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Thread: My liberal wife thinks all TVs are gay

  1. #26
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    Threads like this are always an interesting read for me. I am bisexual. I enjoy sex with both men and women, have feelings for both, and I like to dress no matter which one I am in a relationship with. And you know what? I have met maybe 2 or 3 people outside the TG/CD community who don't marginalize it or get turned off by it, gay men included. Women and gay men want similar things- scruff and muscles and masculinity. Acting girly doesnt work well.

    I also don't get to maintain my straightness, like some posters do, yet I doubt I would want to dress female if women were'nt attractive to me.

    It's a conundrum whether you are LGBT or not, so straight guys, take heart.

  2. #27
    Member Diane1950's Avatar
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    You don't indicate where you live, but I surmise that you are Americans.

    In today's poisonous political climate in the United States, there are far too many people who are willing to accept beliefs, rational or otherwise, that are handed to them, without any thought or critical analysis involved. There are many, and that number is growing, who equate being liberal with being gay. This, of course, is nonsense. If your wife believes in equal rights for gays, that is commendable, but it puts her in a position of being accused and damned, as in the Salem witch trials of 1692.

    But if she is liberal enough to accept gays as social peers, there's a disconnect in her thinking that all crossdressers are gay.

  3. #28
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    I always use Gay and transvestite to define myself instead of Gay and Crossdresser, I really don't see the insult part of transvestite

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member WandaRae2009's Avatar
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    How wrong she is. I am only attracted to women and have no interest in ever being with a man. I guess when presenting as female I'm attracted to women. Would you consider that a lesbian? If that is the case I would be gay (attracted to women) when dressed as a woman.

  5. #30
    California Dreamin Michaelasfun's Avatar
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    Interesting. My wife makes that same false connection. I like your position of being a "repressed lesbian", fits me as well.
    Michaela


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  6. #31
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    This is just me speaking I would call her out on it.
    Seems the more liberal a person claims to be they are the least accepting of others if they don't share the same mindset.
    I had a very liberal friend who makes claims that he is for equal rights for gays and minorities ( insert your favorite minority) or cause.
    Yet when I told him I was TG the first thing he said was I didn't know you were a faggot. WTH?
    I stood up and said you know what you are one big hypocrite and you can stuff it where the sun doesn't shine hoss, find your own ride home.
    Normally I wouldn't act out like that but he really ticked me off.
    We haven't spoken to each other since.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 12-16-2014 at 10:21 PM.

  7. #32
    Member Taylor Ray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carolana View Post
    I always thought that gay had to do with which gender one is sexually attracted to. I think that was the original intention of the word. However, it seems to me that part of the cross-dressing fantasy is to be accepted or to be able to pass as a female (male to female). This would follow that a man would be attracted to me. Although this freaks me out, I do get fantasies about being on the female end of a sexual encounter.
    It is so refreshing to hear honest replies! Yes, many of us that participate on this forum agree that labels are at best misleading, and, more often, mean-spirited projections utilized to reinforce unwritten social norms.....
    but perhaps I can play the role of "devils advocate" for a moment and acknowledge the somewhat commonplace reaction to transvestism:

    "Well now, he must be gay to want to do that kind of stuff!"

    This speech utterance may represent, not the ignorance of the masses, but perhaps their inherent, limited understanding. From many perspectives (including non-racist and non-sexist suburbanites), it really is kind of "stupid" and "gay" to dress up like a girl.

    So, from a very simplistic perspective (attempting to honor the thought-forms and traditions of those that came before us)... cross dressing is pretty "gay"...at least in terms of the current semantic formulations that are accepted by society "at large". Perhaps we all have encountered, in some form or another, the constant attempt by academic institutions to re-define contemporary cultural concepts.
    Last edited by Taylor Ray; 12-16-2014 at 10:35 PM.

  8. #33
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    I agree with ya'll. I'm a cd who likes women. However, when I dress en femme, I take on that persona. I act and feel very womanly. not silly, but seriously. I think I'd be thrilled if a man treated me as such, but I don't know if I could, for instance, kiss him. It is a quandry in my mind sometimes. Early in life, and for many years, I could not reconcile this. Not until I was in contact with such info as this forum provides. I was ashamed at times, because I could not figure this out. It didn't occur to me that there could actually be category of folk who cd but still favor being with women.

  9. #34
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    The general masses don't really understand that 85-90% of CD's are heterosexual.
    The thought is you would HAVE to be gay to even dream of dressing in womens clothes and we all know that is not the reality of it.

  10. #35
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    errrr...doesn't sound that liberal to me. For the love of God (I'm sorry to bring her into this), does it really matter? Some of us are gay, some of us are bi, some of us are straight...who cares? It's all good.

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by silkycdresser View Post
    ... she says "Oh God, I wonder if our kids will end up gay too. All transvestites are gay, you know?" How narrow-minded, in my view! ...
    Really? It seems a like a really reasonable opinion to hold. My wife of 20+ years, with whom I have children and have had sex a million times, asked me if I was gay when I came out to her. Think about it. A man wants to dress like a woman (A). Women like men (B). So a man dressing like a woman likes men (C) A + B = C! All we can do is educate.

  12. #37
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    "Some of us are gay, some of us are bi, some of us are straight...who cares? It's all good."

    ..And some of us are ... just us!

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by GeauxStacy View Post
    I find that most folks like your wife fall into the NIMB (Not In My Backyard) crowd. They are fine when it is everyone else, but not if it is in their house or close to them.
    Exactly. I love to hang out with gay men, but I would not want to be married to one.

    But seriously, if one or more of my sons were gay, I'd welcome him with open arms. I'd encourage a long-term relationship with someone and hopefully, eventually adopting a child if this is what he'd like. I'd hate to think that he might miss out on that. Still, I'd be concerned about living in a world that is not always kind to gay men or their children. The rules are changing and there have been great advances made in recent years legally, but there are still many societal barriers simply because homosexuals represent a small percentage of our population. People can acknowledge gay rights and even champion them, but at the same time see the gay community as separate and distinct from themselves.
    Reine

  14. #39
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    Exactly, Jennifer. Despite being married for 12 years when I came out, and sex thousands of times (I bow down to your millions--I am not worthy), 3 children, and 25+ years in the Army/Army Reserve, it was the first question she asked, and still wonders. She frequently asks me if she is nothing more than an elaborate "beard".

    Oh well. I tell her only time will determine what happens. She jokes that once I am a woman we can behave like sisters. Once in a great while I call her bluff and follow that line of thought...then she freaks out and stops talking about it.

    I don't think it's narrow minded, I think it's a natural reaction to a man displaying decidedly feminine interests.

    Shibumi

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Really? It seems a like a really reasonable opinion to hold. My wife of 20+ years, with whom I have children and have had sex a million times, asked me if I was gay when I came out to her. Think about it. A man wants to dress like a woman (A). Women like men (B). So a man dressing like a woman likes men (C) A + B = C! All we can do is educate.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 12-17-2014 at 11:42 AM. Reason: fixed quote

  15. #40
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    To Jennifer and Shibumi (and maybe others, I've just skimmed this thread), for the longest time I thought that my SO was attracted to men too. It's difficult to understand the average CDer's motive for dressing the way he does, plus there are too many fantasy stories about wanting to be with men if the wife does any research on the internet. Some wives are perceptive and have sensed the fantasies in their husbands even if it was a phase many years ago and even if the fantasies were not articulated.

    My own SO went through a phase of experimentation in between his last long-term relationship and me, so I know that even he had the fantasies and this is not a person who dresses for sexual reasons.

    So the thought does bubble up when maybe things aren't going as well as hoped in the bedroom, which happens in just about all long-term relationships occasionally when couples aren't completely outspoken with one another about their sex lives.

    A few people in this thread have mentioned that their wives were 'disgusted'. I'd like to suggest that they rather felt worried or afraid. No woman likes the possibility that she has the potential to be supplanted.
    Reine

  16. #41
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    My TV is definitely not gay, you should see some of the stuff that comes out of the screen and these days there is not much room to hide Rock Hudson or dead cowboys and Indians, like in the olden days of big cabinets.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  17. #42
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    Reine, thank you for your comments. I get the impression that my wife's principal fear is abandonment--that if I were to become a woman, I would drop her for a man--not necessarily that I might become more feminine or ultimately live as a woman--though the embarrassment of that follows as her secondary fear.

    That said, the effect of my CD on our sex life has been enormously positive, which balances her view of my--let's face it--obsession. We had been married for 12 years and sex had become routine and infrequent. Thanks to CD we have a far more active sex life, to the point where she appreciates some aspects like smooth skin, lingerie and stockings/hose, and even some...ahem...role reversal with toys--not because I want them, but because she does. She hates when I get "prickly" without shaving my body. She has admitted an attraction to feminine aspects both tactile and visual.

    Despite all that, she will routinely wonder aloud what is to become of us. Sometimes it's teasing and good natured; other times it's pure insecurity and once in a while it's downright challenging and to me, worrisome.

    In the end I balance her comments and feel highly fortunate...
    Last edited by Lorileah; 12-17-2014 at 11:43 AM. Reason: you didn't need to quote the post you are replying to

  18. #43
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    A man wants to dress like a woman (A). Women like men (B). So a man dressing like a woman likes men (C)
    I guess the education would proceed as follows: First, (A) means the man wants to dress like a woman. It doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be like one.

    Second, while (B) is generally true, it's not universally true. So of course (C) does not follow.

    But we all knew that here. Just outlining the educational course for the ignorant.

  19. #44
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    Political viewpoints have nothing to do with whether or not someone will accept a CD, or anyone else on the TG spectrum, including a TS. I have come out to 100 people, give or take. Most people have accepted me, and four won't support me. The four who won't support me, and all consequently tried to talk me out of my transition, are liberals. On the other hand, every single conservative I have come out to has been totally accepting of me. In fact, one of my biggest supporters is a staunch conservative Republican who is also an LGBT activist. I had a conservative Republican friend show up to my AA fellowship to support me on the night I came out at AA. He is not a member of AA and I know him through another friend in AA.

    I think people, regardless of political views, only care about their own self interests. I think political views are yet another multi-dimensional spectrum. Most of don't fit into the binary conservative or liberal. Many of us may be liberal in some areas, and conservative in others. Regardless of where we stand on the political spectrum, most people just care about their own self interest.
    Last edited by Michelle789; 12-17-2014 at 09:53 PM.
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  20. #45
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    Silky,
    Your wife has a strange double standard ! If she wears thick cord trousers, check shirt and a tweed jacket would she not come over as a possible lesbian ? If so would she accept that as an honest appraisal ? So why does she think CDers are all gay ? I for one couldn't be more opposite to being gay , I would love to share my Cding with my wife !

    I guess the media mostly depicts CDers as people who struggle to get into a normal relationship and drift into a bi lifestyle to find some sort of companion ! The times I've seen this happen is becoming annoying, I wonder who writes the scripts sometimes ? Certainly very little research is done before hand !

  21. #46
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    If anything hetero crossdressers are more in tune with feelings, both internal and external.

  22. #47
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    Wow, I didn't expect to receive this many responses.

    I am very attracted to women and even when I am dressed I only have eyes for women, so like someone else said, that probably makes me a repressed lesbian who won't ever go the whole way of transgender for various reasons.

    Just to add a couple things; First, my wife and her younger sister both dress like men. Even when we go to fancy restaurants, they wear pants, sweaters and chunky men's work boots. I think this is partly what has relit my fire to crossdress, the fact my wife doesn't dress feminine at all, and I'm someone who feels I "need" femininity e.g. feminine clothing in my life.

    Second, my wife knows that my grandfather used to crossdress and maybe still does, yet we're given the impression the church made him stop. She has never once thought of him as potentially gay.

    Oh and third, I am going through a hell of a lot of stress at the moment with work and stuff, and my wife knows that dressing up calms me down. I have even bought some fairly neutral or androgynous clothes, but she immediately says "no, it looks like a women's. Wear it if you want but people will laugh", so I put it back in the closet. On vacation this summer I talked to her saying I need to be able to wear neutral clothes to be happy. She seemed to digest what I said, at the time, but now doesn't. She's not "anti" but not supportive, as any time I mention crossdressing, she brings the gay thing into it somehow.

  23. #48
    Member Billie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    This is just me speaking I would call her out on it.
    Seems the more liberal a person claims to be they are the least accepting of others if they don't share the same mindset.
    I had a very liberal friend who makes claims that he is for equal rights for gays and minorities ( insert your favorite minority) or cause.
    Yet when I told him I was TG the first thing he said was I didn't know you were a faggot. WTH?
    I stood up and said you know what you are one big hypocrite and you can stuff it where the sun doesn't shine hoss, find your own ride home.
    Normally I wouldn't act out like that but he really ticked me off.
    We haven't spoken to each other since.
    This seems to be very true. Sorry about your friend.

  24. #49
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by silkycdresser View Post
    she says "Oh God, I wonder if our kids will end up gay too.
    My answer would be "As long as they grow up happy"


    How narrow-minded, in my view! I only have sexual feelings for women and have often thought of myself as a repressed lesbian rather than a homosexual man.
    somehow that hit me as narrow minded... (and I hate when men say they are lesbian...you don't have the parts)
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  25. #50
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    ...somehow that hit me as narrow minded... (and I hate when men say they are lesbian...you don't have the parts)
    Is silkycdresser's lesbian thoughts different than a pre-op TS who see herself as a woman but without the parts?

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