Kind of Ironic - A Lesson in Blending

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

I hope the holiday season finds everyone healthy and happy and ready to tackle 2015 which is about to rear it's head.

I had the opportunity to meet with some GG friends yesterday (still on holidays until 7 Jan . . . ah the life of a government employee ). My one friend asked if I would mind if she brought her younger sister to lunch. I did not have a problem so long as she let her know about me as I did not want her to feel uncomfortable. I got the restaurant early and my friends slowly arrived and as we were exchanging holiday wishes my friend with her younger sister in tow arrived. I could tell by the way she (the younger sister) was scanning the group she was searching for the CDer. Now I don't think she was being rude but more inquisitive as it is not everyday you see one of us in the wild or meet them in person.

We were all introduced and we immediately accepted her into our little group as she was quite charming and very fun. The meal went along and evolved into chit chat and the younger sister was asking me all sorts of questions about being TG. Now I never refuse a moment to educate and she was being polite in her questions (albeit some were a bit overt . . . "Umm what do you do with . . . it?" ). So I remarked that when she came in she was scanning the room and asked her if she was looking to pick me out? She said she was and that she had difficulty at first as I did seem to appear as a woman. I then remarked that it must have been easier once she got closer. Again she indicated not so much and it wasn't until we shook hands that she made me. So since we were being honest I asked her what "guy traits" gave me away. She laughed and said "Oh, it wasn't your face it was your make-up" I was a bit confused and asked her was it poorly done? She went to explain "No, your make-up is quite good it is just a lot. Women don't typically wear that much make-up during the day and tend to go with minimal." The fact that I was wearing so much is what pegged me in her mind.

Now don't get me wrong, I know we (CDers) have to wear a lot of make-up to hide a multitude of tells (beard shadow pops readily to mind) but I never thought of it in that way. So I glanced around my group and realized that with the exception of some mascara, eyeliner and lipstick most of my friends were wearing minimal make-up while my make-up was more worthy of a night bar hopping . So I gave a bit of a laugh and she asked what I thought was so funny. I then said "It is ironic that one thing we rely on so heavily to appear female is one of the things that out us" She got the humour and we all had a good laugh.

Hugs

Isha

[GeauxStacy]

Isha - Great story. It is ironic that the make up we depend on is what can out us in public. I have studied the GGs in my area and you are right, most of them wear little to no make up during the day. They only seem to put it on when they are going to work or out for date/evening out.

The lesson I will take from your story is to practice covering everything, but try to make it look minimal depending on the time of day and what I am doing. Thank you for sharing.

[JayeLefaye]

Up close and personal, good gawd-ahmighty, only the most fortunate can pass:-)

It seems to me, dear Isha, that you had an incredibly successful "outing" while out. What a charmingly open-minded younger sister that gal was. No judgement passed, just simple curiosity and honest questions that you answered with equal honesty. Well done!!

Regarding make-up...GGs have a variety of choices...Within the last 10 years I have been "involved" with three.

~1 was from Holland...Not only did she not own any make-up, she didn't even shave...Even armpits...

~2 was a massage therapist and landscaper...she shaved, when she remembered to, but make-up? "Pahh"

~3...My lovely young wife(only three years younger) who has been taking meticulous care of her skin for decades. She looks a decade younger than her age, but spends an hour in the morning "prepping", and an hour every night maintaining...But if you were to see her, you wouldn't think that she was wearing anything other than the barest of make-up, so don't let the other GGs there that night fool ya. It takes a lot of work to look like there's been no work.

But bottom line? Yeah, we fret and fret about getting our make-up "just right"....Silly us:-)....Although I must add that you always look fabulous in your photos!!

Blending and passing from a distance....Both doable...up close and personal? Reality check time....Less is best...

Jaye

[Jean 103]

Isha, your right most don’t ware lots of makeup. I get it most have nice skin and then there is the cost. For me I try to go for a more natural look, but it still takes a lot for me to pull that off with this old face.

[kimdl93]

It's true..we rely on makeup to hide various flaws, but the sheer volume of material can give us away. I try to keep it to a minimum, but it's tough.

If she could t pick you out until you were that close, you are doing well!

[Claire Cook]

Isha, we just have to love this story. There was a recent thread about "helping the cause", and I can't think of a better way of doing it than quietly being open about it and discussing it like you did. I find the same thing -- when I open up to GG's, we just have the most wonderful conversations. Is there a better way for people to try to understand, if not accept, us? Your friend's sister was wonderful, and I had to smile about the makeup comment. I learned the same lesson in a different way. I was wearing too much foundation and trying on tops in Macy's. When I put a nice white blouse back on a hanger I noticed ... oops .. a makeup splotch on the neckline . So maybe the solution is to apply just enough to hide the beard?

Blending and passing .. maybe the answer is that it comes from the inside? Certainly a major compliment for Isha!

[josrphine]

Hi, My wife has taught me that lest is best, she was a model in Calif, an NYC. Being that I am a senior, I don't wear long wigs to look like a young chickey boom, or short skirts an mile high heels . We are able to go any were an I blend in. I am a women.

[Krisi]

I have said it many times - most women don't wear a lot of makeup, especially in the daytime. Crossdressers tend to go overboard with the makeup, especially around the eyes.

Obviously we need a good beard cover but other than that it's best to keep it low key.

[Sherlyn]

Very cool story Isha ..and I bet a great experience..I had something similar happen ..it was not daytime ..but a night at a club..this guy was staring at me every moment it seemed ...Sooo.. Di being herself had to go ask him what his staring was about .. lol..well apparently my face was to perfect looking..compared to the other girls that night..and being a TG bar ..hes confused on which gender I was ..
and to clarify my look... I tend to go for the... cosmetic counter girl face..( day or night)....could be the problem ..yep !!..but hey ..its me

[Heidi Stevens]

You have some of the most interesting outings, Isha! I just had laser treatment number 5 and the pain of it all is beginning to show results. I find I can get by with less daytime makeup than I did when the thick shadow was there. The old saying, "less is more" is truly the mantra needed for daytime makeup. Keep posting your wonderful encounters. Hugs, Heidi.

[MsVal]

Docrobsherry may be on to something there.

Humor aside, I am always entertained by your well thought, and well written posts. Your gentle self-effacing style is never out of line. I suspect that you spoke to your friend's sister in much the same way as your write.

I still have much to learn about makeup. With a grandchild and two adult children at home I have few opportunities, so I have to take them seriously. I will remember your observation when the next opportunity presents itself.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Lynn Marie]

Well done Isha. I hang out with 20 or more CD girlfriends and only a rare few can still appear feminine without a healthy dose of foundation and makeup. It just seems like the way life is in the big city with weathered faces, big noses, and strong chins! LOL What else can a girl do?

[Rachael Leigh]

Oh yes I guess like you I never thought of that but it is true and whats funny is if we went out with minimal makeup on and dressed androgynous that too would prob give us away as a dresser, wow we cant win. Oh well we move on LoL

[Sarasometimes]

There lies the challenge, Isha! I think your alternative, a beard shadow would have been easier for her to notice than the time it took for her to notice the extra makeup you had on. If I was you I would focus on her,"It took me a bit" comment and relish it and feel fantastic under the circumstances. She knew they was a CD in the group and she didn't peg you at first glance, you made to the promise land sister!!!
Also it is true most GG's wear little makeup but that doesn't at all mean that if we do the beard cover... that we will blend less.

[Annaliese]

Isha, great story, "It is ironic that one thing we rely on so heavily to appear female is one of the things that out us" I know in male mode at work and wearing make up, outs me, never thought about it the other way.

[PaulaQ]

If you do it correctly, you can wear rather a lot of makeup, and it still looks quite minimal. A lot of GGs don't wear a lot of makeup because they aren't very good at applying it.

Some of them have skin to support that. A lot of them don't quite frankly.

Sure many will complain that they don't have time, it's a hassle, etc. And those things are true - there's a lot of demands on women now. But many women (and I mean women - cis & trans) simply don't execute makeup well, and just mostly give up trying.

I was surprised it wasn't your voice that made you. That or maybe your upper body. Those are both difficult to change tells for many.

[NicoleScott]

If the heavy makeup outs me, I still see that as preferable to not enough makeup (...beard cover especially...) outing me. Some women wear very heavy makeup, rare as they may be in the daytime, but I love that look. But what do I know? It's never been my goal to disappear in public. Rather, it is to achieve the look I desire, too-much-makeup-criticisms and all.

[Kate Simmons]

I know deep down you are a woman Isha because you like to talk. Yeah the makeup thing can be a dead giveaway unfortunately. I used to do the same thing but now tone it down. Here is something that helped me. I went for a MTFTM look just to see what the transmasculine guys may be going through. I made Ericka into Eric a couple of times taking a lesson from Victor/Victoria. First I shaved very close then used beard cover and foundation but no blush and used face powder to tie it all in but toned it down. Then I used eyebrow pencil but powdered it to tone it down. Finally, I made my face a bit darker with a slightly darker powder. While I really didn't fool anyone (they recognized me as Ericka) I did get the experience of looking halfway decent without a ton a makeup. Don't know if you want to go to that extreme but that is how I learned that basically "less is more".

[Brynna M]

It may simply be a case of "which one of these is not like the others." If you know apriori that the is a cross dresser present then you don't need big tells even a little difference could be enough for her to make a correct guess. I'm betting had she not known ahead of time should wouldn't have made you at all. (you really do look that good/convincing in your photos)

[Leslie Langford]

I guess for us CDers, it's a case of d*mned if we do, and d*mned if we don't when it comes to our make up.

Personally speaking, if I'm going to be "read", I'd rather it be for wearing more make up than the average GG as opposed to being "outed" because of my 5 o'clock shadow. Not a good look for a Cder overall, and it does detract from one's credibility...

[Ressie]

It's fun to really cake it on for those days that you really want to look like a crossdresser!

[junetv]

so the trick is to apply makeup in a way that it doesn't look too heavy...

[charlenesomeone]

Isha thanks for a wonderful story. It's great you passed as you did, you should be proud.
When is it too much, how close did she get? If it is you, then it was just right.
Hugs
Charlene

[Donnagirl]

Hi Isha,

How old was this younger sister? I only ask as I had a similar experience that I put down simply to the naivety of youth... At the farewell a few weeks ago the host's daughter (18 years old) came home pretty late in the evening when we were all well and truly in party mode... She had short chat with me, mostly about shoes, (go figure) before turning in for the night

Last Friday the group met up at a local venue where one of the gang was playing in the band. Again the daughter arrived late. Now this was not the place to go dressed, drunk youth, a few fights, fairly rough place so it was boy me in attendance. I bought the daughter a drink and passed a casual comment about being in boring shoes this time. Her first reaction was a look of confusion, made worse when I added I wish I was back in heels... It was then the penny dropped and her reaction was priceless... She had met boy me few times in passing but had no idea that it was me she was talking to the previous weekend. She took some convincing, showing of photos, etc... For a while I'm sure she thought we were pulling her leg!

Now I can call on poor lighting late at night and alcohol dulled senses but her not 'picking' me was a real surprise... She was not told about me, was not expecting to meet someone 'cross dressed' and no one gave any indication. I think that was the best camouflage of all. Poor girl is now really keen to meet Donna again.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks for your comments. Don't get me wrong, I believe she was being kind in saying my make-up gave me away before my face or other male physiology. I think what she really meant was that the make-up was the big tell which put the icing on the cake. I was out again today as Isha waiting for my wife to finish at work and I decided to go minimal with make-up . . . serious disaster as the beard shadow on my upper lip was clearly visible by day's end. I do have to admit though, the minimal make-up was much more comfortable than the usual spackle I employ.

Donna, she was 23 years old and real sweetie. She was genuinely curious because she has a friend at university whom she is sure is TG/CD and was just curious what my take was on it and if she should approach him.

Hugs all,

Isha