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Thread: how comforetable are you with you?

  1. #1
    Member marsha leanne's Avatar
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    how comforetable are you with you?

    Kate Simmons thread of getting caught prompted this posting, thanks Kate.
    How comfortable are you with you? not in the meaning of what clothes you choose or style you wear, but where you are on you journey? Are you fine where you are? how long did it take to feel comfortable? what to you IS comfortable?

    I, like so many here, fought with guilt, anguish for a long time. i would dress, then rip everything off in disgust and brood about it. Then i moved on to being at ease dressing, but carried a guilt about it. Finally, (and these pages and wonderful gals here) helped me understand this part of me and let me move to a point that not only do i feel good about me dressing, i don't have to fight the guilt or shame of it.
    Because there is no guilt or shame! it is how i am, how i like to be, and how my life is being lived.

    I am comfortable with me at the point where i am. Yes it may not be to the level that some of my sisters here are, but for me, here and now, i am content, at peace with myself, and best of all, can look around and feel right at what i do, what i wear, and what my life is.

    how comfortable are you?

  2. #2
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    I am fairly comfortable with me. But I am not on a journey. To me a journey implies a start, middle, end. For me there was no clear start, I have just always been this way, and there is no end point, meaning there is no end goal of what I am wanting to achieve, other than accepting this is something I was born with.

    I am fine with where I am. I just wish that 100% of my brain was fine with it. Sometimes I can hear the voices in my head ridiculing myself still! The voices are much quieter now and they don't hurt like they used to, but still I would prefer if they were 100% gone. Wishful thinking I suppose!

    How long did it take to feel comfortable? I suppose I would need to answer what is comfortable first. So for that, for me comfortable is understanding that I am who I am, and that even though I am transgender, that is normal within the range of being human. So how long did it take me to come to this decision/place? I am currently 43, and I suppose I have been feeling good about myself for maybe the last 3-5 years. The rest of the time I felt like Captain Bizzaro!

  3. #3
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    Like Nadine, I am not on a journey. I am what I am and I know it will never be more than cross dressing occasionally. I am comfortable with that. I would have to relate that I became comfortable only after coming out to wife. I was never tormented or self-loathing about cress dressing but how can one be "comfortable" if one has to hide from the one you love? Prior to coming out, I was wanting to be comfortable.

  4. #4
    Junior Member ashleymcculloch90's Avatar
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    I was born with the feeling of being in the wrong body. Started dressing at 3 (I'm 24 now). Although I was afraid of it until last year when I say a Facebook group that made me see that I'm not alone. Since then I have made a few mistakes and told my wife who was not ready for my hidden side (she is trying to understand at least)

    But I am very comfortable with myself and getting better every day. I just wish that I did not have to fake my man self for those that don't understand, because that's the part that is fake and uncomfortable.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    I am still learning how to do all of this (after 48 years of purging, self-loathing and being very private about it), I recently admitted it to myself. Once I did that, I told my wife, stopped drinking cold turkey, stopped overeating, built a nice little wardrobe for now, stopped masturbating, became intimate with my wife in many ways (holding hands, talking, things I never did), dropped 12 pounds, stepped up my workouts, am eating healthy and have never been happier. Kandi was then "born" and I got involved with this forum, learning and making virtual friends. I'm in the process of possibly joining two support groups (things are on hold for the holidays). Don't know where this is all going, but I went from years of hating myself (crossdressing wasn't the only thing causing this) to literally singing like a lunatic everywhere I go. Right now, very comfortable. For the first time in a decade, my mind is clear. Life is good!

  6. #6
    Pirate Queen wannabe Maria Blackwood's Avatar
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    I hate myself, but crossdressing has nothing to do with it. It's on my list of "neutral" things about myself, but I'm a casual CD.

    Heck, wearing lingerie to bed cured a multi year sleep disorder.

  7. #7
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    ten times more comfortable than I was as a guy
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  8. #8
    Platinum Member
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    If I broke it down by decades I'd say that the last decade I have grown progressively more comfortable with who I am than the many, many decades that preceded. I'm not quite where Lori is, in that I still feel obliged to present as male professionally and with business associates, with a few exceptions, and I maintain the same boundary with some family members, but not others. I suppose one day I will be past that last hangup and able to face the whole world as a woman.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Well, I managed to bypass the guilt trips, so that helped a lot to lessen my discomfort. I was fairly comfortable being in drab most of the time until a couple years ago, I guess because I was doing somewhat interesting things most of my life.

    My self-concept has transitioned toward male over the years, which conflicts with my identity as mostly female. So I'm not comfortable with that self-concept. I want it to align with my identity much better. I mean my preferred identity, not the one in my wallet. I want to be as pretty as I can be, but I'm fairly comfortable with the direction I'm going, though I might get derailed at any time. Not that a derailing would necessarily be too uncomfortable either.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  10. #10
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    I wish I knew... Stay tuned.

  11. #11
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    LOvw who [I] am and looking forward to becoming more fulfilled as a lady. I cannot hold the past but reach to the future.

  12. #12
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Very comfortable. Finally on the path to transition without any roadblocks.

  13. #13
    Tess TessaOKC's Avatar
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    I was raised by my mom, nuff said. I'm 6'3" and have been tall since the 4th grade. Always been interested in dressing just thought I could never pull it off. Started dressing and realize I can pull it off. I now shave my legs, got my nipples pierced and slowly watched how my family reacted (never told them I dress) . I am very comfortable with myself but very uncomfortable wondering what they're thinking. Over time I have started to care a lot less and now I would just love to move from family so that worry doesn't exist at all. I am Bi and married to a wonderful supportive wife. In reality I would love to make the transition and live full time. Just so sad that it will never happen. Having children in the mix seals that deal. Yes I feel fake and like a cheat for not having the balls to just do what I want. Unfortunately societal rules dictate my fate!!!

  14. #14
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    I'm very comfortable with who I am. I have been out to my wife since before we were married, and she has always made me feel good about myself.

  15. #15
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    I agree with Nadine that I don't consider it a journey, but more of an evolution. I reach one stage and then proceed to another level.
    As far as being comfortable with dressing again it depends on the stage that I was at. I was comfortable dressing alone, but was uncomfortable in front of anyone else. Then it was in front of my wife, now, I feel comfortable going out in public. Someday I hope that I will be comfortable being completely open about my dressing and dress as I please.

  16. #16
    Member Tiffany Jane's Avatar
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    A little more each day and a lot more so than just a few years ago. As I have struggled in the past with the self-torment of what I perceived I was doing as wrong, although it seemed right at the time, I have come to realize I am not alone on this island. As many others have also mentioned, it has been here that many of my questions about myself have been revisited, maybe not answered, but at least put at ease. Things go from normal to different in a hurry sometimes, when the pink fog rolls in and you aren't ready for it. A lot of fog induced thoughts peak through the cloud and settle on your sub-conscience like soft droplets of dew, weighing down the fabric of one's mind. Also, with the openness of our relationship, now that the clothes and shoes are on my side of the closet, been there for about four months, I have realized that I can be comfortable around my wife but am still working on it. By myself, I am at ease, the feelings are not as guilt-ridden or motivated by other things, just me in a dress and heels or jeans and shirt.

    As for a journey, never realized who I was could be such a ride. While it is an internal part of who I am, I don't anticipate getting off anywhere soon, so don't consider it a journey. More like a personal growth process, finding my insecurities and dealing with them in ways that many around me would chastise me for. But knowing the red toe nails under those men's size twelve are a part of my life that balances my total being is always something that makes me appreciate the support of my wife, all the widespread topics I have been opened to on this forum, and the Tiffany side of me that allows me to be a happy individual whomever I may look like to others.

    In short, I consider my crossdressing as a split personality disorder more than a gender identity issue. Just have two people living in a body that appears male, acts male, but has many qualities that she brings out that many would consider otherwise unmanly. Oh well, I guess I just have to live with it, but it is fun when she wants to come out and be seen.
    Oh, the things we could do, if we only knew, the things we knew we could do.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Over this last year I began to become more comfortable with my dressing, I've gone out several times with confidence and now I know this is something that is just me. Am I totally comfortable no because it does have a very big effect on my marriage, it's a part that still needs work and no not from her but from me I know this will be an ongoing issue but I feel it will work out. We are all different, come from different back grounds and we all have to find that comfort zone.
    I went thru a lot of guilt and at times still do. Someday I hope that goes away too

  18. #18
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I'm good with being me as I'm in touch with all of my feelings and have made them my own. It doesn't matter how I'm dressed at any given time as the dressing has become a total choice and being in touch with my feelings has made me tend to be empathic towards others. That is the biggest benefit and caring about others as well. Not to say it wasn't a long ride getting here. Like many others I did purge after purge after purge over the years but finally realized purging solves nothing, not to mention being expensive. In any case I've realized it's driven by deep feelings for myself anyway. If I can help just one person to get in touch with their feelings all I've gone through to get to this point will have been well worth it.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  19. #19
    Just a Cross Dresser Kacey Black.'s Avatar
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    Same as Nadine and Jennifer... Comfy as myself. Both of me. I'd like to get out more, but that will come in time.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    I've always been comfortable with my dressing. Even more so that my wife knows I dress.
    Angie

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Babbs's Avatar
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    Very...I love me, who do you love?? but not comfortable to come out to everyone as I've lived too long as all male to have to explain why to 1001 people that I occasionally dress female.

  22. #22
    Member Nadya's Avatar
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    I love my crossdressing side but I still have trouble overcoming the guilt associated with it. I know I really shouldn't but it's easier said than done. Glad you are comfortable with all aspects.

  23. #23
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    A few months ago my LGBT group at work brought in a speaker for a lunchtime event. She was a transexual woman who is in the fairly early stages of transitioning. After the event, in a private conversation, I told her that I am a bisexual crossdresser. She asked if I was comfortable with that, and I hesitated before finally answering Yes. But, I was lost for an explanation as to why I hesitated.

    After a couple of weeks of occasional rumination, it finally occurred to me what the issue was. No One had ever asked me that before. It was a completely new thought. But, upon further thought, this is what I figured out:

    When I was a kid (pre-teen and somewhat before), I did realize that I was "different". I never wanted to play with dolls or anything like that, but I was completely fascinated by women's clothing and undergarments. I don't remember getting caught wearing anything, but it may have happened because at some point these desires were deeply suppressed. But, even through this, I never felt that I was in the wrong body. Or put another way, I never felt that I was a girl who should grow into womanhood. Anyway, time went on and I went to college, graduated, got married, bought a house, had kids, etc.

    Around 1990 I finally began to put some effort into understanding my spin on sexuality. It seemed to me that I was gay and I settled into that thought process. After 7-8 years, it occurred to me that bisexuality represented a much better fit for how I viewed things. As I settled into that, it felt better still. Along about 2001 I started underdressing a bit and over time, one thing led to another. I realized that I liked the sensation of being dressed and it reminded me of how I felt as a kid about various soft and wonderfully sensuous materials. As I dressed more, it felt like this was the missing piece.

    So, that's the chronology and what I learned was that at each stage I felt more and more comfortable. I still don't have any real desire to transition as that wouldn't really be "me". But, every time I fully dress, I do recognize that there is something that happens in the process as I'm doing makeup. It's like I'm unlocking this other part of me. I don't have to be DeeAnn all the time, but it is important that I am DeeAnn some of the time. As the man said: Everything in moderation.

    And yes, I am comfortable with where things are for me. I recognize that I am a transgender person and that's OK. I am good with this skin and don't desire to be in another. Further, I wouldn't so much describe it as a journey. It is more like a meandering. There are thresholds to cross, forks in the road to be selected and there are decisions to be made. Some I have sought out; others happen on their own timetable. I just try to stay relaxed and figure it out as it comes.

  24. #24
    Just a Cross Dresser Kacey Black.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryce View Post
    I love my cross-dressing side but I still have trouble overcoming the guilt associated with it.
    Elaborate?

  25. #25
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    What a great question! Honestly, I feel like I know myself entirely. I don't especially love myself, but I like myself and the things I do enough to stick around. If I didn't like myself, who would?

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