how comforetable are you with you?

[talonX]

“Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different...”
― C.S. Lewis

I'm going through some changes, and frankly I'm not completely sure who I am right now, but I'm working on figuring it out. I think for a while I let myself get pushed in a direction I didn't want to go in, but now I'm trying to course correct. Embracing my feminine side is a big part of that. Before, I was content to be who I am in the privacy of my home, but not so much outside the door, and I don't want that to be the case anymore.

[Ms. Laura]

I am increasingly comfortable with the fact that I am somewhere on the spectrum. I'm increasingly comfortable with presenting as female. But not so comfortable as to where on the spectrum I fall and this leads to a lot of inner turmoil.

That said, I still feel foolish and hideous some days, but fewer.

[Adriana]

I've come to love who I am and decided some time ago that this is who I am and I should embrace this portion of me. Also, coming out to my SO several years ago has helped tremendously.

[DebbieL]

I'm transsexual. Prior to transition, I hated looking in the mirror, especially a full length mirror. I screamed when my grandfather would try to shave my head, I hated buying boys clothes and frequently got lost in the girls' department or women's wear.
Dressing was just one expression of being a girl, but an important one. People often made fun of my because I was too feminine, calling me Sissy or Tinkerbell or Fairy, which I actually liked, but hated the violence that came with the names.

When I was able to dress and pass effectively, I was happy, healthy, and even enjoyed seeing my reflection in the mirror or a window.

When I was NOT able to dress, I hated myself as Rex, even the sight of my body, gained huge amounts of weight, and even came close to death a few times via drug overdoses, heart attacks, and strokes.

When I went back to dressing, I got healthy, lost weight, and loved my body and liked myself as Debbie.
Now that I have transitioned, have changed my name and gender legally, and my wife loves Debbie even more than she loved Rex, I am looking forward to a long and happy life.

[BouncyBouncy]

Here's the thing. I LIKE being out of my comfort zone. For me, it's where adventure happens. It's where lessons are learned. It's where enlightenment may be reached.
I completely acknowledge and respect that not everyone feels this way, especially as everyone's crossdressing/trans feelings and needs are made up completely differently and uniquely.

I'm a performer. Performance comes from truth. I've crossed dressed since I was a kid, and while it's been an insanely weird journey, I've recently got to the point of not only accepting, but CELEBRATING
the fact that I'm a male who loves being a male, but utterly relishes the capacity to dive headfirst into the feminine side of my extreme personality. This is the truth to who I am. I want to be, to feel, to experience
the other, to stretch myself and take risks and explode in all directions at once.

Cross dressing is out of the ordinary, it confuses people, it offends people, it confronts people. It isn't dangerous, but the fear of being misunderstood or rejected can feel like a loaded gun, ready to fire on a hair trigger
at any moment.

I am taking control of the gun.

I'm firing it into the air like an exultant cowgirl, filled with the light and fire of success and adventure and the thrill of the ride.



Who's with me?

xx

[Suzanne F]

I am feeling so much more comfortable. I only have to be Brent in front of customers or when I have to appear in the office. 75 % of the time I am myself, Suzanne. It took 49 years to get here. Yet only in the last 2 have I actually uttered the truth to anyone else on this planet. Tonight I was at my son's orchestral concert at his school. He was so proud to have me there as me! He got there in 6 months!
Suzanne

[Eringirl]

Interesting thread. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Not very comfortable with myself at this time, but for me, this is a journey. Status quo is not going to work, so moving towards what will, albeit at a snail's pace, or so it feels. I don't experience the "pink fog", but do experience the "blue smog". I don't get excited or exhilarated as Erin, I just feel normal and right and happy to go on with my daily life. But in drab, I get in a deep funk, can't look in a mirror without feeling awful. Don't like the clothes, how I look, my face (due to beard) etc. But as Erin, I am fine. So, no, I guess I am not comfortable with myself. But having said that, I am working on it and putting together a game plan to get to a place where I will be comfortable. That is my light at the end of the tunnel. Just trying to make sure it isn't an oncoming train!!

My (Canadian - anyone still got change for a nickel?) worth.

Erin

[gender_blender]

I've always been happy to be me, never questioned my feelings and never purged of my wardrobe.

[slamddoger]

that is good qusten to comfortable whith your salf is like going on jouney to fine your salf some time you have good days and some time you have bad days

[Savannah_Skye]

I am comfortable now but like many here took me a while though I still have guilt days but still young enough to enjoy the rest of my life. I have days where I feel more TS (I seriously considered transitioning for a while). Started dressing at five and loved it though over the years on tried to repress and deny it which only led to guilt, shame and anxiety...so bad I couldn't sleep at night. Luckily, I have an accepting wife and started to grow a support network, so I feel more comfortable or at least on the right track.

I guess what makes it uncomfortable is having to fit in at work or with friends or family who would not be accepting . I feel like I'm concealing myself, lying to others etc and sometimes that makes it hard to operate and I am not always sure what to do about that.

[Ally 2112]

To me it has also been a evoloution or a progression to where i am at today .It has not been easy but im finaly getting to a point where i am way more comfortable with myself each time i dress

[Taylor Ray]

I am so happy you are starting to feel more comfortable. I struggled with this lifestyle my whole life because society (manifesting as the people I interacted with, and social institutions such as schools and work environments) always sent me the message that

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU PERVERTED SINNER!

So there was always shame and hiding. In a lot of ways, I am starting to think that the phenomenon of "coming out of the closet" has serious psychological dimensions, not just social ones. There may be a healing effect.

[briana_betancourt]

The more that I feel comfortable in my own skin, the less comfortable I end up being.

Just last month, I went out en femme for the first time after a lifetime of closeted dressing. It was the most liberating feeling of my life, but also confusing to me at the same time. I feel that, whether it be good or bad, this has opened up an entire Pandora's box with my comfort level in my own skin. Ugh.

[devida]

I am more comfortable with myself today than I have ever been. I am not sure how much this is due to accepting being transgender, my sheer delight in wering clothes that I like, as opposed to clothes I am meant to wear, and how much it is due to surviving and recovering from a terminal diagnosis, an experience that made me extremely grateful and happy for just having a me to feel comfortable with.

I do think my feeling of being happy with where I am comes from realizing that there's no point in thinking that I will be happy when I finally get to wherever it is that I think I should be. It isn't that I don't think I am on a journey, just that I like the travelling far more than the fantasy of where I think I will be some day in the future when I arrive there.

Also I really don't care what anybody else thinks. My wife and children, and my friends, love me as I am. Why would I question them? They are all just happy that I am still here, and so am I.

[MsVal]

This is a very good, very philosophical question.

I am on a journey to a destination unknown. GD is the bus driver, and she has no map. I'm not certain that I will recognize the end when I get there, but I'm enjoying the ride,

With the help of a therapist I am learning to accept myself. Liking myself may come later.

Best wishes
MsVal

[CynthiaD]

I've progressed beyond mere comfort. I am pleased, delighted in fact, to be who I am. Over the years I have engaged in all manner of self-destructive behavior. When I think back, I often think that if I had done more crossdressing and less "whatever" I would have been sooo much better off.

[Isabella Ross]

Incredibly comfortable...but I think I little honesty, revelation and maturity has helped with that.

[victoria76]

I, too felt guilty while doing this in the past...
Lately however, especially since finding this site, I have lost the guilt entirely and feel quite comfortable with this!
I am amazed at how many members here experience and feel things so similar to myself. This site has helped a lot!
It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this!

[heather ann martin]

I'm very comfortable now I can live as the woman I've longed to be all my life. The nightmare of trying to be a "man" is long gone. My only regret is that I was never in a position to start living full time when I was a lot younger.

[Marcelle]

I am very comfortable at this point in time. While I still consider myself TG/CD I prefer to think of my "femme side" as just part of who I am no different from my guy side. So I am at a point where I don't hide who I am and am very open to those around me (family, friends and work). So I would say "just comfortable being me".

Hugs

Isha

[GeauxStacy]

It has taken a lot of soul searching, but about two months ago I finally started to feel comfortable about this side of me. Comfortable enough to let friends and family know? No. But that is my choice and I am happy with that choice. I may tell them one day but right now I am happy with my life the way it is.

[Claire Cook]

I am at least as comfortable dressed as a woman as I am dressed as a man, perhaps more so. But really it has been accepting and embracing my TG that has broadened my comfort zone, and I seem to feel that in all aspects of my life, no matter what I am wearing.

[flatlander_48]

It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this!

This is a key point and can't be emphasized too much. It is the power of Community. Whenever people come together around a shared activity, thought process, etc. it has the tendency to move all forward. And, we can't all be depressed at the same time. Somebody is always in a good mood and not stuck in their stuff, and it has the effect of pulling the rest along. My wife is a member of a couple of spinal cord injury forums and it is the same thing. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

[pajeantv]

I have never been, and most likely with never be happy with who or what I am, I am not in a position that I can explore either side of me, I'm not happy as a girl, and miserable as a guy. My future is dim at best, I live in an area that would stone me to death if they knew. and I don't have the means to move. I am in a horrible marriage, to a woman that is homophobic and down right bigoted. She thinks people like me should all be put on an island in the middle of no where, and i'm not sure that is where I should be... I envy those that have been able to enjoy their lives, male or female.

[ShelbyDawn]

I am completely comfortable with who and where I am. With the help of an amazing therapist, I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me.
Dealing with the external influences on my life that cause me to choose to temper my desired behavior is somewhat inconvenient sometimes but it really has nothing to do with what and how I think and feel about myself.