “Ground floor?”

“Ground floor please” I muttered.

Perky and bubbly, she chimed back, “No problem, ground floor coming up” Then she surprised me, “I love your shoes they’re so cute,” then she added quickly “I miss dressing up for work!”

I answered unconsciously, “Thank you and I know what you mean, I didn’t always get the opportunity to dress up either, and I do appreciate it.”

I remember thinking to myself “Honey you have no idea how much I appreciate it!”

We chatted a bit more about fashion and then parted ways, I made my way out onto the bustling street, and over to the crosswalk to wait for the light to change, a few minutes later I heard a familiar rumble, it was a UPS truck I smiled as my new woman friend roared by. This time instead of fear and panic rising up from the pit of my stomach I felt that slight joy.

Dr_D.-2jpg.jpg

[Isabella Ross]

Paula...what a fantastic post. Thank you for sharing the story. I suppose I came to many of the same conclusions, but without needing the counselling, etc. I can't stress enough how detrimental to one's health it can be to A) view transgenderism as something that can somehow be "cured" and B) not accept yourself and accept the joy that being transgendered can bring into your life if you just let it. Successful counselling, in my view, would not be counselling that somehow seeks to turn your desires off...it's not going to happen. Instead, successful counselling would be counselling that allows you to accept your whole self and be at peace.

[CynthiaD]

Of course you can quit. I did for several years. I just put it out of my mind, and refused to let myself think about it. But there were repercussions. I was frustrated and angry much of the time, without knowing why. No matter what I did, there was always something missing in my life. I became selfish and aloof.

Then, after a while, I began to understand that when I gave up dressing, I also gave up the best part of myself. I gave up those very qualities that I liked about myself. So I started dressing again.

Dressing may have it's own problems, but it's a choice between being the person I like and being someone I can't stand. I'll take the former choice. And as for the problems, I'm a big girl. I can handle them.

[JamieTG]

I honestly don't think there is a cure for the desire but I think there is a cure to how we feel about ourselves. We learned a "core belief" from society as we were growing up that this made us bad, perverted, and something to be ashamed of. However, many of our core beliefs are untrue and can be changed. If you do a web search on "changing core beliefs" you will find many good articles on how to change negative core beliefs. Its helped me a great deal. Best of luck!

[Sarasometimes]

I think you may benefit from therapy as I have and continue to do but not moving toward a cure. I have learned how to better move through my life as a crossdresser. I have gained a greatly improve insight into the how the why and the what. I sometimes dress for therapy but not always. Since many of us are alone with this a well versed therapist can be a great help. It is imperative that you find a skilled and capable person that you are comfortable be honest with.
Good luck with whatever you choose.

[Brooklyn]

Since you asked, there is a cure for crossdressing, but I don't think you're going to like it. In my experience, therapy can help you lift you out of the dumps and give you some perspective on your relationships. It can be expensive, so be careful who you select. The rule of thumb is to go for three visits before deciding if it's something you want to continue.

[Sarasometimes]

I'd like to add to Ashley's wise advice. When you make the decision after your 3 sessions you need to consider two things is therapy not for you or did I just go to the wrong therapist. It took me about 4 wrong ones to find the right ones. Worth the effort for me none the less. Good Luck! If you can't find referrals or recommendations in your area try Psychology today's website. You can search by location and specialty.

[mariehart]

I'm half afraid to go to a therapist. Not for what they might say but for what I might have to face up to myself. In any case I don't have the money so it's not really an option.

Yes as the others say, at best a therapist can help you overcome the guilt and shame about this rather unique pastime. There are a lot of activities that could be considered shameful but simply trying to dress up nice and look good shouldn't be one. These days I feel more embarrassed about it than shame or guilt. Only this morning I dressed up and actually went out and sat in the car ready to drive away but lost my nerve and came back in. Fear of getting caught and the embarrassment of it. Next time I say, next time.

I don't think there's a cure and in any case I don't want one.

[kimdl93]

Since the cause is at best unclear, it's difficult for any honest practitioner to offer a cure. You might find unscrupulous individuals who make such claims, but please avoid them. It's been said many times already, but is important enough to bear repeating: the purpose of therapy is to help you learn to live more effectively. If you express the concern that CDing is hurtful, your practitioner MAY be able to help you find coping mechanisms that if practiced diligently allow you to push your thoughts of CDing out of your mind at least momentarily.

I think it needs also to be said that therapy isn't a three and out endeavor. By the third session you may have determined if the therapist is a good fit for you, but the real work takes months, not a few days. Don't expect to feel different after three sessions or five or ten. Think instead of the sessions as classroom work...instruction...to be followed by a lot of homework.

[Kate Simmons]

The ONLY way I found out I could beat this is to make it a total choice to do or not rather than let it remain a compulsion. Then it really isn't such a big deal as you control the reins rather than the process.Basically for myself it has become a "nice to have" rather than a necessity. The main thing is you have to be totally honest with yourself and your feelings for this to work.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Sabrina,

I would agree with others here -- our CD'ing is part of us, and we shouldn't think of it as an affliction. Speaking for myself, accepting -- and ultimately embracing -- my CD has relieved much of my angst, anxiety and confusion. I've never gone to a therapist, it just happened over the years.

Certainly going to a TG-aware therapist might help. Paula's wonderful post is a terrific example of how it can help us. Paula, thank you so much for sharing this -- I think I will frame it and hang it on my wall! You've said so much about how I feel.

Hugs,

Claire

[Dianne S]

There may be therapies that can stop you from cross-dressing, but I doubt you'll end up a happier person. So I think instead of asking "What can I do to stop crossdressing?", you should be asking "What can I do to feel better?" which, I assume. is the true goal.