2014 has had its ups and downs for me. It's been riddled with confusion, self loathing, and depression.
I had started dressing full time at home but then stopped. I only under dressed when she was around.
Until finally I reached my breaking point. She ask me every now and then how I'm doing and I tell her I'm fine. (I lied).
Last week after I cooked us breakfast I was dressed as me again. (Julie)
After breakfast I looked at her and apologize for how I look. And told her finally that I was not doing fine and I can't do this anymore or I'm going good to snap. This is who I am.
She came over and gave me a hug and said she loved me. She tried to ask more questions but I shut back down again for a bit.
We talked again on new years day and she told me that when I dress for a little wile around her then it disappears for 4 or 5 weeks and then come back again its hard on her. She explained how just when she starts to get used to it it disappears again then she gets used to that.
And when it come back she is shocked all over again.
So the agreement now is as of the new year I dress as Julie when we are together. I will be honest it is a little bit hard because of the years of hiding. But I see a psychiatrist who deals with transgender people in March/April.
She gave me a spot in the closet for my clothes and shoes and a drawer from my under garments. That is different to say the least. She has never seen everything I own before.
It's a interesting start to a new year and I have come to the realization to my life is going to change forever.
Julie summers