Uncomfortable feelings

[Claire Cook]

Happy 2015 everyone, and may all of your CD resolutions come true.

I normally don’t write about problems, or ask for advice and input , but OK, here goes. Every New Year’s Day we attend a wonderful brunch at a friend’s house with lots of old friends (I’m always in drab.) Several of them know about Claire, including Patti, a GG who met Claire at last year's Halloween dinner. Patti let the cat out of the bag to several of my friends, who took in stride (I don’t mind being outed). At one point some of the gals were talking about menopause and hot flashes, and Patti looked at me and asked if I’d had any. To which I replied “Not yet…”. One of my GG friends gave me a questioning look, to which I said “Kris, I cross dress.”. (As if that explained anything.)

To get to the point. All day I felt uncomfortable. Part of the reason was that we had disturbing news about a friend’s baby daughter (Tegan) who has been fighting a brain tumor, but there was more to it than that. Then I realized it was because I was wearing guy clothes. Later Sue and I were watching the Rose Bowl and she sensed my discomfort. This was the first time that I was consciously aware of wearing the wrong clothes, and I’m sure that I have felt this in the past and not realized it. She finally asked me “I think I know what is bothering you, besides the news about Tegan. Do you want to be Claire all of the time?” Wow. I hadn’t faced that one before, and couldn’t come up with an answer. This morning after Claire brought her usual cup of coffee in bed, I sat down and had an answer. “I’ve been thinking about what you asked me yesterday. Deep down, I think that if you weren’t here, yes, I would want to be Claire all of the time. But you are here, and I have family and co-workers who need my male self – as do you.”

So here is the question. How many of you are also uncomfortable in drab? I guess my solution (resolution) is to spend as much time as Claire as I can.

Thanks for listening, and New Year’s hugs to you all,

Claire

[kimdl93]

I've been dealing with the same feelings for a good while now. Uncomfortable, mildly annoyed and distracted would describe the range of feelings I experience when I have to present as a male for extended periods of time. I deal with it in pretty much the manner you describe...and have made a similar resolution.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Claire, I totally enjoy being Orchid when I want to but
I really like my macho side, I have the best of both worlds.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Claire, I totally enjoy being Orchid when I want to but
I really like my macho side, I have the best of both worlds.

This is the same for me. I have days I can't stop thinking about dressing and sometimes weeks where I hardly think of it.
And its usually the macho side of me that gets things done.

[Marcelle]

Hi Claire,

I have similar feelings from time to time specifically when Isha is steering the ship. Not that I loose myself (guy me) but I feel more comfortable dressed as Isha. My wife has no issue fundamentally with me being Isha at home during those periods which is just normally girl clothes and wig (make-up is too intensive for hanging around the house). However, I doubt I could do full time as there is lots about "guy me" I like. However, I do have to wonder, as I don't alter my personality when I am Isha (I am still me) is it more so the convenience of being able to throw on guy clothes, hop in the car and do my thing vice having to spend 40 minutes on make-up before going out that I find easier being guy than girl. If I could just throw on girl clothes and head out . . . would I stay girl? It is a question my wife and I discuss constantly with no foreseeable answer.

Hugs

Isha

[Kelley]

High Claire, I experience the same feeling as you. I have started to dress more feminine than masculine on weekends and holidays. All male when at work

Kelley

[Maria 60]

A few weeks back it was the opposite for me, I was relaxing dressed and we started arguing over something I didn't want to talk about while dressed, for some reason I had to get undressed because I didn't want that subject to fall under the Maria umbrella, and yes there are times when we do feel different emotions and feel as if I am wearing the wrong clothe.

[Allison Chaynes]

I feel the same way a lot. I wish I knew the answer.

[GeauxStacy]

Claire - I used to think that I was uncomfortable in drab and really did some soul searching and found that I am happy with drab or dressed up. It just depends on my mood sometimes and I have accepted that.

[Dianne S]

Claire,

You may have more serious gender dysphoria than you realize. It could be time to consider speaking to a therapist. However, you have to go in knowing you may be opening a giant can of worms that can change your life in a major way.

[Annaliese]

So much so over the last few years, I have been trying to be my self, more at work, I took one of those test, what kind of girl are you, it came out tomboy, and that fits me, girl jeans and sweater, my cowgirl boots, and make-my. I was so uncomfortable in drab at work, I did something about it. Not everyone can do what I have done, it was right for me, and the right time.
Clare, thank you for this post, it nice to read a post that make one reflect on one self.

[Claire Cook]

Thanks for the thoughtful comments so far. A few responses:

Hi Claire, I totally enjoy being Orchid when I want to but I really like my macho side, I have the best of both worlds.

Blue Orchid, I've never been comfortable with a macho side. It's partly this that attracted Sue to me, and it's worked for 46 years. But I do feel I have the best of both worlds, it's just that right now the Claire side is more appealing.

Hi Claire,

I have similar feelings from time to time specifically when Isha is steering the ship. Not that I loose myself (guy me) but I feel more comfortable dressed as Isha. If I could just throw on girl clothes and head out . . . would I stay girl? It is a question my wife and I discuss constantly with no foreseeable answer.

Hugs

Isha

Isha, I'm asking the same questions .. wonder what the answer is (are).

Claire - I used to think that I was uncomfortable in drab and really did some soul searching and found that I am happy with drab or dressed up. It just depends on my mood sometimes and I have accepted that.

Maybe this is a temporary mood thing and just now my mood is on the bright () side.

Claire,

You may have more serious gender dysphoria than you realize. It could be time to consider speaking to a therapist. However, you have to go in knowing you may be opening a giant can of worms that can change your life in a major way.

Dianne, you may be right, although I've never thought of my TG as disphoric. (Rather more of a gift ...Self-delusion???) Maybe someday I'll consider a therapist, but that's a giant can of worms that for now will remain unopened.

[Nadya]

I know how you feel, Claire. I wish I didn't have to spend as much time in drab but there's still a need to be drab. When I'm dressed, I feel a sense of calm I don't have when in drab. It feels like I can finally let go of all the male stereotypes I've adopted to be part of the stereotypical male group. Every time I dress and then have to go back to drab, it feels like I'm putting on a heavy backpack I've been carrying for long hike that I took off for just a short rest. My resolution is not only to dress more but also to be more comfortable with being myself outside in public rather than the relative safety of my house.

[~Joanne~]

How many of you are also uncomfortable in drab?

I have never felt this once, therefore it confirms my thought, feelings, and emotions that I am solely a CD and not anything more. Like the other girls that responded, I enjoy both worlds and can back, forth, or somewhere inbetween on a whim.

[Jenniferathome]

Not me. I'm a dude. I love being a dude including the ease of wearing clothes designed for me, a dude. Sometimes, I like dressing as a woman. I'm a typical cross dresser.

[Andrea_cd]

After many conversations with my wife some ending in tears some ending neither of us talking to each other for the day we have come to the conclusion if i was in a different universe and i never meet my wife or had 2 beautiful children I would most probally be a fully time gal , but im not and i love my family more than anything so i will continue to balance between Andrea and myself and give my family my love and support and dress when i can . Best answer i can give

[Georgina]

I don't have two people within me so haven't any conflicts. I am comfortable with any topic no matter how I am dressed. I am just a bloke who likes "women's" clothes, ie a crossdresser.

[Rogina B]

I get paid for what I know and do and work for myself. The only time that I am dressed as a male is when the work I am doing dictates "destroyable boy clothes". I am out to my crew and everyone else in my world that matters which allows me to live the life and keep the dysphoria at bay. My new DL has Rogina's pic as that is my appearance most often. I have taken the risks and created a life that makes me feel complete.

[scarletcd]

I quite often feel out of place when I am in 'drab'. I think it's something we all deal with one way or the other. I try and focus these days on the more internal aspects of things rather than just what I wear. If I feel Female in my head then more often than not I can shake the feeling that I'm not in the right attire. It rears it's head after I spend a significant amount of time as Female me however I like to focus then on the next time I can get glammed up.

[Rachael Leigh]

I'm only going to say I'm only uncomfortable at certain times and not sure that's the right word. Maybe it's more I wish I could be wearing something different like a cuter pair of shorts or something of that nature but I don't mind my drab look but my fem look is so much more fun

[bridget thronton]

And good thoughtful post - I suspect my answer is similar (I married a very nice lady and had children with her, this is the anchor I have to the male world - if I had only myself to worry about I would not be drawn back to the male world very often)

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

I also took one of those 10 question profile tests, and the results was that 100% I think like a female. Hmmmmmm. I think that I like that. At this stage I have given sufficient thought to all parts of my life that I am very comfortable dressed in either male or female attire. However, there is still this very warm, tender, gentle and special feeling that takes over me when I am dressed female and doing things female. I also do not know what a typical cross dresser is. I think all of us fit onto a rainbow, where at one end one will just put on nice girly clothes to the other end of the rainbow where one wants the clothing, feelings and sexuality of being female.

[Teresa]

Clair,
I'm hoping to get to the point when my wife has the same realisations as yours ! To be asked that question and be able to answer freely and have it accepted must be wonderful !
I feel more comfortable dressed, my wife gave me my first chance to dress and clean through the house while she found things to do in the bedroom, I thought I would be nervous, but I was happy doing it, a point I made to my wife afterwards.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wish you a happy CDing New Year !!

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Uncomfortable? No. But certain times I really wished I could be dressed. It just makes me look more forward to the next time I am going to dress.

Even if I lived alone (of which I would probably just dress more at home) I would still find the need to enter guy mode for many things. I mean, I don't love being a guy (even though there are plenty of guy things I enjoy doing) but I understand that there are certain situations where being a guy is just plain more comfortable, applicable, and acceptable. Tracy is for when the dirty work is done, I have no prior arrangements with others, and I feel like being pretty for a few hours. I appreciate having the option of choice between my modes.

[Krisi]

As much as I enjoy dressing and being Krisi, I am not uncomfortable as a male. I've been one most of my life and I'm used to it.