Any of you also single with no SO?

[Alice Torn]

I am sorry i come across as whining and complaining. I was wondering if there were many singles on this forum. It didn't seem there were many. It is a bit of a grief work experience, as life draws to its end, not having had that special someone. But, i have had friends, back in the Seattle area, the years i was there. I have health problems now, and on a low fixed income, and realize that it is best to be single now. I may not be around much longer, and would not want to be a burden to a woman or a mate. I have walked alone, am used to it, and accept it. Having a SO or mate has lots of challenges, and being single does in different ways. Some cannot handle singleness, some of us can, because we had to. Pets make life better. All is well. Thanks for all the replies and sharing.

[Ally 2112]

I do not think you are coming across as whining or complaining .You asked a good question and we replyed .What happens in our lives can be our own doing but sometimes it is beyond our control .Like you have just said some of us are better being single and i can agree and some just have to have someone .It is all up to the idividual so no worries Alice

[kimdl93]

Alice, please don't apologize for being who you are. Yes, to some degree you are a victim of circumstance, but you are still standing, still trying to express yourself and that, after all you have endured, is remarkable.

[natcrys]

Another single reporting in! Almost pushing 40.. and have been single pretty much all my life apart from three short relationships in my twenties.

I guess some have more luck in life with these kind of things than others. It doesn't help that I live in a "technical" area.. so the ratio of men to women is like 5 to 1.

[Brenda Locke]

Never been married and haven't had a SO in quite a while. Don't really want one anyway. She'd just hinder me whenever I wanted to dress.

Hugs Brenda

[justmetoo]

I have walked alone, am used to it, and accept it. Having a SO or mate has lots of challenges, and being single does in different ways. Some cannot handle singleness, some of us can, because we had to. Pets make life better. All is well. Thanks for all the replies and sharing.

No need to apologize. Like the others said you asked a good question. Anyway, I can relate to the quoted bit there^

[grace7777]

At 50, I am also one who has never married, and has never had an SO or been in a serious relationship. Right now I have no desire to be in a relationship. Whether I will ever be in a relationship is something that I will not rule out, but do not see it happening. I will not change who I am to have a relationship.

[Jill_cd]

Alice, no need to apologize. We live in a society/world where being alone is seen as strange or unusual. I'm divorced after 10 years of marriage. The ex was cheating with one of her colleagues. My cd'ing was her rationale. Whatever. As Justmetoo said, "I am very shy, socially awkward, introverted..." So am I. Nothing to do about it. The women at work, very few, are all married or I'm old enough to be their father (I'm 48). Being married was awesome, until I caught her cheating, of course. Sure I come home to an empty apartment, but I can put my feet up on the coffee table whenever I want. I remember reading a passage in the Bible, "it's better to be alone in the desert than married to a quarrelsome wife" (something along those lines). You have to find your own happiness. In my experience, very few married couples have found their 'soulmate'. Many are unhappy, but can't afford a divorce (cheaper to keep her/him). You have to find your own happiness. As the great Joe Louis once said, "You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."

[Dianne S]

Dianne suggests that half of those who marry do so to meet societal expectations. I respectfully but strenuously disagree

You are very lucky... one of the lucky 50%, I guess. Having spoken to lots of single and married people, I stand by my belief that about half of all people who marry would be better off had they not married.

[justmetoo]

And like Jill_cd said "The women at work, very few, are all married or I'm old enough to be their father". Yep, that, too. I just don't even meet many single women in general. Still, as some said, single or not, each has its own challenges, as well as pluses and minuses. I know people who have been lucky in love, as it were, and they did or do have a good thing going. Not everyone is that fortunate, whether they are in a relationship or are single. Being on one's own also has its advantages (just look at some of the threads around here from both sides of the fence, so to speak).

[Allisa]

Single and never married here, close call once. Had a few short term relationships but found out that after a certain time period needed to be alone again, I am my own best friend. My CDing had little to do with the relationship not working out,I am just set in my ways too much. And I am now a sexagenarian and really have no desire to "date" anymore, although a casual dinner and a movie are still a fun time with some lady friends I have, I'm always my male self it's just the way it is. Well enough said for now.

[LelaK]

I'm 65 and never married. I had a long-distance engagement in the early 90s, but she finally decided not to come to the U.S. again.

Ambition
Two years ago I was working for a friend and one day I noticed that I was homesick and that I wanted to have a companion, at least one, because I had no close friends that I enjoyed doing many things with. I had friends, but none were close. Without having such friends, I noticed that I was losing my ambition to do good things in my life.

So I tried to meet women on OKCupid and PoF, and did chat with several, but to no avail. I decided to move to Calif. for warmer winters. I found an affordable place in the Bay area for a while, then had to move on.

Then I visited my cousin near L.A. and answered a CL ad for a live-in caregiver. They (2 sisters) decided to accept me. One of them lives here to do most of the caregiving herself. After they accepted me, I happened to think it might be best if they knew I'm a CD, and if they didn't accept it I might want to turn down the job eventually. But they were accepting.

Jackpot?
In fact the woman who lives here is bi and somewhat of a CD too. She seems to like me a lot, so I asked if she may like to be companions with me, if we're compatible, as she seems kind of. She seemed a bit surprised at first, since she's quite a bit younger, but now she says she's interested. So we're discussing it. I get to dress quite a bit now and she even went clothes shopping with me last week. There are potential danger signs, but, I figure if she's interested in companionship, a little danger is probably okay. I expect we'll be discussing over the next few days at least.

I do think I could live the rest of my life alone, but I think I need to have a partner who shares some of my ambition to do good in order to help sustain my own ambition.

Try PolyAmory
If this doesn't work out, I'd consider a polyamorous relationship. I'd even be willing to live with other crossdressers. But I have a lot of ambition and want to have close relations with one or more other similarly ambitious persons. I'm heterosexual, but I'd like enjoy sharing affection with CDs or TGs too. What about all you other single CDs?

[MayaMe]

I'm getting close to 40 and have yet to be in a relationship. I have not even dated anyone. I have tried POF an OKCupid and have not had a luck there. It would like to experience being in a relationship at least once, but my shyness, being a CD or possibly TS makes it even harder. So, I don't really see it ever happening.

[RADER]

Well I am now single, at 67, there is little hope of getting remarried.
Wife died in April of 2013, so it is just me and my Cat.
My wife was OK with me dressing, even finding things for me to wear.
The only rule was to stay in the house; Some under dressing was OK also.
I miss her, specialty at the Holidays.
Rader

[fun4metoo2004]

I am 54, was married for 9 years, wife never new, nor does my son who is 25. Never told anyone else.

Have not been with another woman since the divorce.

[Barbara Jo]

I am 67, living alone with no SO..... with no family in the area.

I have been married but, divorced in the early '70s

I was also an in another long term live in relationship (long story) with the love of my life which untimely ended in disaster for me..... she left me.
FWIW... I loved her so much that for the years that I was with her, I did not dress and she never knew about my CDing.

So, now I live alone as a woman in private and dress daily/nightly... wear panties etc 24/7 .
I also have my current apt decorated in a somewhat feminine manor.
Most of few friends I had have either died or moved away.

To be honest I do get a bit lonely at times but , through it all i have always truly liked myself and do not mind being alone most of the time.

[Alice Torn]

I must say, that I dated when i was not dressing. My first girlfriend, when i was 27, and she was 21, ended her life with an overdose. Dated off and on with mostly older divorcees, never had sex with a woman ever. Katey888, mentioned the grass being greener syndrome. One minister told me that many marrieds would love to be in my shoes. Its human nature, it seems. Marrieds would love more aloneness, and solitude. Older singles would like a little less aloneness and solitude. I am learning to be thankful for all the simple things i take for granted. Having a small income, has made me see thing differently too. The only times being without a SO bothers me, is out alone at restaurants, church, stores, , where couples are everywhere, or families. And i mean dressed in drab, as i very seldom go out dressed as Alice. At home alone, with cats, it does not bother me. Again, thanks all of you for sharing. Many of you have had much more difficult situations than me. I live 11 miles from my family of origin, thankfully, and only go there twice a week now. My dad is almost 94, but my brother is an extremely difficult person. Some of you gave out advice. Thank you. Some of it is good stuff.

[satinnsilk]

Married 17 years, divorced and single for the last 12. My crossdressing was not the only cause but she could not accept it either. She was and is a good friend and we did produce one wonderful child in the process but I must say I am not the easiest person to live with and have high expectations of myself and those close to me, I know, lighten up. I love living alone in that I have to make no compromises and can do what I please when I please so I guess that is just selfishness. I repressed my crossdressing for the most part until I hit about 38 and then it became something of such importance to my inner self that I embraced it and never looked back. Living alone allows me to dress everyday and there is a big difference from being alone and being lonely. I am just one of those people that enjoys solitude. Don't get me wrong, I am a very social creature but if alone I am my own best friend and do not pine for someone nattering incessantly about mundane topics just to not feel awkward. We are all different, thank the spirits, so there is no right or wrong in this thread but it is very interesting to see others perspectives. Happy Holidays to everyone, MUAH!

[Tiffany B.]

I'm single and loving it... but its difficult to explain the girly things in the closet

[ronny0]

I am well past 60, and in a long term relationship with a GG. Have been married twice, and a few long term relationships. I keep in touch with most of my X's.
Last 3 girlfriends were OK with my hobby, last 2 even encouraged it...... Not sure where / how you find a life partner. It took me over 10 years to find my last GF.
You never know how some one will respond to our secret, and some times it can be a deal breaker, specially early on and depending on what we feel our needs are and our partners needs and perception of where everyone is heading in life. A few of those that know of my hobby have either passed or moved far away. Leaving me with a feeling of great loss. Nothing I have said has answered any of your questions......
But on the upside, if you are looking for a friend, drop me a pvt msg and I'll try to help you out from time to time.
This time of your can me extremely depressing for everyone, more suicides during the holidays than other times of the year.
Weather you are in a relationship, or not, many people get down and have trouble getting through this time of year.
And let me tell you, just because some on says they are in a relationship, doesn't mean that their life is Fine & Dandy.
Everything in life takes effort, and not all effort brings the rewards we expert / deserve / desire.
Wishing you and EVERYONE a great Holiday Season.....

[sarahcsc]

LDiane suggests that half of those who marry do so to meet societal expectations. I respectfully but strenuously disagree. I married the first time because I was head over heels in love with my first wife...

Hi Kim,

The history of marriage is rooted in the discovery of agriculture. Prior to agriculture, humans were mostly nomadic hunter gatherers who didn't own land. But the advent of agriculture introduced the concept of "ownership" because people are suddenly laying claim to land. It then becomes complicated to know what to do with claimed lands when the owners die hence the concept of "marriage" was born. It was a way to secure rights to land and property by designating children as rightful heirs born under certain circumstances, ie. marriage. As society as a whole became more complex, marriage became a legal institution. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZZ6QB5TSfk)

These days, marriage is almost synonymous with love. In other words, it is synonymous with something very personal. I don't doubt that it was personal for you, and for many others, but it is also important that we examine the historical origins of the concept of "marriage" so to get a perspective on where we came from.

People can get married because of love, they can also be married without falling in love (ie. arranged marriages).

I believe there is some truth to what LDiane has said.

Any of you also single with no SO?

As to the original question, I have this to say.

Not everybody who is single, has no significant other.

Even a person who is single, can have somebody who is very significant to them.

And likewise for the married couple: not all married couples considered their spouses significant.

I am single, but I have a very significant other that I have a deep relationship with. It doesn't matter if I made that relationship official unless I intend to have children with her so my children can be rightful heirs to my land and property.

Love,
Sarah

[weyburn]

I am 60 widower for 19 months,
I use to be a part time closet dresser.
After the pass ing of my wife I was pretty mixed up after and some therapy sessions I decicided as I missed my wife so much I would try and see the world as much as I could through her eyes,I probably just needed justification within myself to do what I do now and dress pretty well all day every day and feel good about myself and I truly do believe it did help with the grieving process

Andrea

[Ressie]

In just a few months I will be celebrating 10 years of being divorced! I got married in my late 40s and it turned out to be a terrible time. It lasted less than 4 years. Haven't had a love relationship since. Same deal, many women that I met turned out to mention something about their husbands 20 minutes into meeting them. I also have a fear of getting into another relationship. Knowing my history with women, I tend to foresee any possibilities turning out badly eventually.

At least I had many relationships with women throughout my younger years. Some lasted only a few months, some a couple of years, and the longest lasted 14 years. The latter was a great relationship, but we kind of grew apart for several reasons.

We get set in our ways as we get older, which makes it more difficult to adjust to others that we get involved with. I've got to say that I've had less contact with women over the last 10 years than I ever have before. I kind of gave up I guess.

[Michelle 78]

Another singleton here too! Been in relationships but never got as far as marriage, but I hope so one day it will happen there's not rush. But like a lot on here shyness does not help things, it takes me a long time to open up and really trust somebody. By the way MayMe, POF is a waste of time....been there done that.

[andreanna]

I am 60 also. Married once and shacked up once. I would not want to be with another woman except for the physical pleasure. I have real trust problems with them, they want it all and when they don't get it they find a lawyer that will take it all