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Thread: Any of you also single with no SO?

  1. #1
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Any of you also single with no SO?

    I have not noticed many who are single, with no SO, or wife. I know that i am 60 and never married, low income, and no longer am looking to find one. My cats are enough company. But, it does seem like i am the town loner, and if i go out as Alice, would really be avoided here. I take it most CDers were married before dressing became a big thing in life. I am surprised so few without girlfriends or mates. I believe our culture, and pop culture pressures people to be in a relationship. This has been going on for many decades. It is sometimes best, not to be in an intimate relationship. Walking alone is not a bad thing, just lonely at times. "Love addiction", "relationship addiction", "romance addiction" are rampant, and the culture pushes it. I wanted to be married so very badly and madly, until about age 57. Then, i realized that a woman cannot make me happy, and may bring me massive misery. I had some women friends, mostly much older, but never clicked. Being an old single has some stigma yet, as well, as wearing womens' clothing. I sometimes feel life passed me by. My parents never wanted any of their kids to marry, too, so that crippled me socially some. People over 50 that never married, are rare, and all my siblings are over 60 and single too! Bizarre. Are any others older and never married, too. I did date a lot in my 30's, before CDing. We older singles are sometimes considered odd, even non CDers. But, i try to respect myself, anyway, in a couples world.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    I was married for 30 years, and only started CD activities in the last year and a half or so of that, with my SO/Wife (a straight GG) knowing I was underdressing by wearing panties, but no more than that about my interest in going farther with exploring my feminine side. Sadly, she passed away in Jan 2014, so now I am, like you, single with no SO. Once I was widowed, I decided I had nothing to lose by exploring my feminine side - an aspect of myself I had denied for most of my life, while trying to be a good, straight, monogamous husband and father. I'm 57 and not seriously seeking a new mate right now. Just having fun occasionally expressing my feminine side and going out to a local club to dance and socialize. I live with my 19 year old daughter, who has not yet moved out on her own, and who is the only person that I've come out to so far among my friends and family. My daughter accepts this part of me, and I am fairly content.

    I may eventually try to date a little, but it really isn't much of a priority yet with me.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Diane Smith's Avatar
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    I am 57 and also a lifelong single. I've had a couple of long term relationships, but none were destined to turn into marriage. During the crucial "dating and mating" years in my 20s, I was focused on my own education and career and thought it best to minimize the distraction of relationships. But after that critical life period, the pickings become so much slimmer. I have some very good friends now that provide some companionship, and I do go to various TG affairs and am out and about in the community. But I'm not holding my breath about a long term relationship anymore.

    - Diane

  4. #4
    Happy! Karolyn's Avatar
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    You are not alone. I am single too, and actually never had a girlfriend... (I'm 33), so you beat me in that regard I have tried a few times to get closer to a girl, but it seems I am always going for the most difficult ones to approach. I still want to try to get into a relationship, but after having been the confident for so many couples, and having seen so many broken couples, I don't really have the motivation as much as I used to.

    I am actually surprised too by the low number of people with no SO. Most of the threads talk about how difficult it is to either hide CDing, or have the reveal talk. I would be also interested to know if there more singles on this forum than it looks like.

  5. #5
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I envy u on one point, Alice. For not having an ex. Mine has always been paranoid and paranoia doesn't seem to age well!

    She's constantly going on about, "Haters finding out where u live and coming after u and my daughter!"
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Member IMkrystal's Avatar
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    It is interesting to see we joined the same year 2006 Yet despite your active involvement here your are left with the opinion there are not many "older" single Cders? You thread touch a nerve because I feel some connections. I am unaware of any statistical data that would support your claim, however from the fewer times I have been on here I have the opposite opinion. The reason why I do not post threads more threads is because of the lack of interesting things to post about. How many times can you post to threads dealing with " Do you wear panties to work?" or " When did you first crossdress?" This forum is like a massive universe with cycles and repetitiousness at its core. That is its driving force into infinity. One thing I strong disagree with is that, Yes life can be depressing, BUT YOU are the only one that can make yourself happy! There are more single Cders than you think!
    Last edited by Lorileah; 12-12-2014 at 01:14 PM. Reason: no need to quote OP

  7. #7
    Silver Member justmetoo's Avatar
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    I am 58 and single, never married. I did have one relationship back around when I was 50. It was long distance (like 2 time zones away). Went well for a while, lasting nearly 4 years, and we had plenty of good times together, with us visiting each other when we could (3-4 times a year) or meeting somewhere in between, but ultimately broke up for a number of reasons. Before that, and after, I haven't dated much at all, and never got past about 3 dates at the most even then. I am very shy, socially awkward, introverted, and, as I relatively recently discovered, asexual. I'm open to sharing my life with a woman, but I don't seek out dates or relationships. In fact, I'm pretty much a homebody and enjoy quiet evenings at home reading, working on hobbies, browsing forums, etc. Watching lots of other relationships, I believe a good relationship can be awesome, but a poor one can be worse than being alone. Still, I guess if someone wants a good relationship they have to take their chances and try different potential partners until it works.

    Anyway, you're not alone in being alone, as it were.

    p.s. I agree with Krystal, happiness comes from within.

  8. #8
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    I am also single and have never been married. I have had some girlfriends in the past (usually well-spaced between them) and currently have one that is mostly accepting with my cross-dressing. But I truly don't think I am the marrying type and I have enough personality quirks that I don't think marriage with me is in anyone else's best interest. I am quite comfortable being alone.

  9. #9
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    Single, 69, never married, no SO. Two long term relationships in my past. One she broke off, the other was going nowhere and was broken off by mutual consent. I never CD'ed while in either relationship and CD'ing was not a factor in either breakup. Neither woman knew about my CD'ing. Before finding this forum I believed that since I had no desire to CD while in a relationship, that if we married I would never CD again. Now I'm not so sure of that. At my age it's unlikely I'll be in a romantic relationship again, but based on what I've learned here I would probably tell her everything about my history if it was getting serious.

  10. #10
    Stacy
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    Was married for 10 years and never CDed during the relationship. I am single now and plan to stay that way, especially since I started to let Stacy out. I learned that I am not cut out for marriage. I do much better on my own and when I come home to a quiet empty house, it really does put a smile on my face.

  11. #11
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Was . Married for 35 years from age 24 and known Jos for 41 we have 3 grown up adults two boys and Kaylyn , 11 grand kids, marrage anuuled 4 years ago I told Jos i was female and IS so 14 years later parted as friends and still are and Jos is married to a real ,,, male and he is lovely and we get on well . though Jos and i knew 17 years ago we would part we still stayed together more as two sisters and i still looked after her as i had from the begining

    So im single and for the last 5 years ,

    It would be nice to have some one by my side to share my life with..... and .....will be with an other woman . if not oh well thats life , i dont mind . funny as i have had lots of ya ya i know men wonting to get to know me and marrage ,

    sorry guys you have to be a real woman .He He.... oh dear ......and what would i do with a guy....????.....


    ...noeleena...

  12. #12
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    I'm in a similar situation Alice. Even though I was married for 26 years, I knew on the day of our marriage that I was making a mistake! But, I had made a commitment and I was going to stick by it. Now I'm very happily unattached and having the time of my life. Trust me, other than having a lovely daughter out of the deal, it was a long learning experience that I'm really glad is over. I'm sure, though, that like you, I would have always wondered what I had missed. Now, I'm no longer willing to give up my freedom easily. I love people dearly, but I'm no longer interested in owning anyone or, even worse, being owned. Life can be very good when you only have to answer to the cat!
    Last edited by Lynn Marie; 12-12-2014 at 04:15 AM.

  13. #13
    Member Carrie R's Avatar
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    45 years old here, no clue on how to meet women. Never seem to run into single women at any job I've had or at my church. Any time I meet a new woman at work, I always hear about their SO worked into the conversation somehow as if to say, don't even think about it, Buster. Relationships don't look like much fun anyways.

  14. #14
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    C/D-ing is not an untreatable disease..... It's, really, simply a part of a person's "self"... just like the color of their hair, or their height and weight...

    When I met my S/O, via a matching site, I revealed to her, almost immediately, that I crossdressed. She was not only accepting... but encouraging about it.... and that has been our situation ever since.... I wouldn't subordinate a relationship to C/D-ing.... nor would I do the opposite.... I think it's important to "be who you are".... AND, if you find an agreeable partner (S/O) who would like to share your journey through life... then go with it....

  15. #15
    Member BOBBI G.'s Avatar
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    Was married 38 years, now divorced for 4. Don't want that again. It has always been easier for me to make female friends. I am almost 72 with no intention of any commitment. Once was enough. I am a transgender girl (in early puberty actually), so any really close friends know I will be a lesbian relationship. Am I happy this way, there is no way to describe the joy of this life I 'm living.

    Bobbi

  16. #16
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    HI All: I was married twice and now divorced. My first marriage I didn't CD at all , when she dumped me ( to go back to her father ,yes Virginia we are talking incest here) then I returned to CDing that I started at age 14 because I had breasts like a teenage girl. The second marriage ended after she caught me in her brassiere one morning JO , and she made me stop put her garterbelt stockings and slip on me and then penetrated me with her dildo . I was only allowed to continue after i had satisfied her orally .

    She had me in lingerie and later heels and makeup any time I was home and she started dating others and after a yr she divorced me . I never remarried but had some relationships with women for yrs until I met a man who really enjoyed me in lingerie .
    He was in a sexless marriage and I was his "dolly" for many yrs until his MI and resulting loss of libido . Now I am dressed at home every day and always underdress as I do not pass . I would enjoy a relationship with a man again but am satisfied to be

    a single sissy now , I have a dog for companionship (love my mutt) and will be single I guess until the end as women are too costly in both time and money . I got cleaned out twice and determined not to lose everything again . Women are wonderful but they want to be paid for sex either up front (more honest ) or after the fact when they are done with you.

  17. #17
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    I'm sixty last relationship was back in 2005 was divorced in 1992 after ten years of marriage and yes one of the reasons was my love for crossdressing. Once I moved to a hobby farm I haven't dressed as much as I would like to but when I lived in a subdivision I would dress just about everyday.

  18. #18
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Krystal, and Just Me Too, I wrote that another person cannot MAKE you happy. It took me decades to learn that. I did imply that happiness comes from within. In spite of that, lonliness happens sometimes. We all need friends. I have one older brother in prison for 40 yrs. I know he gets lonely, but also wishes he could be alone, away from other prisoners. Balance would be better. I have read many books, and gone to 12 step meetings, and church. I see that people or romance addiction, is often trying to have other person make us happy, and unhealthy. I thought i communicated that. We all need friends, though. Balance.

    Carrie, Wow. I also lived in Seattle for 29 yrs. I dated there some, but never clicked. Here in farm area small town Illinois, most marry right out of high school, and very very few singles, over 25, Redneck area. No dating here, even if i had a career. I can relate. Had jobs like chemical coatings factory, gravedigger, window washer, security. Same with the church. Almost no single women, and same, talked of their boyfriends or husbands. I have met many very hurting lonely men, in my experiences. It makes me think of Hank Williams' sad song, "These men with broken hearts." I have had women landlords, and took in a few homeless women at times, who came from awful backgrounds, and had no use for relationships with any men. Abused. So many broken people! My 65 yo sister, only had one or two dates in her life, and has no desire to meet anyone. My alcoholic dad, and neurotic mom had a warzone marriage, so, it hurt all their kids socially, one reason none has a SO. I now realize i would be awfully difficult to be married to, and it has not been granted to me. Maybe friends only. I hope some lady comes into your life, for friendship, but it is sure not wrong, if one doesn't. Like has been said, better to be alone, than in a bad relationship.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 12-12-2014 at 01:16 PM. Reason: Merged posts into one, you can edit your previous post when adding things
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  19. #19
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    I'm almost 48 and newly single after a 23-year marriage. At this point, I have no desire to be in another relationship though that may change in a year or two.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Alice, context is everything. I know your family has, by your description, always been a difficult and sometimes abusive environment. Coming from such a place, your perspective is understandable. I respect the way you have managed to carry on despite growing up, and to this day living in such a hostile environment.

    I also realize that our lives are so different. I grew up in a very large, very traditional first generation Norwegian American family in what amounted to rural, new world replication of our home country. My parents loved each other and all of us. Discipline was at times stern, but fair, and our nuclear and extended family offered the most cherished and secure environment. Despite knowing I was different from an early age, I still felt nurtured and secure in that family, and grew up wanting to continue the traditions and the environment for my own family.

    I have been married twice, in combination for more than 1/2 my life. Both my first and second wives shared my desire for creating an intimate, caring and quite traditional family. Both knew of my uniqueness, and being transgendered really hasn't impaired the relationships.

    So, my point? Context is everything. You and probably many other people were dealt a bum hand. I get that and wish there was a way to fix it. You've done the best you can under difficult circumstances. I've done the best I can in my life as well, much better, I think since I've come to understand and accept myself. Solo or part of a couple, that's all we can ask of ourselves.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 12-12-2014 at 04:39 PM.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  21. #21
    Member Rhian's Avatar
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    I'm 23, single and I can't see that changing. I agree with much of what the OP said in that there is a social pressure to be in a relationship and a perception that when you're not in one you are some how incomplete. This leads to people settling, rather than only dating someone they adore and all I see from people in relationships is misery, moaning, arguments and a total lack of freedom. Then they stay together because they are scared they wont find anyone better and can go out and smile to the world whose social expectations they are fullfilling. I haven't been really interested in a girl for about a five years and I will not just settle for someone who is 'ok' just to meet social expectations and have someone to take the family occasions.

    I'm also not interested in playing games or taking part in monkey branching. For those of you who don't know what monkey branching is, it's when a girl in a relationship flirts with other men while in a relationship to see if anyone better comes along, then when someone does leaving their boyfriend and immediately getting with the new man. This is completely dishonest as they are pretending to be invested in a relationship, stringing a man along and emotionally cheating. This seems to be the way most girls get into relationships these days as like the OP notes people are becoming addicted to relationships and can't cope being single. When any girl tries to branch onto me I quickly distance myself from them as I follow a simple rule in life that is 'if I wouldn't like it happening to me, don't do it somebody else.'

    The only negative is of course it means you don't get regular sex but I enjoy it a lot more when it's with someone new anyway and it feels like more of an achievement when you have had to work for it. I can't dress and have sex this way but that wouldn't be guaranteed in a relationship anyway.

  22. #22
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Any of you also single with no SO?

    Not me, but once in a while I wish I was...

    My point? Even in a good relationship, some of us might actually be needing and wanting some solitude and distance from the responsibilities and demands that some relationships bring... The grass is always greener, especially in our strange world.

    Alice - you've had some bad luck and I wish there were a way for you to have moved on from your family troubles but I'm afraid that 'warzone' as you put it, has left an indelible stain on your life. Others are right to say that real happiness comes from within - you have done your fair share of helping other folk and your community and you'll probably continue doing that... being a good person has its own rewards but they are often not very tangible.

    You never know what stroke of fortune the future may bring for you Alice - just hang in there and keep being the best person you can, sometimes things can get better..

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  23. #23
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhian View Post
    that there is a social pressure to be in a relationship and a perception that when you're not in one you are some how incomplete.
    This. I'm convinced that about 50% of people who get married do so because they think it's expected of them. Did anyone ever think that the reason about half of all marriages end in divorce is that about half of all people getting married really shouldn't be? That marriage is not some ideal to promote, but merely a living arrangement that happens to work for about half of all people?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rhian View Post
    The only negative is of course it means you don't get regular sex
    That's OK. You don't get that after a year or two of marriage either.

  24. #24
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    LDiane suggests that half of those who marry do so to meet societal expectations. I respectfully but strenuously disagree. I married the first time because I was head over heels in love with my first wife, and remained in love with her till the end of our marriage nearly 20 years later...except for some momentary, but costly lapses on my part. And I remarried because I loved and wanted to be with my present wife. I suspect that more than half of all married, transgendered people were similarly motivated.

    As for the frequency of sex, maybe my first and second wives were exceptions, but we seldom let a week go by with at least one date night.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 12-12-2014 at 04:45 PM.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  25. #25
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    i have been married and have had long term and short term relationships before and after my marriage .The only 2 people i told were my x wife and last Gf they were both receptive at first but in the end did not want to deal with the cding.Now i am single and plan on staying that way. I just do not want to have to explain everything again and drag another women into this and hope they accept me
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

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