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Thread: Question from a GG

  1. #1
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    Question from a GG

    I met a CD online (he only underdresses and wears slips/nightgowns, etc. to bed). We didn’t meet on a dating site – it wasn’t anything like that at all. We’ve grown very close recently, but have not met yet. I LOVE that he wears women’s panties – I actually think it’s quite sexy. We live in two different states. I’m single and he’s married (over 40 years (yikes!)). He also has three adult children. He’s in what I think is probably a “don’t ask, don’t tell” marriage. He has his own bedroom that he sleeps in and that’s where he keeps all of his items. He thinks there’s always a reason why someone comes into your life and we both aren’t sure yet what that reason could be… too soon to know for sure. I find myself falling quickly and I think he is quite smitten. He’s about 20 years my senior. He’s very generous and bought me a few presents and I’ve bought him some of his favorite panties in return. I told him he doesn’t need to buy me anything as I would stay his friend even if I received nothing from him (truly).

    I feel very guilty about the fact that he’s married and I’m speaking with him. I know that it must be lonely to be in a DADT marriage and in a separate bedroom. I feel like my acceptance of him and really enjoying this side of him is so alluring to him.

    My question – if you are in a DADT marriage and in your own bedroom and you fell in love with another women who accepted and enjoyed you the way you are, what would you do? This is assuming that you loved both women – which I believe is possible (to love two people).

    I don’t know where this thing he and I have is going to go, but something tells me he’s craved acceptance from a woman for a VERY long time. I’m totally okay with him and the underdressing (am more than okay with it). On nearly every level in his life, he is a happy person and is very successful with great relationships with all of his family). The only issue would be the DADT part of his relationship/sleeping in separate bedrooms.

    What’s a GG to do??? Like I said, this may not even go anywhere. He has a lot invested in his marriage. I don’t know if me being 20 years younger and loving the CD part of him might have him do something that he really would have never done.

    Any thoughts??

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    ... is very successful with great relationships with all of his family). The only issue would be the DADT part of his relationship/sleeping in separate bedrooms. ...
    Don't forget the cheating on his wife (or the plan to cheat). If he's willing to have an affair with you, why would he not have an affair with someone else after he is with you? That is not a successful relationship. I can't imagine why you want to invest in married man.

  3. #3
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    Technically, we are not cheating. We are just talking now, but I feel like feelings are starting to brew quickly. I don't think any other women has accepted him the way he is (meaning his wife). I am just unsure how I'm feeling about all of it. I wasn't going to post anything because I know he's married and I know it's wrong - I guess I just felt like I needed some other input and thought this site would provide that - even if it's not what I want to hear.

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Lot's of thoughts. First, as most here will say, just think of this as falling in love/like or whatever with a married man who has hobbies. Is that OK for you? Is it OK for him? Is it OK for his wife? Is it OK for his children if he has has any? If he is interested in you as much as you are in him, then give him the task of getting his wife and family's approval for this extramarital relationship. Without that, you know all the stories and normal recommendations. His CDing is only a side note to the main issue here. He is married to someone else and not from what I can tell in any process of dissolving that relationship. Proceed at your and his risk and all the potential and maybe probable negative side affect to those around him. Good luck with your decision.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Lisa, I would run as fast as I could from this situation. I know two lonely people confiding in one another ends in a bad way, especially a male and female, and one married. For him and his family, please, step away.

    PS: We have plenty single cders on this site who would love to start a relationship with you.
    Last edited by Amy Lynn3; 12-30-2014 at 10:43 PM.

  6. #6
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    I'm getting the exact response that I thought I'd get - which is probably what I need to hear. I guess I felt like sleeping in separate bedrooms is not a happy marriage. I have been and can be just friends with a married man, so I will just cool my jets and play the friend...maybe that's all he needs and then he can figure out his marriage one way or the other. Thanks for your input!

  7. #7
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
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    Hey Lisa. First, welcome to the forum. Glad to see you seeking answers before committing further to this relationship.

    I have to say I am not a fan of relationships like the one you have brewing. Things can get very complicated very quickly, and a lot of people stand to be hurt. More to the point, you can probably do better. There are many CDs out there (even here) who are not already in a relationship and would love to meet someone as understanding as you seem to be. Indeed, GG's like you are highly sought after.

    Probably not the answer you were looking for, but I have this thing about devotion to family and honoring commitments to those I've invested my life in. Forty years is a long time to be in a relationship, and sneaking around on your family to satisfy your "needs" is quite cowardly. Again, you deserve better.

    I'm sure you'll find a variety of opinions here and some may disagree with mine. That's okay by me, but please do be careful. There's a lot of heart ache lurking in your situation. Good luck, sweetie!

  8. #8
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    Lisa, hold your thoughts for a while until you get more replies. I've got so many thoughts in my head alone I don't even know how to respond yet. I could write a book for how you feel and how he feels as I've been on the end of both sides. Get some more replies and see how things turn up. If you still have more questions please feel free to message me anytime. I'll keep checking on the post as well. Good luck

  9. #9
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    Lisa, there are thousands of cross dressers in your state and/or city. We're everywhere.

    He may be a nice guy and so are many others. There are nice, un-married guys in your town. Really. Invest in a future for you.

    Best of luck to you

  10. #10
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    I appreciate all of the comments. I sincerely do. He's actually a very devoted husband and father (his kids are well into their thirties). I'm not attracted to his CD'ng as much as I really appreciate and like the person he is, - I find the CD part of him pretty sexy. I don't think he expected us to mesh the way we do - so his intentions were not wrong. I think I might be too alluring for him in some ways. I'm going to rethink this quite a bit. I have a healthy libido, but I also have self-control, so I can be just friends with someone.

  11. #11
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    Short answer

    On the surface I think you are his ideal fantasy. A young beautiful woman who accepts his CDing. It's pretty much every cd's dream. Just make sure that that isn't all you are I.e. A fantasy that he is consciously of subconsciously using to make himself feel good.

  12. #12
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    Thanks Adina, you hit on what I was wondering and stated it perfectly. He's a wonderful man - he truly is. I guess I wonder how really happy people in DADT marriages are - especially when they are in separate bedrooms. When he stated that he believes there's always a reason why someone enters your life, I thought to myself that my reason for being in his life may be that he realizes that he should/could be in a relationship where he feels comforted and loved for who he is - even if that person is not me.

    He's a smart man and I am a relatively smart person, so I'm sure that we'll both do the right thing - which may be nothing at all. I think my point of posting was just to hear thoughts about marriages where your CD'ng has caused you to sleep in separate bedrooms and how meeting someone who you can have a different relationship with would make you feel.

    I know everyone is saying there are other CD'ers out there, but I'm not in the market for a CD'er. He just happens to be one and I just happen to not mind in the least.

  13. #13
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    This is how Ann Landers columns start. I can feel for both of you. You both started lonely and found a missing piece. A friendship is a wonderful thing, just please dont let it cross the line. He is walking on more thin ice than you are, even if he never meets you he is taking a chance on his family finding out. It could cause alot of turmoil for him. Please skip the crossdressing and have an honest chat with him, that family and a marital commitment comes first and that you two can always be friends.
    Erica

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    I have had the opportunity to cheat before and have not done it because i care enough about the person, and myself, to not allow it to happen. Im sure that i will make the right decision this time as well.

    I guess the underlying part of why i chose to post is my curiozity about DADT marriages where your physical relationship is affected and how that makes you feel. I feel like maybe the husband stays in it sometimes because he believes that nobody ielse is going to accept him anyway.

  15. #15
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    hi lisa,
    i commend your ability to take us for what we are, do know this...its a growing proposition as it may start with wearing panties which you state is "sexy" but it is insatiable to different degrees for us and where it stops no one really knows...so know this going in....but most importantly do consider going to a dating site and finding someone your own age and brave enough to list crossdressing in theyre profile....they are there if you look....it will be fair to the family you have a potential to disrupt....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  16. #16
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
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    Technically it is cheating unless he has told his wife he talking on line with a woman 20 years younger, and sounds like he is talking about feelings. If it is nothing more then friendship why hasn't he introduced you to his wife?

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    I think whats confusing to me now is why everyone seems to be suggesting i go to cross dressing dating site. He happens to be a cross dresser, but that is secondary to who he is as a human being. I wouldnt specifically look for a cross dresser, nor would i exclude one. I find at least the underdressing side of it sexy, but if someone didnt do that, it wouldnt matter to me. I dont have troble finding men, but my friendship with him has gotten interesting, for lack of a better word, and researching cross dressing led me to this forum. I posted about our friendship to hear thoughts about CD men in marriages where they might be sleeping in separate bedrooms, and their thoughts on how they would feel if they met someone wheere they can truly be themself.

    Laura, we live in separate states. He is talking about feelings, that is true.
    Last edited by Di; 12-31-2014 at 08:37 AM. Reason: please read the rules on multi posting

  18. #18
    Member DorothyElizabeth's Avatar
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    For the last five years of my second marriage, we slept in separate rooms. We agreed that we would not ask and not tell, but if either of us DID ask, we'd be honest. During that time, I had what I would call an emotional relationship with a married co-worker. She and I never acted on it, other than spending hours talking, and sharing our most intimate feelings. I always had pangs of guilt, but chose to ignore them, as did she. We talked about that, too. Ultimately, we went our separate ways, and neither of us was hurt, nor were our marriages, but we could have easily created a great deal of irreversible damage in our lives, had we not broken things off. I know that does not answer your question, but it is simply food for thought.

    Also, I would add - about cheating - Anything that you feel you need to keep secret from you spouse or family (even if it just masturbating in the corner to some fantasy picture or porn) I believe constitutes cheating. I think that if there are guilt feelings associated, regardless of what the action is, it is probably cheating, on some level. Regardless of what kind of cheating someone is doing, someone always winds up getting hurt.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 12-31-2014 at 04:37 AM. Reason: word change
    "We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." Anais Nin

  19. #19
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    You seem fixated about him sleeping in another bed room but maybe he or his wife has their reasons for this.
    Could be she has lost her sex drive and would rather sleep alone or maybe one of them snores really loudly and disturbs the other.
    As marriages go on for many years the sexual aspect wanes and is not proof that they don't truly love each other, stepping in and disturbing the "nest" may not be a good idea for either of them let alone you.
    I speak from experience because thats the way my last marriage was. She cheated on me and felt guilty that she did so she would not sleep in the same room with me.
    Sex can be non existent in a marriage and it can work so best not to assume things.
    You are very wise to come here for answers and opinions. BTW welcome we are happy you are here.

  20. #20
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    Geez, Lisa. Communication is something like 90% nonverbal. You only know what he is telling you. You don't know the real deal. Maybe, maybe after he moves out, and is serious about ending his marriage should you pursue this.

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    There is no reason for me not to believe him . He has not uddered one bad word about his wife. He has not said anything disrespectful to me. He said in our last conversation that meeting me was is a "one in a million" chance which after reading this forum, i take to believe that its because i accept his CD'ng. Our friendship may die out in a week, or we may end up being lifelong friends. I honestly feel like most of you are very judgmental and that surprises me. He may learn from our friendship that he truly loves his wife , or he may learn the opposite. I guess time will tell.

  22. #22
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    We're not judgemental. We've just seen things like this before. We just want you to be careful. Like Ronald Reagan said, "Trust, but verify".

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    Why not find a single CD your age range. There are several.

  24. #24
    Member DorothyElizabeth's Avatar
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    "I honestly feel like most of you are very judgmental and that surprises me."

    I hope that my post did not seem to be judgmental. If it came off that way, please accept my apology. I think you were wise to posit this question, if for no other reason than to receive opinions from a wide variety of people. That said though, I suspect you already know what course of action you should follow. Mostly what you have to do is figure out what you have decided to do. I don't know about you, but I often find it more difficult to be honest with myself than anything else.
    "We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." Anais Nin

  25. #25
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    Understood AmandaM, and believe me, I verified everything. In all honesty, if our friendhip ended tomorrow, i think that my (or any GG's) acceptance of him, woukd make him die a happy man. I think he craved a GG telling him that theres nothing wrong with it and it's pretty sexy, to boot. And if its wrong for our friendship to have provided that to him after 40 years of having to hide it and feel bad, i will gladly accept that i did a bad thing and go on in my life.

    This is where I am feeling judged. I am 52 and he is 72. Is that such a horrible age difference?
    Last edited by Sandra; 12-31-2014 at 06:10 AM. Reason: merged consecutive posts read the rules about multiposting

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