Resolutions

[Lorileah]

I was wondering if anyone's resolutions included being upfront and honest, especially and maybe even only to your SO. Many reasons to do that. Take the pressure off yourself so you don't have to worry when/if she is coming home. Not scaring her to death that you are a) Gay b) TS c) having an affair when you do get caught.

So many times we see marriages crash here because someone who thought they had the angles and the answers messed up. there are some who have gotten away with it for a long time (or have they? Wives tend to know things you don't think they know). But It is rare to see a thread where someone says "My wife caught me....and she said "cool"". Far more that said "I told my wife and we will work it out" The surprise ones almost always have some sort of "we aren't speaking anymore" or "she is considering leaving"

We know you it is unlikely you will or can give up dressing, that is a resolution made to fail. But you could resolve to be honest.

[Tina_gm]

My wife knows, I told her before I was caught. Not easy, but she continues to see a future with us. My Resolutions when it comes to TG aspects of my life is to continue my self acceptance, and continue to find peace and tranquility in it all. I have no goals or resolutions about any advancement or progress, or whatever. Just that I can continue to bring peace within myself of it all.

[Beverley Sims]

It is a resolution I do not have to consider.
It is amazing how well honesty does work.
You do have to be tactful though.

[ReallyRobyn]

No resolution of truth and honesty needed here as it was my SO who’s encouraged me to come out. She confronted me after suspecting that I had tried on some of her clothing. I’ve been dressing in private for many years, and have not even sought out others on the internet until recently. However, my SO originally said she knew I was going through her clothing, and she asked if I would film myself trying on her dresses. I did, and gave showed it to her with a great deal of shyness. However, it really opened things up. She then encouraged me to go out in public saying that if I was taking this much time to make myself pretty, I might as well show it off. Now I have a wonderful balanced life as I fulfill my femme side when needed. I will never be a full time CD, but I dress to feel pretty when needed (currently several times a week).

[Jenniferathome]

Love the post but this point

... Wives tend to know things you don't think they know). ...

is so true.

[kimdl93]

I support the concept. Leaving this up to chance is just too risky. In any aspect of life we need to assess the risks, and then either manage or mitigate them. In my own life I chose to come out before getting engaged...cut emotional my losses, but happily that wasn't a problem. For those living under the fear of accidental outing, at least resolve to consciously assess your options and your risks. You may still conclude that the closet is your best option, but at least you'll have given fair consideration to the alternatives.

I resolve to keep the conversation going with my wife. We may not always agree, but talking openly and honestly has brought down barriers that I never imagined we would overcome.

[Marcelle]

Hi Lorileah,

How about making a resolution to be the best possible person you can be. If that includes telling your SO, family, friends, the world you are TG then so be it. However, if you cannot for a couple of hundred reasons which spring to mind, then perhaps being a good husband, father, brother, friend and decent person without telling others is also a good thing . . . n'est pas?

Hugs

Isha

[~Joanne~]

I have a GREAT SO. I told her how far the rabbit hole went 2 years ago. She never said "wow, that is cool" but she certainly doesn't have any hang ups about it, felt betrayed or any of those other things you mentioned that we hear a lot of.

I will go on record saying, to the sister's that are still not out to their SO's, They do KNOW something is not right according to their world. They might not have the full story but I am sure as rain that You have left tell tales around that even you didn't think about that they found. I know I did, hair on her comb from my wig, lipstick on cigarette butts, other little odds and ends. She never said a word about it but she knew something wasn't right.

If You can, If you are that confidant, or if you have been waiting for the right time and such, tell them. Your rewards may be he greatest show of how much she truly loves you no matter what or the worse day of your life but at least that burden will be off your shoulders. The weight lifted is enormous.

If your not ready though, then wait till you are. don't feel pressured.

[JayeLefaye]

Years ago..1988 to be exact...and totally unrelated to CDing...A co-worker posed a question: How far away would you have to be to have an affair and know that your wife wouldn't find out about it? My response was that a "safe" place did not exist...And every life experience since then has confirmed that for me.

It's a small world after all...sing along if you know the words.....Even before the internet....

Do we have to lay everything bare in front of everyone??? Good heaven's no!...But can we resolve to be honest to those who deserve honesty? To do otherwise, is to be a coward.

Jaye

[MissTee]

My wife already knows and supports, but I do have a CD related resolution. This year I spent a lot more on wardrobe than I ever have. I tell myself that it's because I was filling the closet at the second home, but if I were honest I yielded far too much to the pink fog that I should have. 2015 I vow to correct that.

[Annie M]

I have a long list of past resolutions some even about honesty. To date few if any have worked out with success especially in regard to CDing. But at this point I don't have a SO to be honest with so no worries. My experience with potential SO's is the CD subject will turn her into an ex SO at the speed of sound.

[NicoleScott]

Lorileah, you make a case that if you come out, everything will be OK and if you get caught it won't be OK. That's not fair and balanced. Some wives, regardless of how the reveal happened, are accepting of CDing, and some aren't. Sometimes it's the deception and loss of trust that does in the marriage, and sometimes it's the CDing. And sometimes it's something else or a combination of different things.
While I am in favor of being honest entering into a marriage (having learned the hard way), finding yourself caught in the "reveal trap" is more complicated, and each person must figure out the best way to come clean now, later, or not at all. If you had only added this: "by the way, if you do the honest thing and tell, your marriage may end anyway." Fair and balanced.

[PaulaQ]

I came out to my wife. My marriage, for all intents and purposes, ended that April 7, 2013.

By the way, she was completely blind-sided. Never saw this coming. Nobody did. Not one person that I ultimately came out to.

Of course I know (after the fact) that all happened because I'm TS, and also because, as so many on this forum have informed me, that obviously my marriage sucked in the first place - it must have for it to have ended, goes the logic. Didn't seem that way at the time, though. It sure sucked after I came out though. So I think I have some basis for comparison there...

For that matter, my first marriage actually did suck. I mean, really, seriously suck. I talked to my first ex-wife. She told me later that had she known what was going on with me, she'd have stayed with me. I think she probably would have. Although the marriage would still have sucked.

There just isn't much predicting the outcome of something like this - that's the moral of my story, I think.

I will say that I think there is benefit to coming out for two reasons:
1. If you can't be yourself with the person you love, maybe you are better off without them.
2. Keeping a secret from *everyone*, especially someone you presumably live with, is just a horrible way to live.

Post Script - nearly two years later now, I still get texts from my 2nd ex-wife telling me how angry she is with me, and how I've ruined her life. Call me negative - but I have this suspicion that we may not end up as friends.

Anyway, carry on. It's always rainbows and unicorns with coming out.

[Kristyn Hill]

Being honest with my wife sure has made my life better and a lot more open with everything. I came out to her almost 3 years ago. She still has questions to this day but we talk and discuss it. Her main question to this day is, Do I really want to become a woman. I assure that I do not want to be a woman full time but I love to dress like one sometimes. I have all my shoes & wardrobe out and in my own closet. Make-up, wigs and accessories in the closet next to my wardrobe. Being honest was the best move I ever made!

[DorothyElizabeth]

"... can we resolve to be honest to those who deserve honesty? To do otherwise, is to be a coward."


YAY!!!!!

[Nefer]

I made that step in December, and started talking about it with my wife. This year, my resolution is to actually go out dressed at least once. Still not sure i'll get the gumption to do it though.