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Thread: My liberal wife thinks all TVs are gay

  1. #1
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    My liberal wife thinks all TVs are gay

    Sometimes I think my wife and I are in a DADT relationship, as I sometimes outwardly include "like the fact I smoke and crossdress" in a sentence, but she never really engages and asks anything.

    She's very liberal, thinking everyone should love everyone, no matter who they are, as long as they're not a murderer or something. When we watch shows on TV and any homophobia is expressed, it makes her angry, as she has lots of gay friends and thinks homosexuality is fine and should be respected.

    So it's really strange how sometimes when I mention crossdressing, she says "Oh God, I wonder if our kids will end up gay too. All transvestites are gay, you know?" How narrow-minded, in my view! I only have sexual feelings for women and have often thought of myself as a repressed lesbian rather than a homosexual man.

  2. #2
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    Some talking points, since presumably you are out to her:
    1. Why would it matter whether or not our kids were gay?
    2. The term "transvestite" is considered insulting now - don't use it. Use "cross dresser" instead.
    3. Most crossdressers - the big majority are heterosexual men. They wear women's clothes sometimes, but they are otherwise normal men. There are gay and bisexual crossdressers, but they aren't the majority.
    4. I'm a crossdresser - you realize this, right? I wear women's clothes - surely you've noticed this? I'm not gay - if I were, we probably wouldn't have any kids, because I wouldn't have sex with you. But look over there - children. I'm not gay!

    Seriously, though, she is probably worried about where your CDing may lead, or what it may mean, and just not know how to ask about it. Fear of your being gay, and ultimately leaving her, is what is probably driving this. She may well deny that, too.

    Really she's worried about the wrong thing. The big relationship ending event she should worry about instead is whether or not you are transsexual and will come to her one day telling her that you are a woman. That probably won't happen either, but it is more likely than you being gay. (Ironically enough though, were you to transition, you'd be a gay woman.)

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    Is there a term for people like this? I certainly know more than a few where every difference of opinion, lifestyle, choice, culture, and orientation is fine, but only on TV or somewhere that one won't actually interact with those differences on a personal level. Sometimes it's a blanket case, covering all differences, and other times it's just one particular thing; they're fine with everyone and everything "Except if our son/daughter brought home a !$%&* ******!" My sister-in-law is the same way. She spouts a lot of grand talk about tolerance of views and lifestyles, mostly, it seems to me as a show of her superior mind, but in the same breath will bemoan our gay cousins. The cognitive disconnect is so shocking and contradictory. It's like the reverse of those congresspersons who are totally against homosexuality and publicly rail against the "homosexual agenda" until their son or daughter comes out.

    The real show of a persons mind is when it becomes personal.

  4. #4
    Stacy
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    I find that most folks like your wife fall into the NIMB (Not In My Backyard) crowd. They are fine when it is everyone else, but not if it is in their house or close to them. And that can be with anything being how they feel about CDs, minorities, going green, gun control, or anything really. I do not like that way of thinking because they are saying what they think other people want to hear, rather than expressing how they really feel. To me that means no integrity. Who you are in public should be the same way you are at home. Just my two cents or maybe a penny?

  5. #5
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    2. The term "transvestite" is considered insulting now - don't use it. Use "cross dresser" instead.
    I gather that depends a lot on where you are; my reading has suggested that transvestite is used more (and considered appropriate) in the UK.

  6. #6
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    Sanda-Leigh is right about that.

    And I guess although my wife SAYS she is liberal and open-minded, she is a NIMBY when it comes to her own family, you're right.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by silkycdresser View Post
    She's very liberal...
    ...when it suits her.

    It's a bit like champagne socialists sending their kids to expensive private schools. No matter what she professes publicly, the truest test of character is what she says at home.

  8. #8
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    She says she knows gay people and has gay friends and thinks being gay is fine... perhaps if she got to know some TVs personally and talked to us she'd find out that most of us are not gay.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    My guess is that her comments are more of an expression of her frustration with you than her knowledge or beliefs about CDing. Maybe you can find another way to engage her in the discussion....and put out the cigarette.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  10. #10
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    It seems as though a lot of people who are prejudice are prejudice toward the group as a whole, but manage to find exceptions in their personal lives. I know I guy who thinks that black people are lazy, except for the black people he has known personally, they're "good workers." Go figure. I don't know if this is a result of growing up with a f*&#ed up family or what, but I've noticed it more than once, more so, of course, with the older generation.

  11. #11
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Why would your wife think that a gay man would be attracted to a crossdressing partner any more than a straight woman would be? If you want a man (whether you're a straight woman or a gay man) you're probably going to be turned off by someone who presents as a woman.

    I'm sure there are some gay crossdressers... odds are the same proportion as gay people in general. But the two things are orthogonal.

  12. #12
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    Most phobias are a result of poor or incorrect information because by definition it is an unreasonable amount of fear toward something real or perceived. You mention that she has gay friends which may make her more acutely aware of the difficulties they endure and that is why she would prefer her children not have to go through that as well. The CD's are gay falsehood is very deeply seated in society in my neck of the woods.
    To gay phobics, if they embraced that idea that being gay is not a choice then the phobia goes away! I have an ignorant co-worker who really doesn't like my slip on shoes because they are in his mind they are "gay". It is difficult when there are still large numbers of society that put labels like this on a piece of clothing! We really are beyond the comprehension level of these type folks.

  13. #13
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    Just about everybody who is not a cd thinks cds are gay.

    My wife (ex) used to show her disgust with me by commenting on other cd's or gays. Kind of a passive-aggressive thing. I got the message. Didn't do anything about it, but I got the message.

  14. #14
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    This has to be down to the individual... Yes it's NIMBY-like behaviour, and it's hypocritical, but that's a tough one to overcome in people - humans tend to be a bit two-faced about this type of thing... What's surprising is that being exposed to you, she still has this misunderstanding...?

    Yes, it may feel strange to us, but it's a very common mode of response - look hard enough and you can see similar things within our community too... It's about education and understanding, but still not everyone will grasp it - let's face it, narrow-minded people are everywhere; it's so easy to be like that. Being broad-minded requires a bit of psychological effort: loosening and stretching those boundaries... few people can be bothered.

    Katey x
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  15. #15
    Junior Member Carolana's Avatar
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    I always thought that gay had to do with which gender one is sexually attracted to. I think that was the original intention of the word. However, it seems to me that part of the cross-dressing fantasy is to be accepted or to be able to pass as a female (male to female). This would follow that a man would be attracted to me. Although this freaks me out, I do get fantasies about being on the female end of a sexual encounter. I am married and am very attracted to women, so I do not think of myself as gay. But while dressed up, this other part of me emerges from time to time. It might come under the category of bi-curious, although I have no intention of ever going that far....ever. My conclusion is that having gay thoughts in itself is not enough to be categorized as gay. Everyone has those. Just saying. I think it has more to do with gay sexual intentions on a permanent or lifestyle basis.

  16. #16
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    I think your wife needs to educate herself before she goes around saying that all are gay.
    Sandra
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  17. #17
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    Some confusion here. Likes and supports the gay community as long as it doesn't happen in your home. Thinks all cross dressers are gay despite a lot of evidence that says that only a small percentage are. Strange!

  18. #18
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    "Liberals" are some of the most hidebound people I know. They are in favor of anything happening as long as it isn't around them. I started out as one and I don't think I've changed much, but am now probably referred to as a libertarian.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

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  19. #19
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Transvestite is a perfectly good word.
    Last edited by Katey888; 12-16-2014 at 10:27 AM. Reason: Misinterpretation - see my PM

  20. #20
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Well, you can tell her that my wife of 39 years would disagree with her statement.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    You can say most CDs are not gay, if you don't include many of those who are gay.

    The pickiness about words like transvestite is something I don't go for either.
    Last edited by Sandra; 12-16-2014 at 01:55 PM. Reason: Word used is not allowed and that is why it is filtered out
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  22. #22
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Why wouldn't your SO think all CD's r gay, Silky? Their reasoning goes something like this: "Why would a man dress up to look like a woman? Oh wait. A gay guy mite!"

    Heck, when I started dressing out of the blue 17 years ago? I assumed I was suddenly gay because of my fantasies about being a woman with men! And, I'm not the only straight dresser with that experience!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Cheryl James's Avatar
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    My wife replaces the word "gay" with "perverts". I object to both characterizations, but my wife is always right, so, arguing with her about it would make as much sense as howling at the moon.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    My wife replaces the word "gay" with "perverts".
    Your wife is a pervertophobe.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  25. #25
    Member StephanieH's Avatar
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    There are a lot of us here who wouldn't describe ourselves as "gay" and quite a few of us here have never been with a guy or done anything with a guy while dressed - but honestly, are there many of us here who haven't thought about it?

    Not saying she is justified, just saying a lot of crossdressers do protest a bit too much I think...

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