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Thread: Having some minor problems.

  1. #1
    New Member Charlette-Rose's Avatar
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    Having some minor problems.

    Hello everyone! My name is Charlette-Rose and I'm looking for some advice. I'm fairly new to crossdressing and I've only been doing it seriously since August 2014; although I found out recently that the underlying origin was that my older sister and her friends used to dress me as a girl. They stopped because I was getting to into it apparently But I digress, in August when I was cleaning my room I found a box full of lingerie I got for an ex. Out of curiosity I tried some of it on. The white stockings with little satin bows, the white lace garter belt, thong, and elbow length gloves. It felt right in every way, almost like reliving a past life. I was hooked, I started looking into everything to do with CD, I told my closest friends and they supported me all the way. It is more December 31 and I'm noticing some changes. My friends, who are always saying how liberal and non-judgemental they are, seem to be becoming less supportive. I don't even talk about it that much, maybe once a week if that, but they're acting like I'm a nuisance now. That's just one thing, I honestly hate complaining but I'm not sure what to do. My dad found out recently, he didn't act mad but I feel like he's disappointed. I told my sister and at first she was happy, but now she's saying that it's just a phase and to grow up.


    Have a wild new year everybody!
    <3 Charlette-Rose
    Last edited by Lorileah; 12-31-2014 at 01:41 PM. Reason: that part can be posted in teh clothing section when you get 10 posts

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
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    i know its hard to come to terms with this but you will with support here.there is nothing wrong with you. We all are going thru this all our lives i found this site it opened my eyes. Im not alone or weird ,Im just me and its part of me. As for the panties for the butt look on line for Janet s Closet they should have what you need. You can talk to any one here we are here for You .

    Big Hugs Krissy

  3. #3
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    Girl, just be your self, it not a phase, your dad may be disappointed but in someway he think he let you down, is your sister the one that use to dress you she may feel that she has something to do with your dressing. You need to tell them that this is who you are, it not anyone fault. This is the real you. Good luck girl. Best wish for the New Year.

  4. #4
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Welcome (and if you could put an intro in the intro thread that would be great). You will get plenty of help and advice here. When you get 10 posts the bra question can be answered in the clothing section.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  5. #5
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    So far as I know darn few of us grow out of it. I know you're not trying to overemphasize this part of your life, but telling friends and family since 'discovering' in August is moving pretty fast. Most of us hide this aspect of ourselves for decades...with both Good and bad consequences. Your challenge now is to continue to demonstrate that you're a good person to family and friends. Eventually, they'll put your CDing in that perspective.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  6. #6
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    Read some of the posts on this forum and you will read that a lot of suggestions are take it really slow and ease into it. As one said this can take decades for one to really come out. Recently I just told my wife this year and we've been married for over 10 years but yet I'm in my 40's. She is the only person I've ever told. So take it easy. I know it's liberating to tell someone but take it slow. And there's nothing wrong with you if you do it in the confines of your own room/house. We all do it. Good luck. Nikki.

  7. #7
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    . My friends, who are always saying how liberal and non-judgemental they are, seem to be becoming less supportive. I don't even talk about it that much, maybe once a week if that, but they're acting like I'm a nuisance now.





    your friends are probably not intrested in your crossdressing, so you talking about it is probably boring them, thats what the forum is for, if i were you I'd look to make a few cd gal pals, that way you can panty talk all day and you can share that side with other people who actually appreciate it.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti View Post
    . My friends, who are always saying how liberal and non-judgemental they are, seem to be becoming less supportive. I don't even talk about it that much, maybe once a week if that, but they're acting like I'm a nuisance now.
    and
    your friends are probably not intrested in your crossdressing, so you talking about it is probably boring them, thats what the forum is for, if i were you I'd look to make a few cd gal pals, that way you can panty talk all day and you can share that side with other people who actually appreciate it.
    Crossdressing is not a subject most guys want to talk about; well, most women don't want to talk about it either. No matter how liberal they are. It may also be a simple case of Not In My BackYard; they're fine with other people doing it, but when it happens with a close friend, it makes them squirm, like it's a disease they might catch, or that someone might assume that THEY are gay because they hang around with a guy who they ASSUME is gay.
    Either way, stop bringing up the subject. People deal with it better if it's easier to ignore; they then can pretend to themselves that you never mentioned it. It might just save your friendships.
    Your sister probably feels guilty because she assumes what she did has caused you to become a crossdresser. That's a pretty heavy burden for a girl to carry; after all, it's something that can really make your life quite difficult in the long run. Just look at all the horror stories here about crossdressers who's marriages failed, and the rest of us who don't have mates at all, and little hope of ever finding one. That's what you're sister has to deal with. Sure, your life is harder, but remember she has to deal with the knowledge of something she did, while playing, and did not know the ramifications of her actions.
    Your dad probably still loves you just as much, but now thinks that his son is probably gay (even if you're not, most of the world assumes we all are). It's a hard thing for dad's to accept, that their son is anything less than the macho chip off the old block. He may also, like your sister, feel like he did something wrong that caused this.
    So until they can all deal a bit better, don't rub it in their faces. Talk about crossdressing with us or someone else who is REALLY accepting of it. THat's why this forum is here.
    And of course, welcome. Most of us are a friendly bunch. But remember there's always a few nuts in every box of candy.

  9. #9
    The best of both Worlds! Paula_Femme's Avatar
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    Hi Charlette-Rose

    And welcome to the forum! As others have said, it’s probably best to dial back on the “openness” with your family and friends, they may accept you to a degree, but it’s obvious they don’t want to be bombarded with the details.

    Become active on this forum, it’s a fantastic place, I’d hazard a guess that you’ll find all the help and advice you could want right here!

    Understand yourself and what your crossdressing means to you, then, perhaps, you could start looking for a girlfriend who would accept you for who you are… difficult, but not impossible, as many of us here can tell you!

    Good luck, and have a wonderful 2015!
    Paula
    Black is ALWAYS the, "New Black!"
    "I really hate it when people accuse me of wearing Womens clothes... these aren't Womens clothes... I f*****g bought them!!!" Eddie Izzard.

  10. #10
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Years ago, I made the mistake of telling a life long girlfriend about my "hobby". At first she was very supportive of Sherry's pics and my discussing dressing. However, after a couple of months she changed her mind. It was almost like she was jealous of Sherry! (With good reason, I guess).

    She said she didn't want hear any more about her or my dressing. We have not spoken in over 4 years now.

    I've found not everyone is comfortable discussing what we do. Except other dressers!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  11. #11
    Member Dena's Avatar
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    Yeah, that's the thing about "coming out", many people are not interested. I told two of my sisters and they were cool about it, but it just doesn't come up because it really is not part of our relationship.

  12. #12
    New Member Charlette-Rose's Avatar
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    Thank you all so much! All that you have said has really struck home with me, I see now that I really jumped the gun by coming out to everyone so soon. But we learn from our mistakes right? What better time to start a new chapter than the new year? I should try and realize WHY this feels so right to me and how to slow down and take my time with it. Again, thank you all so much and I'm really looking forward to getting to know all of you!
    <3 Charlette-Rose

  13. #13
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Hi Charlette-Rose,

    Some good advice here already... Perhaps if you just keep this to yourself for a while, people will think you've moved on - some might still be accepting, but I think you should prepare to lose some of those friends. We all have difficulty understanding and sometimes accepting why we do this ourselves - it has to be very confusing for the vanilla world to grasp why anyone would feel comfortable doing this, but some will accept.

    Use the forum here to express how you're feeling - you're sure to find some local support groups or girls locally who'll be prepared to talk - but yes, be a little more circumspect with who you talk to, and be prepared to take this slowly... It probably won't go away, but it may not be a major part of who you are, just a minor quirk, like some of us... So no point in making any major declarations until you feel comfortable with where you are going...

    Take it easy, be patient, take care...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  14. #14
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    Hi Charlette-Rose,

    As one who has come out to the whole spectrum of my life (family, friends and work) I can agree with most here in that your friends may be supportive but unless they are TG themselves, they have little frame of reference or common interest to want to talk about it. My friends know I am TG but we don't discuss it unless they ask questions and even then I answer the questions and let it drop. When I go out with my GG friends we don't talk about CDing, we just talk about things we normally would talk about. As others have said, perhaps you could hook-up with a local TG group to find others to talk about all aspects of CDing or . . . you could talk to us. Don't write your friends off, they just need to see that you are the same person regardless of how you choose to live your life . . . it will normalize out . . . trust me.

    WRT your dad . . . well again it is a lot to digest (my son wants to dress like my daughter) and I suppose there could be some feeling on his part that he let you down (caused this). My recommendation is give him time then approach the subject and confirm in his mind that it is not something he did or failed to do . . . it is just part you. I am not sure about your sister and if she is the one who used to dress you she could be having some guilty feelings and it might be easier to convince herself that you will grow out of it. Again, a frank discussion with her to confirm in her mind it is not something she did would be a good idea IMHO.

    Hugs

    Isha

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    New Member Charlette-Rose's Avatar
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    So I had a talk with my friends and they felt bad (which made me feel bad cuz I wasn't trying to make them feel bad) but in short it was only specific topics that put them off. They've assured me that they support me all the way, even my ex cait said she would give me tips on makeup! Really It's just the more.... personal stuff that makes them uncomfortable, which I get completely.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member natalie_cheryl's Avatar
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    Hey Charlotte I'm glad that you talked to your friends and they let you know what it was that was bothering them. I can't tell you how much better having someone close to you that you can talk with makes everything. Just remember that you can always vent here and there are some od us in your area that you can reach out to if you want.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlette-Rose View Post
    I should try and realize WHY this feels so right to me and how to slow down and take my time with it. <3 Charlette-Rose
    Wow! What wonderful advice from so many different points of view.
    Interestingly, something struck a chord in me on August 09, 2014 :-) I received an email from an online catalog that promoted a woman's night gown. I was having some relationship problems and something just happened. I ordered the night gown, but put it in a drawer (unopened) for a few weeks. I questioned myself, my relationships, my sexuality, my past, and felt strange and guilty. Finally, I opened the package, held it up against me, liked what I saw, and then put it on. I was hooked, and no longer felt strange or guilty, but confident this was right.

    Then, for the first time I can remember, I felt whole.

    Questions about yourself are surely natural. As someone just replied to me, "Enjoy the ride."

    Best wishes,
    Vanessa

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