Any of you also single with no SO?

[Alice Torn]

I have not noticed many who are single, with no SO, or wife. I know that i am 60 and never married, low income, and no longer am looking to find one. My cats are enough company. But, it does seem like i am the town loner, and if i go out as Alice, would really be avoided here. I take it most CDers were married before dressing became a big thing in life. I am surprised so few without girlfriends or mates. I believe our culture, and pop culture pressures people to be in a relationship. This has been going on for many decades. It is sometimes best, not to be in an intimate relationship. Walking alone is not a bad thing, just lonely at times. "Love addiction", "relationship addiction", "romance addiction" are rampant, and the culture pushes it. I wanted to be married so very badly and madly, until about age 57. Then, i realized that a woman cannot make me happy, and may bring me massive misery. I had some women friends, mostly much older, but never clicked. Being an old single has some stigma yet, as well, as wearing womens' clothing. I sometimes feel life passed me by. My parents never wanted any of their kids to marry, too, so that crippled me socially some. People over 50 that never married, are rare, and all my siblings are over 60 and single too! Bizarre. Are any others older and never married, too. I did date a lot in my 30's, before CDing. We older singles are sometimes considered odd, even non CDers. But, i try to respect myself, anyway, in a couples world.

[Ceera]

I was married for 30 years, and only started CD activities in the last year and a half or so of that, with my SO/Wife (a straight GG) knowing I was underdressing by wearing panties, but no more than that about my interest in going farther with exploring my feminine side. Sadly, she passed away in Jan 2014, so now I am, like you, single with no SO. Once I was widowed, I decided I had nothing to lose by exploring my feminine side - an aspect of myself I had denied for most of my life, while trying to be a good, straight, monogamous husband and father. I'm 57 and not seriously seeking a new mate right now. Just having fun occasionally expressing my feminine side and going out to a local club to dance and socialize. I live with my 19 year old daughter, who has not yet moved out on her own, and who is the only person that I've come out to so far among my friends and family. My daughter accepts this part of me, and I am fairly content.

I may eventually try to date a little, but it really isn't much of a priority yet with me.

[Diane Smith]

I am 57 and also a lifelong single. I've had a couple of long term relationships, but none were destined to turn into marriage. During the crucial "dating and mating" years in my 20s, I was focused on my own education and career and thought it best to minimize the distraction of relationships. But after that critical life period, the pickings become so much slimmer. I have some very good friends now that provide some companionship, and I do go to various TG affairs and am out and about in the community. But I'm not holding my breath about a long term relationship anymore.

- Diane

[Karolyn]

You are not alone. I am single too, and actually never had a girlfriend... (I'm 33), so you beat me in that regard I have tried a few times to get closer to a girl, but it seems I am always going for the most difficult ones to approach. I still want to try to get into a relationship, but after having been the confident for so many couples, and having seen so many broken couples, I don't really have the motivation as much as I used to.

I am actually surprised too by the low number of people with no SO. Most of the threads talk about how difficult it is to either hide CDing, or have the reveal talk. I would be also interested to know if there more singles on this forum than it looks like.

[docrobbysherry]

I envy u on one point, Alice. For not having an ex. Mine has always been paranoid and paranoia doesn't seem to age well!

She's constantly going on about, "Haters finding out where u live and coming after u and my daughter!"

[justmetoo]

I am 58 and single, never married. I did have one relationship back around when I was 50. It was long distance (like 2 time zones away). Went well for a while, lasting nearly 4 years, and we had plenty of good times together, with us visiting each other when we could (3-4 times a year) or meeting somewhere in between, but ultimately broke up for a number of reasons. Before that, and after, I haven't dated much at all, and never got past about 3 dates at the most even then. I am very shy, socially awkward, introverted, and, as I relatively recently discovered, asexual. I'm open to sharing my life with a woman, but I don't seek out dates or relationships. In fact, I'm pretty much a homebody and enjoy quiet evenings at home reading, working on hobbies, browsing forums, etc. Watching lots of other relationships, I believe a good relationship can be awesome, but a poor one can be worse than being alone. Still, I guess if someone wants a good relationship they have to take their chances and try different potential partners until it works.

Anyway, you're not alone in being alone, as it were.

p.s. I agree with Krystal, happiness comes from within.

[raleighbelle]

I am also single and have never been married. I have had some girlfriends in the past (usually well-spaced between them) and currently have one that is mostly accepting with my cross-dressing. But I truly don't think I am the marrying type and I have enough personality quirks that I don't think marriage with me is in anyone else's best interest. I am quite comfortable being alone.

[BarbDriscoll]

Single, 69, never married, no SO. Two long term relationships in my past. One she broke off, the other was going nowhere and was broken off by mutual consent. I never CD'ed while in either relationship and CD'ing was not a factor in either breakup. Neither woman knew about my CD'ing. Before finding this forum I believed that since I had no desire to CD while in a relationship, that if we married I would never CD again. Now I'm not so sure of that. At my age it's unlikely I'll be in a romantic relationship again, but based on what I've learned here I would probably tell her everything about my history if it was getting serious.

[Jill_cd]

Alice, no need to apologize. We live in a society/world where being alone is seen as strange or unusual. I'm divorced after 10 years of marriage. The ex was cheating with one of her colleagues. My cd'ing was her rationale. Whatever. As Justmetoo said, "I am very shy, socially awkward, introverted..." So am I. Nothing to do about it. The women at work, very few, are all married or I'm old enough to be their father (I'm 48). Being married was awesome, until I caught her cheating, of course. Sure I come home to an empty apartment, but I can put my feet up on the coffee table whenever I want. I remember reading a passage in the Bible, "it's better to be alone in the desert than married to a quarrelsome wife" (something along those lines). You have to find your own happiness. In my experience, very few married couples have found their 'soulmate'. Many are unhappy, but can't afford a divorce (cheaper to keep her/him). You have to find your own happiness. As the great Joe Louis once said, "You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."

[IMkrystal]

It is interesting to see we joined the same year 2006 Yet despite your active involvement here your are left with the opinion there are not many "older" single Cders? You thread touch a nerve because I feel some connections. I am unaware of any statistical data that would support your claim, however from the fewer times I have been on here I have the opposite opinion. The reason why I do not post threads more threads is because of the lack of interesting things to post about. How many times can you post to threads dealing with " Do you wear panties to work?" or " When did you first crossdress?" This forum is like a massive universe with cycles and repetitiousness at its core. That is its driving force into infinity. One thing I strong disagree with is that, Yes life can be depressing, BUT YOU are the only one that can make yourself happy! There are more single Cders than you think!

[GeauxStacy]

Was married for 10 years and never CDed during the relationship. I am single now and plan to stay that way, especially since I started to let Stacy out. I learned that I am not cut out for marriage. I do much better on my own and when I come home to a quiet empty house, it really does put a smile on my face.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Was . Married for 35 years from age 24 and known Jos for 41 we have 3 grown up adults two boys and Kaylyn , 11 grand kids, marrage anuuled 4 years ago I told Jos i was female and IS so 14 years later parted as friends and still are and Jos is married to a real ,,, male and he is lovely and we get on well . though Jos and i knew 17 years ago we would part we still stayed together more as two sisters and i still looked after her as i had from the begining

So im single and for the last 5 years ,

It would be nice to have some one by my side to share my life with..... and .....will be with an other woman . if not oh well thats life , i dont mind . funny as i have had lots of ya ya i know men wonting to get to know me and marrage ,

sorry guys you have to be a real woman .He He.... oh dear ......and what would i do with a guy....????.....


...noeleena...

[Lynn Marie]

I'm in a similar situation Alice. Even though I was married for 26 years, I knew on the day of our marriage that I was making a mistake! But, I had made a commitment and I was going to stick by it. Now I'm very happily unattached and having the time of my life. Trust me, other than having a lovely daughter out of the deal, it was a long learning experience that I'm really glad is over. I'm sure, though, that like you, I would have always wondered what I had missed. Now, I'm no longer willing to give up my freedom easily. I love people dearly, but I'm no longer interested in owning anyone or, even worse, being owned. Life can be very good when you only have to answer to the cat!

[Carrie R]

45 years old here, no clue on how to meet women. Never seem to run into single women at any job I've had or at my church. Any time I meet a new woman at work, I always hear about their SO worked into the conversation somehow as if to say, don't even think about it, Buster. Relationships don't look like much fun anyways.

[avant1465]

C/D-ing is not an untreatable disease..... It's, really, simply a part of a person's "self"... just like the color of their hair, or their height and weight...

When I met my S/O, via a matching site, I revealed to her, almost immediately, that I crossdressed. She was not only accepting... but encouraging about it.... and that has been our situation ever since.... I wouldn't subordinate a relationship to C/D-ing.... nor would I do the opposite.... I think it's important to "be who you are".... AND, if you find an agreeable partner (S/O) who would like to share your journey through life... then go with it....

[BOBBI G.]

Was married 38 years, now divorced for 4. Don't want that again. It has always been easier for me to make female friends. I am almost 72 with no intention of any commitment. Once was enough. I am a transgender girl (in early puberty actually), so any really close friends know I will be a lesbian relationship. Am I happy this way, there is no way to describe the joy of this life I 'm living.

Bobbi

[victoria76]

I'm single, only been in a relationship (dating) twice. I guess I just haven't found the right woman yet.
If I ever do, I would tell her about this and hope she is as cool about it as many of them are...

[LelaK]

I'm 65 and never married. I had a long-distance engagement in the early 90s, but she finally decided not to come to the U.S. again.

Ambition
Two years ago I was working for a friend and one day I noticed that I was homesick and that I wanted to have a companion, at least one, because I had no close friends that I enjoyed doing many things with. I had friends, but none were close. Without having such friends, I noticed that I was losing my ambition to do good things in my life.

So I tried to meet women on OKCupid and PoF, and did chat with several, but to no avail. I decided to move to Calif. for warmer winters. I found an affordable place in the Bay area for a while, then had to move on.

Then I visited my cousin near L.A. and answered a CL ad for a live-in caregiver. They (2 sisters) decided to accept me. One of them lives here to do most of the caregiving herself. After they accepted me, I happened to think it might be best if they knew I'm a CD, and if they didn't accept it I might want to turn down the job eventually. But they were accepting.

Jackpot?
In fact the woman who lives here is bi and somewhat of a CD too. She seems to like me a lot, so I asked if she may like to be companions with me, if we're compatible, as she seems kind of. She seemed a bit surprised at first, since she's quite a bit younger, but now she says she's interested. So we're discussing it. I get to dress quite a bit now and she even went clothes shopping with me last week. There are potential danger signs, but, I figure if she's interested in companionship, a little danger is probably okay. I expect we'll be discussing over the next few days at least.

I do think I could live the rest of my life alone, but I think I need to have a partner who shares some of my ambition to do good in order to help sustain my own ambition.

Try PolyAmory
If this doesn't work out, I'd consider a polyamorous relationship. I'd even be willing to live with other crossdressers. But I have a lot of ambition and want to have close relations with one or more other similarly ambitious persons. I'm heterosexual, but I'd like enjoy sharing affection with CDs or TGs too. What about all you other single CDs?

[MayaMe]

I'm getting close to 40 and have yet to be in a relationship. I have not even dated anyone. I have tried POF an OKCupid and have not had a luck there. It would like to experience being in a relationship at least once, but my shyness, being a CD or possibly TS makes it even harder. So, I don't really see it ever happening.

[RADER]

Well I am now single, at 67, there is little hope of getting remarried.
Wife died in April of 2013, so it is just me and my Cat.
My wife was OK with me dressing, even finding things for me to wear.
The only rule was to stay in the house; Some under dressing was OK also.
I miss her, specialty at the Holidays.
Rader

[priyajeanbabe]

Am sorry for u Rader. May you find comfort and God remove your Lonliness

[Lily Catherine]

19 and single, not intending to date seriously till I'm financially sustainable. When to come out to them about my dressing is another issue, but to let it become an elephant in the room would bear even more unhealthy repercussions.

[kimdl93]

Alice, context is everything. I know your family has, by your description, always been a difficult and sometimes abusive environment. Coming from such a place, your perspective is understandable. I respect the way you have managed to carry on despite growing up, and to this day living in such a hostile environment.

I also realize that our lives are so different. I grew up in a very large, very traditional first generation Norwegian American family in what amounted to rural, new world replication of our home country. My parents loved each other and all of us. Discipline was at times stern, but fair, and our nuclear and extended family offered the most cherished and secure environment. Despite knowing I was different from an early age, I still felt nurtured and secure in that family, and grew up wanting to continue the traditions and the environment for my own family.

I have been married twice, in combination for more than 1/2 my life. Both my first and second wives shared my desire for creating an intimate, caring and quite traditional family. Both knew of my uniqueness, and being transgendered really hasn't impaired the relationships.

So, my point? Context is everything. You and probably many other people were dealt a bum hand. I get that and wish there was a way to fix it. You've done the best you can under difficult circumstances. I've done the best I can in my life as well, much better, I think since I've come to understand and accept myself. Solo or part of a couple, that's all we can ask of ourselves.

[Katey888]

Any of you also single with no SO?

Not me, but once in a while I wish I was...

My point? Even in a good relationship, some of us might actually be needing and wanting some solitude and distance from the responsibilities and demands that some relationships bring... The grass is always greener, especially in our strange world.

Alice - you've had some bad luck and I wish there were a way for you to have moved on from your family troubles but I'm afraid that 'warzone' as you put it, has left an indelible stain on your life. Others are right to say that real happiness comes from within - you have done your fair share of helping other folk and your community and you'll probably continue doing that... being a good person has its own rewards but they are often not very tangible.

You never know what stroke of fortune the future may bring for you Alice - just hang in there and keep being the best person you can, sometimes things can get better..

Katey x

[Allisa]

Single and never married here, close call once. Had a few short term relationships but found out that after a certain time period needed to be alone again, I am my own best friend. My CDing had little to do with the relationship not working out,I am just set in my ways too much. And I am now a sexagenarian and really have no desire to "date" anymore, although a casual dinner and a movie are still a fun time with some lady friends I have, I'm always my male self it's just the way it is. Well enough said for now.